Fandango

I haven't been around in ages...my VJ was back in 05, but I lurk from time to time. I just had to say how awesome it is to FINALLY see these topics on here.

Good luck to the OP and his/her spouse, as well as all the other international gay/lesbian couples!!!!! <3

I wish everybody else the best in their endeavors and in realizing why they have to be so nasty in attacking a woman they do NOT know. I have the right to my own opinion even if it is not very PC and I am not the only one who shares the opinion about MENA men.

You don't know why people are 'attacking' you (they're really not) because THEY DON'T KNOW YOU...yet, you tar most of their husbands (men whom you don't know) with the same brush as your own. Yeah yeah, you're not talking about 'all', but then you'll talk about 'men from the region' 'most MENA men' blah blah blah.

If you can understand how maligned you feel, think of how what you say comes across about their husbands, and by extension, them. 'Most' MENA men (according to your posts) are scamming abusive bastards who prey on insecure women, who mostly are fat and old. You, naturally, are the exception, because you're not fat, ugly or old, therefore you really don't understand why he was a #######, so of course, it has to be his culture.

And really, everyone here has been helpful, and hasn't thrown that kind of hate your way.

So I married Obi Wan Kenobi?

Umm, no...you married The Doctor...sheesh get it right.

Excuse me, or you are assuming things? First off you and the other posters have tried to justify the bad behavior done to me by painting me as the one with a problem, rather than looking at the situation for what it really is, a man who was a scam artist and played in my head, as dozens of other men have done on here to other women. You guys paint the woman as the culprit as a defense mechanism to convince yourself that the same won't happen to you because you are "mentally stable" and able to choose a good partner. Good luck. Remember that princes can turn into frogs overnight. Mwahhhh

No one is blaming you for being abused. But the bottom line is, you alone bear the responsibility for continuing a petition for a man who physically abused you. That's not BLAME, but it is the truth. Your job, imo, is to figure out WHY you did that.

I must admit I read the abuse as having been prior to marriage. It was a bit vague. But ok, you were married when it started but it was before he came here.

No one is 'at fault' for being a victim/survivor of physical abuse....HOWEVER, you need to figure out how you rationalized it as being acceptable enough to get past it, and not immediately canceling his petition. We all tend to ignore warning signs...some more dire than others. This was a big one for you, and I believe your path should involve getting the root of how you were able to ignore this. For your own peace of mind, I suggest focusing on that so you don't repeat a similar pattern in future.

However, he didn't scam/assault/whatever you because he was from MENA. You're bootstrapping (imo) as way of dealing with this in a way that I don't think is fair to yourself, to truly be able to put this behind you. I see you clutching at straws....'I'm not fat, I'm not ugly, I converted, I did blah blah blah'. It's not formulaic...none of those reasons will help you really put this to bed and deal with it. It's not as if any of these listed reasons could or would justify what happened to you.

Again, I wish you well and I'm very sorry you had to go through this. I hope you can see that I'm not posting here to 'pile up' on you, rather to offer you another perspective, that I feel will *truly* help you on the road to healing.

Gary, didn't you belittle someone as 'having to go on the net to find pics of hot women'?

When an older person gets in an elevator, how many times have you seen a woman clutch her purse? When they drive a nice car, how many times do you see them get pulled over because they fit the description? How many times have you ever heard of an elderly person being killed because they looked suspicious? If a job requires you to do some strenuous activity, and an advanced age person can't do those duties, it's not discrimination, it's a requirement. But I know for a fact that many minorities have had qualifications and more but still didn't get hired solely on the color of their skin, apples and oranges.

Kinda off topic, but since you mention it, I had to say something.

If a black guy got in an elevator, but he was nicely dressed, I wouldn't clutch my purse.

If a white guy got in an elevator, but was poorly dressed - eg looking like a crack head or dressed all 'gangster', I'd clutch my purse.

I think it's more class-ism, not racism.

On topic: affirmative action is racist in its nature. It may have been necessary at some point, but it's no longer relevant today. And it perpetuates the racist notion that persons of color aren't capable to get the jobs they are qualified for.

Now I want waffles. For days on end.

'mom/your mom' makes no difference.

She is their mom, not yours...so your comparison is like chalk and cheese.

excuse me, but i have done nothing wrong stating that beauty for ashes should be happy.

The error is presuming the rest of us don't want the same.

Technically speaking, this is a venue issue, not jurisdiction.

If a person develops residency in another state/territory, that court will most certainly have jurisdiction to rule over such matters. The question is whether the venue is proper.

Many or all states define what venue is proper and what is not. For instance, in FL one may bring legal action against another in either the county where the respondent lives, or (in cases of divorce) the county where the marital home was. That is not to say that if action was filed in another county, that county wouldn't have jurisdiction to hear the case....it would. If respondent makes a motion claiming improper venue, it most certainly would be considered improper. But if respondent doesn't, that other county *would* have jurisdiction.

If respondent participates in said action before claiming improper venue, then it is believe the action of participating waves the right to contest venue.

*anecdotal story, I am not giving legal advice.

By the way you are RIGHT and I am very sure this is not going anywhere. I just write things I imagine in my mind.. ( And as you can see my imagination is pretty damn fertile by the way...I am just trying to somehow piece back the pieces of my life together. Its nice for ANYONE to care about you after so many years of abuse and maltreatment.

I met him at the hospital in the waiting room waiting for an IV treatment for my illness. He has auto immune too and takes a similar medicine... Hes just a really nice guy and I thought the whole situation was very ironic

I still love my ex and I dont know if i will EVER recover from what happened. Its so hard when you really love someone and they just used you. My health is just so poor right now and my heart is so broken. My face swells from my kidneys. My walking is labored. My lungs fail. I lost my smile, my sparkle, my dreams. I even stopped writing. Morphine and another short story are really my first ventures in years...The reality is I might just be too sick to EVER have a life again... I used to be a vibrant, happy person when I first went to see my ex and after the things he did, which I would have NEVER believed another human being could do to another person, my health imploded. I got my house back. Hes much quieter now. I guess the rage of using another person coupled with the tears in my eyes, wanting to escape for the last 3 years unleashed the nasty in him. I dont know if I will ever let the rage out inside.. But the fact that I see any kind of glimmer of sex, hope, rebirth or survival is what kills me. How much time is appropriate to grieve. I went through the unthinkable four years ago and I havent heard the words I love you or had my hand held in as long. I can honestly tell you, I dont remember the last time my hand was held or my face was kissed. I havent had a kiss on the lips in 2 years..I think its ok if I dream about something...I think its ok if I let that pain go....

Ok, right...you don't know me, but I know of your story even from when it first started. Let me just say that what you went through is horrific and really heartbreaking, and I'm terribly sorry that you had to endure that.

Out of everything I've ever read of yours, this post (and the poem) is the most troubling. So let me play armchair shrink for a second, and give you a different POV.

First of all, if your lungs are failing, and your kidneys are shot, you need a doctor, not a boyfriend or dinner date.

Secondly, the *most important* person you need to get love from is YOURSELF.

You refer to this man as 'morphine' which I feel is so very telling. I think it betrays your 'oh I'm just being silly' act. No other person can take away your pain. It would be great if it were possible, but it's not. You cannot carry this baggage around forever. Well, technically you can, but honest to God, I can't see that being pleasant for you or any of your friends/loved ones. I know I'm sounding like a horrible cow, but I didn't make this post to berate you; I did it in hopes of maybe being a blast of cold water on your face. It would be fair to neither you nor this other man if you even go for a dinner date, become fwb, or anything like that...until you are at peace with your *past*. Don't drag that sh!t around forever...it's not worth it. And what purpose is it serving you? Go to your ex's house at 2am...what do you think he's doing? He'll be sleeping. That's right...he's losing no sleep whatsoever over what happened with you, but you're just tearing your heart out over and over again, falling into a pit of what I see as depression.

I'm not suggesting it's just that simple to let go...but I really and honestly am suggesting you get some therapy. That is *not* meant as an insult at all....but when you refer to some casual friend as morphine, it's gotta set off some alarm bells somewhere. Your poem made me incredibly sad and I practically felt your pain.

You have every opportunity to live a happy life for the rest of your days...but that is down to you. If you're going to claim defeat now, you will fulfill your own prophecy. If you want your life to change, you have to be the one to change it.

I know I have a caustic style, and I probably have offended you, which I truly didn't mean to. I wish you the best of luck.

So tell us about how you enjoy being a lady, now that you've been feminized.

Here's what I think concerning marriage: it should be like a professional license, renewable every so many years. If one or both parties don't want to renew, then it just expires.

Imagine the clear out of the judicial system!

If they passed a law against homsexual sodomy, for example, my thought would be "uh-oh... "

Why's that?

I never discuss my personal sexual details.

And what do you base that on?

It's a new thing. It's called humor.

Ok let's boil it down.

Bad Daddy doesn't like the gays.

Denying them the right to marry will NOT make them 'go away'. In fact, it opens the door to special treatment...'domestic partnership' insurance, etc. I say no one's more special than the other...you want the rights? Well ya gotta get married like the rest of us. Go n put a ring on it.

Would I mind kids raised by gays? Not at all. It's funny, first people don't want to give them the right to be married and raise children, then they judge them for being outrageous party peeps who are OTT.

Give em a wife or hubby and a few kids, and you see how fast Fantasy Fest becomes a thing of the past

Yes, you can get another one. There is, however, a 20% restocking fee.

What to do?

Pack.

Luenig's. French Bistro at College and Church Street in Burlington. Not only excellent food and service but open later than most so we go there after dancing many times on Saturday night. One of the few restaraunts in Burlington that is really good and open late. Google it. Alla had Ceasar Salad with blackened salmon. I had a grilled chicken/pasta/veggis dish which is excellent. Great French Onion Soup. We took my car, the 2009 Dodge Caravan.

Thanks for following us in the RUB forum. Hope you haven't missed the new photos at my profile. One is another ad she did for the Canadians. More to come.

Where does your husband like to take you for dinner after dancing? What do the Maitre'Ds say about you at that place?

The non-American is a 53 year old RUB widow who has had 3 kids. She is the Bahbushka of 6.

Shame there's no valet nor coat check in.

Amazing how they change.

They keep the good stuff though. We went out for dinner the other night...I dropped Alla at the door of our favorite restaraunt downtown and had to run back about 3 blocks in the rain. I walked in and told the Maitre'D that I was there to meet my wife. He said "there is an incredibly beautiful woman in the corner straight ahead who told me she was waiting for her husband." I looked and smiled. He said "You, sir, are a very lucky man" Indeed I am. She had her beautiful red dress on, Stockings (yeah the REAL stockings) and heels (of course) Her hair and make up were impeccable as always. Just the right amount of jewelry to be interesting but never gaudy. Her wool, long coat and her fur hat on the booth next to her (yes it is getting cold here already)

I am glad they never change some things. We are all lucky.

Sounds like a fancy restaurant!

Of course we are proud of him. Yes, he gets dual credit. Not much an ordinary person can do that is better for the future than raise good kids. I doubt even buying a Prius would be as good as producing a physicist.

Nice to be sarcastic about other's children. Just trying to keep the spelling correct and keep you up to date on automobiles since you often get it wrong. You hate children also?

RUB women consider it enjoyable work.

Tell us more.

Are you a member of the All-Woman She-Haters Club? Sometimes people call us CABA girl. Sometimes, the She-Beast. In whispers, they call us She-Who-Steals-Mens'-Souls. We have weekly meetings with cupcakes!

CABA Wolfpack... HOWL!!!!

*checks passport*

OWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!