wynterstail

HELP! I just got an email from the Embassy saying they had a cancellation for Nov 7 and asking me if we want to take it, because of the "uncertainty" of December appointments. What to do???

Ann

Similar unhelpful response via email--they did say they are moving 12/8, but that they didn't know when they would send out the December appointments. I emailed back and said, gosh--I am really worried these appointments will be scheduled on very short notice or so close to Christmas it will be impossible to come--I got a, well, sorry we can't help you --response. I could SCREAM

Ann

quote name='Belly'sGirl' date='Oct 31 2006, 05:21 PM' post='540257']

Well I spoke with a lady at the Embassy today...she didn't mention anything about the Embassy closing (not that I asked)...but anyway...she told me that a letter had not been sent to him yet, therefore he did not have an interview scheduled yet...I explained to her that I was told that his name was put into the computer to be scheduled for a December date, and that I was told the letters were to be sent out at the end of THIS month...well this lady rudely pointed out that it wasn't quite the end of the month...and I then informed her that October had 31 days, and today was the last day of the month...she said that letters probably weren't going to be sent out until sometime in mid-late November...I don't know how true this is...I am going to call back probably on Friday to see if I get a different answer from someone else...Right now I am SO PISSED I don't know what to do!

Attention anyone waiting for December interview--I just got an email from the Embassy saying, yes they are moving December 8th, and they have not gotten the "go ahead" to schedule the December interviews yet. YIKES!

Ann

Yeah! Congratulations!

Ann

Congrats

Shar

[Hello from rainy Kingston Jamaica!!!

We got it!!!

All finger's crossed for you--and saying plenty of prayers

Ann

Hello from Kinston!! Mike and i went through all the paperwork so we are all set...going to get something to eat!!! let you all know how it goes tomorow!!

Yeah!!!! Yeah!!!Cant' wait to here the details--CONGRATS TO BOTH OF YOU (nah drink too much overpoof)

quote name='darlene' date='Oct 27 2006, 01:19 PM' post='532526']

Hello from rainy Kingston Jamaica!!!

We got it!!!

Trini and Nanny, good luck. It wasn't so bad. Just make sure you have duplicates of the forms they send from the Emabassy.

Window 11, she was so nice.

Get there by 6 am. The line grows fast after that.

No cell, pager, calculators, umbrellas....

Have to get some sleep now. Going out to the Quad night club to celebrate....

No word yet from anyone who interviewed this morning...?

Ann

Hello,

Just to add my two cents I have been a nurse for 15 years I love what I do!! I agree that if you lose that passion for what you do you need to find that passion in something else. Yardies tomorrow is not promised to us that's why all of us stepped out of the norm and decided to bring our passion here!!! How many people asked are you sure? What if it doesn't work out? He just wants a visa!!!. Either find something that you love to do or find a reason to start loving what you do again. Just My Two Cents.

Why the heck am I so nervous? My stomach is doing flip flops and I still have all day tomorrow to get through, and never mind not sleeping tomorrow night!!!

Can you tell me if this is okay or does it need more? It is the employer letter that I am writing to have my boss sign.

(Me) has been employed by xxx since July 12, 1992. She is currently a Staff Accountant in the Office of xxx.

Current salary is xxx biweekly, xxx annually.

This is a permanent position.

If there are any questions, yaddy, yaddy, yaddy.

I would be nervous too!!! But remember you are ther for support. Never let them see you sweat

I've tried everything to weasel the interview date out of the Embassy--all they'll tell me is that it will be in December and they will mail him a letter. AARRGGHH! I know someone else was waiting for an interview date, too...any news?

Ann

Hey I am waiting too let's hold hands!!! It has been such a frustrating process. Soooo long.

To everyone who is about to interview, many prayers and good thoughts are swirling around you and your loved one. Keep us posted!

Ann

I feel like--are they kidding about mailing a letter? Is it news to them that half the time, no one gets the stuff they mail? I want to be very sure I can be there for the interview, and I'm worried they're going to schedule it too close to Christmas.

Don't they just make you crazy

Maybe they don't have the date yet -- the November dates have already been given out and now they are just waiting for the Decembe batch.....try again closer to November 1st -- I bet they will have the date by then.

I've tried everything to weasel the interview date out of the Embassy--all they'll tell me is that it will be in December and they will mail him a letter. AARRGGHH! I know someone else was waiting for an interview date, too...any news?

Ann

Mindy

Andrews is west indian alka seltzer

An

lol when he takes that epsom salt ( word of advice stay away from the bathroom) epsom salt is used(sometimes) as laxative or to purge.

That's what he wants it for.....he says his "belly has a cold" -- whatever....I am planning to be far away from the house when he does this :lol: Thanks for all the help!!

I harrassed the Embassy by email until a got a response (George dropped off the DS230 a week ago), and they told me the interview would be in December, but also, didn't give me a specific date. If they'd just TELL US TE DAMN DATE we could buy a ticket.

Good morning everyone! Well, I just wanted to vent--AGAIN! I called the Embassy yesterday, because as of yet Gregory and I had still not been assigned an interview date and he turned his form in 3 weeks ago! Well, when I called the first time, the lady pulled his info up and said that it was showing that he still hadn't turned the form in..I asked her "well where does the form have to go?" I mean it was dropped off where it was supposed to have been dropped off at, and now it's just randomly in the building somewhere? Anyway, she transferred me to the supervisor who was in charge of that stuff--and alas, I got the voicemail...I WAS PISSED! So, I give it another 30 minutes and I call back. This time another lady answers the phone and I explain the situation to her...Well, she pulls up his info and basically says the same thing as the other girl, but THEN she tells me to hold on and she is going to update his file in the system so that he can go ahead and be put on the interview list...so she puts me on hold for 10 minutes!! So, when she finally returns she tells me that he has been put on the list and that unfortunately there were no more dates available in November, but just to make sure she puts me on hold for another 2 minutes to make sure there were no November cancellations--and there weren't...so she said that he will be interviewed in December. She didn't give a specific date, but said that the interview letters for December were going to be mailed at the end of this month, so I'm figuring he should have it by the end of the first week in November. So I ask her, "Well what is he supposed to do about the DS 230 since he already turned it in, but it's somehow mysteriously missing?" She tells me that they will send him out another form and to just fill it out and bring it to the interview. I told her ok, and thank you for helping. I mean, she really was a nice lady. SO, as of now I believe he'll be interviewed in December, but I'm going to call back in a couple of weeks just to make sure. Has this ever happened to anyone before?[

So can your fiance in Jamaica come up on their visa with a one way ticket? Or is this one of those deals where you have to buy a round trip?

Ann

Yes, you can take a "dose of salts" just not too much--it's a laxative

OK enough potty chat.

It's so funny that you said that -- I was just coming on here to ask YOU a question.....this moring Roy says that his "belly is rolling" and he wants some pills (I have no idea what he is talking about -- some root thingie) and Epsom Salt to drink. IS HE CRAZY? What can I get him to "replace" this ####### with? I really don't think he should be drinking Epson Salt...... HELP ME!!!

I would graciously accept the gifts on her bhalf and put them away. Later on, if she wants to look through, it's up to her. I would suggest buying a nice jogging suit, something velour and brand name, and some cozy cashmere socks.

One other question. So I went to dinner with my family last week. We are discussing my fiance moving here and everyone is so excited about it. My sister calls today and says she will bring over some coats and sweaters and boots since she and my fiance wear the same size. My grandmother leaves me a voice mail and say that she has some stuff too. My family are pricey shoppers so I know they will be giving her some good stuff cause they like to show off like that. So I was talking to my fiance about this a couple weeks ago and told her that they might have done this. Her response was that she does not like hand me downs and not a charity case.

It is not that we cannot afford to buy her winter clothes cause I made provisions for this. But I figure why turn away gifts that are given with the best of intentions. I am not one to get into a pissing match over something like this. I just do not want to offend my family, but I have a woman who has intense pride.( Yes, something to work on). I wish someone was this generous to me when I came here years ago with a sweater during a blizzard. Is it a man's thing that we will accept gifts like this, but women have difficulty doing this? Or am I marrying the exception to the rule here?

I can tell you right now......growing up w/Jamaicans parents me wearing someone else clothes is not going to work. I made that mistake when I was a child and lets just say I never did that again..... My parents were not having it AT ALL!!!!!

I heard a great sermon a while back about jealousy and the role it plays in a good relationship. THe point is not jealousy directed at your partner, but at jealousy guarding your relationship, or as my SO puts it "protecting my investment." Guys need alone time, guy time, whatever, but if it gets to be a regular habit, I'd want some safeguards--like, "let's meet up at the end of night--like the last 15 minutes before the club closes." If he objects to that, I'd wonder why. I'd also make sure that he's willing to extend the same freedoms to you. The fact is that if you put yourself in the path of temptation often enough, eventually, you're gonna fall (and that's not coming from me but from a man who certainly knows the ins and outs of hitting something on the side).

Ann

Hello!

So...I have a question for all of you. Does your husband go out to night clubs without you? Are you okay with that?

The reason I ask is because Duane was a DJ back in JA. He really misses playing music so he hooked up with a local DJ and he goes out every Thursday to play. I am totally okay with that. On occasion, we go out on Friday or Saturday night also. This weekend, I was asked to work overtime both days and I agreed because we really need the money. I just got home after working all day and Duane says he wants to go out tonight...I am completely wiped out and was hoping we would have a quiet evening in since I need to get up and be back at work at 7:00am.....We went to dinner and a movie last night.......

When I tell him this, he says that he would like to go by himself.....I was like......#######!!! I understand that he wants to get out the house but I feel like he is being kinda selfish considering the fact that I am working so "we" can have food on the table. Am I being wrong to feel this way???? Do married folks really go to clubs by themselves?? If so, why??? I understand that we all need our space but I kinda feel like this is a slap in the face. I work all freaking weekend so he can go out and play....Oh yes...and pay $10.00 cover charge and 15.00 taxi fare......Why can't we have a nice evening in???

Okay.....I am done venting but really...I need you to chime in here...am I being crazy???

Hey Kim!

I don't think you are wrong or crazy feeling that way. My personal opinion...married people do not go to clubs by themselves. That is just asking for trouble even though that person is not really looking for it. A guy's night out to play soccer, poker etc... okay. Clubs, too much happens. Just my opinion.

I am not sure I agree with this one . Kim does not appear that she has a trust issue here and that is something that must be applauded. Look, the man is not going to the clubs to pick up chicks or sow his wild oats. It is a pastime that he enjoys. This is his craft. A chef will enjoy a food show, a fashion designer will enjoy a fashion show. Is it wrong for them to go without thier significant other? So why should it be different for him being a DJ? His craft just happens to be on display at a club. Do not punish him for that. Even if we can put that aside for a moment, so long as there is open communication here about what goes on there and so long as this is not an everynight thing then and you trust your significant other, then let it be. Now a strip club may be a different story.

See, there is a recipe for conflict when we find significant others ,accept them with thier unusual traits and then expect them to understand that we suddenly want them to drop those traits. Kim wants her TLC moment. But she wants her man to be able to do his thing. She is going to have to find a middle ground here. Putting your TLC moment against time with the fellas is not a good move. Helping him appreciate that TLC moment in a non combative manner is not a difficult task. Men do not like to be "disciplined" or to be told what they can and cannot do. Unless it is a trust issue, these are moments that you "educate" your significant other with the delicacy, the sweetness and the knowledge that only you as a woman can. He would one day look forward to those TLC moments. Taking away his BS time with the guys will not help. Some relationships are good, and some are damn good and then some are just great. Kim seems to have one of these. Just work on it. Remember, some battles are won without a single shot being fired. Pick your fights. This is not one of them.

There are some places that are acceptable to go and others not acceptable. So if your wife wanted to go to a club with her girlfriends you would not have a problem? And if the next weekend she wanted to go with her girlfriends again, there would not be a problem?

Sorry I do not agree with you.

Booze, the opposite sex, Jamaican accent.... No way... Again just my opinion.

Why ask for trouble.

Hi Kim

I agree with Trini--with a couple of reservations. Staying out all night is not cool. And many a night hanging with boys includes some females on the fringes. Often the kind of females that have no problem at all if he's married, a priest, got tuberculosis, cooties, whatever. I agree with making sure he knows he's got a little somethin somethin waiting for him when he gets home. WHat I know doesn't work is bitching, screaming, and confronting.

Hello!

So...I have a question for all of you. Does your husband go out to night clubs without you? Are you okay with that?

The reason I ask is because Duane was a DJ back in JA. He really misses playing music so he hooked up with a local DJ and he goes out every Thursday to play. I am totally okay with that. On occasion, we go out on Friday or Saturday night also. This weekend, I was asked to work overtime both days and I agreed because we really need the money. I just got home after working all day and Duane says he wants to go out tonight...I am completely wiped out and was hoping we would have a quiet evening in since I need to get up and be back at work at 7:00am.....We went to dinner and a movie last night.......

When I tell him this, he says that he would like to go by himself.....I was like......#######!!! I understand that he wants to get out the house but I feel like he is being kinda selfish considering the fact that I am working so "we" can have food on the table. Am I being wrong to feel this way???? Do married folks really go to clubs by themselves?? If so, why??? I understand that we all need our space but I kinda feel like this is a slap in the face. I work all freaking weekend so he can go out and play....Oh yes...and pay $10.00 cover charge and 15.00 taxi fare......Why can't we have a nice evening in???

Okay.....I am done venting but really...I need you to chime in here...am I being crazy???

Not crazy babes. Just being human. We work hard men and women and expect our significant other to appreciate it. It's hard sometimes to see them just relaxing when we are burning the oil and bringing home the bacon.

But you have to let him go do what he enjoys. Maybe you can establish a routine of a day in the week that is yours exclusively. That being the day when you get his undivided attention.

There is a certain comradre a man feels hanging with the fellas and it's just one of those things where we talk a whole lot of BS and be our stupid selves. Like you ladies have when you get together with the girl friends and talk in that language that we men cannot understand. As a man, I would prefer not to share that moment with my woman and would not necessarily want her to share my BS moment with the fellas.He loves you and you trust him to go out alone and that is something that a lot of women cannot count on.

That being said, tell him you will have something special waiting if he comes home early from hanging with the guys. Then you will understand the power of a woman. It's one of those gifts you have that we men are powerless against. You are going to have your day. Continue being your loving self and the appeal of the BS moment with the guys will eventually lose it's attractiveness. On one of those tender moments when you have him under your spell, remind him how appreciative you will be if when you work OT , you can come home and get some TLC. And then whenever OT time comes around, just remind him again and let him make his own decision. You have persuasive skills, use them. You will win in the end, trust me.

For now just chalk this up as one of those marital differences that will take some time to work out. Definitely not one worth losing sleep over and not one deserving of a shouting match. Give him his space cause that peace of mind and independent feeling he has now is valuable.

Kelly

Sorry things are sucking. Advice is what you ask for when you know the answer and wish you didn't. I wish I could say this stuff is out of the ordinary and unexpected...it's the curse of the Caribbean. I think the bottom line is you sound very very unhappy. Even if NOTHING was really going on (but I doubt that), the fact that it's upsetting to you and he apparently doesn't care, is enough. My girlfriend here with the yard husband just went through a similar big blow out--after a birthday card came in the mail for him, complete with perfumed photograph of a girl. I mean, why would he even give her his address?? Again, the story of she's just a friend. THe condoms in the car? Oh, someone else left them there. Why he isn't home until 3, 4, 5 a.m.? Well, he fell asleep on someone's couch and/or he was drinking and didn't want to drive.

Wish there was some nicer answer, but my experience is: if it walks like a duck, and looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it's usually...a duck.

Now, having said all that, I wouldn't say that's an automatic deal breaker; if he's good to you, you are generally happy, etc., it could certainly be worth letting things shake out a little and seeing what happens. But if fidelity is your first priority--his actions don't bode very well, do they?

Ann

In the closet, hiding? What's up with that?

At this point he should be on his hands and knees kissing your toes and begging for forgiveness.....Kelly, you know what you need to do.....and what you choose to do is 100% your choice and business. Do what your gut tells you to do. Life is too short to spend any time of it with regrets......

"I" KNOW that he SHOULD, but he's not !!!! That just reassures me that I AM doing the right thing. I printed what you've ALL said and I said to him (cause he THINKS I'm saying goodbye because of YOU all and your influence) ...I said, these are postings from MATURE, responsible adults ...some married and some getting married and you MAY learn something from what they've written. Although it's TOO LATE for us....

So he's reading and then says, I never told you about a girl that I work with. I said, no.....he said, yeah I have and I said, well you may have said you TALK with people at your work, but you NEVER mentioned anyones name called SWEETS ....and he said, oh well, I never said her name to you!!!!

DAG, he just does NOT get it. Don't worry, I'm not calling anyone. That's not my style and I KNOW it goest both ways......him AND her !!! What matters is HE allowed it.

He keeps thinking that this chic SLIPPING her number in his pocket is acceptable......and he says, what was I supposed to do? He said, I didn't put her number in my phone, because you keep checking my phone and I said, but keeping a NUMBER IN YOUR POCKET WAS OKAY?????????????????????????????? Without even TELLING me about it????

I was like, I'm done....call someone that you can stay with SOON!!!!!!! It's over and he said, yeah I'm not going to fight you about this. You want it over it's over!!!

Oh my Still catching up...

George drove up to Kingston (again) yesterday to drop off the DS230. He said the lady at the window said all his papers were in order and she would "call him in 2 or 3 weeks" and if he didn't hear from her, he could call her to check on it. Is this how they're doing things now? How long from the call is the interview (i.e., will I have time to book at ticket and get down there?) The piece d'resistance of this Kingston trip was blowing out the engine on his taxi on the way home when he got to Falmouth--so that all the money we had saved for the visa fee and medical exam now had to go to replace the engine (sigh). Such is life.

Been away at a conference in Lake Placid for two days--gosh--lots of board activity to catch up on! What a drive through the Adirondacks with the leaves at peak and Beenie man blasting on the stereo (oh, for that wickedest slam....)

Ann

Nuh, not a pervert. Just a different standard. My husband used to come out of the bedroom in his bikini drawers that didn't even cover his pubic hair, and in Dominica we used to bathe in public and all the guys were like that. Though I do think there's some denial in their mind that they are giving a free show.

Ann

My man is damn near perfect......I guess I should have knocked on wood Cause he showed his assests this evning So he's going back to JA. So I guess we won't need that info pass appointment to morrow. He's up set cause a week ago I tried to explain that it rude/dispectful to be with out shirt in the house infront of a woman. Anyone else feel this was? Am I crazy? I think of it like having a hat on in church or at the dinner table. So he comes in the house had this weard look on his face, I'm like whats the matter, nutin, I thought to my self you lie. Shortly afterward he went on a tangit about how in Ja they go without a shirt rey, rey, rey. At home with my daughter rey, rey, rey. He's back got to finish later.

And this is where that great big ball of patience comes in. Take the "going back to Jamaica" line off the table. Work on the shirt situation a bit cause you really have to. But remember your appointment tomorrow. After it is over.....a cold glass of wine, some good old fashioned loving and this too shall pass. Hey, just one more story to talk about when you are celebrating that 10 year anniversary. Bet it is going to seem very funny then.

I agree my Trini friend.

But Den, so you don't feel too bad....I've got you beat...my darling Henry thinks the item of clothing in the pic below are "shorts" acceptable for wearing around the house in front of female company. When I went bilingual on him a few days after the fact, he denied that he ever did that in JA, even though my cousins and my friend remember it as I did - he and his chones running around the house in Mobay. Well last week my aunt was here and who came downstairs in his calvin kleins, paired with an I Love NY T Shirt????? I kid you not people. He, his Calvin and the family jewels. What is up with that???? Is my baby a pervert?

And mighty good thoughts they are, m'dear

Ann

Most of time I feel like our relationship is too good to be true, so good that it's hard to fuss about "little things". I do believe that not relationship is perfect. But I think we come damn near close. I am blessed.

Sounds like we married the same man........

Like I said before......Sometimes I think feel guilty because I wish I had more bad experiences to share........We have our share of little fights but overall he is to good to be true........However, I truly know how hard it is to be in a bad relationship though. My son's father was abusive and he cheated all the time. He never worked and sat around demanding things of me. It was miserable and I had bsolutely no sex drive at all.......I loved him and I was afraid to tell anyone or leave him because I was so young and everyone would have said..."I told you so.......blah, blah, blah........"

One bit of advice that I would tell anyone new.....go stay in Jamaica and stay with your fiance at his house in his environment.....try to visit often or stay for long periods of time........meet all his/her family and friends and try to live as normal as possible when you are in Jamaica....hand wash clothes...shower without hot water, live without running water, cook Jamaican food and live without air conditioning. Do not stay at hotels, eat at restaurants and sit on the beach drinking rum punch............this is not realistic and you will be in for a true shock when he arrives....The lust of the great guy with a sexy accent will go out the door when he arrives....he won't know you and you won't know him. The vacation and fairy tell will be over and it will be very hard to try and build a relationship amoungst that kinda stress............

Just my thoughts for the newbies........

I bought a new laptop in APril 05 (paid $1423), Dell, 17 monitoring, cd/dvd rw drive, wireless card, tons of software, deluxe carrying case It's an Inspiron 9300 which you can see pm Dell's website. I need to raise money for ticket to be at fiance's interview. I'll sell it for $750.

Ann

I bought a new laptop in APril 05 (paid $1423), Dell, 17 monitoring, cd/dvd rw drive, wireless card, tons of software, deluxe carrying case It's an Inspiron 9300 which you can see pm Dell's website. I need to raise money for ticket to be at fiance's interview. I'll sell it for $750.

Ann

Trini--

Thank you for all you said. I straddle the line between the two worlds (here and there) and sometimes I'm not sure if I'm misunderstanding. You made so many, many good points. You really calmed my heart.

Ann

You are correct that no one should be ill treated or should any man/ woman feel they have the right to act out because they are adjusting. I am not saying it is right how these men are behaving, I am just saying that it has less to do with some mean spirit on thier part to thier American fiance and more to do with them feeling lost in a foreign country.

As you said, some people are not cut out for this and no one should feel that they have to take the BS just because they brought thier fiance here. Everyone has to make a judgement call. Rome was not built in a day and some men take longer to adjust than others. You just have to know your limits and when you get to that point, you have to do what is in your best interest.

I guess we just have to have realistic expectations as to how soon the good days will come . This is not like meeting a man, falling in love and getting marraid. These men are leaving a normal life behind. No matter how bad it may be, it is the life that they know. I had a friend who went through this a year ago. Things took some time to work out. She actually admitted it would have been easier if her fiance came with actual employable skills. She got him enrolled in College so that he could actually find a job. Today, you will never know they had a challenging start. Sometimes a lot of Caribbean men do not understand the skill requirements for successful living in the US. Getting a college degree is not a priority there as it is here and maybe you can survive there without it. Being here without a marketable skill is a challenge for a lot of these men. Those people who I knew in my similar situation 10 years ago in most cases were not skilled and that made it hard for them to make a living here. These are some of the things fiance's have to be prepared to address when they are moving here.

I have a fiance arriving here in about a month. I have to make sure that she acquires the skills to be sucessful. She is an elementary teacher in jamaica. Here that does not say sqaut without a degree and we have had to put things in place to address that. Now sure I wish she could come here and walk in a class room and teach. But I have done the homework and I know her teaching options are limited. As a couple we have to come together and deal with that.

They got along great. Took some time, but I could not imagine marrying a woman who had difficulty with my daughter. i was honest with her about that and she understood my concerns there. The time spent was the best thing ever happened. My daughter cried when she came back here after the summer vacation. Had it gone different would I have made a different choice. I think we both would have made that choice cause it was hers to make also.

How did your daughter and fiance make out without you? I do think it's a good idea for those with children to spend some one on one time together. I think it will probably work out with the younger ones but the older kids I'm sure have their own agenda

OK--here's one I used to get from my husband...

"Why yuh was' money on dis Kotex ting? Jus wash out yuh likkle cloths"

Nuff said.

Oh no he didn't go there Oh my gosh

MIGAWD!!

I think if you've not lived in the culture, it can come as a shock that there's quite a lot more going on than a sexy accent and a good CD collection. Jamaica (and the rest of the Caribbean) is just beginning to assimilate some of the western notions of gender equality, etc. blah blah blah. Depending how your SO grew up (country/city, real poor, kind of poor, affluent) the rush and hustle of life here, the independence and self-sufficiency of women (and we are all mighty strong women), the "excessive" importance we put on our children's day to day satisfaction and happiness, it all comes as a little bit of a shock to them, too. And life is very lonely here when you've lived in a village (and even MoBay is a "village"). Suddenly, you're here in another country, and you're heavily dependent on (of all things!) a woman. These men need to be the lions in their den, if you know what I mean. And even then....I'd done it for 15 years and he never was any more "Americanized" than they day he walked off the plane. But love is a great equalizer.

Give it some time.

Ann