CityCat

Oh, boy!!!! So cute!!!!

I wish I could...

Congratulations, darling!

You are here now, have fun!

I am wondering if Russia had closed borders now, how such men would procreate (or get laid for that matter)?..

Wow! You're talking about me, right? I know that you need to have thick skin to venture out onto these forums but, I don't really need this abuse! I just gave a few examples, I am not going to write a dissertation here. You are right, there are a lot of Russian women here and I have dated some, I just wasn't lucky enough to find the right one.

Now, if you will excuse me, I will go back under the rock I crawled out of and you boys and girls can have this playground all to yourself.

No offense meant, I was just wondering (based on what I have seen on the matter of such relationship)

No, I didn't mean you, I meant the men who actually (some of them anyways) admit that they would never be much of a hit with American women. So apparently, they would never be able to have families with local gals. Again, there are men who admit it.

Sorry, again, no offense or abuse meant!

Wow! Ok. First of all, she may be happy working her dead end job but, being happy doesn't pay the bills in the San Francisco bay area where the median home price is in the range of $700 to $800,000.

You can't put a price tag on freedom. To choose whom to be with, where to go, whom to sleep with, whom to have kids with!

Why would I do it again, if it didn't work out with the first one? There are many reasons. One is that now, most of my friends are married to Russian women. Finding another Russian woman would be a good fit with my friends. Also, I have more or less assimilated into the Russian culture, I love travelling to Russia, I enjoy the people, the culture, the history, even the food. And of course, Russian women are younger and prettier than any woman I have met or I am likely to meet here. Why not marry another Russian?

So you are saying that you'd decide to be with somebody 'cause it would be a good fit with your friends? Nice...

Other than that, I am with Sat on that one. I am wondering if Russia had closed borders now, how such men would procreate (or get laid for that matter)?..

Russian women are younger and prettier than any woman I have met or I am likely to meet here. Why not marry another Russian?

Those same pretty Russian women are right in front of you in the San Francisco Bay Area. Have a look around. Most are bilingual and completely assimilated into American culture. The BIG problem here of course is that those ladies don’t need a green card And will have no interest in anyone who is also not young, handsome, etc...

Thank you! You nailed it, as usual!!!

You are right, communication, or lack thereof was a big problem in our marriage. We are divorced now and she is still working her dead end, minimum wage job supplemented with a part time job as a sort of nanny to Russian speaking invalids.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the old one... She would be so much better off with you, right? Come on, maybe she is happy out of her mind doing all that!!!

In the beginning, we had difficulties communicating. It just takes longer to get your point across but, it can be done. After some time goes by, it gets easier and easier. We did have to use a friend to translate some complex issues from time to time.

Wait a minute! Two folks, in bed, in the middle of the night. He goes: "Honey, a little slower!" And she goes: "Chevo?" and reaches for the phone to call the friend to translate... Couldn't it be a perfect episode of some sit-com? Maybe it sounds a little cruel (my apology, no offense meant) but gee, I can't imagine life like that!

Good point, I've noticed that too. I ask this question all the time time, because even though my wife and I are both Russian native speakers, we still have difficulty in communicating some times. Some of it is just based on our personalities and another part is that some of my "Thinking in English" said in fluent in Russian doesn't always come across with the same meaning in Russian. Keep in mind I came here when I was six and she came just three years ago.

But I think this fellow was referring to his ex-wife. According to his timeline he has just started the process with I guess a new fiancée.

Exactly! Even speaking the same language you may never understand each other! Thinking in English will come around for her too, don't worry. The only thing it takes is time. Oh, maybe also practice.

One more thing I don't understand is about these second or third time arounders. If it didn't work once, for exactly the reasons of nationality (lack of language skills, misunderstanding, different temper) why bother try again with the same type? Too irresistible?

(1) How do you guys communicate? Lack of communication leads to bigger problems besides finding a job. (2) If you are in San Francisco or the Bay Area, her odds of finding a job in the Russian speaking community is good.

I don't know if you've noticed it, Sat, but the more we ask the question here of communication between international spouses without language skills, the more people who actually are in this situation, try to escape answering it. I get a feeling they don't communicate at all. She smiles and waves and he smiles and waves back...

Everybody can find a job if one looks hard enough. Those 12 mill illegal folks make their living somehow otherwise they wouldn't be here!

The best thing in the world - your son's smile!

Congratulations, and don't listen to stuff about the sleep deprivation and other great things like that. It does happen but believe me in a blink of an eye Sasha will be out and late much after the curfew and you'll be sitting there wondering where those fun days with sleep deprivation went and why they went so fast!!! So enjoy it when it lasts!

They just sit there, collect $ 100 ask a few questions and say no. Most businesses have to provide something for the fees they collect.

Consider the embassy as an amusement park, they charge $100 for admission.

More like a house of horrors!

Russian night clubs have security/bouncers at the front door to control entry, just like here in the U.S., except their personnel have an added task - feis kontrol. (Face control.)

Face control literally controls the faces going in the doors.

Guys look like thugs/hooligans/skinheads? FACED!!! "No. You cannot come in." Guys look broke or like bums. FACED! "Not tonight guys, the club is full." (As people are going in anyway.) Guys look too Caucasian/African/non-Russian? FACED! "Get the f#@k out of here!"

Girls are too ugly/fat to be in there? FACED! "Can't come in tonight." Girls are with too many guys? FACED! "Sorry, club's full."

And so on and so forth.

It kind of sucks on the one hand (I got FACED several times while in Moscow, my buddy and I both had shaved heads and everywhere we went they thought we were skinheads. Only after being "vouched in" by Russians or busting out American Passports and several hundred bucks did we get in.) but it's kind of nice on the other. Going to clubs here and getting trampled by Muffaloes doesn't happen there. There's also no worry about accidentally stepping on someone's shoes and getting shot. So, the end result is you have a bunch of well-dressed guys with money to spend and a bunch of gorgeous women to keep them company and the whole group is more interested in polite conversation, drinking, smoking and dancing than in getting wasted and getting into a fight or going home with whatever is available. (- See aforementioned Muffalo.)

Darling, Moscow is not Russia!!! It's not like this everywhere, especially now. It's far more liberal, in Moscow too, BTW. You can play in a casino dressed in shorts and carrying your cash in a plastic grocery bag.

In clubs in small towns, as always, if you know the people who know the people who kill the people, you get in anywhere.

American face control makes more sense to me. I got in many private parties for free and not being on the list just by looking cute and acting cool.

This post (and my last post above) got me thinking....

How does divorce/alimony/child support work in Russia. For some reason, I just can't see the system working the same way. (That's why my above post really got me thinking. What Russian man in his right mind would give a woman $60,000 when he could just "hire" someone to take care of her?)

I've never heard about what goes on over there. Some of you have divorced wives/fiancees... how did it work out for them? Did they get alimony or child support? Is there a "standard" or usual way it works out. What are the expectations of women who divorce their husbands? Or, are they entitled to anything at all?

Curiosity only here, but maybe those of us without prenups would like to "move to Russia" before we get divorced. Could save us $60,000!!!!

Russian men just leave with a tooth brush in their pocket... If there is not much estate to divide, that's what usually happens in regular families. He just moves back in with his mommy!

Seriously, I am not sure about the legal proceedings, but I know first hand a couple of examples of tooth-brush leaving. Alimony and child support are paid, you don't need a reason to get divorced... Other than that nothing comes to my mind.

I would be interested in hearing about people's first month together after the long wait to re-unite (if you went that route). What do you remember most about it? What was the best experience? What surprised you? What was difficult and how did you overcome it?

Mine was pretty regular. I was excited to be on my own in a totally new place with the man I loved but I don't recall any kind of entertainment like sightseeing or traveling. We just started a family life together. I remember waking up next morning after the official engagement (which happened a week prior to the wedding) and trying to figure out if the family budget was gonna become tight after we had bought a pair of Tiffany wedding bands (his idea - I didn't want any at all, I believe he was still showing off a little) and my engagement ring. No wedding of any kind (court house and business corporate dinner/party we had to attend to that day) no honey moon, no family of his involved in any ways (they live too far away) We were on our own.

Culture shock? Don't remember any.

It took me about a week to figure out that my dearest really doesn't care how the house looked, was it clean or not, what's for dinner and other stuff that a Russian girl is taught are very important for marriage, so I relaxed fairly quickly on the issue of nesting (we don't roll in dirt, it's just not the primary point of my life, we eat out and I am thinking of getting a maid) and got tons of time to do whatever I wanted with my new life.

Just to remind - me and my dearest are both relatively young, we are career junkies, so no kids now or in future, we are not typical. But for what it's worth, that was my tuppence.

Sat, do you know anything about post-nap? I think I want one, I didn't look into it though. Is it worth it in your opinion?

We haven't really discussed them much in our law school education. Most of the focus was on the prenup in both family law and community property.

The postnup is mentioned in a footnote as a possible avenue and not much more than that.

For prenup basics go to:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prenup

There isn't such a simple article for Postnuptial Agreements, but here are a few basics:

1. Because they are signed after marriage, and the couple is in a fiduciary relationship with each other, and any transactions between them are viewed with caution.

2. They are new to the law and how they are interpreted or enforced is not known and hard to predict.

3. Common sense would say prenups are better.

Okay found some basics:

http://www.divorcenet.com/states/new_jerse...tial_agreements

For practical reasons, Turboguy mentioned a few, and I want to add that if you don't have any agreement and one of you is offered a partnership agreement in a business, it can make your partners very uneasy knowing your spouse is a "silent" partner who will as have an interest in the partnership.

My overall opinion on them, they are better than nothing if you want minimize attorneys fees during divorce.

Amazing, Sat! Thank you so much! As usual you are the best!!!

It's not the point of the divorce in my situation, but we are already married so too little too late for a pre-nup. I just don't want to lose what already belongs to me and a part that's mine by law in case of emergency of some kind. I owe you one for the info...

But they have no right to refuse visa based on the medical that's why they never tell the results and nobody opens the envelope. They will warn about any serious stuff found (again, tuberculosis is the main concern) and offer treatment and may delay visa, but they can't refuse it.

This is based on what?

I asked the officials when I had my medical.

Hi Everyone,

So I just got back to Wroclaw from Moscow. Sergey got approved on August 23rd. We had brought a bunch of evidence to the interview but they didn't look at a SINGLE thing, just asked him questions for 10 minutes, and said he was approved. The interview was in English. It turns out it was the same guy who interview "Kotenochek" and he asked all the same questions, so you can read her long post to find out , I am just too tired to write anything now! I am so glad this is over and now we can move on to the next part! We are both so excited! Thanks everyone for all the support and answers!

-Milena

Congratulations!

You guys both deserved it! Good luck!

Nope, they test for STDs and HIV and tuberculosis, that's it. They are concerned about tuberculosis more than AIDS 'cause the former is a more social disease. But they have no right to refuse visa based on the medical that's why they never tell the results and nobody opens the envelope. They will warn about any serious stuff found (again, tuberculosis is the main concern) and offer treatment and may delay visa, but they can't refuse it.

So fasting is really unnecessary, 'cause your level of cholesterol can't be a threat to the health of society, where else, AIDS or HIV or tube can be.

Also, a womans "time of month," does it matter for medical exam?

She will be ok, they don't care about it and don't check anything thoroughly "down there"

A general advice on pre-nups.

Get in contact with a lawyer from your jurisdiction. Each state has it's own policies and laws on how prenups should be done to be valid in your home state. Likewise, certain things placed in prenups are not necessarily enforced and a good lawyer will help you draw up one that is beneficial to you.

Likewise, in some situations a prenup might not be necessary depending again on your financial situation and your home state.

For example in California, a Community Property state, assets acquired prior to marriage, by devise, inheritance, will, or gift remain your separate property and cannot be equitably distributed as in common law states.

Because a prenup in the context of marrying a foreigner who really only has 90 days to decide whether to marry you in the first place, does not speak fluent English, and is most likely on their first trip to the US can be a great obstacle in making a conscionable and enforceable legal document in the eyes of a liberal court / judge.

Lastly, don't underestimate the advice your fiancee might receive from her friends and family about not signing any document resembling a prenup due to preconceived fear of being left destitute in the street or even placed into "slavery" due to common myths and stereotypes. For some the prenup might break the relationship regardless of how much explaining you do.

Sat, do you know anything about post-nap? I think I want one, I didn't look into it though. Is it worth it in your opinion?

Well it's more than that. The hot Russian lady, who can be 20 or 30 years younger than the old American guy had to sleep with him, live with him, wash and cook for him, etc... I think you get the picture. So, if she gets half in that kind of situation, she probably deserves it.

Thank you! Nice to hear such things from a future lawyer!

Well, you know, I don't like generalizations. This kind of attitude is quite common among artists, highly intelligent people, or young people (who are also highly intelligent). I don't think it has anything to do with nationality or ethnic background.

The medication comment is out of line, imo. I was clinically depressed in my teenage years, and I can assure you, depression has nothing to do with being sad. Yes, it makes you feel sad, but it also gives you a sense of helplessness - you feel crappy, and you desperately want for it to stop, but you just can't fix it. This is where medication comes into play - it definitely helps. Depression is a chemical imbalance of (mainly) serotonine and neuropenephrine in your brain, whereas pessimism is just an individual choice of how a person wants to feel about life. And it sure helps people to be creative and it can also be a source of inspiration. I respect that. I do not feel the same way about life as CityCat does, but I don't think that feeling this way is abnormal.

THANK YOU!!!!! I am young and talented and highly intellectual (and I can PROVE it - at my age I have achieved more than many people can hope to achieve in their whole life)

The source of inspiration, you say? Well, not really, not for me. My source of inspiration is people and crazy things they do and crazy lives they live.

CityCat,

this is the famous Russian attitude, LOL. But I swear there are happy people in this world. I used to share your view, but now that I have seen happy people and know they exist... I will not agree to be unhappy anymore. Not for all the great jobs and lovely cars.

"Life is hard and then you die" is still my motto, but it does not hold the same dark meaning anymore.

If you find that moment, you strreeeeetch it, recreate it and stretch it again. Until it covers most of your life/time... and when you see that 90% of time you are happy - can you deny that you are happy in general. Regardless of the other 10% that surely still suck Like going through immigration...

Anyway... happiness (or not) is a choice. It barely depends on outside circumstances, although happiness/unhappiness can be and often is triggered by outside events. You may choose to be unhappy (there is pleasure in this too, of course), but it is a choice, not inevitable reality.

Happiness is just a word. Pretty meaningless for me...

Define happiness? Who is happy? People who smile? Than the whole US is crazily happy! It doesn't make any sense.

There is no happy/unhappy. There things you do, things you give and things you get back. It has nothing to do with nationality, it's just a reasonable attitude.

There are parallels to Job. But the First Noble Truth of Buddhism is "All life is suffering." Sounds like City Cat to me. Buddha solved the problem differently than CityCat. The Second Noble Truth of Buddhism is "Suffering is caused by Attachment (sometimes translated to English as Desire). The third Noble Truth, "To eliminate Suffering, eliminate Attachment." And then onto the core of Buddhist teaching.

City Cat isn't the only Russian I know of who finds the trick is "to find a moment or person that is good and hang onto it." But her main insight, that all life is Suffering is one that is core to many religious traditions.

I hope she finds ways skillful for her to cope with this reality.

This is exactly the way I deal with the reality - it sucks and I have to fight hard to survive in it. I don't have unreasonable optimistic expectations, I know hum much I am worth, and what I can give to the world and what I can get back from it. That's why I always land on four paws (my nick name actually is meaningful)

People just tend to dress up the world around if they can't deal with all downsides of it. That's simply weak in my book.

Great word! I have a good combination too:

Сопритюхнуться и вздребезнуться.

Variants, anybody?

What in the world does it mean?? I've never heard anything like it.

It's actually a toast that my professors back in Russia loved! It means literary to clink glasses.

I've been good. Got back from our free trip to Israel two days ago. Jumped right back into the thick of things: school and work. The trip was exhausting. We saw more than things than locals could see in three years. But the group setting was fun.

Israel? That's very interesting. The place is amazing both from historic and religious point of view, depends on what you believe more! Tell us the details if you have time for it!

Not necessarily. Some folks are exempt from interviews. Those who apply in Moscow who have had a visa to the US issued in the last year and are reapplying for the same visa. Those under 14 and over 80.

And more importantly those living under the jurisdiction of the other US consulates can choose to go their respective consulates rather than the embassy in Moscow.

See jurisdictional map below:

Overall: http://yekaterinburg.usconsulate.gov/ru/co...lardistrict.php

Yekaterinburg: http://yekaterinburg.usconsulate.gov/en/co...ar/district.php

Sat is back!!! Hooray! I missed your voice here! How have you been?