Linguere

Thank you everyone!

Reeses, I just wanted to reach my arms out and give you a big hug. I am so sorry this is happening. I hope the future holds much more peace and understanding for you and your son. Thank God for your family. Thank God for them. May you push forward and accomplish all that you wish. Long and happy life for you and your child!

Hi everyone! Just popping into say hello and post a few updates. I'm 38 weeks pregnant today. Excited AND terrified. But I'm looking forward to meeting our little boy, the end of swollen unreachable feet, and being able to do all the things on the mommy's no-no list (sleep on my stomach, beer, wine, sauna!).

The last few months have been the most difficult in my life. I left my husband, filed for divorce, moved across country to live with my parents, started a new job, and continued working on my dissertation (hoping to graduate no later than Jan.). I don't think I'll ever understand what happened with my husband. We had 5 wonderful years together, planned this pregnancy (first child for us both), and then soon after my pregnancy he just completely lost his mind. He quit his job days before we confirmed my pregnancy (then refused to look for a new one until I told him I was leaving), started abusing drugs (refused to quit or seek treatment), then spent all of our savings to go home to Ethiopia for 2 months (called after 1 month to say he spent it all). When he got back from Ethiopia he was literally a different person (180 degrees different)- he started telling me that women are lower than men, all of a sudden certain household chores that we shared became "a woman's job", that I had to realize he was an "African Man" (he used this to justify things like refusing to listen to the baby's heartbeat or be a part of the ultrasound and to refuse to look at any of the ultrasound keepsake photos). He then started telling me at least once a week that I shouldn't have gotten pregnant and that I tried to trap him. He would apologize, but then start it all over again the next week. I was devastated to hear him say these things to me. Before my pregnancy, my husband had never said anything/ or treated me in way that indicated men and women were not equal in his mind...but maybe those were his private thoughts. I also found suspicious text messages to/from other women (nothing that was clear evidence of infidelity, but I'm not stupid). I didn't see this coming. Finally, I realized we couldn't continue living on the West Coast. I couldn't support us by myself, I needed to be closer to my family for support, and my husband would never get better living in a place and near friends that enabled his addiction. I applied for and got a job in my home state. I told my parents I was coming home. They said my husband could come too, but that he had to get addiction treatment (they would pay), all in an effort to keep our family together. I explained that to my husband and added that if things were going to workout that we needed marriage counseling as well. He refused. He said that no one could take away his freedom. That it was his God given right as a man to take drugs, and that I needed to accept it and move on. I gave notice at my job and moved 2 weeks later. I asked my husband to come with me, but he said no- he choose to stay one the West Coast without a job and a stable place to live.

Sometimes I feel like a failure- I'm in my 30's living with my parents, my marriage fell apart, and I baby on the way. But when I reflect on the situation I feel like I did everything I could to make things work, talking gently with my husband (then more firmly), enlisting help from family and friends, seeking counseling on my own. I'm thankful that some of my burdens are much less now. I think it will take at least 2 years to get back on track financially and hopefully finalize the divorce (one minute, my husband doesn't object and will sign the papers, the next he refuses). I've talked to my husband since I moved, and every conversation is a reminder that I did the right thing.

I hope everyone else has fared much better in the last new months!

Greetings everyone! I am back to find answers after petitioning for my ex-husband some years ago. If a fiancé is currently in a country, perhaps overstaying a visitor's visa/trying to gain residency documents, other than the country of citizenship, would he have to return to his country of citizenship/origin during the K-1 process? I guess I know the answer, but I was hoping to get some confirmation.

I hope this made sense. I appreciate everyone's advice in advance. Good luck on your journeys!

I am not entirely sure that I was used for a green card, but I am sure that I was used for a free/easy ride. I think the immigration process just doesn't allow us enough time to really know a person. I spent time with my ex-husband's family, friends....but without living together, I think you really can't know (unless there is a big age difference or you have children from a previous relationship in the case that it is not normal in the SO's culture) for certain. My ex-husband has now been with his girlfriend (and they were together before me) for a few years this time around. Now she is the one being used. Unfortunately, a child is caught in the middle of it all. I know now that my ex-husband never loved me. He would have stayed forever if he would have been afforded enough clothes and electronics and never had to work. That's all he was ever really interested in. I think he would go to any country that benefitted him. And I thought I was immune because I spoke his language and met him in the country. And I had spent a lot of time there prior to knowing him. He had travelled more than I. He wasn't some poor guy without education. And there will be more victims laying in the road behind him. That's for sure. The signs that I wish I would have noticed was his excessive use of the internet. I am very secure, so I had no reason to look to see what he was doing. He has his own website, so I didn't think about it. But he was emailing women constantly and having conversations with many women. He preferred his phone and the computer to every thing else. These addictions are a sign no matter where we are in the world.

I'm very much curious about knowing something. For those of you who have been in the very sad situation of being scammed by your foreign spouses, did you feel like the relationship was totally genuine (until your spouse made it clear that he/she wanted nothing more to do with you after arriving here)? Looking back, were there signs that you picked up on, that ever made you doubt your partner's intentions? Did your spouses ever say or do anything to make you question him/her (i.e. were there red flags)? I'm not talking about spouses who genuinely came here out of love and things didn't work out. Many times people truly do care for one another, but the cultural divide ends up being too much, and I can understand that they feel they need out of the relationship as they weren't prepared for the realities of life here. That's not the type of relationship I am asking about. I'm talking about the kind of scams where the foreign spouses leaves after a few weeks of arriving here, or who secretly has a spouses/girlfriend/boyfriend back home that they plan on getting here to the US after ending the sham marriage with you (for example). I'm talking about the kinds of foreign spouses whose intention it was from the beginning to take advantage of the USC. I'm just wondering if those relationships developed slowly like normal relationships and felt totally real, or if they were whirlwind romances where the foreign spouses might have said or did something to hint at their true intent to scam.

I know I'm asking people to share some very personal and hurtful experiences, but I just wonder if people have any thoughts looking back on their experiences. I wonder what aspects of the interaction with their spouse they'd pay more attention to, if they were ever (theoretically) in the same situation once again that they didn't focus on before.

Congratulations!!! I wrote my dissertation (all but two chapters) while pregnant, and it was not easy...but I know it was easier than having a new blessing. Once my daughter was born, I didn't ever want to talk about my research...just the baby! What a joyous occasion! Congratulations!!! Enjoy the euphoria and then get to the writing!!! :-) Best to you and your new family. You are on top of the world!

I passed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congratulations on all of your blessings and accomplishments!!

Wow reeses...sounds like you have a lot to look forward too.

I also take my PhD exams in June....yikes!!

Good luck!!

Congratulations to all the future doctors and parents. I did both of those things (finish my doctorate and had a baby within 8 weeks of each other) in 2009, so I do know how major both of these events are! How wonderful it will be for all of you to do it as partners in loving relationships!! I wish you all well. Life is finally stabilizing for me a bit as I have my first renewable one year contract at a community college (I've given up on the thought of a 4 year institution while solo parenting and wanting to be a good parent) starting in August. I've been working three jobs without benefits (14 hour days for less than a secretary makes!) at various institutions since graduating and also solo parenting. So, this is a big step in the direction of less stress and more job security. I have my first weekend to myself in 2 1/2 years this weekend too. I have started exercising again as well!! Life is looking up! I have actually started having company over (after my daughter sleeps since she only has visitation with her dad twice a month ~and sometimes goes 2 months without seeing her~ and he is unwilling to make any plans for in advance for that) after 2 years of not even talking to men - well after swearing them off forever. This are HUGE steps for me and I feel alive again! It looks like there are many positive updates! Congratulations to everyone and I wish you the very best!

Okay...so my post disappeared. Let me try again!

My hubby and I are doing well. We went back to Ethiopia earlier this year and had a good time with family and friends. I'm trying to finish my PhD program this year, so things are pretty hectic. Hubby started a fashion consulting business. He's very talented and very much a people person. I'm excited to see him have his own business again. We're planning to have a baby sometime next year, first for us both. So lots of new things going on that keep us busy. I hope everyone is doing well!

I wish the best for you. Marriage is never easy, but if the marriage is based on love and committment, it is always worth fighting for.

I have seen African families borrow money and have elaborate ceremonies for the western bride, as it is often an investment in the future return ($). I also know that African families will often borrow money and have elaborate ceremonies for real weddings and events as well.

I wish you the best! I hope that your home becomes peaceful!

I just want to thank everyone who has posted to this topic. It even helps to hear about happy endings, because it lets me know that I was not crazy for wanting love. I guess my biggest mistake was expecting it overnight, and via the internet. My trip to Africa to meet my husbands family will be one of the most beautiful times of my life. I will never for it. I was treated like a queen. I think this is the part that hurts so much. How could a family go out of their way to treat someone so good and then have their son turn so quickly into someone I barely sit next to.

I am struggling now with whether I should stay in the marriage. As a black woman, I feel like I have to save face and divorce this man with a vengence. However there are times when I have noticed my husband trying to talk more. Whatever the case may be, I am just praying to God for strength and understaning of HIS outcome.

Again, thanks or posting. Someone in another posted that it is therapeutic. It really is and it helps me think things through. So please! Keep posting.

Thank you so much for those kind words. That is so nice to hear right about now. I just hope that she understands that this is not normal. She is indeed my happiness.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I truly sorry for your pain, I appreciate your honestly and input. Sometimes in life we travel roads which can bring a lot of pain to us, but in midst of your hardship a daughter was born. A gift to treasure without any regrets. Each one of us has to face our maker one day, he will have his day!

Your daughter might not have a great example for a father, but she sure has a wonderful roll model as a mother. Give yourself a lot of credit and may you find happiness in your journey of life. God Bless.

I'm glad that people are sharing these. I used to wince sometimes when seeing pictures or reading stories of couples, knowing that no one wants or will accept hearing that they are possibly being used. I know many, many Africans (this is my circle, but I know everyone does it) who got their papers by using this method. I see it all the time when I am on the continent. Still, I (probably) got scammed myself. I was introduced to the family, spoke the language and met my husband while I was in his country. He is well-traveled internationally and very well known in his country. He started fbing and myspacing women probably the minute he got here. I saw all kinds of messages like "i'm here in the US now" (not I joined my beautiful pregnant wife in the states). By the time my child was 8 weeks old (maybe six months after he arrived?) there was a woman in my house (it had been going on for a long time though) and told her happy mother's day for MY child. Apparently, my child has many auntis. He still uses my daughter in this way. When my daughter was 3 months old, he hooked back up with an old stripper girlfriend and they are still together now. I found out before she was a year old and he actually refused to leave. He even thought I would stay married to him and file his papers for him. Can you say sense of entitlement? So, he has filed for his 10 year greencard and I wrote a letter of support for it because my daughter loves the loser. None of us are immune to a ticket to the US and possibly just a free ride in general. Even though my ex lived in Norway for almost a year, he was fully supported by friends and had zero responsiblity his whole life. He was completely shocked and unprepared for how hard people have to work here. He still does not understand that your work responsiblities have to come before your traveling desires (and uh, can you say child support?!). He just lives as he did in Senegal at his parents home. He lived for free in my home (totally against my will) and now he is supported by his stripper. Some of these guys may not even have a US citizen jones, but just want a free ride from anyone...people from the West have what they are looking for.

The red flag about older (especially overweight) women with children, man, that's a serious one that I've seen frequently.

The truth is that no one is immune to this. I have friends who were used here in the U.S. for greencards from men who were from the same country. I have had people tell me that they lived their whole lives trying to get a green card from an American or European. If you go into the cybercafes, they are full of men talking to western women. It is what it is. I wish everyone the best, but you have to know what the reality is so that you are no so shocked if it does happen to be the case.

I wish I hadn't made that particular trip...but I did and it changed my life forever. I'm raising a child completely by myself and my daughter will have a poor example to choose her husband from. She is constantly stressed and distraught asking for and missing her father. If this thread helps even one woman (or man), then it was worth it. I used to see it so often here in the states that I thought nothing of it, but I know that it destroys lives. It destroys trust, sometimes forever. Many of these embassies are "high risk" for a reason. That alone should make these threads worthy and important. They shouldn't be seen as kill joys, but honest and a serious reality. I think most people who are scorned are no longer posting and many are just embarrased.

Best of luck to you all....may you be blessed, whether your visa journey was wonderful or the mistake of your life. Stay strong and know that at least, we have learned a valuable lesson!

Peace.

Hello VJ Family,

I thought maybe I would share some of the red flags, looking back from the time we met and during the immigration process. I truly did not have a whole lot but there were a few that are noteworthy. I also have a couple of friends who went thru the process who shared some red flags they encountered. Again, we are still together and if it's God's will, he will make the necessary changes to have a happy, successful, trustworthy marriage. If he doesn't "OH WELL, SEE YA". Just let me add also, I do not hide anything from my husband. I told him straight up I am trying to forewarn my VJ Sisters who want to listen or who are concerned that they may be being used. I told him he is free to leave at anytime he sees fit and I won't hold it against him. If it means having a peace of mind, rather than being in this unusual, loveless, deceitful marriage, I'd rather be alone & at peace. He really won't leave.... it's very strange but I honestly think it's out of shame to his family. They are very close knit with a stong religious background. My issue is LIARS, I hate liars. The man is a big liar! my mother said if you lie, you will cheat and I believe that. No woman has come forward yet, but i would not be shocked if one did. He's sitting on the couch while I'm typing this. I don't care. I just turned 40 and it's time to "DO ME". Well some of the red flags were

Red flags

1) Saying I love you a couple of days after connecting on the internet. ** Impossible to love someone you know nothing about at that point***

2) Younger man, older woman who's overweight, often with kids . ***This is not the typical family arrangement in the african culture****.

3) Doubts about some of things he tells you. *** Do your homework and verify the things you discuss******

Those my 3 red flags, other than that he had me sold. I have some friends who are going through much worse and some of the men have left. There red flags were

3) On the internet late at night at the internet cafe when their not talking to you. ** Usually means they are chatting with other women***.

4) My good friend said when she got to Ghana (her husband was Ghanian), he did not want to be seen with her in public. He was not romantic and there was a huge disconnection, but he still wanted to marry her. *** What man do you know would marry a woman he is not in love with unless theirs an ulterior motive?****

5) Someone who is inconsiderate of your financial obligations by always requesting money to be wired.

6) Not genuinely interested in your life, your background and your feelings.

7) Has a few shady friends (one of my red flags). ****The kind that you know are up to no good****

I'll let you know if i think of anymore. This is only for those who are interested.

My daughter and I have been enjoying this whole week at home spending quality time together. We are going to spend Christmas setting up the Kinarah for Kwanzaa . It's too cold to do much outside!! We will probably bake some things together too. Nothing super exciting, but wonderful for us. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone! May the coming year bring you all blessings in abundance.

You are truly blessed...and you are so right. Thank you for your positive energy!

Kids that love and need you give you the strength to do things that were once only reserved for Superman, Wonder Woman, and Spiderman! Can't be a superhero for them unless you believe you are one for yourself. Every day that you survive, and your child is healthy and happy, then you too my sister are a member of the Justice League! LOL!!! Able to kick life's A$$ in a single bound, while keeping your heart open for the real thing since the dress rehearsal was indeed that....a rehearsal. I hope you feel what I'm sayin'. You're there!!

Your strength (and energy) is amazing. You are raising two children alone and still have time to sing and be happy....amazing! Your strength is inspirational! May your joy be everlasting!

Waz up PEEPS?! It has been a hell of a long time. How are you all doin' My life has been busy as hell, but never has it been more complete than now. I have two kids now. A son who will be 3 in January and a 6.5 month old daughter. They keep me busy, loved, needed, and on the edge of insanity! I also am finishing up my MBA which I will be graduating in May 2011, HOLLA!!!!!! And yes this time I will have my big graduation bash. I am also back in the recording studio working on a Christmas CD after a 5 year hiatus. It feels FANFREAKINTASTIC!!!! I was hoping to release it this season but it will probably be released next season. As my marriage progressed from the gates of heaven to the DEPTHS OF HELL, my passion and fire for music died. Then one day I listened to my old CD and I immediately found that passion again, and have been back in the studio for nearly 2 months now. Still no love, DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!!!! I have gone through such an emotional and physical transformation that my confidence is through the roof, and men can't come through me the way my EX did. If yo' SH!^ ain't on point, you gotta go right on past this DIVA!!!! My house and heart are drama and LOSER free. Having kids now, you just can't let a man experiment with trying to be a man, you already gotta be or won't be! I have a son who already have little girls all on his jock, 'cause the boy is beautiful, so I need a good man who can teach my son how to be a strong, good, godfearing, respectful man. Also to be an example for my daughter to pick a good man for herself. Even though either of their asses are dating 'til they're 40, and IIIIII will be picking their spouses! I saw my EX in August at a party after nearly 3 years, and it was something. He undoubtedly noticed the change in me, and I undoubtedly questioned myself, "What the HELL WAS YOUR DUMB A$$ thinking? Damn! We were cordial, but definitely no sparks, no what ifs. It felt like an EX boyfirend than Ex husband if that makes sense. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that BESANGIN still BE SANGIN' and loving my life right now. Oh, I took a break from my book to let my soul heal, so I will actually be returning to writing too over the holidays. Peace out people. If you got the number and know me like that, CALL SOMEBODY!!!!!!

Thank you Chispas! How are you?? I remember your own bravery, so I am just a reflection of you and so many others here on VJ. Right now, I am struggling like I could never have imagined, but I have never been more proud of myself and I could have never believed that I could do all of this on my own. I am so thankful for my daughter and I continue to learn about myself and also other people. I learned that you are never too old to be swindled or to learn something about life. I thought it couldn't happen to me. I never thought I would be a single mom. That was arrogant, but now I know better. I understand now how strong women really are. I understand better the daily struggles of so many women. Becoming a parent completely changed my life and my perspective. Doing it alone has opened my eyes. I am growing every day and more than anything, so blessed to have my beautiful child. I wish everyone the best of happiness and much strength through their journeys. AIsha

Helloooooo

I remember you very well and I'm sorry to know that you've had challenges despite the tough journey you went through to sponsor your husband. Yes, it's a tough pill to swallow when a marriage doesn't turn out to be what we expected but as long as we are able to breath and live, we will come out victorious. Thanks for the bravery in sharing your story and double thanks for actually returning to post it. It's always great to hear from those who used to post a long long time ago. I often wonder how every one is doing so it was great to know that you came back and updated us. Lots of hugs

Chispas

Thank you for your lovely reply :-) I am just trying to survive and take care of the basics in a hellish economy doing it all on my own. Thank you for your prayers! I am just focused on loving my little princess. I know that God is with us. Thank you again for such an encouraging reply. This is why this is a great place!

Aisha,

Wow! I am really greatful that you were willing to share your story! You sound like one of the strongest and most amazing VJ members I have ever read of. I think it is simply beautiful that strong women like you come back to tell your story. You never know how many people you might be actually helping! I'm very sorry that the situation turned out like that.. but I like to believe that there are blessings in every situation we encounter in this life. And I am a firm believer in Kharma. I will keep you in my heart and prayers. I know that God will protect and provide for you and your little one. Stay encouraged and never give up on love! You deserve it, every woman does...

Peace and Blessings,

GH

Hey everyone! I used to post on occasion (under the name Aisha & Musa), but it's been a long while. I am still grateful to everyone on VJ for making the process easy for me....it was great to have a place to go to feel comfortable. I live (and work) in an African community, so it wasn't really comfortable for me to tell people that I was sponsoring my husband because they all would have said that he was using me for papers. It's so common in the immigrant communities and has happened to a lot of my immigrant students as well. So, I felt like I could share in the stories here....even though I was busy completing a doctorate, pregnant, lost a child and got pregnant again through my journey. I didn't have much time to post, pretty much like now. I'm raising an incredibly bright and beautiful 20-month old without any family around or support from my ex-husband. He sees her two days a month, if that, and I use those days to catch up on work (like today :-)

My husband probably did use me, either for papers or just use me in general (he refused to get out even after I found out about his girlfriend -why not try to live for free as long as possible?!). He didn't want to work or do anything other than his music. So my story did not turn out great. I'm sure that he was cheating all along, but he settled on a European stripper (how cliché!) that could finance his shoe/clothing/electronic/rent needs (I'm thinking why doesn't she also pay his child support??). He hooked up with her 3 months after our child was born and started a full on relationship with her a few months later. He had another woman in our apartment while I went back to work, still suffering from severe birth complications (he wouldn't look for a job). He took yet another woman to a hotel while refusing to pay any money for our child's daycare, though he had $1,000 in a separate bank account. In any case, he's a bad guy, an irresponsible father and it is what it is. I am a solo parent and totally exhausted. I work 3 jobs to provide for us...Thankfully, I am divorced! In MD, adultery cases are fast-tracked. I'm trying to accept that these 20 hour days are indeed my life for many years to come.

But anyway, I just wanted to send a hello out to the VJ African community and say that I am happy for those of you who have succeeded and are happy and much support to those who had it a bit rougher. In any case, ALL of the stories were soothing to me. I especially appreciated those who told the truth, even when many did not want to hear it. It's great that you all are still maintaining a (virtual) community and that some of you have even met! Your positivity is infectious! Take care everyone and have a happy holiday season.

My best,

Aisha

Boaz, you don't know me, but I remember you being on the boards around the time that I was going through the VJ myself. I am so so so sorry that this betrayal has broken your heart. I am just so sorry. I know how it feels when there is a child involved. My ex-husband (as of today) had multiple affairs and his now girlfriend had his name tattooed on her stomach before he even moved out. Our child is now 17 months, but this started when she was only 2 months old. Even after I found out so many things, I can remember just being in shock. I think in some ways I still am. It is a potentially devastating event....but you, as a mom, will pick up the pieces and move into survival mode and become stronger than you ever thought that you could be. Get some rest when you can and reveuvenate yourself for the journey ahead in raising your child. My prayers are with you!

Well, I haven't logged on in a long while, and today I found myself lurking over here for a brief moment. I actually have my first day of rest in almost a year and a half, and so I thought it would be interesting to check and see what's going on these days. Idocare, I remember your story (your have persevered!) and how everyone used to attack you for speaking the truth. I do think that most people do not come back and share their stories, or they do so in the other forums. The reality is, and anyone who has ever spent considerable time in a so-called third world country will testify to this, that most people have NO IDEA what lengths people will go to to romance someone in Europe or America. The chat rooms are full of men doing just that...some even pay others to sit in the internet cafe all day to nurture that relationship. I have to say that I knew my husband's culture very well. I met him in his country. I spent time with his family, his friends...he was well-known in his country. Even if the family is good (and not in on the scam), it doesn't really help you because culturally, no one will come forward and say this guy is bad. It just rarely happens. People say they are good,even when they are suffering. I speak my husband's language well enough to navigate the country on my own. I was arrogant and thought that I couldn't get cheated because I have been around Senegalese people for decades. I think I am more assimilated into Senegalese culture than my husband is. At the end of the day, the immigration process doesn't allow us to really know them well enough to see many things prior to signing our lives away on the AOS. It's kind of a gamble (as is any relationship) of the highest degree. I don't think books or even knowing or reading about the culture will help you to see the scandals that may await you. People can pretend so well that you won't suspect a thing. For me personally, I am still unsure if I was used solely for a GC. I think my husband is not a good guy and has never had a responsible day in his life. He is a liar and a cheater. That has nothing to do with me. I was, however, used, while he had at least one relationship going (and many more conversations) since our child was a few months old. The conversations with other women took place a couple of weeks after that I know about, but I'm quite sure that he was cheating on me the entire time that I have known him. What is certain is that he had a plan. I don't know how many people knew what he was planning and he played his part well enough to fool every single person in my life. I think the best advice I can offer is to always ask yourself if you would date this person if they were in the U.S. and ask yourself if you would marry the person in the U.S. having known the person for the same amount of time/contact. Men can fool us anywhere, but for a person abroad, there is much more at stake than a relationship. I can be a future for their entire family. Most people you meet on the streets abroad don't have any real knowledge of life in the U.S. They think it is as they see it in movies. They think marriage to a U.S. citizen is a ticket to an easy life. If you are easy on the eyes, well, then even better! Certainly, having children with you makes for good evidence. My own husband was about to be denied his visa until they saw the ultrasound report of my pregnancy. If we keep those things in mind, we can make better decisions. Relationships will always be a gamble. This one, though, can be very, very costly to the USC once they have signed the AOS. THat's 10 years or MORE and divorce does not free you. I never thought that I would marry someone abroad (because of what I have seen both in Africa and here [greencard marriages in the states too!] ), but I did. Personally, I would never do it again. After this monster that I married, I'm pretty sure that I won't marry again at all. Having to deal with him for the rest of my life is painful punishment enough. That said, I'm sure that there are numerous happy endings. When I say happy endings, I mean 3-6 years out of the process. I think having a good understanding of the difficult adjustment process is also helpful. THe vets like Taurean are great about that. I think that we should celebrate the happiness!!! God knows we all put so much time and energy into the process. Let us be happy for those that are happy. Let us also tell the truth. Everyone has a right to share their story. Idocare, hugs to little Victor. Blessings to everyone on their journey!

Thank you very much. Sorry for the repeat question. I did find the memo afterwards, stating that it allows for 87 days. In Maryland, one has to wait for a year and a day of separation before filing for divorce...so, that's tough! In any case, I hope that the timeline works out. Fortunately for me, it sort of forces us to agree upon everything before going into court to speed things up! Thank you so much for the information. We will be using VSC, so that's good news for him. Thank you again!

Greetings everyone! I have been away from the forums for a very long time, so I want to wish everyone well on their journeys. Mine did not end well, and my husband and I are divorcing. His conditional permanent residency expires this August and so he is in a difficult position. I just filed the divorce papers a week ago and certainly this process will not be completed by August. I have a do want him to be able to remain in the country because we have a 1 year old daughter together. She needs her dad and I have no family or support, so I'd be a serious solo parent. With all of that said, I would like to ask if anyone knows what will happen if he files the I-751/waiver without the final divorce decree. I have read that they will just send an RFE for the divorce decree, but does anyone know how long they will give an applicantant to send it? He is looking for work, so obtaining a lawyer is just out of reach for him, and certainly for me. I would appreciate it if anyone could offer any advice or suggestions. I do believe that he married me in good faith and I have no problem notarizing an affidavit to say so. My concern is for my child to not be separated from her father for decades. I won't be able to afford the trips.

Thank you in advance for any advice....

PS I could not, in good conscience, file for him since we were on the divorce path. I filed for a limited divorce (similar to separation) a few months back.

Blessings!!

Hotel Miramar is in walking distance of the embassy. It is around $50-$60 a night, at least it was in 2007. I stayed there for 3 weeks and it is very comfortable and friendly.

http://www.dakar-miramar.com/

Thanks for the tip! I actually just booked a room at the Hotel Farid which looks like it has about the same rates and is only a few blocks from the embassy. Good thing too, because the taxi drivers are pretty ruthless with bargaining early in the morning. I'm getting so excited to be back in Dakar!

Oh great! I don't know that hotel...but you know you can't be late! I would never even get a taxi in that area because they charge more (tourist area), so I walked everywhere anyway. I would only get taxis at Place d'la independence to go to the outlying areas...away from the hotels!

Good luck!

Hotel Miramar is in walking distance of the embassy. It is around $50-$60 a night, at least it was in 2007. I stayed there for 3 weeks and it is very comfortable and friendly.

http://www.dakar-miramar.com/

I've been around Senegalese almost all of my adult life and I've known many people who had marriages performed for them in Senegal while they lived here in the states. We had the naming ceremony for our daughter performed that way as well. If you have someone to speak on your behalf, then it is not necessary for you to be there.

There was another member (not from Senegal) who did a traditional wedding ceremony and at the interview photos were shown to them of this ceremony that had not been distributed to anyone and were only in their personal email inboxes. The Senegalese embassy is not an easy place to deal with...had it not been for an ultrasound, they were going to deny my husband a visa, despite a huge file of phone calls, emails, chats and pictures with both families. I've known others who had 2 or 3 photos for a period of a few years and almost no evidence, yet they got a visa with no problem.

Best of luck to you!

I'm sorry that it took so long for me to respond. Yes, I heard that Saly is wonderful and beautiful...also quite pricey. They have their own market and you should enjoy it as long as you bring along some extra $$. Many blessings!

You are really on it Taurean! Great info. Hope all is well with you!

Hi everyone, so it looks like I'll be buying a ticket in the next couple weeks to go see my fiance again. We're hoping he has his visa so we can return to his home in Guinea for a visit but if he does not, he wants to stay in Senegal. The last couple times I've gone we've stayed in N'Gor and I don't want to stay there again for a month. He's heard of a place called Sali Portual to the north of Dakar that is supposed to be really nice. Anyone heard of it, good or bad?

I'm thinking that Saly Portugal is the place near Mbour? I'll have to ask my husband who is snoozing away enjoying daylight savings time, but from what I remember, it is very touristy, but nice. You should enjoy it.