csh2020

As you can all imagine, this whole thing has been stressful for both my teenage daughter and myself. I have been tempted to report her to ICE, but my attorney advises to just focus on getting divorce and moving on. I will probably not date another immigrant in the future. In the future, I will probably only date Americans but that is not to say that all immigrants are bad people. It has just been a learning experience for me. She is the second immigrant I've been married to and both instances have gone sour. So, I guess I'm only going with Americans from this point forward to avoid all of this legal red tape and problems. Anyway, I have a saying: We can learn from the past or live in it. I choose to chalk it up as a learning experience. Thank you all for your help through this. I'm truly grateful for each of your input as it has helped me navigate this problem. The only thing I have left is dealing with the church and hoping that this vindictive person does not try to cause me any more problems. I say she is vindictive because she lied on her asylum application. She said she can't return to Nicaragua because she is was an activist in Nicaragua (not fitting to her personality) nor can she return to Costa Rica because of an abusive ex of 15 years although she was proclaiming her love for him on Facebook just weeks after her arrival to the US. My hope is that the US government catches this fraud because it is unjust for the immigrants who are properly vetted and enter the right and legal way. As for me, I simply want her out of my life completely because I honestly do not feel safe with her.

I'm sending the letter out to day to withdraw the I-130 petition and have already filed for divorce. She has yet to be served by the process server, which should be next Monday. My only question is the wording on the withdrawal letter. All I said was that the marriage was not viable, and she moved out without saying a word. Can this come back on me in anyway? I could say a lot because she actually offered money for me to continue helping her. No thank you. I just want her out of my life and whatever happens is now on her. I'm a father of a teenage girl and a teacher and pastor. I am just trying to live my life in peace and move past this chaos. Thanks for advising. I'm over this whole thing.

My lawyer is advising to wait until the divorce is filed. I have the letter notarized.

One cannot imagine what she has put me through. I truly had faith in this marriage, and I do love her, which is making it all the more difficult. She says she loves me but yet, won't come home or tell me where she is staying/working for fear that I will turn her in. Nothing I say will convince her that ICE would not come and pick her up just for a phone call, especially since she has a parole stamp/asylum petition pending. She said this morning via text that she will come home when she feels "safe" (and said to refer to our conversation yesterday- that she fears that I will call ICE). I can't help from thinking this is just another excuse to string me along.

The reason for the hesitancy is waiting until I had the funds to pay the attorney's retainer fee. I have it now. As I said, the only reason I'm continuing to meet with her is to keep her coming back in order to get her served. My attorney said that when she gets the divorce papers, she'll likely want to come home suddenly. He also advised to wait to cancel the I-130 when I have the divorce papers files and send them in with the letter. That is what he told me. I have an appointment with him on Thursday.

The only reason that I am meeting with her on Mondays is that I am trying to keep her coming back so that I can get her served. I have an appointment with my attorney this week and I have waited until I can pay his retainer fee. If she stops coming, then it will become more complicated to get her served. That is the only reason. I understand that I look like I have no common sense but, in fact, it is a strategy.

We met yesterday. She showed up with a Valentine's gift and telling me that she loves me. However, she says that she will come home when she has an appointment scheduled with USCIS because that will give her the security of not being deported. She states that she does not feel safe being home because she thinks I might call ICE. I explained that it isn't even an issue because her parole stamp/asylum petition makes it less likely that they would even pick her up anyway and besides, I'm not that kind of person. The issues here go beyond immigration - they are trust and communication - neither of which is present.

That's just it. I can't have her served if I don't know where she is. And furthermore, divorce by publication takes more time and costs more money. I may be placed in a position of having to find housing because of this situation and the less I can spend, the better off we will be. I have to think of my daughter.

UPDATE: I spoke with an attorney who told me that we would not qualify for an annulment in my state and that fraud on her part would be difficult to prove in court. He advised that I divorce her based on Inappropriate Marital Conduct and that she just needs to be served through a process server, and it will result in a default divorce without a signature needed on her part. She refuses to sign because she is equating this the termination of the marriage with deportation. I still have no idea where she is staying and working. She still wants to have our "Monday dates" to "get to know me better." However, she rarely texts. Three days went by and all I got was "good morning" at 7:30 am. Nothing else. Radio silence. My attorney recommended that I play along with the Monday dates in order to get her here. If she stops coming, then I will have no way to get her served and the process becomes more difficult and more expensive. He recommends serving her on a "Monday date." The reason I have to wait is to get the money to pay the attorney - which will be the 18th. Remember that she has a parole stamp with an asylum case pending. Her court date is scheduled for 2026. She told me that she has a "proposition" for me. If I will file for her EAD, then she will come back home or sign the divorce papers, whichever I prefer. After trying to argue with me for over an hour over other issues, she started becoming affectionate when I pulled up the UCSIS website and even hugged me and sent me a picture last night and back to telling me she loves me and calling me sweetheart. She said that doing so will "prove" to her that I truly love her and that I have changed. I'm thinking that spending thousands of dollars on a wedding and how I treat her should be proof enough. The only concern that I have at this point is that I learned through a friend that she has been talking to that she is trying to say that I was abusive to her. I have never touched her in any inappropriate way whatsoever. I treated her like a queen. My attorney advised me not to worry about it because it is just hearsay, and no reports were ever filed or calls made. And in fact, she continues to meet with me and text me. I also learned that the reason that she won't tell me her whereabouts is that the is afraid that I'm going to call ICE. I explained to her several times that, since she has a parole stamp and a pending asylum case, that they are very unlikely to pick her up anyway. Personally, I just want peace and that is what I thought I would have with her. I will say that this is the last immigrant that I will even consider because I'm pretty much done with dealing with immigration.

UPDATE: She contacted me this morning and wanted to meet in a public place. She moved about two hours away with a friend and even quit her job here and accepted another job there where she is staying. She would not give me the address or any other information. The only information that I have is the city where she is residing. She said that I am quick to jump toward a divorce and that a divorce would certainly result in her deportation. I kept asking her how she is connecting the two: divorce and immigration? She proposed that we stay married so that I can maintain my housing (remember I am a pastor, and we live in a parsonage) and that I have to think about my 15-year-old daughter. She said if an ICE officer were to stop her that I would be the first person that they would call being her husband but if I were no longer her husband, then they would not call me. She mentioned Trump and the laws reversing TPS (remember she was born in Nicaragua) and she recognizes that she would be deported there in spite of her having lived in Costa Rica most of her life (because her Asylum claim is based on her Nicaraguan citizenship). She said if I divorce her then she might as well turn herself into immigration. She wants to continue living two hours away while working and to travel here (while driving with no license) to have "Monday dates" while getting to know me, though she barely calls or texts. I asked her repeatedly why she wants to remain married. She said it was because she wants to spend time getting to know me better. She also wants to keep her address here and keep receiving mail at this address. I asked her if she loves me, and she did not answer. I asked her why she left, and she said because I yell at her. I have never yelled at her. I treated her like a queen. The day she left I brought roses because I was truly trying to save our marriage and that was a week after she said she no longer wants to have intimacy. I have an appointment with an attorney in the morning and I really want to annul this marriage and I'm hoping I have grounds. She tried to make me feel guilty like it would be my fault if she gets killed in Nicaragua. This is so much to process, and it is stressing me out like one would not believe. And she did hug me before we left but it was more of a brotherly type of hug. Basically, I understand that she wants to live as a single person while making the government believe that we are cohabitating and for me to live as a single man while reaping the benefits of housing. What I believe is that she is scared and desperate. And if she gets killed, she said I will stand in judgment of God. Please respond. I really need to hear your thoughts.

One more question: I am going to send the withdrawal letter in the morning via certified mail after getting it notarized today. I have two versions. One version reads as: I am writing to withdraw the I-130 PETITION FOR ALIEN RELATIVE, filed on behalf of my wife, (name). Receipt # XXX and A# XXX, notice date: (date of notice of action). I married her out of good faith and true love on my part on (date of the wedding), but I discovered through many of her words and actions that it was not reciprocated. Therefore, I have plenty of reasons to believe that she may not have married me for the right reasons. We are furthermore not physically nor emotionally compatible. She abandoned our marriage by moving out of our home, by not saying anything to anyone. I have no idea where she is. So, I will be filing for a divorce or annulment asap. The second version is simpler: I am writing to withdraw the I-130 PETITION FOR ALIEN RELATIVE, filed on behalf of my wife, (name). Receipt # XXX and A# XXX, notice date: (date of notice of action) because the marriage is not viable. We are not physically emotionally compatible. She has abandoned the marriage and so I plan to file for a divorce or annulment. The reason I ask this question is that I am not vindictive, and I do not wish to cause unnecessary harm to her. I just have to wonder if the first version comes across as a bit accusatory. I suspect that she married me for a Green Card (as evidence shows) but I can't prove it beyond a doubt. At this point I am willing to let bygones be bygones. BTW: I need to correct myself and say that the FB posting about her boyfriend was over a year before we met. I read the date wrong. It was posted Feb 2023 not Feb 2024 (the year we met). So, I won't even bring that part up in the divorce/annulment or to UCSIS. There is no need because it is a non-issue. I just want to keep things simple and move on with my life. The marriage is over for certain. Enough people were harmed by this. Thoughts?

I stand corrected. It was December of 2024. The marriage lasted about 6 months since July 2024. We actually lived together less than 4 of those months since she would not move in until September. Sorry, I'm in a cloud and type the wrong year.

Here is what I wrote... I am writing to withdraw the I-130 petition filed on behalf of my wife, (her name) in December 2023. Receipt no: XXXX and A# XXXX. I married her out of good faith and true love on my part, but I discovered through many of her words and actions that it was not reciprocated. Please see the attached discovery. I have other reasons to believe that she did not marry me for the right reasons. Moreover, we are not physically or emotionally compatible. She abandoned our marriage by moving out of our home as of yesterday not saying anything to anyone. I have no idea where she is. So, I will be filing for a divorce or annulment asap.

I am about 90% sure. They were ready to put me out over marrying so quickly because it calls into question my "fitness to lead" based on an impulsive judgment. I told them that I am certain that I made a good decision and that if it fails then I will step down and never pastor again. I put my reputation and position on the line for her because I truly had no idea that this would happen.

One last question. At which point should I change my social media? Because there are still photos of us, and I'm listed as married on FB. I'm not sure if it is a big deal or not but I do not want to look complicit at this point. But I still have to keep this hush hush from the church for at least a few weeks to have room to sort this all out. Remember, my housing is connected to this marriage not failing.

She messed up because now immigration doesn't know where she is. Neither do I.

Last question. How much information would you give USCIS? I'm debating on telling them everything or just saying we were incompatible, divorcing her and washing my hands of the whole thing. That is the only hesitation of withdrawing the petition. Remember that I just filed it in December. So, it hasn't even been reviewed yet. I only filed the I-130 and not the I-485 for purposes of merely establishing that a marriage exists. So, very little has been done at this point.

And what's more is when she would take photos, it would be of herself or with my daughter. I always had to ask her to take one with me. When she would post on social media, she would rarely post one of us together. It was always me doing the posting of us as a couple, though she posted lots of pictures of herself and her with friends. I also found that to be quite odd. She was also extremely secretive with her phone. I could not even dare to ask her who she was talking to, or she would go into a meltdown thinking I am being "toxic." Everything she did, including the money she made and how she spent it remained a secret. I could not question anything whatsoever. Nothing shared. She had a separate life with her own plans.

Even though she married me for illegitimate reasons, I do think she does care about me though not in a romantic sort of way. I think she grew to care about me as would anyone living with another person. But I didn't reveal the part where when we were intimate that she would cover her face with a pillow. She told me that she has been violated in the past and I thought that was the reason but now I am questioning everything. The post about the other person was from a page that she no longer uses, and she posted in February 2023, four months before she married me. I think you are right that I should include it but just seems to be vengeful to do that and I am not a spiteful person. I try to get along with everyone and not try and cause harm. I'm truly trying to process this whole thing, and I will send take action very promptly, but I also want to think it through before doing so. I have to sleep at night with my conscience, you know. The last thing I want to do is harm a desperate immigrant woman.

How do I write the letter? Do I email it? Regular mail? Who do I send it to? I have no idea how to do it.

If that is the case, then she has certainly been coached because she isn't intelligent enough to figure that out. She is just a country girl from Nicaragua/Costa Rica. She is not highly educated.

I'm a little confused as to church wedding could strengthen the case of making it look bona fide? Since we were legally married in June (church wedding September), then wouldn't UCSIS look only at the legal wedding? This has been the question floating in my mind. If it was fraud her part (which I believe it was), then why go through the hassle and expense of a church wedding? It would seem that she would want me to spend the money on her immigration case rather than on a wedding. I'm just trying to figure out that piece of the puzzle.

An annulment would bar her from doing this again? Thanks for that information. I'm trying to protect the next poor sap. Would you think a divorce and withdrawing the petition would do the same thing?

Thank you so much. You live just up the road. I just moved back to East Tennessee from Nashville. What I am going to do is build a support network of friends and try and get busy while trying not to lose everything in the process. Again, I'm not thinking of sponsoring anyone else. If I can position myself, I will probably not remarry and if I do, it will be preferably an American citizen because I'm tired of all of this BS with immigration. Some of these people will go to great lengths to get into this country. She slept on the streets of Mexico for 30 days in the freezing cold with only a sheet and nearly died. She did that after leaving her "true love" behind in Costar Rica. So, if she can do that just to get a slice of the American pie, then I'm sure she is capable of defrauding a USC.

I am going to be extra cautious the next time. And in fact, my next partner will be an American citizen. I'm pretty much done with this whole immigration thing. It is like my son says, with an American, there is zero chance they are looking for a Green Card, but I do know that women (and men) in general are looking for other benefits. So, no more jumping into marriages so quickly.