Domineke

wow thats awesome! congrats

congratulationssssssssssssssss!!!

I would really love for him visit me and experience life here in America before we decide to get married. It's important to me that he has an idea of what its really like here because I think he has like huge expectations about how great it will be. Of course it will be great that we'll finally be together but I'm so worried about him getting homesick if were married and he's pretty much just stuck here.

So my question is, if he is actually granted a tourist visa (which I think would be a total act of God) could he then later still be granted a fiance or spousal visa? Would the fiance or spousal visa process go quicker if he's already previously been approved as a tourist? How would that work?

Take time to know someone its not an overnite thin....G/F I met my Jamaican husband at a friends house party back in the 70s ...I am USC

young sexy & fine he's 6ft 1, am 5ft 1, our eyes meet across the room and BAM, my friend officialy introduced us and I was kind of leary

finding out he's Jamaican with all the stories I'D heard mainly about cheating and living in 3 different cities with different baby mamas. Coming

from seperate cultures one has to be on their Ps & Qs with lifetime decisions, a few ppl tried to warn me off...but I loved the fact there was no

kids involved, he did go at times to church with his family, he is an outspoken person, his family has values , he believed in morals & respect

flowing both ways....today we have 3 kids never separated or sleep out, unless an out of town trip was taken, we vacation together ever year,

have he ever cheated? ..I don't know, he never gives me a reason to think so...I have never cheated...do we argue ? heck yes but we don't keep

old stuff going. Now..to be honest there are a set of men that will cheat even on Halle Berry RIGHT...honestly many Jamaican men want a way

out via a visa and will woo for it...while others do fall in love.....get to know him , what can he bring to the table (not finances) but truth, love

honesty and what if you want to reside in Jamaica with him....I say stay positive, GET to know him, tell him to start taking partime classes

in his country......and best wishes

short girls get all the tall guys! lol such a waste! i'm 5'7 and FINALLY I found someone I can wear heels with and not be taller than him.

But anywho ur not the first person who's suggested that I bring up me living in JA with him. I mean I can bring it up just to see what he thinks about it but its not something i'm interested in. Aside from the terrible economy, extreme heat (that we both loathe) and all the damn mosquitos and sandflys I don't like the way I can feeeeeeel how much the Jamaican women hate me. I would be fighting somebody everyday and thats not even in my character lol Of all the times i've gone I can think of 3 women who were pleasant to me. the rest were just being phony because it was there job and the others didnt bother trying to hide their feelings, just plain rude and nasty for no reason. And I'm sometimes always nice to ppl! lol

But I digress, I'm going to continue to tread carefully and enjoy getting to know one another. Aside from the distance I'm completely happy with him.

WOW Domineke,

You really excited people with this discussion. I am impressed with your curiosity and zest to obtain the opinion of others. An extremely bold move as everyone's opinion will differ based on personal experience. What I have gathered from your posts (and I read through them all) is that you are very intelligent. You have already formulated your own ideas but request information from others who have walked this path before you. Wise move! You are doing the research. You have a very light and airy personality; you don't take these posts to heart and become overwhelmed and sensitive. I like that about you!

What you are doing is absolutely correct. I searched the internet many times over and found all of the very sad stories of others who have found themselves wounded and jilted by their Jamaican lover. Further, I have read stories of the stereotypical guy that cheats, womanizes, easily angers and is physically abusive. That helped me to keep my eyes open for what "could be". Giirrrlll, but that ain't my guy, lol! He is extremely sweet and has taught me a thing or two about life!

Continue to enjoy your trips to Paradise! Learn and have fun with your guy! Life is a gamble anyway. Just pay attention to the signs whatever they may be (good or bad) and you will be fine.

You're too kinddddddd

what if were talking about the same guy lol that wouldnt be fun

There is a difference in what I suggested and what you did. I don't condone snooping into his privacy. You know if he intended to cheat, deceive or lie, you would have seen nothing by design. If you say he does not use the internet, has no email or profiles on any singles sites, he is a very rare man indeed.

I am suggesting that if you two are going to be one (married) you should give him your passwords to your email accounts and get his email password to see. If he is not hiding anything, he will share it without hesitation. If he is, then he will stall. The same is true for you. If you have things you wouldn't want him to see on your accounts, then you two really shouldn't move forward toward marriage. You are clearly not ready for that level of commitment if that is the case.

Don't snoop, discuss and observe. This is not a game, it is a life changing event. Good luck to you.

I didnt say I did any snooping, I said I was freeeee to do so. But since Ricardo has suggested that he probably has 2 or more phones it wouldnt matter if I did anyhow lol. He better damn not. In any case, although we have discussed marriage its not something I plan on doing this year or even next year. I'm not ready for that and neither is he, WE are'nt ready. Everyone seems to be rushing our relationship to that stage, I guess becuz its typical of these types of situations. But im not gonna jump on the marriage ship JUST so he can come here and be with me. My mom said to me just last nite "plz dont just marry him while ur over there" im like ma ####### im an idiot now? lol I know love makes us do some crazy things but I havent just thrown all my common sense out the window

Hi

Thanks for your comment. If I offended anyone because I said 'Coloured' I am truly sorry about that. But I would also appreciate if you could share with me an alternative word that could be used for people who are non caucasian.

I'm a black girl, that works just fine with me lol

Not that I want you to have another sleep less night but just giving u the real deal. If u check my history on here.. Anyone will tell you I'll be honest.

ANYONE Who.would tell u that the many Jamaicans DOESN'T have 2+ phones........ THEY DO NOT KNOW JAMAICANS. As broke as some may be... They will invest into a phn before they even EAT.

lol ok then I know I can get the real deal from you, which is what I need

Domineke, don't Get to happy now. That's apart of learning the Culture. Almost all Jamaicans (men & women alike) have 2-3 phones.

geeeez dont get too happy? you want me to have another sleepless nite? now i gots to worry bout how many phones he has?! its ok, i need to play devils advocate

Long distance relationships are HARD - Period! The way it is supposed to work is this. You meet someone, you feel that spark between you and I don't mean just physical attraction. You take your time and get to know them. You find out what they are really like over a long period of time and if you decide you should be together, you ignore what else is going on out there, let the world's opinions be damned. If there is a concern on either side, you agree immediately to share passwords and go exploring. If either party is hiding anything, this would be a good time to admit it. If neither party is hiding anything, then the passwords should be traded and get the doubts out of each other's system.

My fiance and I use the same passwords for all our accounts and it is very refreshing knowing that there are no secret rooms in our lives. If you don't trust him after this, even if you find nothing, then the problem isn't him.

If you are unwilling to give him your passwords, then don't worry about what he is up to. If he is unwilling to give you his passwords on the spot, then don't move forward with the relationship.

passwords for what? he is so not into social media lol. he has a fb but doesnt use it, theres never any activity on there and the email address that he so very rarely uses, I created for him. The last time I saw him his cell didnt have a passcode so I was free to use it when I wanted to call home and pry into his pics/msgs as much I wanted to

I'm engaged to a Jamaican guy. I was born in Jamaica but have been living in the states for the past 22 years. I never intended to get involved in a long distance relationship, but you can't help who you fall in love with. My boyfriend is the best boyfriend I've ever had. I travel to Jamaica two to four times a year to visit him and every time I go I have the time of my life. You will hear a lot about Jamaican men but you have to block out those negative thoughts because your life and your relationship is different from someone else's. just because a few people had bad experiences does not mean you will experience the same. No two relationships are the same, not even your past relationships. I won't say I don't have abad thought or two in the back of my head, but I tune them out because I don't want them to cause unnecessary problems on my relationship. I have dated American men and they are no different than my fiancé. Keep in mind that if things don't work out, you may have the same end results as if you were dating someone in the U.S. I don't think of my relationship with my fiancé any less than my past relationships. To make a long story short, in life you have to take risks to learn the outcome. Don't let what may be the man for you pass you by because of your fears or what others say. It's good to learn from the mistakes of others, but sometimes it's best to learn from your own. I'm here if you ever need me. I was just on Ocho Rios for my birthday in February and had a ball.

My intentions def werent to get involved in yet ANOTHER LDR, been there done that got the t-shirt and it said epic fail lol I just really couldnt fight the feelings that were growing for him anymore. Once I got back here I would ignore his phonecalls/texts all day and avoid him, make up stuff so I could hang up cuz I was like Im not doin this lol But then I really started to miss him and the more we talked the more I liked him. Initially I thought I'll keep in touch with him so that when I go back I know I'll have someone to hang out with and protect me from the piranhas cuz u know sometimes the men are really aggressive. Now he's the only man I want like popcaan lol

I just hope he doesnt ruin my love for dancehall music and brown stew chicken with rice and peas dammit

You mentioned he has a daughter.He is just 24 years old, how old is his daughter? was he married before?. Little details says a lot about someone.Good luck.

She just turned 4, he was never married to her mom. They were together and she cheated on him with one of his cousins so they broke up.

You have a lot of support here and especially listen to the advice of those who been here before us, our veterans who have their husbands here with them, there's a wealth of experience and advice there .

Only time will tell if this is right. Spend as much time as u can with your man...at his home so u can see the real him. My fiance also works at a resort. Doesn't make a bit of difference. If anything hes become more Americanized, helped bridge a few cultural differences etc..

Good luck!

Its 2013, u really just used the word "coloured "? O_0

lol for some reason it really didnt bother me

There is really no answer to your concerns. There are so many variables. I will offer a few thoughts and experiences from my own relationship.

First of all it's important to realize marriages fail all the time. People who come from the same religious, ethical, economic, social, moral background. People who speak the same language, went to school miles form each other. With all those things going for them, they still find reasons to quite the marriage. There is no guaranty. Ever. It all comes down to the two people and their commitment to making it work.

Certainly a cross cultural marriage presents many additional challenges. Are you up for it? Personally I'm enjoying every minute of it. But, my previous relationships have been MUCH easier.

My girlfriend is Thai. She has the opinion that Thai men are lazy, lying, cheating, un-loyal, unfaithful, bastards. She thinks American men are loving, loyal, caring, and faithful. Which is 100% correct in my case. Lol. But I'm sure you could find quite a few American woman who have a very poor opinion of American men. It all depends on perspective.

It's important to remember you are not dating all Jamaican men, just one. You need to judge him on his own merits. Not on stereo types portrayed online.

Lets face it. We all love to see a train wreck. The forums are full of horror stories because we aren't really interested in reading about white picket fences. We want to read about the poor sucker who got played for a green card. That is why these stories get legs and stick around online.

The truth is people with healthy happy relationships have better things to do then share all the good things that happen to them with an online audience. You need look no further then this forum. Most of us visit often while we are waiting for a Visa. But after the Visa is complete and the congratulatory posts are made, how many continue posting relationship updates?

The "prenup". Nobody likes drafting them, but if everything goes pear shaped after he gets a green card you will be glad you took the time to set one up. If you are serious about getting married, you should at least consider protecting yourself with an agreement.

Reality check. It's great fun to be in love. Exploring a new relationship and a new person, but we live in the real world with real issues. You should consider a few things. How much education does he have? What kind of skills does he have? Will he be able to find good work near your home? If not, do you have the resources to support him? Can you get health insurance through your employer? If so what is the monthly cost? Remember, he will not be eligible for state aid. If he can not find work he will be completely your responsibility.

If you think he is "the" one, by all means, go for it. But, listen to your gut. If you start to feel something is not right most likely it is not. Protect yourself at all times, and don't be afraid to walk away. Other then that there really isn't much more you can do. Other then living in a bubble and it gets pretty lonely in there.

I dooooooo think he's the one, he's amazing. But I know were still in the honeymoon stage. we haven't spent alot of time actually being together. The time we do spend is like wonderfulllllll tho. I look at not only the way he treats me but the way he treats other ppl. I have nothing but good vibes from him. I'm not going to rush into things, just go with the flowwwwww. Thank you for your contribution very much appreciated. I need all the support and well wishes I can get its so hard at times but I feel like hes worth the trouble.

I haven't posted in years but came across your story while looking for some info for my SD. I agree with the other ladies, slow down take your time and always trust your intuition.

My gut isnt sending me any red flags, I just want to be careful. Sincerely appreciate your input, thank you.

Here is my 2 cents....If you are in a relationship with someone that have the same morals, values, expectations in life that you have, regardless of where they come from and their education, then you have a strong foundation for a real relationship. Never forget that you are going to argue, fuss, get mad at each other, laugh, and love each other.

You cannot let what you heard about Jamaican men be in the back of your mind, it will make you paranoid and suspicious of everything he does and says. DON'T PLAY MIND GAMES WITH YOUR MAN, that is not fair to him. I would think that you trust him enough to have conversations about your concerns from what you heard. For me, I never heard stuff about Jamaican men and what they did until later into our relationship, I treated my then boyfriend just like any other one I had, it is just he is 1000 miles away and my phone bill is high.

LOL!!!! AMEN on the mosquitoes. They feed on me like I am new flesh.

Its def making me a lil paranoid and I havent voiced my concerns about it to him because I know he's gonna tell me exactly what I want to hear to ease my mind. I actually treat him better than any other guy I've dated because even with the distance he's the best damn bf I've had! Craziness! Def upgraded my phone plan after 2 months tho, no more overages for meeeeee. Thanks for your input

Agree completely with Islandgal - To add to it - Take your time - I know the distance is hard - but slow down and truly spend time together - time away from the resort world, living a normal life, staying home and cooking, etc... - I would also advise to stay with him where he lives, not in a resort - you need to truly understand the culture and all the ramifications that exist in daily life in JA - if it reaches a point where he is coming here, it will help you to understand the differences. There are enough warning stories with the flags and signs, I'm not going to repeat them - keep your heart and your eyes open, and make sure that they aren't in contradiction to one another.

Another question to ask yourself - and him - is if you would be talking marriage and being together if it results in you moving to JA, not visa versa - do you love him enough to do that?

I think I could adjust to island life except the economy is so bad and I know as a non-jamaican it would be difficult for me to find work.

No-one on VJ can tell you what to do or how things are going to work out. None of us are in his head to know what his intentions are, even if they are good. Yes, Jamaican men (and all other types of men) woo women. Some do it for love and yes, there are some who just want the visa. NOONE KNOWS THAT FOR A FACT. I've seen and heard of good stories -- Jamaican men who meet American women and migrate to the US and their relationship lasted (even with different races, age gaps, etc.). There are other stories as well with negative endings. You just never know. Even if you were in the United States of American and dating another Black man you don't know for certain if it's going to last. No-one knows that, unless they're psychic. Only YOU TWO can make that decision. Only YOU know your man. The only thing I can say is to look for clues, red flags, etc.. and make your mind up from there.

On the topic of cheaters -- Jamaican, American, Asian, African and every culture of men cheat. Every man is different. I've heard of cheaters right here in the neighborhood and their wives live with them. It doesn't make a difference. Men and women cheat. Should I worry about that? Nope. I just focus on what I have to in my own relationship -- take care of business at home and my husband -- and live my life.

You raise a great point, it's possible for anyone to cheat. He could be living up the street from me and cheating. It's just worrysome to hear SO many negative experiences from women who have been in my shoes.

Ok cool semes like he is an OK guy. so what does he plan on doing once he gets there. Do you think he would be able to provide you? I would suggest that you tell him that you want to spend sometime in Jamaica :)and lets see what he says? hav eyou tried this before?

We've talked about possible job prospects for him here; He's also expressed a desire to finish high school which I strongly support. I'm not expecting him to support me financially once were married but I do expect him to contribute. When I visit him I'll tell him I wanna move to JA while he finishes school so that way I can seeeeee his reaction rather than being on the phone.

I would be very scared because not only does he meet peoeple every day in your absence. I wanted to ask can he send you money to buy a ticket and come to JA? when you visit who pays for the trip? Can he support himself with his salary? If you are the one paying for majority of the trips and expenses then you need to step back and know that JA man are known to WOO woman. Dont ruch if he is for you waiting wont change that he is also young at 24 he is still not sure of where his life is headed.

If you decide to marry him then have a nice wedding in JA meet all his family and go from there.

Good luck my dear.

I would be very scared because not only does he meet peoeple every day in your absence. I wanted to ask can he send you money to buy a ticket and come to JA? when you visit who pays for the trip? Can he support himself with his salary? If you are the one paying for majority of the trips and expenses then you need to step back and know that JA man are known to WOO woman. Dont ruch if he is for you waiting wont change that he is also young at 24 he is still not sure of where his life is headed.

If you decide to marry him then have a nice wedding in JA meet all his family and go from there.

Good luck my dear.

I know he meets ppl everyday from all over, it used to bother me but now I really don't even think about it. Its his job. He def can't afford to fly me out to JA. The resort jobs are the equivalent of fast food workers here (no disrespect to those who may be working in fast food) The little money he makes goes mostly to his daughter for whatever she needs and the rest for his daily expenses. Even if he did save up the money to pay for me I would feel like I'm taking food out of his baby's mouth, I couldnt do that knowing what his salary is.

Im def not rushing into marriage with him at all. We've talked about it but I'm not looking to use marriage as a tool to bring him here just becuz I miss him. I believe strongly in the institution of marriage, its not something I take lightly.

Hi,

Could you tell us a bit more about him? What does he do for living? Would you like to go and live in Jamaica? Are you coloured or white? I am asking these questions because I have Jamaican friends may be I could help you decide if he is the right person/ cheater or not.

He works on one of the resorts, essentially its his job to make sure you have fun when you visit. I thought about moving to JA but I can barely tolerate the mosquitos when I'm there so thats a no go lol Plus he actually hates the heat/humidity and is looking forward to winters here in the northeast. I'm black and also we dont have a significant age gap. Just 2 years, I'm 26 and he's 24. We're actually going to be celebrating our bdays together in 2 weeks, hes may 3 and im may 4. Geez I miss him

Hi

This is my very first post on vj; I came across the site awhile ago but didnt plan to join until we actually started the visa process. However I've been up the entire night worrying myself and since you all seem to be so supportive of one another I decided to join because I can use some of that nowwww. I'm not gonna get too carried away with the details of "our story" just yet because I just wanna get my issue off my chest.

I met him back in august 2012, we kept in touch and I went back to see him in Oct 2012. Its all just been great really, aside from the whole distance thing cuz that sucks. So we've been together for about 8 months now and were all in loooooove and we've talked marriage and the whole idea of him coming to live here in the states.

I've been completely faithful to him, I have no interest in other guys (which is the complete opposite of how I felt in previous long distance relationships) and of course he says he's faithful as well. My issue is that I actually believe him, but I dont wanna be THAT GIRL. My family/friends don't care about the fact that we have this relationship but I know they think its completely unrealistic for me to think he's not carrying on like a single man. They also suggest that I continue to date other ppl because not only is cheating on me but he's also just using me to get to the states.

The general consensus seems to be that Jamaican men are notorious cheaters, abusive and only want sex/money/name brand clothing. I've come across nothing but HORROR stories about Jamaican men wooing American women (or other foreigners) for the sole purpose of getting a visa. I'm thinking either these women were complete fooligans or these men were just that good at deception. It seems that everyone who has an opinion on Jamaican men have something negative to say. (actually I can think of one thing ppl say about jamaican men that isnt bad but I wont go there lol)

I'm not one to feed into generalizations/stereotypes but I feel like everyone else is saying the sky is black and I look up and see nothing but blue. I keep trying to look at my situation as if I were my friend, because I know that when were in love were blind to things that other ppl see. And I would probably tell my friend the same things; "girl he aint hardlyyyyyy being faithful, do YOU"

I feel like hes THE one but I'm sure all of those other women did too and I just dont wanna be no damn foooool man

I'm so frustrated

I hope all is well with you now

I miss JA

Congrats