Perseverance

I watched The Boy in the striped pajamas

so sad

Did he land OK in Atlanta?

Very funny story around landing in Atlanta. I seen that there was one missed call on my cell phone. It was a Nigerian number. Of course one thing came to my mind. He better not still be there. I did not recognize the number, which I called back.

A man answered the phone and quickly stated that someone used my phone earlier. I kindly asked, "who". He said I do not know who he is. I said, "You just let him use your phone". He said, someone in Atlanta.

Wierd huh. Someone with a NIgerian number in ATL.

I just got out of the shower. The snow is dwindling down. I am a pro in driving in the snow. So I am not worried.

Thanks everyone for checking in.

That does not sound wierd...that sounds like a sign....like some kind of intervention....

really.... I am not being kooky

And yes do be careful on the roads Slow and steady wins the race

OK now I am serious, come and take this weather back, I don't like it anymore, the midwest and east coast can HAVE IT ALL. I came home from work to discover my pipes frozen, so I'm under my house with a hair dryer and flashlight trying to thaw out all the part of the pipes that the cats removed the insulation from, it's not working and I'm full of fiberglass. I decide to go to my office and get the space heater I use to warm my feet up at work. On my way home the oil light AND the check engine light come on. I know enough to know you stop IMMEDIATELY when that occurs, of course it was on a curve with hardly any shoulder. A guy stops and says I should be able to make it to the service station (over 2 miles!) I just laugh and tell him, no you don't move a vehicle when the oil light comes on. Checked the oil - NONE, also it's steamin - no antifreeze in the resevoir. Thankfully a sheriff's deputy pulls up (a friend of mine) and takes me to the grocery store where I buy 3 quarts of oil and a gallon of water (no antifreeze), the oil fills it so I wasn't completely out but I pour the entire gallon of water in and there is STILL nothing in the resevoir. The oil light goes off but the check engine light is still on. I drive the 2 miles to the service station - no antifreeze, go to the next grocery store and paid $20 for a gallon of Prestone, poured it in and guess what??? Just barely registers in the resevoir and the check engine light is STILL on. The heater has been on for nearly an hour and STILL no water - darn cats!!!!! So you see, I have had enough of this weather, PLEASE take it back.

Oh me oh my...poor you!!! I am so sorry about the weather...and the car....and the oil....and the water....and the Prestone.....and the pipes....and the fiberglass.....

BUT.... I can not take back the weather because I live east of you I can only tell you to STOP sending it to me

I do hear you... I talked to my Dad today (he lives in South Central WA just north of the Colombia River...2 hours east of Portland) he said it is soooo cold. Its cold here too and snowy. My husband is not happy about it either, he has to work out in it

I got a load of wood delivered last night to try and help offset the cost of heating this big ole house!!!!

Top of the day,

Infact it's my first time of going through all these and to be real with you. I came into the STATE [uS] on May this year and things never been the same it was when she visited me in Nigeria. 'm a rugby coach back home before I quit and came down and ofcourse she don't want me to pay the tickect and she did, now 'm thinking maybe that's why 'm going through these.

Ever since I was here, she's been complaining that 'm not eating what she cook but this shouldn't be harsh on me cos most of my foods back home was rejected by her and she called it ''horrible'' . Sure we got married in June and she used to keep my letters away from me saying that '' it's all junked, after all she paid for my ticket to be here '' she never allows me to talk to my manager or friends back home, I hardly spoke with my family back home [ parents ] I can't respond back if anybody says ''hi'' to me cos she'll be mad. She said it to my face that '' If you think in anyway you're getting your paper file , you're just wasting your time '' and she later says it's because she was angry that 'm not holding her or talking [ we're at the greyhound bus station in Virginia at the time ].

No stable place, we're just traveling around and besides 've travelled more than people that has live here for twenty years!

've being to Virginia from here [ New York ]. Virginia to Maine [ at motel 6 with her two sons '' keith-22yrs/Dylan-17yrs '' back to Portland in motel 6 and we ended up at her ex husband cos they all said [ mother & sons ] '' this is not their father '' there's a good job and I moved with them. We ended up sending out of his house though I figures some kind of game between them. I was helped with transport by some Nigerians down there and able to buy my own phone cos despite keith telling her I needed a phone, she never respond until August 06th,2008. And I got kicked out on August 15th cos I called my own mother back home [ $2.00 international call ] As of now, 'm in shelter [ Many story to say ] 've being to DSS and they put me here [ for two weeks, since Dec. 5th friday till 19th friday ] .

I was at Immigration Office that friday and they asked me to write how we met and all, and I did. They felt sorry and said they're going to follow my case and b'cos of my situations, they printed out the forms I-360 [ AMERASIAN ] . Infact they gave me some lunch [ was shocked and I appreciate that ]. A lot to say, I keep going back based on her email sent to me saying things will be fine but it keep getting worsen.

Thank you for been there.

A friend from VisaJourney.

Wow so sorry to hear that you have gone through this kind of trouble. Can you look into your heart and decide what you would like to do? Where is she? Has she had any contact with you? Please stay strong. Glad that you are safe and warm.

OK so whomever I thanked for the snow......I am now recanting, PLEASE take it back I have had my fill for the year thanks. This below freezing weather SUCKS when it's so darn wet!!! I loved the snow in Colorado when there was like NO humidity 20 below zero was no problem at all. BUT DANG it all it's so wet here in the PNW the snow is COLD to the CORE. If someone one is on their way to Africa, please send the heat this way. Much appreciated!

whooooaa, Noooo!

You asked for it, you got it.

and...., and I have plenty much more to give ya to help you ring in the new year

check out our weather forcasts: www.wqad.com

UNO

No really you can keep it!!!!!

I lived in Iowa for ONE winter.

I dont think we have a choice..... its not going to stop......

We had Thunder Snow today....

So I came across something interesting in a book that I am reading about Internet behavior. I see this happen here on VJ quite often.

"People often react not to what was written, but to what they imagined was written. When they get upset about what they imagined and refuse to take another look at the facts, they can create havoc in their relatioships."

What they are talking about in this paragraph is how misperceptions happen, and how the reader can misinterpret what the writer is trying to convey.

There is a chapter later on in the book dedicated to this, but I am not there yet. I just found this interesting since it does happen here on VJ. You can really see it more if you are on the outside looking in, instead of being involved in the disagreement or misunderstanding.

Anyway interesting book written by 4 Drs.....

I have a question - I changed my profile picture but my picture on my posts isn't changing, how come?

Never mind I just realized I needed to change my avatar pic not my profile pic, OOPS!

I still don't see another avatar pic WG.

Had to wait until I got to work and had a spare moment

hmmmmmmmm wonder what happened?!?!?! I updated but looks like all it did was mess up my first pic!

...its changed

oooohhhhhh I am dyyyyyyyinnnngggggggggg I woke up with a horrible headache.....

I took some drugs should be better by the time I go to work......

I am so tired....going to bed soon.....life is so exhausting sometimes...

You wanted one, you got one

I made it on Yahoo! groups, so feel free to PM me your e-mail address and I will send you an invite to the group. It is a closed group, so, if anyone misbehaves they get booted B) I don't play

Thank You Zee

Zainab,

How are you feeling today?

I'm so much better today. My VJ sisters definitely had my back and I told my hubby so as well. He gave me a look, but he knows the VJ subettes will come looking for him if he don't do right by me. I like Heather's idea of an adjustment support group. I agree that people don't talk much about it here on VJ and I know it's so they don't get flamed that their marraige was a scam or their hubby is using them. I've learned to ignore people on VJ so I put myself out there for the support that I needed. So, the haters can form their own support group, haters aren't anonymous. Hee Hee. Okay, I'm punch drunk. But Bassi and I spoke last night which helped us on the path to healing. I'll try that Chapman book Boaz. I have Now You're Speaking my Language by him that I may have to pull out and dust off too. Maybe we can read it together.

Z

Glad to hear you are feeling better. Tell you hubby the VJ sisters RIDE or DIE! LOL! The idea of a support group sounds wonderful. How do we get it started? There are some positive vibes going on in this forum and I appreciate all of the posts.

Zee? You're organized and good at starting things. I'm a follower and supporter! Tell me how to help and I'm there.

Sorry to throw you under the bus. Maybe we could start a Yahooo Group or something if it shouldn't be on here. I don't know.

Z

If people would prefer we do a Yahoo! group we can do that. I can get it set up if y'all would like

Do we want to keep it just subbies?

That's good for me. I'm open to others joining, but definitely have control over who joins so that we feel comfortable to speak. How do the rest of ya'll feel?

This sounds like a good idea....it does need to feel like safe group or we will have the same problems that we do now, no one will speak out.

I mostly lurk on VJ nowadays, but I chose to comment today because of Zainab's recent post.

Zainab: This is for you and any others that are transitioning right now and experiencing growing pains. My hubby will have been here 2 years in January and I can say that I feel closer to him now than I did the day we got married. However....the adjustment period (for both of us) was rough....no brutal. Not because I didn't know him well (I did), but because with neither of us having lived with someone else and never being married before, it took time to adjust. We had to transition from being our single selves to our married selves and it wasn't easy. Seriously. We had disagreements about garden-variety stuff, but being "new" in all of this I felt like I was making a lot of mistakes and felt I might not be cut out for marriage. It seemed like we had an issue darn near everyday! However, I realized that as time went on, the disagreements became fewer, and we had shorter periods of not-speaking-to-one-another. I can't put my finger on what made things easier, but I think the main thing was being patient with him and with myself, and not blowing my top every time something wasn't to my liking. I think now, my husband also tries to understand more where I am coming from, and that I am transitioning as well. And he also realizes that I have a need to squash things right away instead of enduring prolonged silences. This has made those periods of not speaking to one another a lot shorter and has allowed us to come to resolutions sooner.

Unfortunately I don't have the antedote to making the transition easier, but just be patient with yourselves. The disagreements should lead to reconciliation in the end and a better understanding of one other. I feel if you didn't fight then something would be wrong. Maybe that's just my twisted way of thinking, but I am a big believer in change through struggle. Things WILL get better though, I promise!

I am so glad that shared with us. The transition is something that we dont talk about enough in this forum. It is very real and most of us are very effected by it. I remember when it was us, I felt so alone (because no one really talks about it) I was starting to think that I was the only one who had these types of problems, therefore there must be something wrong with my relationship.....glad to find out I was wrong and everyone has these types of problems in the beginning.

It does take work and patience. I found that if I did the work on myself and made changes in myself, I saw the changes in him. I had to learn to calm down and not fly off the handle. I had to learn a different style of communication.

It does get better, I was saying today how my I can recognise my husband once again as the man I fell in love with. He really was not himself while he was trying to figure things out here.

We all think getting them here is the hardest part....I do not think so, I think the adjustment is the hardest part...the adjustment makes the visa process look like a cake walk

You know what they say about hindsight

When I needed to talk things over, I learned it was best to talk to people who understand the culture and have some expeirence with this, friends and family just dont understand, they think whats not to love about America? He's here why cant he be happy...and other dribble...

I would say I noticed a big difference a little after he had been here a year, and leaps and bounds from then to now. Feb 16th will be our 2 year aniversary, we were married only a few weeks after he arrived here.

I really do think that this is a subject that should get more attention...seems like people generaly disapear after thier SO arrives...others are worried to talk about it like I was.

We need an adjustment support group

I'm at work. FINALLY! I had a HORRIBLE weekend. We had an ice storm. I had no electricity and no heat all weekend. Just miserable. Then I topped off the weekend with another knockdown drag out fight with Bassi. Any that have been here a while have advice for me and Bassi. This transition is KILLING me. Maybe killing us. I'm so tired of arguing! Why does he have to be so darn stubborn?! I never thought I'd be so happy to be at work. I'm gonna get some rest today.

Hey, our adjustment period was ROUGH!! PM me if you want to talk, maybe we can talk it over and work out a solution. I know how frustrating it is, now that I look back I see so much that we could have avoided.

I am here if you need me.

P

Oh Sylvia, I am so sorry that your trip had so many twists and turns. Glad that you made it home in one piece. Any word on your case?

I said a little prayer for you, I genuinely hope that everything goes smoothly.

I was there a month. The trip reads like a comedy/horror movie script but we were together for a month. He just got off the phone from wishing me a happy birthday. BTW anything happen in the real world since Nov 13th?

You will have to tell me about it

THANK YOU to whomever sent the snow my way. I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!! Called SO first thing this morning to let him know we had nearly 3" of snow, he laughed and told me how hot it was there . He was a bit surprised that my daughter wanted to go out and play in the snow, he thought that would be much too cold

we have snow as well...and lovely below zero temps (not fit for man nor beast)

home at last

Were you in Africa????

Hey WG, I like Sugar and Bob. Bob really deserves it he is a genius...but Sugar she is sooooo crafty, no one suspected her at all....then there is Matty...I am sure that they will be the final 3 I am happy if any of them win.....

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR HELP!!!

Unfortunately I didn't win

Sorry

OH I just droppped my son off to go ice skating with what seemed like 152 teenage girls (there were 7 ) but in my defence 7 teenage girls make the same amount of noise as 152!!!!

They were swarming around him like bees at a hive

I dont know who felt worse...me.... or the other 2 boys who were not noticed by the swarm of girls

you did of course

they\'ll get the left overs your son does not want

:rofl: I dont know about that!!!! I was there for a while those girls would not leave my son alone :rofl: Those other 2 boys were like :rofl:

my sont thinks he is a pimp a 14 year old pimp.....ok I gotta go pick up the "mack daddy" :rofl:

OH I just droppped my son off to go ice skating with what seemed like 152 teenage girls (there were 7 ) but in my defence 7 teenage girls make the same amount of noise as 152!!!!

They were swarming around him like bees at a hive

I dont know who felt worse...me.... or the other 2 boys who were not noticed by the swarm of girls

Is it true that you can not file K-1 visa with a sponsor in Nigeria? Has that changed recently.....seems that I remember that was the case a few years ago.

Well.....I dont know when you heard of this, but we had a K1 and no sponsor....all me!!

OH!!!!! I miss read the question....I thought you said you HAD to have a sponsor....so sorry

Is it true that you can not file K-1 visa with a sponsor in Nigeria? Has that changed recently.....seems that I remember that was the case a few years ago.

Well.....I dont know when you heard of this, but we had a K1 and no sponsor....all me!!

That's just some freaky #######.

Sorry but orgasm=not while baby is being pushed out and 749207592475 people are in my room WATCHING.