Linguere

I haven't logged on in a long while as I am sooo busy with school, but I did want to add that it generally takes 14 days for you to have an appointment for a civil marriage ceremony. You definitely need malaria medication...malaria is in Dakar and it is definitely in Tamba.

Wishing you the best!

AL

I think everyone has given you some great information! I guess I just want to second what just about everyone said...Taurean mentioned reading more about Islam in Senegal in particular. You could ask what particular brotherhood of Islam your SO belongs to. The Mourides have a large number, but they are not definitely not the only one; I think there are about 5 now. If he follows a particular sëriñ or teacher, then you can read more or find out more about that particular sëriñ. Like Z said before, talking about Islam isn't a daily conversation because it is something that is simply lived. I used to be a practicing Muslim, but still my husband and I had long discussions (and still do) about blending our lives with our slightly differing beliefs. We agreed that if we had children that they would be exposed to both of our belief systems. Muslim men can marry Christian women and so there isn't a religious conflict, but as everyone has said here, the main thing is to have open communication with each other about any expectations or special things that need to be observed at particular times. I wouldn't eat in front of my husband during Ramadan, but he wouldn't tell me not to either.

The other thing that came to my mind was that although we have to be tolerant with each other and you might not want to offend anyone, for me the most important thing is to be free and be yourself. I have spent a lot of time in Senegal, and if I did something majorly wrong (I once accidentally said in Wolof you are lying [in the African American way] when I should have said you are mistaken) they would tell me, but small things may not be something that I want to adapt to their way, even if I remain respectful of it. In most cases, people allow you to be who you are. Senegal's Islam is quite moderate. Women don't cover their heads (as you have seen in Senegal) unless they want to when they are not in the mosque. Nobody freaks out if your arms or the bottom parts of your legs are showing, especially in Dakar. All people and families are unique, so it's hard to say what the expectations of your new family will be...just ask.

As everyone has said, just talk to him and don't worry.

I have used henna for years on a consistent basis and never had any problems. I use only the red henna that is in powder form from Africa that I buy and mix myself. My husband is now here and doesn't love it, so I have not done it since May. I read a long time ago that black henna could be harmful and so I never used it. If you just do two applications of the red henna it does turn black anyway. Those blisters looked so painful!!

Welcome!! I wanted to live in Senegal all of my life too. I have also spent a lot of time there. It was only recently that I realized that I won't be ready for a while...dealing with the corruption didn't seem as funny when I had to go through it on a daily basis while my husband and I were trying to go through a process while we were there a month ago. I know what you mean about your SO, but trust me, in most cases, people do want to return at some point as long as you can purchase a home and have a good life. You know that you need money to do that there, so don't worry. Just make sure that you do discuss it. I feel bad that my husband is making such a sacrifice coming here as he has many opportunities at home. I have to finish school and we need to save money before going home for good. So, like you, I want to, but not yet.

This process is indeed daunting, and the Dakar embassy is not particularly friendly. Even my senator's office was not at all happy with that embassy. Still, we made it through and you will too. Just give a shout if you need help. I just took the process on like it was my own project and eventually it was over. Just keep skype close for you and your SO and you will be okay. Those occasional trips to DKR make life wonderful.

Blessings,

Aisha

This upcoming academic year will be my final year of Ph.D. hell. I can't wait to finally finish. I'll be swimming in debt, but very little of it is from the M.A.....most of it is from this last one. I would have probably done another M.A. if I had it to do over again because of the debt, but the Ph.D. is required for my field. The M.A. has been very helpful in allowing me to teach at the community college level during the summers when I am not teaching at my university. I have to pay the rent!!!

Yes, my husband got a green slip in Dakar as well and picked up his visa on a Thursday. Don't worry!!

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know that feeling!!! You are celebrating right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God is good!

I thought she looked like she was on drugs on the episode that I saw the other day. I wasn't in love with Abdullah either but I hated how Dr. Phil pronounced his name.

I kept wondering...does he mean a visitor's visa????

Everone has given really good tips!! LovinLiberia, I think you really hit it on the head!! If you know African men, they are not beggars in their relationships. They could not have a relationship with an African woman that they could do nothing for. The more you know about the language and culture of the person you are dating, the more you will understand them.

In terms of red flags with dating men abroad, I can only talk about myself and the observations that I would make. I am not the type of woman who can be with a man who needs me financially so he must be nowhere near needy. I would consider dating a man abroad only if the man had perhaps a large business, had an advanced degree or a major way to take care of himself so that he had no reason to want to leave. Everyone from clothing sellers to taximen have professed their love for me. I'm not saying that a guy who is illiterate is not a good guy, just not a guy for me. I guess what I am saying is that my motto is that one should not date someone abroad that they wouldn't date in their own country. If he is a certain age but has nothing going on, why not?

As far as knowing one's SOs family, it is definitely helpful, but entire families can also be in on scams for the future benefit. I guess one can never really know how the family is until they continue to return to their SOs country with nothing in their hands...no gifts, nothing. Simply tell them, I had to work two jobs just to buy the ticket. I was unable to repair my car or do things for my own family to make it here. Once they see over time (at first they will not believe you) that you have nothing to give, they will show themselves to be the wonderful people that you thought they were or they will reveal their true intentions. I am disapointed by people that I think are my friends all the time. They eventually ask for my bag, my shoes, my phone or ask me to sponsor them or write a letter of invitation. Time reveals many things. Take your time. Know as many people around your SO as possible. Know as many people from the country as possible. Visit as often as possible. Talk about wanting to live in their country. Study the language. Pray often.

It puzzles me why those who are in constant paranoia of being scammed by Africans specifically seek them out.

Would it not be so much easier to just date the man next door in their own cultural environment, in their own hometown ?

Some seek them out over and over again, one relationship after the other while lamenting they are all scammers.

I wonder what the psychological implication is here ! What compels them to do this.

I am done with this 3 ring circus.

To each his own opinion !

Who is in constant paranoia of being scammed by Africans? I've never seen that here, but maybe because I only casually visit.

I live in the African community and have been raised in African culture - it's all that I know (thanks Mom!). Living in an African immigrant community exposes one to much more of these stories, except I know them mostly from the African side. I am completely missing why people get so upset about telling real stories. We have wonderful success stories here everyday; what's wrong with telling the other side? I don't personally have any story of scamming that was done to me. Living in Africa and my life experience has, hopefully, allowed me a bit of advance warning IN GENERAL, not just in Africa. Africa is the only place where I spend a great amount of time and thus it is the topic contained herein. I love Africa and I love Africans (like me)!

I have always been shocked at the attitudes towards keeping all information positive here on the forum. Though I am a positive person by nature, overlooking truth isn't something I value. I think this forum is the ideal place to discuss marriage scams, since statistics may suggest that some of us will be or are being victimized as we speak.

I have seen so many scams, know so many people who have scammed (it was discussed as a victimless crime and is laughed about) and though most that I know didn't want any money or anything from their spouse (just the papers), people's hearts obviously got hurt. Most of the scamming that I am familiar with is from people who are here in the states illegally. I know one girl who got scammed three times! I have also been asked by many friends to marry them for papers just to help them out. This type of discussion is not really out of the ordinary in some circles. I think that these things are more commonly discussed outside of this forum than within it and it makes me wonder why.

I liked reading Idocare's post and perhaps there is some sort of history that I don't know about...the scamming definitely goes on all over the world, but since this is an African forum I thought it was appropriate for postings of that nature to be here. New members will perhaps be able to think before they start sending money...there are many red flags that appear in these "relationships" but I have never wanted to mention them because I didn't want to offend anyone as many may fit the scenario without it being the case, such as vast age differences. I think it is a good idea to post those sorts of things just to make people aware who are not possibly so familiar with the culture of the person that they are in love with. It's just information to think about; it doesn't mean it applies to every person.

With that said, I don't think posting negative experiences should preclude us from supporting each other in our long wait periods and I don't think anyone's experiences should drift into generalizations or bashing of a particular group of people. I do think the interpretations are often too sensitive and people take the posts too personally. I would imagine that many people leave the forum after some time of being married and getting on with their lives and thus, we never know what the outcomes are. It is for that reason that I thought that Idocare's post added a much needed balance to the forum. A happy-go-lucky only post mandate is not realistic and frankly just isn't honest. I appreciate all information.

Peace to all....AL

Irs told me we were not eligible now but he will get his ssn soon and we can get the stimulus payment next tax season. So im not TOO mad

Yeah, they told me the same thing but actually said "As it stands now..." I didn't feel comfortable with that....and why do we have to wait?

"Reform the Rebate: Stop Penalizing Law Abiding Spouses"

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/reformtherebate?e

This has already been amended to send stimulus payments to those in the military with foreign spouses, so it should also be amended to include those civilian citizens with foreign spouses who filed taxes jointly. We should not be penalized because our spouse does not yet have a social security number.

"Reform the Rebate: Stop Penalizing Law Abiding Spouses"

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/reformtherebate?e

They have already amended the rule for those in the military with foreign spouses, now it's time for the government to do that for all citizens unfairly penalized for filing taxes with their foreign spouse and therefore losing elegibility for the stimulus check.

Thank you everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boo-Yah Big Baybeee!!!!!

Congratulations to you.

UNO

Your strength and positivity and inspirational! Stay strong and keeping stepping in a positive direction. Let no one turn our dreams into nightmares. Thank you for your support!!!!!!!

Just a quick update. We got our interview expedited to June 3 and after a 2 day stint in AP, we got the visa on June 5. I wish the same for all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After all the waiting we can finally say VISA IN HAND!!!!

I will be going to Ghana July 24 and we will come back August 7 (POE JFK).

I have so many shoutouts but I know I am going to forget someone, but here it goes: Zainab, Omoba, LovinLiberia, Uno, Ricca, Asante, Charles, Jackie, Nagi, Kim, Laura, RJ, Julez, my fellow May 2007 filers and my VSC peeps. Y'all made this process a little more bearable

If I forgot anyone....sorry

How wonderful to come back together!! Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow! After all that drama they gave him the visa. Boy, they just wanted to make you sweat. Congrats!! I'm happy you'll finally be together.

You are right behind us!!! Good luck!!!

Thank you all so very much for taking the time out of your busy lives to congratulate us. I appreciate all of the help that we have received from VJers so very much. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!

I am so grateful!!!

Now I need to write a big thank you letter to the gracious woman at my senator's office. I am so lucky that they were sympathetic and so very helpful even when USCIS was not.

I ache for those of you separated and am pulling for all of you. Stay strong and my prayers are with you!

Best of blessings,

Aisha

Zee, can you update us? We got our visa today!!!!!!

I can't remember feeling so relieved and calm.

My thoughts, prayers and positive energies go out to all of those who are waiting. The embassies can just act up sometimes. I am hoping that those of you that are in AP get out soon and that the rest of you never reach that awful place. Many blessings!

My husband will be home after he finishes up in Europe. I prayed so much this morning...I am so incredibly thankful. We will be living on the same continent, the same country and the same apartment very soon.

Now I am pulling for everyone else to have their loved ones home as well.

Many blessings,

Aisha

I believe it is a very good sign that they kept his passport and that indicates to me that they will issue the visa soon,

otherwise they would have given it back to him right then and there.

It sounds to me like they are doing a home investigation, which often happens between interview and visa pick up. A home investigation consists of going around the neighborhood asking friends, neighbors and family questions.

Your case does sound very clear cut and one would think you would sail through quickly, but they must have found something they want to check out further.

So it may be just a short investigation. Dakar is a tough embassy for sure. Our 15 # of relationship proof was never looked at at the 2. interview

and all they focused on was the" misrepresentation" on the B2 ( tourist visa ). We talked to two middle aged woman and the chief consul. They said they believed we have a genuine relationship and there is no problem with that but that they can not issue the visa without a waiver.

The fact that she admitted she will google your info may be a clue also. Google all possible info yourself and see what pops up, your names, email addresses

and work related info.

I am very sorry about your loss recently

I wish you Happy Birthday and that the visa will be issued Thursday !

Thank you for the support, Omoba! I had your case in my mind as my husband was telling me everything. It's so unbelievable that sometimes they request nearly nothing and give a visa and others with tons of proof or questioned. I had never heard of a home investigation. If they go to his family home, they might never leave. We are all very close and my mother-in-law is my best friend. If she gave me any more clothes I might have paid a fortune for my luggage. There is only professsional info on google for both myself and my husband. The interviewer said she did not want his official band website, only the one that he does for a living. I guess I am going insane trying to figure out what they could be thinking.

Thank you for your support. I'm also sorry for your recent news...sometimes you wonder if you can take any more...but we keep going, don't we? I'm going to try to stay positive and also sleep between now and Thursday. Thank you again!!!

blessings and hugs to you

Oh sweetie!!!

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. This is horrible and I can't imagine how much pain you are feeling right now. Emotional pain is so much worse that the physical pains in life you can medicate. Pray. That's the only medication that can heal your heart. Everything will work out, it's simply a matter of time. Allow God to place peace in your heart and calm you spirit so that you can wait this out.

Thank you Zainab! I am going off to do just that - pray! Until I do that, nothing will make sense and I certainly won't be able to plan 3 hours of lecture. Thank you, thank you, thank you. God is good.