Perseverance

AH Family,

DONT TELL THEM ANYTHING NEGATIVE!!!!

They dont get it, and they never will. I have found that friends and family do not understand at all!! They will not relate. Telling them about your woes will only further the distaste for your SO. Find a friend that CAN relate to you. B) You will discover that someone with a foriegn spouse has a LOT in common with you.

"You can tell them as much as you want about life here and you can hear "Don't worry, I know, I know" until the cows come home, but it is a TOTALLY different when they actually get here and see it for themselves."

"

Exactly! he thought he knew and its like watching a newborn son discover things on his own and Im so proud when he takes the iniative in doing things on his own. he was a afraid to drive and now to see him you wouldnt believe it.

This I COMPLETELY relate too!!!

To the OP, dont focus too much on it, just know that what ever is thrown at you, you will get through it and figure it out. It is pretty rough until they start to work and feel like they have some independance from you, as much as they love you this is important.

It takes a lot of patience and reminding of yourself that they are WAY out of thier comfort zone. No matter how much we love our country, it is not thier country and there is so much to adjust to.

My husband has been here for 2 years+ and sometimes it was rough but we figured it out

Hello Everyone,

Mrs J, I am so so very sorry for your loss.

Update on my Grandmother, I have still not been up to see her, it is my busy season at work and I find myself trying to find the right time. Trying to figure out how to afford to go.....

She is out of the hospital and into a critcal care facility. She has really gone down hill in a short amount of time. I know now that she will never go back to her home. The cancer is so advanced. I am angry that no one bothered to pay attention to the signs when they showed up so long ago. She is needlessly sufffering. It did not have to be this way if her primary care provider had been on top of the key indicators.

The cancer started in her lungs and has at this point pretty much taken over her body.

I am holding up, I have had to leave work a few times to pull myself together, once I have a good cry then I am ok and can move forward with my day. grieving SUCKS

I went to a meeting at the school I found, I was mislead which is also a let down for me. NO NIGHT CLASSES, I was mislead. I can not keep my current job and go to school. I will figure things out.

Husband is still out of work.

Hello can I get a break PLEASE????

I keep telling myself that God will not give me more than what I can handle...right?

One day at a time.

Most of the time my sprits are high...I refuse to let all of this get me down.

OMG!! I just wrote you all a long post about everything and it disapeared!! I give up!! Stupid computer!

I am holding up, thank you everyone for your well wishes.

Please keep your positive thoughts coming, I know that I am going to need them.

P

I was also very ill this weekend with a lovely stomach virus.

I received some more bad news about my Grandmother, the cancer has riddled her body, she was sitting down last night and her femur bone (that is the large bone located in your thigh) snapped as she was sitting. She is in the hospital, she has told my mothers cousin that she does not want any of us to come, not me, not my sister, not my mum, not anyone. She is going to have surgery to stabilize her leg with a rod and some pins, she is talking about rehab for her leg, I do not see that as a reality, she is 88 years old, she has hidden this cancer for quite sometime.

My Uncle is in Iraq, he does not know yet, my mum, has been having trouble getting a hold of him.

My mum says she wants to die alone. My husband keeps asking why we arent going up to see her.

I dont think the wolves should worry...unless Palin buys a new chopper......

I got some sad news today

my grandmother, my mothers mother, whom I admire, she is my inspiration to go back to school. She is sick. She is a brilliant woman, she would not tell us unless she knew it was serious. She told my mother...my mother has not told my sister, she told me first, I am stronger.

Sometimes I hate being strong.

I hope I can afford to go and see her, before she passes

I pray she lives long enough to see me graduate, or at least know that I did

NO matter what she has always believed in me

Good Morning Everyone,

Chis, I am very sorry that this rediclous man continues to haunt you, my heart goes out to you

Mrs J, My own husband was the same way and it paid off for him he passed with an amazing score on the written test. The studying gives them some sense of doing something, and lets admit there are not really many *ahem eh.... driving laws in Nigeria, and we have SOOO many it is a lot to learn about our system.

Uno, if you need additional information other than what I sent to you, please dont hesitate to ask.

My Boss comes back this week, I hope that he had a wonderful vacation and returns rested and ready to run!!

I have decided to go back to school. Something I have wanted to do for a long time, I wont be able to start untill summer term because my work load is going to be very heavy untill then. I found a place that I can take evening\night classes, so I can keep working at my current job untill I complete school. I need to figure out the finiancial aspects....

There was a public seating area when I was there....there were a lot of people sitting there...there was not much shade...my husband had a friend that worked with the police...so I sat with the "chief' on duty under his shady tent....we had tea and biscuits My husband wanted to insure that nothing would happen to me when he was not around. He instructed me not to talk to anyone

If you give your passport to your SO to take in keep in mind that you cant get in to the Embassy with out it. So you could be outside with no way to get inside the Embassy should you need to...(like to pee )

Also someone said that by your presence it will help secure your visa....that is not necessarily true, I was there and they still messed with us, we had 3 interviews in 3 days...they did not see me till the 3rd day....he still did not get his visa for another month after that.....I know of others that were in attendance for the interview and also had problems.

Now I am not saying it does not help for the US citizen to be there, I am saying dont think because you are there that it is a slam dunk.

I took a book with me to pass the time away...I was outside each day for more than 5-6 hours.....

YAY

I am so excited!!!! I had to go get a tanning package today, I can squeeze in 8 sessions before I leave. Also bumped my haircut/color/highlight appointment up to the night before I leave. SO called me late last night and said, "I don't know if coming so soon will work, I don't have much money." Told him "Too late, ticket has already been purchased - we'll be fine I ALWAYS over budget for things so everything will work out." We may have to stay in a less expensive place but that is totally fine with me.

Dont burn something important before you go.......

Good morning!

I usually go to bed at 8 pm. well last night i could not go to sleep until 11 pm, but i am still up at 4 in the morning. When pregnant with my son I was up late and slept in. Back then I had a job as a retail manager that accommodated this schedule. The other managers loved not working nights. With this job I can't afford to have this type of schedule.

Does anyone have suggestions on getting to sleep naturally?

Try some Sleepy Time Tea (Celestial Seasonings).....made right here in good ole Colorado!!!! I am pretty sure that it is available nation wide...if not drop me a line I will send you some...heck I will even drive to Boulder and get you some fresh from the factory!!!

PS Congrats, I wish you an easy healthy pregnancy, and a beautiful healthy baby

Dont beat yourself up. Its not worth it. Learn from it. Let it make you a stronger person. B) Move on. B) It could have been SOOOO much worse. Chock this up to one of life's lessons, you learned this one...you dont need to do it again

Any kind of mental illness really is not a joking matter.

Sir, you have more problems on your hands than you wifes alleged mental illness. Your wife and her mother are enmeshed, pretty badly it seems. Your wife needs to learn to stand on her own two feet, apart from her mother. There are things between a husband and a wife that are sacred. If you really want to save your marriage you need to find a GOOD psychologist and psychiatrist someone who can PROPERLY diagnose your wife and then monitor her medication should she need medication. First get your wifes mental status stable and then you can work on your marriage. When you have established a good relationship with the DRs then they can help you work on the issues within your marriage.

If you really truly love her, then you need to take a step back, look at the situation and find out how you can help her, once she is stable then you can work on the issues of the marriage in a RATIONAL manner. There are lots of functioning adults in society who live productive and successful lives, it is a very obtainable goal.

Unfortunately because of the continent that you are from people automatically think SCAM!!!( YES people... AFRICA is a continent not a country ) That is a shame really....I hear it plenty don't waste your time in an argument with them about your intentions. Ignore them. Wade through the BS that is so freely dished out on VJ and use the advice that actually means something to you and your situation

You can do this, it is not going to be easy, but the pay off of having a healthy happy wife and marriage are worth it. It is easy to turn and walk away, it takes a much stronger person to stay.

P

I think UNO keeps in touch with her and Perseverance spoke with her not too long ago. P said she wasfine, but I hope she is doing okay, too.

Last I spoke to her she was fine, just busy.

Thanks for the congrats everyone!

I believe if you make available all the items that you mentioned in your post, that you should be ok. Bringing more evidence to an interview is always much better then bringing less.

Even pictures of you all that you may consider not to be too clear; the more the better.

Good Advice Ido...

Happy Wedding Anniversary to us!!! 2 Years down....eternity to go.....

**edited to delete double post.....

Well,

Okay boss lady, what would you susgest? Since your in charge at work I thought I seek your advice here. Should we start an excercise thread (in which people can post how much they did) or should we keep it in here?

Uno would be good on posting; (she does one situp a day ) we may even motivate her to do a little more.

Boaz and her hubbie does the excercise thing.

MrsJibowu is getting started and you perserverance have your bike in the basement; (could you excercise there)

I'm almost sure I can talk Chipas into at least 5-minutes......... and maybe more peeps will join in once we get it started.

Waiting on you Boss Lady. IN CHARGE

My suggestion would be to create a thread dedicated to the Subbies Excercise....looks like we have some people who would already participate. I think that LL was interested too. Yes I can ride my bike in the basement....it was just more convenient when it was in my room. I think it will be good for us all to have some motivation. Waiting for you next move Ido....

The sad thing about Nigerians and the scam word is it adds stress to the relationship from all sides. You have to defend yourself even more than most people because as soon as you mention Nigerian well meaning people will try to give you the scammer lecture.

Exactly, in the U.S. it's a knee-jerk reaction. What can be done about it?

Try thinking out of the box.......

Hello Peeps how is everyone????

WanTanNara and Chis had thier B-days on the same days!!

I am doing well....My boss is going on a fabulous Euro Vacation and guess who he is leaving in charge.....yours truly yes yes for real can you believe it??????

I have to hang on to the bright spots...hubby is out of work Come on spring.....hubby working in the oil industry....winter is not the right season for him.....

Ido... I have a spin bike...recently moved to the basement since the hubby is home all the time now....he booted it out of our room....I am willing to do some kind of excercise program....

I hope everyone is fabulous!!! Stay positive

Happy Birthday WanTonNara!!!

* I am a little early....

Happy Birthday Chispas!!!

* I think I am a few hours early.....

I get my International News from BBC...they have positive and negative news....Globally.....