Jump to content

LDora

Members
  • Content Count

    137
  • Joined

  • Last visited


Reputation Activity

  1. Like
    LDora got a reaction from MalaysianGirl in Personal issues re my Viet Nam girlfriend   
    I don't know her, or you, but if it were me personally in your situation, I would want to know for sure instead of just dropping her and moving on. As painful as the realisation that she might be lying to you still (or is involved in something or with someone else) may be, it's the sort of closure you really need to be able to move on. Clearly the love you/miss you phone calls with the other man is pretty damning, and I think you tripped yourself up by not demanding an explanation then and there... if she's giving you this much reason to doubt her, you are entirely justified in wanting and asking for the answers you need to have to protect yourself emotionally and financially. I just suggest the heart-to-heart because it sounds like you care about her deeply; I would suggest telling her that if she can't open up and be honest with you about her past and what's going on now, then you're going to cut her loose. If she really loves you, she'll see how important this is to you and want to set your mind at ease, and if she starts crying or getting angry at your probing in order to deflect you need to recognise that as the emotional abuse it is. You deserve better, but you also deserve to know what you've been involved with.
    Also, don't let this sour you towards other relationships, no matter what part of the world it comes from. Being a Vietnamese woman does not mean you're going to be a vindictive, emotionally manipulative shrew in the same way that being an American does not mean you're going to be a judgemental, condescending fop. There are good and bad people all over the world, and the only way to find the former over the latter is to keep your heart and mind open and not let your bad experiences define who you are and how you look at things. If it hasn't already, love will find you, and it's important that you're ready to receive it emotionally and mentally when it does. Best of luck.
  2. Like
    LDora got a reaction from MalaysianGirl in Personal issues re my Viet Nam girlfriend   
    Can I just offer that you might try a heart to heart instead of dropping her like everyone has suggested? Unless she's asked for money from YOU (and it sounds like she doesn't need to) , it might simply be that she WAS a "paid girlfriend" in the past and is embarrassed by it, and is afraid to tell you about it because she thinks you'll want nothing more to do with her. (Probably a legitimate concern based on how quickly everyone seems to be saying she's a prostitute and a gold digger.) Everyone does things they wished they hadn't or are ashamed by years down the road, and if you like this girl as much as you say, it's worth asking for honesty and making it clear you want to be with the woman she IS, rather than the woman she WAS. I'm not saying I'm right, and I'm definitely not saying the lies aren't a big deal, but if you like her and connect with her as much as you say, isn't it worth one last push for honesty and openness rather than writing her off because of what might be regret over an older lifestyle? After all, you haven't said she's asked YOU for money.
  3. Like
    LDora got a reaction from efef in How many times have you visited your fiance?   
    Sorry if you feel that the only way to "truly" get to know someone is to be in the same room with them. Obviously meetings are important, but to be perfectly frank, you're sure making an enormous amount of assumptions on the very intimate and personal lives of complete strangers, and while I'm sure it would be a great comfort to everyone to be able to put people in a little box and say "as long as you stay in this, you'll be okay" that's not the world works. People meet, fall in love, grow close over great distances in a variety of ways, and for you to imply that someone might know their significant other any less (or love them any less) just because they didn't have the time, means, whatever to get together more frequently than they were able is pretty darned presumptuous.
  4. Like
    LDora got a reaction from Laser1 in Personal issues re my Viet Nam girlfriend   
    Can I just offer that you might try a heart to heart instead of dropping her like everyone has suggested? Unless she's asked for money from YOU (and it sounds like she doesn't need to) , it might simply be that she WAS a "paid girlfriend" in the past and is embarrassed by it, and is afraid to tell you about it because she thinks you'll want nothing more to do with her. (Probably a legitimate concern based on how quickly everyone seems to be saying she's a prostitute and a gold digger.) Everyone does things they wished they hadn't or are ashamed by years down the road, and if you like this girl as much as you say, it's worth asking for honesty and making it clear you want to be with the woman she IS, rather than the woman she WAS. I'm not saying I'm right, and I'm definitely not saying the lies aren't a big deal, but if you like her and connect with her as much as you say, isn't it worth one last push for honesty and openness rather than writing her off because of what might be regret over an older lifestyle? After all, you haven't said she's asked YOU for money.
  5. Like
    LDora got a reaction from Laser1 in Personal issues re my Viet Nam girlfriend   
    I don't know her, or you, but if it were me personally in your situation, I would want to know for sure instead of just dropping her and moving on. As painful as the realisation that she might be lying to you still (or is involved in something or with someone else) may be, it's the sort of closure you really need to be able to move on. Clearly the love you/miss you phone calls with the other man is pretty damning, and I think you tripped yourself up by not demanding an explanation then and there... if she's giving you this much reason to doubt her, you are entirely justified in wanting and asking for the answers you need to have to protect yourself emotionally and financially. I just suggest the heart-to-heart because it sounds like you care about her deeply; I would suggest telling her that if she can't open up and be honest with you about her past and what's going on now, then you're going to cut her loose. If she really loves you, she'll see how important this is to you and want to set your mind at ease, and if she starts crying or getting angry at your probing in order to deflect you need to recognise that as the emotional abuse it is. You deserve better, but you also deserve to know what you've been involved with.
    Also, don't let this sour you towards other relationships, no matter what part of the world it comes from. Being a Vietnamese woman does not mean you're going to be a vindictive, emotionally manipulative shrew in the same way that being an American does not mean you're going to be a judgemental, condescending fop. There are good and bad people all over the world, and the only way to find the former over the latter is to keep your heart and mind open and not let your bad experiences define who you are and how you look at things. If it hasn't already, love will find you, and it's important that you're ready to receive it emotionally and mentally when it does. Best of luck.
  6. Like
    LDora got a reaction from yachachiq12 in Personal issues re my Viet Nam girlfriend   
    Can I just offer that you might try a heart to heart instead of dropping her like everyone has suggested? Unless she's asked for money from YOU (and it sounds like she doesn't need to) , it might simply be that she WAS a "paid girlfriend" in the past and is embarrassed by it, and is afraid to tell you about it because she thinks you'll want nothing more to do with her. (Probably a legitimate concern based on how quickly everyone seems to be saying she's a prostitute and a gold digger.) Everyone does things they wished they hadn't or are ashamed by years down the road, and if you like this girl as much as you say, it's worth asking for honesty and making it clear you want to be with the woman she IS, rather than the woman she WAS. I'm not saying I'm right, and I'm definitely not saying the lies aren't a big deal, but if you like her and connect with her as much as you say, isn't it worth one last push for honesty and openness rather than writing her off because of what might be regret over an older lifestyle? After all, you haven't said she's asked YOU for money.
  7. Like
    LDora got a reaction from Kukolka in Personal issues re my Viet Nam girlfriend   
    Can I just offer that you might try a heart to heart instead of dropping her like everyone has suggested? Unless she's asked for money from YOU (and it sounds like she doesn't need to) , it might simply be that she WAS a "paid girlfriend" in the past and is embarrassed by it, and is afraid to tell you about it because she thinks you'll want nothing more to do with her. (Probably a legitimate concern based on how quickly everyone seems to be saying she's a prostitute and a gold digger.) Everyone does things they wished they hadn't or are ashamed by years down the road, and if you like this girl as much as you say, it's worth asking for honesty and making it clear you want to be with the woman she IS, rather than the woman she WAS. I'm not saying I'm right, and I'm definitely not saying the lies aren't a big deal, but if you like her and connect with her as much as you say, isn't it worth one last push for honesty and openness rather than writing her off because of what might be regret over an older lifestyle? After all, you haven't said she's asked YOU for money.
×
×
  • Create New...