Beauty for Ashes

I d trust IHAVEQUESTIONS opinion over just about anyone elses. She actually lives there day in and day out.

If he was not tortured as the lebanese paper said, I am sorry for posting what I did as you and I both know that it does not help things either way. I was very pleased that their has been an outpouring of grief from various organizations all over the world.
I do however think that the people responsible for this attack were AL QAEDA in the magreb and that they used the video as an excuse to murder the ambassador and his staff. There is absolutely no way to spin this. The attack was done by terrorists that ascribe to terror and today Al Qaeda released a statement that the ambassadors murder was a "gift". There is NO central authority in Libya and now their government is calling for help from the international community. I doubt that that will happen now in light of the murder of the ambassador.If they could not protect our people, whos to say that they can protect peacekeepers or anyone else going in there to help.
There is no way to spin this. Moderate muslims need to get a handle on extremists in their midst. I have no idea how this can be done but you can imagine how much women and children are suffering in this nonsense as well as moderate women who are not as religious who want to be able to live and work freely.If you are muslim and respect the rights of others, the first thing muslims should do is take a good look at who is doing what and not become apologists for people who are bat #### crazy. Just like these islamists dont represent dont represent every muslim, neither does that bat #### movie represent all americans.
Today a female suicide bomber in Afganistan slammed a car and killed 12 people. Yesterday several troops were killed by afgan police officers. Everyone is blaming that on that stupid movie. I think its an excuse frankly..We need to hand back Afganistan and its not ready to rule itself but thats now their problem. Libya needs to do the same. I am sick of Americans dying for absolutely nothing..I feel the same way about aid as well. If you cannot protect the Americans consuls that represent us, you as a nation do not deserve any of our aid.Period

thank you very much AMAZINGLY well written and all very true

thank you very much AMAZINGLY well written and all very true

By Mahmoud Elbarasi
As the news of Ambassador Chris Stevens' death swept across the globe, the last golden rays of post-revolutionary splendor passed into the night.

The time for speeches, gratuitous backslapping and revolutionary memorabilia has come and gone. We now live and breathe at the point in modern Libyan history where a clear and unsentimental decision must be made. Libyans must decide what type of system our brothers and sisters fought and died for.

The murder of Ambassador Stevens will forever be a stain on the annals of post-Qaddafi Libyan history. For the first time in my life, I can not pass on a Libyan tragedy of this magnitude directly to the "brother leader". Libya is our responsibility now.

In taking this responsibility, it is imperative that we strive towards intellectual honesty and that we preserve the goals of the revolution.

Since the revolution was an attack on fascism, it might follow that any kind of authoritarianism would not be tolerated. This has not been the case. In the weeks leading up to the ambassador's death we saw over and over again the forced Talibanesque fascist destruction of artworks, books and grave sites (my own grandfather's headstone was destroyed outside of Magroun).
The perpetrators of these crimes went through no democratic process to obtain legitimate destruction permits (if such a thing even exists); instead, they chose to walk into any building they found offensive and simply destroyed what they pleased.

Weeks later, this same mentality was deadly, with the American consulate burned. A great friend of Libya who fought with us against Qaddafi was murdered in cold blood. The ringleaders of this mentality will use any excuse to incite hatred and violence in their quest for power. In this case, an obscure, low-rent, d-list film did the trick. While the destroyers of Libyan cultural heritage walk freely among us, an American who went out of his way to help rid us of the tyrant lies dead.

Take away the haughty pseudo-religious declarations and language, the self-appointed "theological rights", and these men are nothing more than the old regime in new clothes. It is time to call a spade a spade. We are dealing with fascists. Joseph Stalin was a fascist and an atheist; Osama bin Laden was a fascist and a Muslim. It is like cancer: it can infect and overtake every walk of life.

These are power-hungry bullies, not enlightened spiritual men. Muammar Qaddafi dressed up and played "intellectual" or "poet" or "revolutionary", but in the end he was none of these things. He was a fascist. He was in it for the money and the might. Any man who attempts to dominate by force another man's mind or body is the same, be it in a general's uniform or in religious robes.

As a Libyan-American I had deep respect for Ambassador Stevens. He was an American deeply invested in the workings and future of our small country, and a true friend to the Arab people. To hear of his death gave me a feeling of deep dread. He represented the best in the American spirit, an American who after 9/11 continued the dialogue between East and West. He sought to bridge the cultural gulf, not widen it.

I am ashamed that a man like this has been murdered in the land of my fathers.
Libyans don't need ideologues. Libyans need the garbage picked up. A lot of garbage.

Mahmoud Elbarasi is a poet who lives in Louisville, Kentucky, USA, the son of a Libyan father and an American mother. Some of his work is published in Arabic.

Really? Find them and send them to me.
The young lady who tested, with a Chemical Engineering degree and a calculator, couldn't do it, and her university graduation party was that evening.
FYI, it is not my opinion and my opinion alone that Egypt's educational system is horrendous. Education reform is one of the conditions the government has to consent to in order to get that IMF money, which is part of a deal that requires Egypt to acquire other, matching funds.
And they're balking.

The university education system is, for the most part, a joke. I've spent the past three months trying to hire someone who could do high school level math. Who applied? Engineering graduates. The best any of them could do was 16% on a high school level math test - basic Algebra and Trigonometry. There's a good reason most of them are unemployed; they're unemployable. I'm certainly not blaming them; what I'm saying is the educational system, as a whole, is woefully inadequate.

And in some families it is the norm and YES if you witness it , you think its cultural.. I had family members of him witness things he did to me ( AFTER WE WERE MARRIED) and explained it away ... and I am guilty as charged of everything that was posted. It took me living by myself for a while and seeing how things were so much better and calmer to realise that you dont have to be hit to be abused. Mine kept tabs on everywhere I went and who I spoke with and kept me in a constant state of trauma. It wasnt until he went home for a family visit after a death that it really went through my thick skull just how much trouble I was in.. I dont think unless you have been through this with a mena spouse that you can understand it.. Its like spending all your money and being so emotionally invested in things working and yes there are HUGE differences sometimes and then watching it fall apart.. you feel like a failure and you put up with nonsense you normally wouldnt..Not all mena men are the same BUT there have been multiple incidences of women bringing men over here and then once they get over here they either abuse their wives or serially cheat and the americans go through hell.. please acknowledge that.. I tried super duper hard to be kind, loving giving and put up with everything.. never raised a voice to my husband, never hurt him and he still made an #### out of himself and mistreated me..I blamed myself for years and years and it wasnt my fault..Mithra...you can say that just like all mena men arent bad.. not all the americans that marry these guys and get screwed are at fault either.. For some of these guys its a plot to get papers and all kinds of hell breaks loose when they want to see other women and cant stay in character playing the game until they are able to do so.. and yes some of the women get very hurt along the way along with their kids.. Its very unfair to pidgeonhole everyone... sponsors or mena people because their are buttwipes on both sides.. trust me.. we need to be open minded to deviations on both..please stop blaming all the american women either.. I swear to god I tried and I never ever ever hurt my husband one single time.. but he hurt me and broke my heart.. I stuck it out with him through bad and good and still to this day have never hurt him.. but hes hurt me horribly.. I am in the process of a divorce that he refuses to help me get easily or pay for so please for the love of god. stop making this all the americans faults

And in some families it is the norm and YES if you witness it , you think its cultural.. I had family members of him witness things he did to me ( AFTER WE WERE MARRIED) and explained it away ... and I am guilty as charged of everything that was posted. It took me living by myself for a while and seeing how things were so much better and calmer to realise that you dont have to be hit to be abused. Mine kept tabs on everywhere I went and who I spoke with and kept me in a constant state of trauma. It wasnt until he went home for a family visit after a death that it really went through my thick skull just how much trouble I was in.. I dont think unless you have been through this with a mena spouse that you can understand it.. Its like spending all your money and being so emotionally invested in things working and yes there are HUGE differences sometimes and then watching it fall apart.. you feel like a failure and you put up with nonsense you normally wouldnt..Not all mena men are the same BUT there have been multiple incidences of women bringing men over here and then once they get over here they either abuse their wives or serially cheat and the americans go through hell.. please acknowledge that.. I tried super duper hard to be kind, loving giving and put up with everything.. never raised a voice to my husband, never hurt him and he still made an #### out of himself and mistreated me..I blamed myself for years and years and it wasnt my fault..Mithra...you can say that just like all mena men arent bad.. not all the americans that marry these guys and get screwed are at fault either.. For some of these guys its a plot to get papers and all kinds of hell breaks loose when they want to see other women and cant stay in character playing the game until they are able to do so.. and yes some of the women get very hurt along the way along with their kids.. Its very unfair to pidgeonhole everyone... sponsors or mena people because their are buttwipes on both sides.. trust me.. we need to be open minded to deviations on both..please stop blaming all the american women either.. I swear to god I tried and I never ever ever hurt my husband one single time.. but he hurt me and broke my heart.. I stuck it out with him through bad and good and still to this day have never hurt him.. but hes hurt me horribly.. I am in the process of a divorce that he refuses to help me get easily or pay for so please for the love of god. stop making this all the americans faults

No, not anyone. There are several men and women on VJ, active in this very forum, who have not filed anything yet, and/or have not yet traveled to their SO's home country to meet in person. VJ members have a varied schedule for filing their immigration paperwork, etc. Stop pigeonholing. And anyways, what would their filing status have to do with their being aware or not that they had been subjected to abusive behavior? It's not uncommon for abused people to rationalize their abuser's behaviors. Sometimes they don't see it until it's directly pointed out to them, and even then it can sometimes take several times for them to realize/comprehend/accept that they are in fact being subjected to abuse.

I can kind of understand the fear of leaving when the abuser lives in the same country. I cannot for the life of me understand being an ocean and thousands of miles apart from an abuser and bringing them here. That boggles the mind.

Did you have a chance to read the most recent deleted threads?
There was a clearly expressed belief that the abuse was a "cultural" thing that would stop in America.

Not only difficulties for you, possible difficulties for others as well. Willingly importing an abuser is basically bringing a criminal into the country. Someone who will not only abuse you but perhaps your children, your parents, other women...you get the idea.
Maybe we should discuss some of the warning signs to look for in case actual physical abuse hasn't taken place in the home country. Of course, if actual hitting, beating, slapping, pushing, etc. has taken place in the home country, it WILL continue in the US. It's not the country making the person abusive, it's the actual person that is abusive. If anyone thinks culture makes one abusive, what makes them think that will be left behind in the home country?
Also, I can't even begin to count how many abuse cases we've had in this forum in the past 6.5 yrs I've been a member here. Almost all of them stay with their abuser or go back at least one more time after leaving. It's so frustrating to become emotionally invested just to see the victim return to their abuser.

Recent posts have reminded me that some people view abuse as a cultural phenomenon, or something that will be resolved under the right circumstances (like living in America).
So, this is something of a plea to anyone who has been hit or treated poorly by your spouse/fiance still living in their country - LEAVE HIM THERE! Do not fool yourself into thinking that he won't beat or mistreat you in America, or it's just the stress of living in his homeland that leads him to beat you. If he's beaten you in his home country and you are safely in America- PLEASE LEAVE HIM IN HIS COUNTRY! It will not go away here.
I'm sure none of us want to judge anyone going through a difficult and/or abusive situation, even when it's hard to understand how anyone would petition for someone who's physically fought/abused/mistreated them in the home country. But, please if any of the VJ members are in this situation and the guy isn't here in America, please don't bring him here; it will only lead to more difficulties for you.

There was one reply before yours, in which FBI stats on DV were calmly and objectively quoted. There were not plural replies as you indicate, nor did that one reply = a touchy subject. That was quite a leap.
The reality is if a woman will connect herself to domineering, overbearing, possibly abusive man of one culture, she'd connect herself to a domineering, overbearing, possibly abusive man of any other culture.
If you use culture as an excuse for poor behavior, you would use another excuse in another relationship for poor behavior. It's personality traits and dynamics overlooked, ignored or excused by "culture".

ok happier video

yeah me too LOL
sounds like hes fishing in the nile for some new booty..
Hes just not that in to her
for the love of god..what is wrong with women these days? Desperate, clingy and just hot messes everywhere...myself included
MENA HOT MESS CLUB.
established 2006

yeah me too LOL
sounds like hes fishing in the nile for some new booty..
Hes just not that in to her
for the love of god..what is wrong with women these days? Desperate, clingy and just hot messes everywhere...myself included
MENA HOT MESS CLUB.
established 2006

Absolutely. Poor lady! This is expensive, frustrating and stressful.... now even more that the Consular has been replaced by a militant, mercyless new Consular in Egypt. They mean business! This would be my reaction: "What? He's ok? Really?, thank you!" Then off to change my phone number, emails and all kind of contact. Screw him!

If it were me I don't think I would even want to move forward at this point. Someone who ignores me, doesn't respect my feelings by not answering me for I don't know how long, (surely he knows she's worried about him) is not someone I would want to build a life with, and ESPECIALLY not to go through this long, frustrating, expensive, and stressful process with. IMO

Why exactly would he be talking to his ex wifes parents? As hard as this is to hear this, if a man is in love with you,not heaven or earth or skywriting will keep you apart. My guess is he is fine and probably with his own people at this point and YES I have been where you have been and the truth is usually as unpretty as it gets. If you have been together for a while and he is not contacting you , he may be getting ready to leave you when he returns to the states because NOT contacting you is NOT a good sign honestly. You need to brace yourself for a split when he returns.. NOT contacting you is a very very very bad sign for your relationship and you dont need to be blindsided with grief and pain when he arrives home. I am so sorry to be the one that tells you this but for whatever reason, alot of the women here havent been in the marriages long enough or after they have been dumped, stick around long enough to tell anyone else what happened. My guess is hes busy. You need to find something to occupy your time and if you are really engaged or this is something that is real....he will let you know. He might be getting engaged to a woman from back home or had second thoughts about your relationship..He has his status .. and most likely he is going to get someone from back home if anyone to be with , not an american that he cant be bothered to contact.Sorry.. its horrible and hurtful but its better coming from another american than you living in la la land making up bs excuses for his piss poor behavior

Why exactly would he be talking to his ex wifes parents? As hard as this is to hear this, if a man is in love with you,not heaven or earth or skywriting will keep you apart. My guess is he is fine and probably with his own people at this point and YES I have been where you have been and the truth is usually as unpretty as it gets. If you have been together for a while and he is not contacting you , he may be getting ready to leave you when he returns to the states because NOT contacting you is NOT a good sign honestly. You need to brace yourself for a split when he returns.. NOT contacting you is a very very very bad sign for your relationship and you dont need to be blindsided with grief and pain when he arrives home. I am so sorry to be the one that tells you this but for whatever reason, alot of the women here havent been in the marriages long enough or after they have been dumped, stick around long enough to tell anyone else what happened. My guess is hes busy. You need to find something to occupy your time and if you are really engaged or this is something that is real....he will let you know. He might be getting engaged to a woman from back home or had second thoughts about your relationship..He has his status .. and most likely he is going to get someone from back home if anyone to be with , not an american that he cant be bothered to contact.Sorry.. its horrible and hurtful but its better coming from another american than you living in la la land making up bs excuses for his piss poor behavior

Why exactly would he be talking to his ex wifes parents? As hard as this is to hear this, if a man is in love with you,not heaven or earth or skywriting will keep you apart. My guess is he is fine and probably with his own people at this point and YES I have been where you have been and the truth is usually as unpretty as it gets. If you have been together for a while and he is not contacting you , he may be getting ready to leave you when he returns to the states because NOT contacting you is NOT a good sign honestly. You need to brace yourself for a split when he returns.. NOT contacting you is a very very very bad sign for your relationship and you dont need to be blindsided with grief and pain when he arrives home. I am so sorry to be the one that tells you this but for whatever reason, alot of the women here havent been in the marriages long enough or after they have been dumped, stick around long enough to tell anyone else what happened. My guess is hes busy. You need to find something to occupy your time and if you are really engaged or this is something that is real....he will let you know. He might be getting engaged to a woman from back home or had second thoughts about your relationship..He has his status .. and most likely he is going to get someone from back home if anyone to be with , not an american that he cant be bothered to contact.Sorry.. its horrible and hurtful but its better coming from another american than you living in la la land making up bs excuses for his piss poor behavior

Why exactly would he be talking to his ex wifes parents? As hard as this is to hear this, if a man is in love with you,not heaven or earth or skywriting will keep you apart. My guess is he is fine and probably with his own people at this point and YES I have been where you have been and the truth is usually as unpretty as it gets. If you have been together for a while and he is not contacting you , he may be getting ready to leave you when he returns to the states because NOT contacting you is NOT a good sign honestly. You need to brace yourself for a split when he returns.. NOT contacting you is a very very very bad sign for your relationship and you dont need to be blindsided with grief and pain when he arrives home. I am so sorry to be the one that tells you this but for whatever reason, alot of the women here havent been in the marriages long enough or after they have been dumped, stick around long enough to tell anyone else what happened. My guess is hes busy. You need to find something to occupy your time and if you are really engaged or this is something that is real....he will let you know. He might be getting engaged to a woman from back home or had second thoughts about your relationship..He has his status .. and most likely he is going to get someone from back home if anyone to be with , not an american that he cant be bothered to contact.Sorry.. its horrible and hurtful but its better coming from another american than you living in la la land making up bs excuses for his piss poor behavior

I just wanted to let everyone know that I have removed a currently popular thread from public view. There was a great deal of sensitive personal information - some of it obtained from private and not public conversations - released that put the original poster at great risk from its publication. While much of the advice offered was good, there also appeared to be a tendency to forget that this is an individual with personal feelings and concerns, and her situation was discussed as if it were the 'hottest' soap opera on TV. While it may feel exciting or important to participate in such a popular topic, it can also hurt the original poster when her very real heartache and concerns are treated like the 'soup de jour'.
So, please be much more circumspect in the personal information you release about yourself,and remember that it is a violation of the Terms of Service for Visa Journey for anyone to release information about another member received through non-posted private conversations without the express permission of the other individual to do so.
While everyone's heart appeared to be in the right place, there was not much concern given for the safety of the original poster, especially if certain individuals read the thread and acted upon its information to prevent the OP from protecting herself.