csh2020

What does she stand to gain by building a VAWA? Educate me because I do not understand. People don't do things unless there is something in it for them. I can't see her as a spiteful person. She has to have something in it for herself.

Saying no is one of the hardest things I've had to do in my life because I truly love this woman. But I just have too much to lose, my job as a teacher, my 15-year-old daughter, my life. I can't replace those things. A woman who cannot tell me where she is working/staying and willing to lie to the government about her address, place or origin (Nicaragua for TPS purposes instead of Costar Rica) is one who is quite capable of a lot. It's also interesting that she never texts me at all but over the past three days, the texts have been machine gun one after the other in increments.

I just told her no. I don't want to see her. She said, bye and she will sign the papers. Okay. I just have to remain firm.

I'm just curious and learning. How do immigrants know about VAWA? I really think that is what this is. Again, thanks for VJ for educating me on this; otherwise, I would not have any idea and would probably agree to see her.

You think I'm being baited?

She is proclaiming her love for me. I told her love is expressed by honesty and openness. If she loves me then she will prove it by telling me where she is staying and working. She would not. I even told her that if she will tell me where she is living/working, I will consider dropping the divorce and working toward reconciliation. She still refused to tell me. Then about 10 minutes later, she pressured me into seeing her in person today. She knows that I will be home alone. She made all kinds of promises and told me that she will tell me where she is staying and working face-to-face. I told her that I need to know where she is living/working before she comes. Then turning it onto me by saying that I am choosing not to see her. I really don't know what she is doing by trying too hard to come here. I can't understand what the big secret is. Why can't she tell me where she is living/working via text or phone? Why does it have to be face-to-face. She said I'll understand why she didn't tell me when she does in person. I don't know. It seems that she is trying awfully hard to see me in person. This is the same woman who avoided me for months. I'm truly concerned that there is a motive. She has also stated that she left because I threatened her with immigration (not true, I never mentioned immigration but divorce court). She said that she left out of fear because I yelled at her. I never did yell. It was a disagreement - not even an argument. It is beginning to smell like a VAWA. Would an uneducated immigrant know about VAWA? Just curious. I told her that I will not see her unless she first tells me where she is living/working, and I want an address. Says she'll tell me when she gets here and gave me 30 minutes to respond. Thanks to Visa Journey, I learned about VAWA because, before participating in these forums, I never knew about it.

I haven't blocked her because she still has some things that she needs to pick up (tax forms, etc and she is saying that she is willing to sign the divorce agreement, which would make things easier. My attorney said that, even though she was served, she still has to be informed of the court date. If we can't locate her, then it will still have to be a publication - 30 days, which can cost a few more hundred dollars. I'm trying to save time and money. So, keeping her unblocked helps with planning to end this.

T-Bone, thank you for your words of encouragement. I must be honest and say that I have had moments of weakness, especially when she is asking to come home because I look back wondering if I made a mistake by filing for divorce and canceling the I-30 petition. Did I overreact? Does she really love me? Am I throwing away a woman who really does love me? Those are questions that are needling at me. It seems that now we are at the point of no return because the petition has been cancelled, I have already told the church boards and now in process of them making decisions of my fate as pastor, which will involve locating housing if the vote doesn't go in my favor (that is what I'm expecting to happen). Tradition and polity normally take precedence over grace in this ecclesiastical system. The damage has already been done. I went as far as I could by giving her opportunity after opportunity to return but she waited too late. Things would never be the same now. It's as one suffered irreparable tornado damage. She seems so convincing. But in these moments of weakness, I have to remind myself that she left over a disagreement and then stayed away for 2 months, wanted "weekly Monday dinner dates" for 30 minutes -1 hour with little to no contact between. And the avoidant behaviors before her leaving. What's more is I still do not know where she is or what she has been doing all this time. When she started texting, I had an attack yesterday while at work - severe headache, dizziness to the point of fainting, and trouble staying awake as if my body was shutting down. It might have been the onset of a stroke, I don't know. I went home and slept the rest of the evening and a full night and now I feel better. I just think it is too convenient that she did not want to come back until she got her EAD/SSN cards and now that she was served, she has upped the ante of wanting to come back. This is a woman who barely texted me even when we were together who now machine gun texts. It is stressful to say the least. I only wish I didn't love her but that is what makes it so difficult.

Now that she was served divorce papers, she is asking to come home and reconcile. My attorney predicted this would happen. She says that I have until the end of the month and if I decide no, then she will sign the divorce papers. She doesn't know that I cancelled the marriage visa petition with USCIS. Not surprised. And saying that she is in bad health because of this. I didn't choose to leave. It was her. I told her that apparently, she thinks gringos are gullible. Too old for games. If she signs, then the process will be over quicker and easier.

Thank you everyone for helping me navigate this process. Update: she showed up yesterday evening at a local meeting place and the process server served her. She kept saying that she was planning to come home yesterday and that she would never sign. I told her that her signature is not needed for a default divorce. She didn't make a scene but left immediately and blocked me on social media. Needless to say, last night was horrible because I do love this woman (it would be much easier if I didn't) but right is right at the end of the day. What has to be done has to be done. I don't want to harm anyone. I just want my daughter and me to be safe and okay and to move on. So, I guess the best thing to do now is let my attorney do his job and for me to begin channeling my energy into self-improvement so that I can be the father that my daughter needs and so that someone better may come along when the time is right. Feeling melancholy this morning but I will survive it. Thanks for your support because I truly feel part of this community and you all are awesome for that!

Keep you fingers crossed that today will go smoothly. I'm not looking forward to it at all. She and I are scheduled to meet in a public place for our "Monday meetings" and there, the process server will show up with divorce papers. After that, I'm blocking her because I'm pretty much done with the games and charades. What happens from that point forward is on her. My daughter and I were fine before I met her. We had housing for my pastoral salary. Now, that is in jeopardy. So, I'm angry with what this woman has put us through. After being done with this, I'll have to explain to the church board why I married a person whom I barely knew without coming to them first for wise counsel. The impulsive move nearly resulted in my removal and, after this, it likely will. There is a high probability that my daughter and I will have to locate housing because of this. This person was only interested in papers regardless of who is hurt in the process. That's just me thinking out loud. We'll make it through this but it's a process.

Thank you Ontarkie. Some of the things you said really made me think because it fits with the things that she has been saying. Yesterday, as I was working out, I got a text from her saying that she is really sick (bleeding in pain) and if I could take her to the doctor and for her to spend the night tonight and go back tomorrow (supposedly she is 2 hours away). (It's convenient for her to be sick after machine gun texting about coming home all evening). When she made that request, the only thing I could think of is what you had said about her trying to set up a VAWA. I had to go fully stoic, and I sent her a screenshot of the insurance card and told her to take herself and that I will see her Monday (when I plan to have her served with the divorce papers). Of course, she responded as one could imagine. Guilt tripping. But I ignored her. Stayed the course and said that I will see her Monday. Yes, I've got to shut off the emotions and get this done or my daughter and I both could end up paying a price. I'm pretty much done. Like I said, I'm exhausted with it and tired of this game. It's getting boring really fast.

Even with an EAD/SSN Card? I guess I still don't understand the asylum process. But why the sudden change of heart just as she gets her cards? It seems convenient and makes no sense.

Coach? I'm not sure who that might be? What do you mean by referring to "coach?" I'm not trying to sound naive but I really don't know what that is.

When TPS is canceled, what does that mean for her EAD/SSN (which says for employment purposes only).

Thank you all for your help and advice. I literally have no one to talk to about this and it is the most difficult experience of my life. My attorney doesn't seem to know since he is not an immigration attorney and is merely focused on the divorce.

She said that she can still be deported having an EAD/SSN.

Maybe I'm over thinking, Ontarkie. But what paperwork are you referring to? She has her EAD and SSN card; thanks to the work I did for her in getting it. I'm not sure which paperwork? You raise some great points here because she already said that it was "dangerous" living with me because she perceives that I yell at her - though I don't. If you knew me personally, you would see how absurd that statement is. I am extremely passive. I'm thinking she will be wanting me to help her with employment and obtaining a driver's license. She knows I have several connections here being a teacher and pastor in my birthplace/hometown.

Whenever I see her, it is difficult because I do love her, but I know I'm being played. What's interesting is that she barely texts me and since last night she has machine gun texted me one text after another now that she is ready to come home. But I notice a theme threading all of her texts and that is work-centered. She even said that she wants to get a job to allow her to spend more time with me. She said that after having been away for nearly 6 weeks and 15 hours a day 4-5 days a week, while here. Spend more time with me. That is almost absurd.

I don't have peace about it.

She is talking about coming home. Is she is doing that then where is the logic in her coming home? I don't understand that part? It also doesn't make sense the sudden change of heart once she gets her documents as to why she wants to come home. The good thing is that she has been texting me all morning talking about coming home but her focus is mainly on employment. So, if she tries something like that, then I have texts proving that she tried to come home. I also have her recorded audibly offering me $3000. I'm protecting myself.

Yes but I don't understand why I am playing with fire? I just turned the cards over to her is all.

How am I playing with fire? Help me understand. I already turned them over to her because I had no idea I should have returned them?

Hello everyone. Can I give you an update and ask for your input? She doesn't know that I have hired an attorney because I'm trying to get her served and if she disappears, that would be impossible to do. Her EAD card came and SSN card a few days afterward. Suddenly, she is ready to come home after having been in Timbuk 2 (no man's land) for nearly six weeks. Even now, she refuses to tell me where she has been staying and working. She is saying that she wants to find a job to allow her to spend more time with me. Yet, she had no problem with near zero communication for six weeks - only an hour or two on Mondays. The plan was to have her served this coming Monday. As of yesterday, she wouldn't tell me where she was because she thought I would turn her into ICE. Now, her reasoning is that I will look for her. I asked why that is a problem since I am her husband. I have no idea where she has been, what she has been doing, or who with. It has all been a barrage of secrets. It's interesting that she is now ready to come home now that she has her documents. But before receiving them, not even considering it. Thoughts?

I'm divorcing her and sent in the withdrawal of the I-130. It will most likely end in a default divorce judgment, since she will never sign. There were never any other petitions filled (like AOS) or nothing like that. Just the I-130 only and it was just sent December 2024. I'd prefer not to report this to ICE because I just want to wash my hands of the whole thing and let her deal with the consequences of her own behavior. She will fall on her own sword sooner or later. The only reason that I question if I should report it to ICE is to protect myself because I don't want it to look as though I was compliant as I truly believed that she loved me, but it was all a farce on her part. I'm hoping that withdrawing the I-130 petition and divorcing her is enough. She is in deportation proceedings and surely this will come back on her at some point. Also, would you recommend sending the final judgment of divorce, when granted, to UCSIS? My lawyer does not specialize in immigration law. He is just focused on the divorce.