Chris-n-Veronica

Thanks to all who have posted here. Nataia interviews on February 14, and will soon be here. I really really really want this to work, so the insight you give on your difficulties and challenges will better prepare me to help her have an excellent life here.

I have lived overseas myself (Germany) with no local language skills as a 1 year exchange student (long ago), so I can empathize with the posters here. Looking back, I can see I should have left my comfort zone more to meet and interact with friends. I sat back and waited for new friends to "happen". I should have worked harder at getting myself in the mix and interacting with people, instead of always sitting on the periphery just watching. I should have initiated more interaction instead of simply just going with what came along. I have already found a Russian Orthodox Catholic church for us to attend, even though I have never been much of a church-going person. Attending will probably be good for me . Natalia was a hair stylist 5 years ago, and says she loved the work. Her spoken English is very good, even though her written is pretty poor. I know it will be important for her to have a real life unto herself ASAP - complete with her own work, money, and friends. I hope working as a hair stylist can lead to all of these things, even if she decides to progress to bigger and better things later. She is university-educated, aspirational, and speaks fluent Russian and Japanese. I know she will want to develop her life to much bigger things, and I am the same way.

Having come out of a failed marriage, I do not know for sure what makes a good marriage work. I absolutely know things that will break a marriage. Regardless of adjustment issues to a new culture, don't forget about the work that goes into a good marriage. Things I plan to give and to receive:

1. Daily tender affection. Not "morinin'-kiss-hug-pat-pat" affection. Passion. Deep loving looks into each others eyes.

2. An excellent book I read, "Too good to leave; too bad to stay", made a blindingly obvious point that had eventually escaped me in my previous broken marriage. Love is a perishable thing. It's not just a state of mind that lives on its own. You use it, and it can deplete if you don't feed it. Don't take it for granted - it CAN fade away and disappear. How do you feed it? Love is created from, and grows from, loving experiences. Don't get caught up in focusing too much on surviving life that you forget to set aside special time for each other with special things to do with each other. If you don't do this, excellent love can die. I know.

3. The dissolution of a relationship starts with a growing dissatisfaction and unhappiness on one side (at least). The dissatisfaction is often kept a secret from the other, but is expressed through "hints" instead of outright overt communication. Hints can be perceived by the other as simply a "phase". I hinted for a year before I gave up hinting. That was wrong. I should have been extra candid and clear that I needed a return of more love and affection. I had tried for a year to pre-pay love and affection by giving it myself and looking for it in return. It didn't happen. My wife was caught up in devotion to the kids and taking care of them. The more I pre-paid without getting back, the unhappier and more distant I felt. Lessons learned for my second chance with a woman that loves me deeply and shows it:

_____3.1. I'm going to try not to ever leave the "courtship" phase of the relationship. I want to remember to make real overt efforts to win her heart every day, just as I did when I first met her. I will remember to interrupt my striving for financial success to create those loving experiences. I hope she does the same.

_____3.2. I'm going to be clear and overt about my needs and irritations. No more festering secrets. I hate conflict, arguments, or even using loud voices, but I need to get past this aversion. The lack of fights and arguments does not necessarily indicate a healthy relationship. It can also indicate a relationship that has ceased to exist. I know this.

_____3.3. I'm going to pro-actively ask and seek to find out whatever might be causing Natalia to be unhappy. I want to know early so we can work on it. If you don't do this, unhappiness can fester and fix itself by destroying the relationship. Waiting for unhappiness to pass is a dangerous thing. I know this.

I don't have a loving relationship with my former wife, and have come to accept that the ingredients simply weren't there for a life beyond simple camaraderie, friendship, and two beautiful children. After year and half of despair, I met Natalia. She loves me and adores me, and I burst with happiness at the chance to love and adore her. The love and adoration is not manufactured - quite the opposite. I tried to resist my feelings for her and her feelings for me because I wanted to be a "good man" and a good husband. The feelings between me and Natalia have always just been too strong to quash. Despite a previous life judged very successful by most Americans (career success, expensive home in Florida, beautiful children, no financial worries, etc.), I could not avoid acting on my strong feelings. Camaraderie and success are nice, but I can't live the rest of my life without giving and receiving a lot of love and affection. Maybe others don't need this as much as I do, but I am glad to have found this beautiful woman that does.

BTW - I gave away everything voluntarily to my ex - probably just an attempt to satisfy the guilt of not being a "good man". I'm starting over from scratch in an empty apartment and trying to learn from the experience. I now spend 10 times as much time with my beautiful young children (1 and 3) since the divorce in July. I get joy from them I never knew before. I actually prefer my time with them over travel and work - which I used to "live" for. I'm going to really work at maintaining these fairytale feelings I have had with Natalia for over a year. If she does the same, I hope we can live in bliss forever, even if bliss means a few heated arguments.

I do not offer these personal observations as expert advice. I've proved to myself I didn't know ####### about making a good life before, and I can only hope I have learned a few good things to have a good life in the future. If anyone reads the above comments and can give further recommendations, I welcome the advice. I want to learn to do better.

I can relate...and totally agree on "Everything" you said... and your totally right that love is perishable.. as I lived a very similar fate as you did with your Ex...and for about the same reasons you listed..

We both got caught up on who was giving more love/affection.. and be both begin to feel abused..

I also gave everything up..and for the same reasons....

And how I feel about Veronica and our relationship..you took the words right out of my mouth....

I hope others... really read this.. and beleive... because we lost our love after 32 years.. So nothing is written in stone, only if you work on it..daily!!

I have a freezer full of unwanted grape popsicles so i wondered if it's just my family or does everyone despise the grape?

Other = Banana

Hi everyone,

I'm nervous but excited! I have my packet ready to roll...I have to say I did I pretty good job (I hope )

I should know this, but my mind is at a blank right now. I will be sending to the Vermont Service Center - to eventually be sent to Amman. What's the best route to send via postal service. (Certified, Signature Guaranteed, etc???).

I really appreciate your help.

thanks!

I sent mine Next Day Air... UPS signature required... make sure you use a check..it helps to get the receipt number sooner so you can view it on the internet..

Vermont...you already have a lucky break..as most of the time they are alot faster...... Good Luck on the rest of your journey..

Which documents HAVE to be notorized?

Thanks

Read the guides... plus you need to tell us what part of the process your at... I-129F or ??? But follow the guides..that is what they are there for....

But we also will help...

after logging in and out USCIS's website for more than 2000 times over the past 3 months, after hoping, screaming and yelling for 3 month, there comes the GOD DAMN NOA2 at 10:00PM EST on 1/24/2007. After jumping around all over the apartment, hugged my indian roomate(almost choked him ), and ran around the building for 15 munites, I am finally able to sit my ### down and share this news with all of you. WAITING IS NEVER EASY, I just hope all of you who are waiting for NOA2 will soon join me for the sort of excitement I am expereiencing now.

also want to thank everybody for being positive while I was waiting, your message didn't help me to get NOA2 ,but it does help great amount to survice this increditable waiting period.

Sincerely,

BIN&JIE

Congrats!!!! I know the feeling... I've had tears..on several different occasions ..NOA2, Consulate has petition, Packet 3, and I'm sure more are to.. come...and thats me..imagine Veronica..hhhaahhahaahha

In my opinion either will work. I personally think chat logs with a screen capture of you and you significant other on cam is better than a phone log. JMHO, Ken & Maria

Most of us probably have web camera and most of us use it to talk to our other half ( not to mention it's free too) So why do we need to call each other and waste money when we can talk through web camera and see each other at the same time and save money. I printed our MSN, ICQ, and our Skye conversations with OUR pictures in there. Do you think it's good enough or do we really have to start calling each other more often. WE do call but rarely since we spend hours talking through the web camera. All the calling cards that i ever bought i threw it out because i had no idea i had to save them as an evidence.

any replies are greatly appreciated.

thanks

thanks

the only thing is, the chat log doesn't have dates and you can't install them

also, if i used to purchase calling cards online, can i print my credit card statements where it'll show the proof of purchase?

There are some higher priced phone cards that you can print your call log...

I use yahoo chat and another dial around company that gives me pretty good rates and the rates are the same for cell or landline... plus they bill you monthly..the link is in my signature...

Are photos of my kids evidence of a previous relationship?

hahahahahah or someones past relationship with your ex LOL

Congrat's!!!

In a way it's good you got through the Holidays first... Who needs the slow time and the Holidays without your love one..

I hope CSC picks it up.. and your approved in 60 or less..

I'm glad alot of you aren't troubled by past pictures of your Fiancee/Wife with someone else More Power to ya But it would bother me..and So I'll just put the pic's away that include my ex in pic's with the kids.. and other stuff I'll either give it back to the ex or throw it away.. My thoughts are about how Veronica Would feel.. not about how I would feel throwing out a past that didn't work.. I really don't need reminders of where I've been.. to know where I'm going..

Thank you for your kind advice..(I mean, just the kind ones)

I'm not upset about it anymore...Still I would not let anybody talk to me like that again, ever...Next time if he ever happens to come to my store I will make him leave, and I will never want to see him again.

Hubby's a tough guy, but I understand that he really did have a needle on his neck...he couldn't really say anything..who know what that idiot would do..

Hubby was actually talking about another way better tattoo artist in town last night. He was telling me how his A$$hole friend's work sucks comparing to the other better tattoo artist. He was really trying to make me feel better~~

Well it does sound like your hubby is trying to keep piece..by going to a different tatto artist.. That is good..!!

I'll tell ya... the min. that Monkey started sticking that needle deeper then it needs to go...I'd say...stop.. I need a pee break.. I'd get up..and beat the ######-Ola outta him.. and give him a tatto that said..A$$Hole hahahhahaha Well I hope I made you laugh alittle.. Sounds like your hubby is doing right now....

I've been torn on this issue too.. As I have 32 years with my EX but the good thing is I left...and left most of it behind.. SHe has most everything and is pretty slow giving me anything.. Which I'm ok with, Thank God her live in BF keeps her busy..

But anyway.. I decided not to keep...towels...bedding..beds..etc.., things like that.. I have a ring that we had built about 10 years into the marriage.. and she claims it is a wedding ring.. Which a way forces me in a way to Sell it.. or at least put it away..

I also have Xmas..Birthday type cards..I think I will toss.. This stuff doesn't bother me..but I need to think about the feelings of my second half....

And like others.. the stuff I have now will slowly go away.. as new things are bought...

But I am going to do a big house cleaning... to make sure nothing it laying around that could cause Veronica to feel weird as her being in a New Country will be hard enough.

I will keep pictures of my kids even if the ex is in them...I'll just put them away..

We really need to think about our second halfs as they have come to a new country for you..they gave up their familys.. and life will be tough enough let alone they have to set there in the house waiting on the Green Card looking at your Old pictures..letters..etc..,

Also I've asked twice in the period of 3 months about which poverty level percentage they use... both times the answer came back as 100% or $13200 for two people..here is the last letter I got today:

Dear Sir:

If you filed a fiancee petition, your income in order to meet the legal requirements must be compared to the 100% of the Poverty Guidelines for 2006. For a household of two people (you and your fiancee) the minimum amount per year is $ 13,200. Please be prepared to present all the documents listed in your e-mail at the time of your fiancee's interview.

This is for form I-134 and the Romanian Consulate..

Last night hubby and I went to one of his friend's(who's a tattoo artist) house so that hubby can get the tattoo on his neck done.

We were first having a good time...you know, watching the football game, and having casual conversations...

and I don't even know when did it all started, when hubby's friend started talking sh!t about my home country right in front of my face when he's working on the tattoo on hubby's neck...saying that I came from a poor and communist country(China), Communisim is really bad, that's why US went to war with Vietnam...that nothing he owns is made in China because before he buys something, he always makes sure that it's not made in China..saying that nobody should buy anything from CHina because they use child labor and they should not feed the communist country. I talked back, and he got more pissed and said that maybe the US should start dropping bombs on other countries like they used to...hubby finally told him that's enough and he finally shut his God Dam mouth

I was completely insulted...devastated...I couldn't even talk back anymore because I already started tearing up...

After we left his house I asked hubby why didn't he stuck up for me and told him to fxcking stop, hubby said that he got pissed when I talked back and he poked the tattoo needle even harder on his neck...He told him that's enough and that's all he could do...

Guys I'm sorry but I'm still really upset over this. Makes me want to leave here and never come back...

Hubby told me not to let that bother me, but...I dunno how am I supposed to deal with this

5 things..

1. Refuse to go there again, because it's a hostile place for you..

2. Don't let him win by packing your bags

3. Check your Husbands Balls.. make sure he has some.

4. Wonder why your hubby hangs with people like this

5. Wonder why the tatoo was more important then your feelings were

This ####### would've lastest 2 sec's with me... and it would've been the last time this jerk would've had the chance to do this to Veronica.. PERIOD!

Now on a better note... talk to your hubby explain to him how this hurt you and how it was showing disrespect...to you as his wife.. maybe he just didn't see it the way you did...and probably 99% of the population..of the United States..

Just so the Newbies know...what the Consulate wants...for the interview

From the Romanian finace'

Passport

Birth Cert.. Translated if in Russian

Police Cert.

Court and Prison if the Police report shows it

Military cert. if you were in it

Marriage Cert.. It means..to show if you were married and if you were if your divorced

up to 8 passport photo's for the consulate and medical exam.

I-134 from Petitioner

Medical exam

Evidence of Relationship...

Any of the cert. that aren't in English or Romanian need translated to one of these..

Petitioner

I-134

Notarized Copies of Tax return (1040) for latest year which at this point could be 2005 or 2006... I used H&R Block..and my Bank notarized them..

Statement from Employer on Company Letter head.. showing salary and the length of permanency of employment

Statement from Bank Officer on Bank Letterhead showing bank account number...Date account was open and present balance.. I also included deposits year to date.. just alittle icing

Thats it... from the Packet 3...

Also if your not in Romania but your interview is there...start checking into the Visa requirements...that came into effect Jan 1st 2007....

The bottomline here is read the instructions/guide here on what is required for proof of relationship... don't try to get by...use the old moto.... "Better Safe Then Sorry" bury them with paperwork/proof... add icing onto everything... Don't take chances with your future and your SO....

My wife and I tentatively planned for a mid september wedding and had to put it back until october. We didn't confirm dates at the venuee or with the photographer etc until I had my interview date but we didd all thee ground work. We tapped them all up and explained thee situation. Fortunately october isn't a busy wedding month (we still got married outside though - sunny but cold). She did most of the work as i was still in england but i helped out where i could. I found the rabbi (not easy to find aone that will do an interfaith marriage let alone on a saturday) but she di d almost everything else. I was always consulted and frrom that perspective was involved in the process.

Once I had the interview datee we were confident enough to book everything and it was a success. So we started planning in may 2006 (dress was sorted early, rings too) and i knew my interview date by the beginning of september so we still had 6 weeks to confirm everything for the mid october wedding.

It was aa very stressful time. Maybe getting a legal marriage when you are both here and then having a wedding later will give you the time to plan your dream wedding. No matter what you decide, planning a wedding is stressful even if you have 18 months to plan it.

After Offically Setting the Date... I can see money as a major problem as I'm the only one working..and I might have to get a short time loan from my sister just to get Veronica here...as the Consulate trip is going to cost a whole lot more then I planned... So I see us getting married soon after her arrival to meet the 90 days requirements(probably at the court house)..but remember it takes time for your mail to get to the Immigration..So you need to marry 60-75 days and give yourself 15-30 days to get everything mailed...So anyway I see a court house wedding...and then the Offical Reception later..maybe in April or May.. And then we can Redo our Vows..or just say some words to each other...

Yea...things change as reality sets in .. but the main thing is your with your love...Your married..and your future couldn't look happier..

Just thought I'd post for others to see the progress.....visa petition made it through NVC per my timeline, and Johannesburg consulate today confirmed my email inquiry that the petition package is ready to be picked up!!!! :dance: :dance:

Well this is the part that takes time too... But it's seems faster as you have things to do...keeping yourself working on the packet 3..etc..,

So good luck...and have fun...this part of the journey is nearing the end

Just thought I'd post for others to see the progress.....visa petition made it through NVC per my timeline, and Johannesburg consulate today confirmed my email inquiry that the petition package is ready to be picked up!!!! :dance: :dance:

Well this is the part that takes time too... But it's seems faster as you have things to do...keeping yourself working on the packet 3..etc..,

So good luck...and have fun...this part of the journey is nearing the end

Round trip is the cheapist..

http://www.expedia.com

http://www.sidestep.com

http://www.travelocity.com

and Orbitz.com but they didn't fly out of Chisinau Moldova so I don't use them much....

These are the cheapist I've found... and the price includes the taxes and other fee's..not like some of the others..that try to fake you out with their low price until you see the finally price after taxes...

Laura, I mean this in the nicest way...but tell him to get over it.

You two are a team, a partnership....if his inclination is to cut & run, well that's bollocks. You left your life with your children for him, yet he can't sit still till the red tape gets done? Sit him in front of the computer...let him twiddle around on ebay or summat. What about helping you? Can he not pick up some slack since you're working so hard? It's not summer camp where you need to think of things for him to do while you're workin your azz off to provide for the fam.

And...go back to England? Where's he livin? What job's he goin back to? #######?

I'm sorry, maybe I'm in a bad mood, but I simply cannot understand how he could have expected any different this early on. I do hope you guys get it sorted!

I don't usually agree with LisaD But I agree now.. and what others have said... He is being totally Self-Centered... And honestly..When the chips are down is when you separate the Children from the Adults...

and who is going to pay for the ticket back...Heck whats that..2-3-4 weeks wages.. ??? So he is willing to take money from your pocket book because he can't have alittle patients...and work to help support so he takes and makes it even worse.... If I was him I'd be more concerned with helping you as much as he can and not be a burden..

Heck maybe he can find alittle under the table work ? Im not promoting this..but it's just one of those idea's..

I'd say he is more home-sick then not being able to work-sick

Yea I was looking at...Costa Rica for fun..I'm like 15 years from retirement.. but I was looking and saw that housing was alittle more then I figured I'd have available when I did retire.. the idea is to pay cash for a house or flat..so the overhead is minimal..

I thought about her Country...but SSN won't send the Checks to me there unless it changes in 15 years.. .. But hey everything will change in 15 years..

Maybe Cancun Mexico ?? I have an old Boss/friend that sold the business and his house and retired there... He loved the place..use to vacation there several times a year...

So far we have some nice idea's...

Chris,

If you SSA check is what you are worried about then it is called direct deposit in a US bank account and then the BANKOMAT baby...

YEa I thought of that...But I'd hate to get caught in Moldova and My checks stop when they wise up....But in 15 years..Moldova will probably be apart of the European Union As Romania Just did...and they will send it there...But still not a bad idea.. if it doesn't...

My Daughter Loves Australia...

I think that none of us here are lawyers, and to label someone a guide kinda is in grey area.

But here's a novel thought...how bout this for a Guide?

Yea in fact I was just going there to Make sure I'm sending everything listed from the consulate and from the guides here..

"Better Safe Then Sorry"

Hey, not a bad idea! Kiev that is! If the problem persists I may have to see if they can change it....of course you know what that means; government red tape (no punt intended) and more delays if it can be done at all.

Choosing a different consulate other than the one that covers the beneficiary's country of residence creates potential other jurisdictional problems so it is not a simple answer. Currently, a consulate that is not jurisdictional, is not obligated to accept such a case to interview. The closest consulate that a Moldovan citizen can get to without a visa is probably Kiev. The DOS may be forced to change the location or set up an IV unit in Chisinau if the problem is not solved.

I'm told the main reason for such a long wait is all the students that go to school in Romania need to be back there by the 15th... We are hoping things get better by then....

Update:

The President of Romania and Moldova had a look for themselves how bad the Visa problem is in Chisinau..they promised to open other offices to speed things up..

From what Veronica has told me it is already starting to ease up some....

But you diffently need a invitation letter from the US Consulate in Romania to get a Visa for your interview..(no matter what their Annex 2 by-laws say) The consulate knows the problem and what the letter needs to say... Make sure you ask for it when you send the packet 3 back... Also there is a week or so wait for the Visa unless you bribe them.. But it's better to start working on it as soon as you can..You never know what you will run into...in Moldova...As Veronica says... "Only In Moldova" LOL it's our personal joke

I have more or less "guided" the Mexico thread for the past six months, answering a zillion questions. Now that the last IMBRA-affected girls have their visas, I'm done. It's incredibly exhausting.

I really beleive this is what VJ is really about.. Helping others..!! but they all should realize that what we say is only from our own experiences.. which the info could differ from consulate to consulate... So in a way this "Guides" isn't a bad idea since people are doing it now anyway... but maybe it should be focused more on a guide for each Consulate/Country... when it gets to that part of the process... Everyone pretty much knows the CSC and NVC process.. and thats mostly the questions I answer since I've been there and done that.....But A little more detailed help would be nice for each country/Consulate...

So far I've had great help from Callina and Jetson for the Romanian Consulate... and plus I'm trying to add things as I get them from the consulate...

Kudo's to everyone that is here day in and day out... helping others.. Heck I get tired of Congratulations for the NOA2's hahhahahahaha...But they all deserve this as the NOA1 to NOA2 is the longest wait with no word there is in this process...

At least after that you have things to do..calls to make..papers to get Notarized and it helps pass the time..

My wife has her interview on 01/25. We don't expect any issues there, as she has everything in order and I sent everything but actual DNA about me! Her POE will be Detroit. I will fly there that morning and then fly home to Florida with her that evening on the same flight. In scheduling our flights, I just wonder how much time it takes for her at the POE in Detroit before she is ready to leave for her flight to Florida? Maybe someone can give me their experience with arrival at the POE. I would certainly appreciate it. Good luck to all!

Glenn

Time at the POE depends on when during the day and how many concurrent international flights are being processed at the same time. DTW does not handle that many international flights so I would think it should be fairly efficient. I am sure two hours minimum connect however....

Great Question.... I never thought of this..time to enter the states... I guess when I book her flight I will need to have a min two hour delay...But I will try for more....

Well Good Luck !!!

A lot of times different or conflicting answers from members are the result of incomplete information or a poorly written question by the OP. Newbies (and non-newbies) ask the question but have failed to provide the "big" picture because they simply do not know what is important. Even what they think is insignificant can have a material effect on there case but they simply do not know any better. How many times do questions get asked and members have no idea what visa type, consulate, time line, etc... is involved. It is not a simple one-sided solution.

Fwaguy... Your one of the few...I respect your opinion....Even though you have just started your journey...You seem to know this stuff pretty well....