lmatos1978

Fiancée visas are only good for a single entry, so it's already cancelled. He can't use it again.

Thank you all. I gave him two options: 1. Stay here and go to couple's therapy to work through the issues; or 2. Go back to Cuba. He said problems are meant to be solved between two people and not with a third present, so he chooses to go back to Cuba.
If a man cannot give me one hour of his time a week, he's not going to give me anything. Ticket purchased, he will be gone in the morning. Good riddance.
Now can someone tell me what I need to do to cancel this jerk's visa TOMORROW?

Thank you all. I gave him two options: 1. Stay here and go to couple's therapy to work through the issues; or 2. Go back to Cuba. He said problems are meant to be solved between two people and not with a third present, so he chooses to go back to Cuba.
If a man cannot give me one hour of his time a week, he's not going to give me anything. Ticket purchased, he will be gone in the morning. Good riddance.
Now can someone tell me what I need to do to cancel this jerk's visa TOMORROW?

At this point the expense is relatively small. Add the cost of a wedding (no doubt he'll have ridiculous demands for that), A few years supporting his ungrateful a** and the cost of all the other visa steps up to citizenship and then the expensive divorce. Cut your losses now. Move on and find a real man who will love you and appreciate you and be there for you and put you first. Someone who won't whine and complain and make your life miserable because he doesn't get what he wants. You deserve better.

Ah there's no point of asking people here to guess what the letter is when u can actually find out yourself by asking your mum to open the letter. U said its private but would u rather stress about it and be paranoid and ask around and waste your time researching when the obvious solution to this is by opening it. I'm just saying.

I am totally getting this too in my 'spidie senses"
For real!!
Yeah, Inlove - what you are talking about is vanity. Coming from certain conditions and wanting to show off like you have something, when in fact, you have nothing/next to nothing. Shoot, let this guy show off what he has earned by his own day gone self! But then again, if that happens, you don't really have a partnership anymore, do you?
Hmmm, then if you discuss this with him in a more serious angle, watch if he doesn't become all sweet and calm again, just with your spidie senses telling you he's keeping his mouth shut about what he's really thinking....some men, I swear!

From a mans perspective................mine
Your man is just a big baby and needs to man up!
I have just moved here, and yes things are different, its a different country!!!, I have made an effort not ot go anywhere near anything that has UK about it
I miss my family, but thats normal
I haven't got a job yet so I am doing all the chores and cooking for my wife when she finishes work, its a big adjustment for her as well
I bought a bicycle to look around the area, I live in LA and its beautiful, there are horrible areas but there are in my home country
I came here to be with my wife, the woman I love not to complain about everything
My advice to him is straight and honest
Either man up or go back to your 'wonderful' Cuba
To the OP don't put up with his attitude, you are better than that, either he sorts himself out or you find someone who deserves you, you sound like a wonderful person xx

NewsFlash, US normalized relations w/ Cuba.
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/18/world/americas/us-cuba-relations.html?_r=0
Plenty of people raise their own dead weight here, and if we needed more dead weight, we could just import it. Don't need this wingnut. America was built on the backs of hard working immigrants. Have pride in your country/culture great. But if you're here, try to exercise what is so great about your culture here vs just pining or whining about it. You're here, embrace it. No ones going to hand him a job / money...etc ...except you. So stop it.
You bought him $1800 of clothes that he thought would be the value of 2 BMWs?
I still dont think waiting for him to get a job is going to do anything, all those tasks seem like they'll be well 'beneath him' and you'll just waste time on marriage / AoS.
OP get him on an action plan w/ you or an itinerary home to his beloved Cuba. You can do / deserve better.

Buy today one way ticket to Cuba and give to him. I bet he will go to live in somewhere in the USA, but he will not go back to Cuba at all.
Take all clothes you gave to him and donate to Goodwill.I would open the door and tell him to GET OUT !. I don't believe he is just a jerk,he is a scammer getting ready to disappear soon from your life.

Next time he says that ask him if Cubans are belligerent, toddler acting people? If no, then ask for him to explain the Cuban culture so that I will understand your childish and spoiled behavior.

I'm sorry to hear that. I have arrived in the USA recently too, about a month ago, and I'm visiting my boyfriend who lives here. Honestly, at first it was a bit of a shock, sometimes I would wonder if the places was right for me, cause everything seems to be so far out and the suburbs seem so in the middle of nowhere. I would say these things to him and I'm a very transparent person, so even if I didn't say anything, my frustration was clear in my eyes and he could see it. But after some time, I began to accept America better. I know this is the place where the man I love lives and I know it isn't always easy. I miss my mum a lot and while he's away at work I call her and we talk for 30-60 minutes almost everyday so it warms my heart. Maybe if your fiance tries to have his own life here, e.g. do any activity or making friends on his own he will feel better and a little less uncomfortable. My boyfriend has been very patient with me like you. I don't wanna discourage you or anything but if your fiance complains about it ALL the time, you must stand up for yourself and tell him to respect your country and stop complaining and be less narrowminded and at least try. If he loves you, he'll do this "sacrifice".

I cannot express the gratitude I have for the support. Love has been blind...

I don't necessarily disagree with the advice that you should refuse to marry him and allow him to return home, but...
If you truly love him and feel that he is a man who you could love forever, then I would advise getting counseling immediately, either couples counseling or one on one counseling for yourself. Even 3 or 4 sessions will allow you to have the peace to make the right decision(s) in the coming weeks.
Like you, I was stunned when my wife said she was unhappy after 4 weeks in Santa Fe. When I asked what part of it she was unhappy with, she replied, "all of it." Like you, having a spanish speaking community with some cultural ties was not a factor in making her less happy. Like you, she directly stated that I was a large part of her unhappiness. The very next Monday I called for an appointment to see a counselor about early marriage issues. My wife is resistant to all psychology so this was one on one counseling.
What I learned: early marriage is all about power dynamics... who has it, who is using it, how power is shared, how power is manifested. Communications is always important throughout a marriage but is extra important at the beginning. What you say and how you say it is crucial. A counselor can guide you through all of this in just a couple of sessions. It will also arm you with the knowledge you need to make decisions, presumably with no regrets.
Best of luck to you. Understand you're not alone and that even though you might be getting good advice from friends or here on VJ, don't under estimate the need for professional advice.
p.s. My wife has now been here for 3.5 months. She is much better. Our marriage is on much firmer ground. I ended the therapy sessions after seeing him 3 times.

In my opinion he started with the excuses why he doesn't like to live in the USA,soon he will tell you he is RETURNING to Cuba,do not buy his #######, he will just vanish. His attitude smells SCAM.

I completely agree. My husband has been here from the DR since August. He has been nothing but sweet and thankful. I had to beg him to get some warmer clothes. He mows the lawn and washes the dishes. He cooks what he wants to eat and never expects ANYTHING from me. He does tell me I don't have to thank him but I do because I appreciate all he is doing. He says that since he is not working, he needs to do everything.
I do find that he chats with his family (they don't have video chat so he uses WhatsApp) often at our home but I am grateful for that since I think it helps with his loneliness. I was so worried about how he would adjust since his country and lifestyle is so different but he has been wonderful.
Honestly. Set limits. Tell him that is not acceptable behavior. If this is going to be forever, you have to be happy. He can be homesick but he can't be a brat and he can't be a jerk to you who is trying so hard. You have done FAR more than I would have done.
Good luck. I hope he opens his eyes and realizes how good he has it!

Judging by his behavior listed in this thread, I somehow don't think making him leave would be a cakewalk. Manipulation is the only surefire way to do it!

The good news is you aren't married yet. I think it's really brave and admirable to admit your role in his behavior. He's spoiled and he's been over indulged. It seems he has been taught that his behavior is acceptable. The sad part is people don't readily change. There may be things that can be done to mitigate the situation but regardless you have lots to consider before you're locked in.

since you are both now currently in USA, he ought to be the one to needs to work on understanding America and American people (which is a complex equation) by the way.
I really think you should rethink your future with him.

I'm no expert on Cuban culture but I am pretty sure that being abusive, rude, selfish and mean is not part of it. From what you've described OP, this guy sounds like an a-grade jerk who needs to have his a** and his lobster booked on the first flight home. This isn't homesickness. This is emotional abuse and him taking advantage of your nature.
You sound like a loving and kind person. If nothing else, you deserve so much better than what he is bringing to the table. Get rid of him and fall in love with someone who appreciates and cherishes your love, not takes advantage of it.

Since he came on K1 and you haven't married, i recommend you let him go home and move on.
You dont want to spend your life trying to make him like the place/ or be 'happy'.
I came with K1 as well and I do understand, when i open my wife's fridge to cook, there was literally nothing i could cook because i wasn't familiar with the groceries here. and living in the suburbs being isolated was tough. but i learnt to get things done. i got a cook book and worked on adjust to stuff here.
i didnt really complain, i was obvious i wasn't happy though.
The extent he expresses dislike for the place is not acceptable.
Then again, i think you should communicate with him and let him know how his actions make you feel.
I use to tease my wife about a subject, and she didn't say she didn't like that.
We later went for counselling and she expressed how my 'tease' makes her feel, and i was very very shocked, because i did not know and she did not express dislike for this either.
so let him know, once you let him know and he keeps on doing so, then you have to advice yourself, this country is stressful enough by default.
Wish you the best.

When were you planning to get married?
I know it's only been two weeks, but my impression is that unless he gets his act together and tries to treat you with a bit more of respect, it's kind of useless to keep on going like this.
Sit down with him. Tell him you see he is not happy, and that he is free to go back to Cuba if he wishes - you'll buy his ticket. Don't be overly emotional. If he's in love with you, this will be a reality check.
My impression is that if you keep on feeding his ego, he will not bother to make any effort to make your relationship work.

He did not have many belongings. I have totally enabled all of this. I am not saying I am to blame, but am just admitting I have been an enabler. The part I have the most difficulty understanding is that when I am vocal about things, I get dismissed to not understanding Cuban people and Cuban culture.

1) Tell him you've bought a surprise vacation back to Cuba for the two of you because he's feeling homesick.
2) Wait until he's sleeping
3) Buy the next available ticket back to the USA for you only.
This is not a love relationship. It's a slave and their master.

SincerelyMeike you are a wise woman- and I completely 'get it' about finding the area you like. I am biased, but I find LA to be amazing and have everything a person could want (including the beach which is a stone's throw from my house). Every day I ask him what he wants to do. I have showed him a map of Los Angeles, I have explained the beaches, I have talked about museums, shopping, tourist attractions, hiking, opened groupon and took him through some fun off the beaten path things that are available here. He told me everything looked boring. So finally I just said I needed to "move" and do something for me. I said I was going for a hike and would he like to join- he did, but of course it was too hot, too difficult, and the route down I chose was "the longer route". (I have done this hike every weekend for 4 years).
I feel like a failure and feel completely duped, but am seriously contemplating cutting my losses.

I'm sorry to say this, but his behavior is not about being homesick. He is just completely disrespectful to you and you should stop serving him everything on a silver platter and bring him back to earth.

Wow, I am sorry to hear that. And I am with you, I would have thought that having lived outside of Cuba (in Russia) would have given him a realistic perspective. I lived in Venezuela, and I suspect he is being influenced by the political propaganda of his home country. Venezuela has similar propaganda, and I had some interesting conversations with friends and acquaintances there. He was told all his life that the USA is a horrible evil country, so he is looking at everything from that frame of view. I don't know how you change that. Many people are strongly patriotic, and that will affect their attitudes towards everything, even food...
Best of luck,
James