Carolina Wilson

Just now, Ontarkie said:

~~Post edited for language,  and Identifying markers.  For your safety I've removed your name and country of origin Please do not post those details as they are not needed for members to help you. VJ is view able to anyone including your ex.~~

Thank you. That is not my real name, do not worry or specialty/city where I will do my residency.

Thank you!!

1 minute ago, boris64 said:

Isn't this a repost of an earlier incident? Sorry, but it sounds very familiar.

It is. I just did not know how to update it.

Sorry!

Hi all,

My name is (removed), I am a foreign national, born (removed) that obtained my conditional green card through marriage (8 months ago), our GC interview was super easy, we had enough proof of bona fide marriage and the interview lasted about 20 mins.

I met my husband when I was in medical school here in the US, we dated for one year and then got married (one year and 1/2 ago). After we got married I moved in with him and his family while I was waiting on my AOS to be over. Life was going great until problems started. My husband has some sort of bipolar disorder that I discovered once I moved in with him. He has mood swings that are horrible, we argue all the time for no reason, even the most tiny thing we do not agree on, he will go full on beast mode and start screaming at me for hours, same way he treats his parents (awkwardly enough, his parents are okay with it); I tried to make things better by just not voicing my opinion regarding any topic just to keep him happy; and Ill say that when he is happy he is a nice person, but as I said, the smallest thing will trigger this episodes. Every time he is in a bad mood he screams and insults me in ways that I've never heard before, from calling me dirty '(removed)', and all sorts of racial slur. His family is low-key racists so they drop the N word every hour for no reason, and blame every that is wrong in this country to Obama, black people and the AA. Being foreign and from (Removed) I find it extremely uncomfortable. His parents and I get along very well (we obviously do not share some values, but they like me a lot), but his mother will stand by him, even when he is being irrational and rude.

Recently my husband started threatening me with divorce every time he gets angry at me; and this is the reason why I come here to VJ today.

I also recently signed a contract with a clinic in Atlanta to do my residency and become an OBGYN. It is a three year program that will start in August.

We moved to WA for a few months due to his job and before moving across the country and on our way west, the physical abuse started. He hit me 4 times. Once in a moving car. He also threaten to "give me a black eye if I did't stop acting like a (removed)" The other times for very stupid reasons. He claims he hit me by accident. And of course the days following after he hit me he was the nicest/sweetest ever. I have to keep my mouth shut if we ever argue for fear of getting hit again. I warned a few friends about the incidents, they all begged me to go live with them but I am stubborn and naive and wanted things to get better. I contacted a lawyer too even before he hit me, and have been updating her as things happened. She seems very prepared and is more than willing to help me out.

I am going home for a bit and then after that I will move back to Atl to start my residency. I still love this person and I feel terribly sad about this thing. I will miss him but I also know its not even safe for me. I have to start the biggest challenge of my life (my residency) with this on my plate too. I am extremely anxious about everything. I also do not know how to end this. I have always been a bit of a weak one when it comes to finishing relationships. I am disappointed at myself for not being stronger, and also about how my marriage turned out. I should have stayed with my visas and not applied for GC. =(

TLDR:

- Husband very abusive, started only verbal, turned into physical abuse. 

- can I apply for ROC after a divorce? Marriage was legit (I have evidence) and I do not wish to get a divorce, but his threats are very frequent and I am terrified and not sure if this is safe for me at all. I also do not know if he will handle long distance at all. I truly do not wanna lose my residency. I know nothing is set in stone but I need at least numbers of probabilities. 

- Am I in trouble if I ask for divorce? 

- Any other advice?

Thank you for the help.

C

So a sad update.

As many of you prolly though or said, he finally hit me. Three times. Three times for different reasons, all of them very simple things. All of the reasons were not me. Any small situation that stressed him out, when I tried to intervene to calm him down, I got screamed at for hours, and in some occasions physically hit. Never severe enough to send me to urgent care, (except one time I was actually driving our car on the interstate, and he struck me in the head; it could have gone so wrong for both of us) but it is a matter of time. I am going home for a bit before I start my residency in July. We are not divorced yet but I will have to make that happen once I move out. I consulted a lawyer and I have been gathering more evidence of a true relationship (pictures with his friends and relatives). But I do not wish to continue with this relationship. It is scary. all the time. I now am used to the verbal abuse and started thinking less of myself after the things he says to me. I finally reached out to some friends and they all begged for me to move out sooner. Being naive and stubborn I did not listen. Anyways. I will leave in two weeks, and then move to start my residency.

I just hope the ROC is possible and goes well, I truly do not want to lose my GC and my residency after such a horrible relationship. No green card in the world is worth this hell.

- Do I need to file as soon as I get divorced?

- Can I leave the country to visit home if I am divorced but with a valid GC?

- I read somewhere that I will need to write a letter to the USCIS, how detailed should that be? tell them everything?

- Any other advice?

Thank you, fellow kind people. Thank you.

Carolina

3 minutes ago, dawning said:

Some advice often shared on here that applies to your situation:  Keep your important documents, including immigration documents, evidence of your good faith marriage, and, if necessary, evidence of his mistreatment of you, in a safe location he does not have access to.  A safe deposit at a bank could be one example.  While ROC with a divorce is definitely possible, some people on here have struggled with providing enough evidence after having divorced an abusive spouse who kept or destroyed evidence. 

 

I understand that you want to work on your marriage, and no one here can tell you whether or not it is worthwhile.  But it could be wise to have a stash of evidence in case things don't work out, as he could get worse in his treatment of you.  Racist and derogatory language is already pretty bad.

 

Good luck!  Don't give up on your dreams.  If he doesn't want to come along for the great life you have planned for yourself then it's his loss, not yours.

Thank you.

I will surely start gathering all I have and keep it safe. 

C

1 minute ago, USS_Voyager said:

 

Good luck to you! Hang in there. For now, keep working on your marriage but keep all the evidence of a good faith marriage. Is he open to going to see a pyschiatrist or something or he just doesn’t think there is a problem at all?

Well, I tried to make that happen, but he went hulk mode and I had to withstand an hour of insults. I promise I try, and I do not want to end this, but his threats are so frequent and he assumes he has me hostage due to the green card thing. It is just to much to endure somedays and I can see him just divorcing me a random day. 

Do you think a lawyer would be willing to help me with this, once the time comes of course, I just think of all the worst case scenarios of course, a very short marriage and a divorce only a few months after I got my conditional GC. 

Some days I just wanna quit and go back home, but at the same time I came here for this career. : ( 

10 minutes ago, USS_Voyager said:

I am so sorry you’re facing all this. Life sometimes just throws us a curve ball. Anyway, the answers to your questions are:

 

1) Yes, you can file for ROC by yourself after a divorce. USCIS fully understands that even the best marriages with the most sincere intentions sometimes just don’t work out. It happens more often than you think. I have seen many posts here almost like every other week, there is someone who has done it retelling their stories. You just need evidence of the marriage was entered in good faith. 

 

2) No trouble at all. 

 

3) You can, or you can do it yourself. Last month or so I believe I saw a post from a law school grad waiting to take her bar exam who did it by herself and got the 10 year green card. I can try to find that post and you can connect with her. I’m sure she’ll be happy to help. My knowledge in the details of this is limited as of course I never did it myself. 

Thanks for your reply. all things good to know.

I am terrified that the denial of my ROC will finish my career and get me in trouble with uscis, which I do not intend to do.

I will surely get an attorney as we did for our AOS. And yes, I have plenty of evidence of Bona fide marriage.

Thank you!

12 minutes ago, USS_Voyager said:

I am so sorry you’re facing all this. Life sometimes just throws us a curve ball. Anyway, the answers to your questions are:

 

1) Yes, you can file for ROC by yourself after a divorce. USCIS fully understands that even the best marriages with the most sincere intentions sometimes just don’t work out. It happens more often than you think. I have seen many posts here almost like every other week, there is someone who has done it retelling their stories. You just need evidence of the marriage was entered in ngood faith. 

 

2) No trouble at all. 

 

3) You can, or you can do it yourself. Last month or so I believe I saw a post from a law school grad waiting to take her bar exam who did it by herself and got the 10 year green card. I can try to find that post and you can connect with her. I’m sure she’ll be happy to help. My knowledge in the details of this is limited as of course I never did it myself. 

Thanks for your reply. all things good to know.

I am terrified that the denial of my ROC will finish my career and get me in trouble with uscis, which I do not intend to do.

I will surely get an attorney as we did for our AOS. And yes, I have plenty of evidence of Bona fide marriage.

Thank you!

Hi all,

My name is Carolina, I am a foreign national, born in Argentina that obtained my conditional green card through marriage (8 months ago), our GC interview was super easy, we had enough proof of bona fide marriage and the interview lasted about 20 mins.

I met my husband when I was in medical school here in the US, we dated for one year and then got married (one year and 1/2 ago). After we got married I moved in with him and his family while I was waiting on my AOS to be over. Life was going great until problems started. My husband has some sort of bipolar disorder that I discovered once I moved in with him. He has mood swings that are horrible, we argue all the time for no reason, even the most tiny thing we do not agree on, he will go full on beast mode and start screaming at me for hours, same way he treats his parents (awkwardly enough, his parents are okay with it); I tried to make things better by just not voicing my opinion regarding any topic just to keep him happy; and Ill say that when he is happy he is a nice person, but as I said, the smallest thing will trigger this episodes. Every time he is in a bad mood he screams and insults me in ways that I've never heard before, from calling me dirty 'wetback, beaner', and all sorts of racial slur. His family is low-key racists so they drop the N word every hour for no reason, and blame every that is wrong in this country to Obama, black people and the AA. Being foreign and from Argentina I find it extremely uncomfortable. His parents and I get along very well (we obviously do not share some values, but they like me a lot), but his mother will stand by him, even when he is being irrational and rude.

Recently my husband started threatening me with divorce every time he gets angry at me; and this is the reason why I come here to VJ today.

I also recently signed a contract with a clinic in Atlanta to do my residency and become an OBGYN. It is a three year program that will start in August.

I am now extremely nervous regarding what to do; if things get out of control and he divorces me, should I quit my job half-way through my residency? Am I allowed to apply for ROC if I get divorced??? I am torn between trying to save my marriage and trying to fulfill my life long dream, and the reason why I came to the US. (I've had multiple visas before due to work and coming to the US was never an Issue, and I did not marry just for a stupid GC, I and just afraid I made a mistake by obtaining one). Should I give up on my GC and get a visa again?? Is that possible? - My only goal is to NOT get in trouble with uscis, as I have never broken any rules or overstayed my visas for the last 8 years I have been in this country.

TLDR:

- can I apply for ROC after a divorce? Marriage was legit and I do not wish to get a divorce, but his threats are very frequent and I am terrified.

- Am I in trouble if he divorces me? (as said before have no intentions of divorcing, I love this person and want things to change, but he is making this very hard for me to battle.

- I assume I need a lawyer for this mess, right?

Thank you for the help.

C