Alex & Rachel

One thing which surprised me is that the feeling of homesickness can come and go over the years.

This, absolutely!

I'm in my fifth year of being here and I've never been more homesick. The first two years went by fairly smoothly, all things considered. It's a constant up-down process, and events like having a baby definitely affect matters.

Honestly, although I wasn't homesick, the first two years were really tough and my husband did not help matters at all. So I give advice as what NOT to do! We are still married, though, so it has a happy ending.

I like Vanessa's list! In addition, here are my suggestions:

- Do what you can to make your home a home for BOTH of you. Usually, when a couple marries or moves in together, they have a chance to set up a home together. In the case of VJ couples, the foreign spouse is usually entering a house (or apartment) that the domestic spouse has already established. Alex bought furniture a month or two before I arrived which really bugged me - it wasn't to my tastes at all, and I'd deliberately asked him to hold off on buying it! We did, however, get to buy new bedding and a few other things together, which was fun.

- Get your family/friends on board. I truly believe what saved our marriage was that I dearly and utterly love Alex's parents. They did their best to make me feel like their daughter (not just their daughter-in-law!) and were really supportive. My mother-in-law is a surrogate mother to me. Also, Alex and I made a few friends *together* - so I wasn't just piggy-backing onto Alex's social life, or making my own - we had one as a couple.

- Keep them busy! Two days after we were married, Alex was laid off. He grew really depressed and sat around at home all day in his pyjamas while I found a job, worked as many hours as possible to keep us afloat, and did all the housework and cooking, too. I do NOT recommend this way of doing things... but I have to admit, I was kept so busy as to hardly be homesick at all! This follows on from Vanessa's suggestions - help your spouse find a job, find friends, find classes (at a local college or the gym) she might like to do, etc.

No way, Mad-Ag is SO big! It's crazy how time has flown! Congratulations to your sister!

Gemmie, huge congratulations! Wow, Leo is a really handsome newborn.

If he's only content while sleeping on your chests - does he have reflux, or have you had him checked for reflux? It might be worth putting the crib mattress at an incline (obviously by placing something underneath the mattress, not on top - reduces SIDS risk) or using something like the Fisher Price Rock and Play in the meantime. There was a mother in my group whose daughter only slept on her chest - she switched to a non-dairy diet, and her baby's sleep patterns changed instantly. I'm so sorry - dealing with a newborn is tough enough, let alone one who screams all night!

Congratulations Jewel! He is gorgeous!

And HI ALL! I'm sorry it's been so long! Surprising how busy one gets once a kid comes along. Anya is nearly one!

Gem, I LOVE the name Leo. My mother would also approve.

Fabulous bedhead:

and chilling in her new chair:

Carlos and I me on a website for language learners ( SharedTalk.com ). My profile on there describes a geriatric cat-lady with severe skin problems to weed out the creeps. (It didn't always work!)

Carlos saw that profile and thought, "Wow! If that old lady can learn Spanish, then I can certainly learn English". He messaged me and we continued chatting on Skype. When we finally went to video, he was shocked that I wasn't some granny.

This is an awesome story!

I always pay my half.

I always pay the whole.

Sure, but men spend more money on women than women do on men - jewelry, dinners out, shopping sprees - so it all evens out in the end.

I think we're seeing significantly less of this amongst the younger generations.

I was actually employed once by an elderly, old-fashioned man who WANTED to hear female voices in the office. I was probably the quietest employee there. He was so disappointed!

Yeah, it's great that they do the 8 week ultrasound; she explained the whole thing on the phone to me. She asked if I wanted a doctor or a midwife, and said doctors are for more high risk patients. I said I'd go with midwife unless any complications arose, and she said that's fine. The place I'm going to has an Alternative Birthing Center, a whirlpool tub, offer selective 'gentle C-Section' and the usual hospital options. They pride themselves on the 'whatever the mother wants', which is just what I was looking for.

Great choice!

Ugh, I chose my OB based on my boss's recommendation... not taking into account that she had scheduled c-secs with all 3 of her children. Nothing wrong with c-sections, but he was SUPER pushy about them. And to be honest, all he ever really provided me with were growth stats and a couple of extra ultrasounds. I got ALL of my information online.

At my 37 week appointment he told me he no longer actually attended vaginal births/emergency c-secs at all. He ONLY did scheduled c-secs! I received the bill two months after having Anya... $3,600. For approximately 10 five-minute appointments and 2 non-anatomical ultrasounds!

I think next baby I'll definitely be finding a midwife. I did end up with one for delivery, and she was SUPERB. Lovely lady!

I love Madeleine's serious face! She is such a cutie!

Gemmie - congratulations! This time last year I was about 4 weeks pregnant, too. I also conceived first try! Like you, it was planned, but I've always had irregular periods and so I thought it'd take a while, too. And, well, now look:

And first trimester tiredness is AWFUL! And worse, you can't really tell your coworkers why you're an absolute zombie at work. It's great that you're not feeling sick yet - knock on wood you won't get the terrible morning sickness I did!

I'd never had a pap smear either. Hey, gets it out of the way! My appointment wasn't until Oct 12th - that was a loooong time to wait!

Oh - and I LOVE pregnancy online forums... but I only joined one in my 3rd trimester, when most of my fears had been qualmed. And luckily I found a great group of non-dramatic mothers. We're actually quite close now - I've sent a baby monitor and wraps to 3 ladies, one sent me a box of clothes, another sent me her wrap, and I'm meeting one of the ladies on Sunday, too! Also, the ladies in this thread are absolutely fabulous!

I the babywearing community, too. Uh, I'm up to like, 12 wraps now. It's the only thing I'm spending any money on these days!

A great brand is OGBaby - it's essentially just a mix of oils and glycerin. Zero scent and all organic!

Yay for Loxley photos! He is gorgeous! Dizzy - I buy my wraps. They're seriously the ONLY thing I spend my money on! Haha! I need new clothes! Muslin is a great idea for summer.

Jewel - Anya had her 4 month appointment yesterday (yikes!) and she is just 12 lbs 1 oz, so in the 10-20th percentile for weight. Her head is still in the 5th percentile! If she continues along the same curve she'll be 18-20 lbs at a year, so not all that much bigger than Roz!

Here she is taking a nap with the kitties on Saturday:

Awww Rachel - she is just as cute as she can be!!!! :) I'm sorry you're having such a hard time pumping - and I wish I had some advice to give you on that front. I do know from my friends who have done it that it's harder than most people think, so you should feel proud for having kept it up this long. I don't think there's any shame in supplementing, but that's just me.

It's not really a shame... it's more a case of, I KNOW I have the milk... so it'd be very frustrating and feel like a waste of money if I had to supplement! But I think this weekend I am buying a can of formula anyway and sticking it in the cupboard. Lack of sleep isn't helping me or Anya or anyone! If, next week, I have to skip an evening pumping session and just go to bed early... I shall.

I thought I had 'thread killed' the posts in here so I'm glad you replied. And with such cute pictures too :D I think pictures should be required of you new mommies so we can hit our cute out quotients for the day. Just an idea.

Happy to oblige!

Thanks for the compliment about Emily. Let me just say that my least favorite part of the terrible twos is when you are sternly telling her off, she still thinks it's funny and that we're joking. The only way we can really get her to listen is to put our face in front of hers, hold her chin and make her look at us. Otherwise she thinks we're still playing. This is particularly frustrating when you're doing it after a bout of her slapping you in the face in 'play'. She is still in play mode but needs to understand that slapping people isn't fun for anyone but her. LOL.

Ooh no! Sounds like you're handling her exactly the right way, though! From how Anya is now I suspect she might turn into quite the little monkey... I am VERY willing to wait for her to get to that stage!

Anya is so cute! She looks big to me! How old now? Roz just turned a year and isn't even 17 pounds. Anya almost looks like she is about the same size.

She's 3 1/2 months. And actually she's pretty small! I don't know what it is about the photos but people who see photos first (i.e. relatives) and then see her in person can't get over how tiny she actually is. My MIL and mother both say she looks a LOT older in photos.

She was 9 lb 3 oz and 23.5" at her two month appt, I estimate she's about 25" long now (she's quite long!) and around 11-12 lbs. Her head is really tiny - in the 5th percentile. At 2 months her head was the size of an average newborn's. She is still firmly in 0-3 month clothes and size 1 diapers, and a few of her larger newborn clothes still fit!

I guess Madeleine has always been kinda physical. Jon is now calling her Ginger Godzilla.

Anya's not tolerating wrapping quite so much now she's growing older and more curious. Apparently babies go through stages of liking it/not liking it. Of course I'd never force her to be carried, but I do miss it when I can't! It's our bonding time now I'm back at work.

It still works if we're out on a walk, though. I wrap her inside - she SCREAMS! I literally just open the front door and it's INSTANT quiet. It's like a bizarre on/off baby switch. She is absolutely fascinated by cars and trees.

But if you think she ever doesn't like the wrap - boy oh boy does she HATE the stroller. My poor MIL has resorted to simply carrying Anya in her arms everywhere she goes now.

Not only did we find out it was probably nothing, but we confirmed that I was pregnant again!!! Woot!!

Congratulations! :dance:

Roslyn and her sibling will have the same age gap I have with one of my brothers - and I LOVED having a sibling at that age!

Glad to hear everyone is doing well! Tracy - Emily is TOO cute! What a beautiful young lady.

Anya and I are doing well except... I HATE PUMPING! Ugh! I am so close to supplementing. The problem is that I pretty much HAVE to pump late at night in order to have enough for the next day, which causes me to lose sleep, which causes me to be able to pump less... a horrible catch-22. But then I somehow make it to every weekend (just - I was two hours late to work this morning) and think, 'hey... I can do this... just a little while longer...' During the week I am lucky to get 4 hours of sleep a night.

Alex and I are passing ships in the night during the week... he has a full-time job now and works either 3 pm - 11 pm or 7 pm - 3 am. He sleeps in the spare room on week-days which I have to confess to rather liking... Anya sleeps in our bed with me, and I'm so proficient at nursing in my sleep now (seriously) that both she and I get more sleep that way!

Here is a photo from today:

Here she is wrapped on my back! She prefers this these days as it enables her to better see the trees. I also like it if I need to get chores done - I've done washing up, baked cookies, done the laundry and vacuumed all while she's been on my back.

And happy in the wrap:

I have many amusing photos, but my favourite has to be:

YAAAAY DIZZY! Loxley is beautiful! I love his lips! And I love his name, too. It's very British.

Yesh, pitocin really is the pits. 18 hours, phew! I really was very, very fortunate in my labour. Here's to a swift recovery for you.

Also - great that you have stool softeners. Once you feel like you no longer *need* them, still continue to take them for 4-5 days... that's my advice!

Madeleine and Emily are gorgeous! Love their poses! Emily's so blonde - I'll wonder if she'll go very much darker? And I'm glad to hear Madeleine and your husband are feeling better, Empress!

And thanks everyone for the kind words. julez - I worked really hard on learning to wrap; it's a steep learning curve for sure, but so worth it! I really wouldn't accomplish half as much as I do otherwise. And it's helping me get exercise - I haven't used the stroller once yet! The other day I walked 5 miles in the afternoon heat... yeesh, that was a bit silly of me. But I managed it!

I'm not doing *too* badly for sleep. Anya's not been sleeping quite as well at night as she has been - a typical night this week has been 9 pm - 1 or 2 am (I should sleep then but haven't yet learned my lesson...), then 4 am and 6 am. I've perfected the art of breastfeeding in the side-lying position, which has its benefits and drawbacks. Benefit: I can pull Anya into bed beside me and breast-feed without even really waking up. Drawback: I'm so conscious of her being in bed beside me that even though I'm asleep, I don't really move much and so wake up all stiff and sore!

As for work... well, California does fortunately pay for 12 weeks of maternity (6 weeks count as disability and 6 as FML), so I've had more time off than I originally thought. But I have to go in ten days early to cover my coworker's and boss's vacation. I'll earn more vacation for England at Christmas, but still...

I wouldn't be *so* worried about going back to work (my MIL is fantastic with Anya and Anya loves her) if I wasn't having such an awful time pumping. I really, REALLY wanted to be able to give Anya breastmilk - not that I'm against formula, but because breastmilk is cheaper and I have a really nice pump my MIL bought me, so I *should* be able to do it - but I cannot seem to get milk from my breasts to the bottle! I've tried every tip and trick, and still the absolute maximum I get in a session is 2 oz. I have so much oatmeal and nurse-me tea that it'll soon be coming out of my ears. *sigh* It's even more frustrating when I hear women complain 'I only get 3 or 4 oz in a session!' Yesterday I managed to get a whole *half* oz!

Honestly, I chose the English flag for purely aesthetic reasons. I like its elegant simplicity.

Woo Dizzy! Hopefully not long now (or perhaps you've already had the baby! In which case congratulations!)

Also, has anyone seen/heard from Tracy? She's not been on in a while...

Time is flying by! Anya is nearly two months old. She had her first set of vaccinations (other than the Hep B at a day old) on Monday and took them like a champ. Well, she was screaming, but she was screaming the whoooole doctor's appointment because she hates being naked. As soon as I'd put her clothes back on after the shots she quietened down.

She's long and skinny - at just over 7 weeks she is 23 inches (90th percentile), 9lb 3oz (25th percentile) and has a teeny-tiny head (14 inches, 5th percentile!). Still in her newborn clothes, except for footed sleepers - she outgrew those ages ago!

Here she is at one month old exactly:

Her first good smile captured on camera:

With Alex the other day:

We've been to so many places with her! My family came to visit and loved spending time with her. Here she is amongst the redwoods with my dad:

I'm so glad to have the hang of wrapping; I would never get anything done otherwise! I do all my household chores while she's having a nap against my chest!

And who says babies aren't expressive?!

Sorry it's a picture intensive post - couldn't resist!

She has been sleeping very well! She usually sleeps 3-4 hours at night, often 2 am - 5 am and then around 6 am - 9 am. One night she slept NINE straight hours and I woke up in such a panic! However she made up for it by being up for nine straight hours the next night and driving us crazy! That was at two weeks, so I put it down to a growth spurt. I've had a couple of bad nights but overall I really can't complain.

It's good you've been pre-warned! I had been told breast-feeding could be painful, but I didn't really expect for her to pull away and have a trail of blood coming out of her mouth! She looked like a little vampire. Fortunately I healed quickly. Your mother is right - I am at the three week mark now and it doesn't really hurt at all, and I am beginning to enjoy it. The first week breast feeding actually made me rather nauseous and I dreaded it! But I have to say I looooove that it is SO cheap and convenient. It's also great for losing that baby weight - my belly is already back to normal and I am just 2 lbs above my pre-pregnancy weight.

Alex has found his parenting niche! He still hasn't changed a diaper, but he has discovered that he has a hypnotic reading voice. Last night he read to her for an hour and she stayed quiet the entire time! I had a whole hour to myself! It was magical.

I also didn't quit until after I had received my visa. I had given myself a goal date well in excess of visa processing times to begin with, so there would be no disappointment on either side.

I had my interview the end of August, quit work at the beginning of September and didn't enter the US until November. Looking back I really appreciate the extra months I gave myself - I had plenty of time to save money, pack and spend time with family and friends. My parents still mention how glad they were to have two months with me before I left. If you're in no huge hurry, I definitely recommend taking your time and delaying quitting your job.

Yay for Roz gaining weight! And good luck with #3! I'm thinking we'll be waiting at least three years before thinking of another (although we'd definitely like 2-3 eventually) but of course I may feel differently in a few months' time. Right now I can't even contemplate going through all that again.

I can't believe Anya (which is what we call her) is 3 weeks old already! My mother's been here since Monday and has been a huge help - bless her, she is SO technologically impaired (and we've had a few interesting moments with the vacuum cleaner, blender, laundry room and shower) but she has been cooking and cleaning and overall keeping me sane!

Alex has still yet to change a single diaper or to hold Anya for more than fifteen minutes, although he does dote on her. The first week there was an instance where he slept from 10 pm to 6 am, went to work, returned from work at 12 pm, told me 'I feel exhausted' and then slept again until 4 pm! He's lucky he's cute.

Dizzy - yay, 7 weeks! Or less! I definitely recommend packing your bags and installing the car seat *earlier* than the day your baby is born... Oh, and I just want to warn you about the swelling! I was so swollen the week I returned home from hospital that I was bigger than I had been before I delivered! My feet and ankles were enormous and SO painful! It all went within a week, but for a few days it was very painful. I thought I'd never be a normal size again. And breast-feeding is HARD! I really hated it the first couple of weeks. That, too, gets better, though.

I am also flying back to the UK at Christmas! Anya'll be 8 months then. All my grandparents are still alive but very elderly, so I'm hoping they'll all get to meet her at least this one time.

The cats have been really, really good with the baby, but last night my cat Shara did decide she'd had enough of Anya hogging me to herself, and wanted to share:

Oh, and I've been managing to get out every day with the baby, if only for a quick walk to Starbucks. She looks so ridiculously tiny in my carrier:

To think that I was told she was a 'big' baby at every ultrasound - she is definitely smaller than average! She still swims in newborn clothing; I can't see her fitting 0-3 months for another few weeks.

Glad you like them!

Julie - I do think she looks like me too, but she definitely has Alex's ears, toes and fingers, which really pleases me because he has lovely small ears (mine seemed huge as a baby!) and long fingers and toes as opposed to my short and stubby ones.

Jewel - she was doing it quite a bit, so Alex stood over her with his camera and took several photos in quick succession before striking lucky!

Thank you!

Oh man can't believe she is three days old already. I managed to skype with my family today and show her off over webcam. We had a pretty good night and I managed to get some sleep - not a lot, but more than the previous three days combined! She is a super baby!

I'm sure you won't mind a photo dump.

My family's favourite photo of her:

Day after birth:

Profile:

And a couple with Alex; she seems so tiny given her average weight!

^ My favourite! That was in the hospital, and he hadn't showered in two days, poor guy, hence the crazy hair!

Thank you ladies!

My leg did come back to life, and I'm also not too swollen from the delivery or stitches! The only thing I do have is tremendously swollen feet and ankles.

Annaleah is such a good baby! Well, so far, of course! She sleeps well, latches and feeds well, and only fusses when she is hungry or needs a diaper change. She's also great when held by others - I managed to take a nice long shower when my friend was holding her, and took a nap while my MIL held her for two hours earlier today. We are at home now and so far so good. She has a rash on her back but I think it is a heat rash; it's been so hot today and regulating the temperature has been tough!

I did indeed have my baby today!

Lynne - thank you; very sweet of you to say!

So 6 pm Thursday I woke up from my after-work nap. I was soooo tired, but I made myself clean the apartment, because I was planning to be away this weekend.

I scrubbed the shower, kitchen and bathroom floors, vacuumed, dusted, cleaned my makeup brushes, cleaned kitchen cupboards... It was midnight by the time I finished. Alex came home at this time.

By 2.40 am Alex and I are just drifting off to sleep... When I feel a trickle. I roll over, and it's a gush. I tell Alex I think my water might be breaking. I roll over again, another gush! I eventually leak over the floor, a towel, more in the shower...

We phoned his mother at 3.30 am and then began to gather things ready for the hospital. No contractions. We phoned OB at 4.40 am to see what he recommended and he said go to the hospital. We wait for Alex's mother to arrive, shower, she strips the bed and we finally head to hospital at 6 am.

Still feeling no contractions, so doctor recommends pitocin. This was not what I had wanted, but I was so tired already and figured I might as well speed things along!

I laboured with the pitocin for 6 hours, until midday. My MIL was fantastic, helping me to breathe through the contractions and giving me encouragement. My nurse was AWESOME! Turned out to be from the UK and was so sweet and lovely.

By midday I was reaaaaally having enough! The contractions were barely a minute apart so I was having no respite, my ankles were still swollen from all the cleaning I'd done the previous night, and I was so tired from standing, which was the only position I could bear to be in. So I decided I would go for the epi after all. I hadn't bargained on being so tired or using pitocin. The nurse checked me at 12.15 and I was 5 cm and fully effaced.

At this stage I was throwing up, ugh.

The anesthetist came along and inserted the epidural around 12.45 pm, while the lovely nurse stroked my hand and helped me through contractions while I lay down - such a bad position! Well, no sooner had the anesthetist left than I felt a strong pelvic pressure. I told the nurse, she checked me again and I was at a 10! I had gone through transition in just over a half hour. I had the shakes, but otherwise felt good.

I pushed for an hour and then Annaleah emerged! I must've torn badly because I felt goodness knows how many stitches go into me, but I haven't dared asked.

She was born at 3.25 pm, 7 lbs 3 oz, 9/9 apgar, 19.5 inches long.

It's now 8.25 pm and I haven't slept! She is tucked under my arm, fast asleep, so I daren't fall asleep myself. I still have a catheter as the epi effects haven't worn off my left leg yet - I can't lift it! But otherwise I can't complain in the slightest!

Thank you; that's very comforting to hear!

I'm taking a walk as soon as my coworker gets back from lunch - try to force this baby down a little!

I took a photo today and compared it to one from last week (actually; under a week ago - I think this is from last Thursday) and I see a real difference:

(38 weeks on left, 39 weeks on right)

39 weeks tomorrow!

Hoping Roslyn gains a little weight soon. It must be hard still not getting any sleep!

Yesterday it was as if someone flicked a switch; all of a sudden I've grown REALLY uncomfortable! I also somehow gained 5 lbs in between last week's appointment and yesterday's, whereas the previous week I only gained a half pound. I was doing so well with the weight gain, too. I must admit, I couldn't help thinking, if only I'd gone at 37-38 weeks; I'd have never known any 3rd trimester discomfort and I'd have been well within a reasonable weight gain!

I am sooo tired and useless, but unable to actually *sleep*. I manage perhaps 4-5 hours of sleep a day. Most of the time I'm collapsed in front of the TV, unable to really do or move much! I did five hours of housework on Saturday and my body really paid for that afterwards - think I finally grew comfortable enough to sleep around 5 am! Oh well, hopefully not much longer to go now.

For me:

- I have a degree, my husband does not; i.e. my skills were more transferable

- Despite my degree, I was earning less in the UK than my husband was earning in the US at the time. Some salaries in the UK are surprisingly low!

- I fancied a change of scene! My husband is much more of a homebody.

- My parents have six kids, four of whom still live locally. My in-laws only have my husband still living locally, so I figured my parents could spare me more than his could spare him.

5. a great number of people in colombia dont even make US mimium wage. I commend those people there because they survive off next to nothing.

I wasn't actually making California minimum wage - and this was in the UK, with a not-incomparable cost of living! Of course, I had no need for a car and no need for healthcare, and as a result I actually managed to save more money there than I did in my first two years here. But many, many people in many other countries would be able to easily survive on below-minimum US wages; it's all about the cost of living in that particular country.

38 weeks today!

OB did say he was very confident I'd go to my due date, though.

I don't mind too much - been feeling pretty good lately (tiredness is really my only symptom) and I could use the extra money working.