Lenzwei

Are you out of your mind? She said on a Saturday morning, bye honey, I love you. And the next day she sends an email, AN EMAIL !, telling me she wants to break up. Then she refuses my phone calls, emails and every other way to try to communicate with her. It's been a month and no word.

Let me tell you, what she did was nothing less than cruel, and if this is how truthfully cruel she can be, then she can go pound sand because I DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH A WOMAN THAT IS EITHER CRUEL OR NUTS!

Yes, she's the lucky one....sure. Actually, I've realized I really am the lucky one. I've learned from my mistake. I hope she has too.

Yes, that seems reasonable. That's a good idea to weed out just the ones searching for a green card. Also, I thought the age thing was a wide gap but because we had been talking for a year, I ignored it. Big mistake. When it's time, I'll look for someone much closer to my own age. I think older asian women are pretty too. I'm not an asian 20 year old something hawk.

No,no. It's been a month since we've spoke. Her friend who I do speak with keeps telling me she wants a divorce so sorry.

It's a reality. It really doesn't matter at this point. It is what it is.

To the other poster, I'm not against spending significant time in china, if I met the right woman...I think it would be great to explore china. It would be weird to just go there and hang out alone.

I was 56, and her profile said 43. I thought it was a few years,but maybe... Then one year later, she sent me her id and it says 34. I asked her about it and all she said was " the date is correct". At this point I thought well that's a lot of time, but she seems cool, so I thought what the heck.

As far as being sickened because you think I have an asian fetish...I like the Chinese culture, especially family cohesion. It's not an asian fetish. If you could see this girl, I think you would understand. It's not like she is this perfect little cutie pie. She is an average looking girl, with what seemed like a very sweet disposition. I believed what she said and it didn't work. Does that mean I'm sick if I would like to meet another Chinese girl?

Wow! Who's talking about getting lucky? Full disclosure in my initial post. A quickie? what?

Does it make you feel powerful to be such a jerk? I would love to finish this conversation face to face.

Sound advice, thanks.

After reading about the guy who is withdrawing his I-864 because his wife just left and moved in with her sister...

I feel like I just dodged a huge bullet by her leaving before she got the interview.

I don't feel that lucky, but I'm sure I will soon.

I'm doing what I can do to withdraw the petition, end the marriage and move on.

Perhaps I'm a little angry. I think it's unforgivable to cut off all communication like that. Like turning a switch. How cruel.

Yes, I'm being irrational, but I will calm down at some point and I still want marriage.

Perhaps not right now, but I'm sure in the future. I think dwelling on this mess isn't the answer either. By trying to move forward it helps to forget.

Harpa timsah,

I'm sorry, I don't know what you meant by "welcome to VJ".

I tend to agree with Rlogan. She can't have it both ways, professing the cash gift so her mother doesn't lose face and then not meeting her when we were in the same city at the same time. I didn't know that at the time.

I'll chalk this up to experience. I've learned a lot about what the procedure is and some of the pitfalls.

I just didn't know.

Also her friend who surprisingly still answers her phone told me yesterday that there is little hope now.

Apparently I just have the divorce to come full circle.

To me it's quite obvious our relationship is finished. For whatever reason. It hurts my head to keep thinking about it.

Surprisingly I remain optimistic. I still think Chinese women are beautiful and I like the Chinese culture. Of what I know of it.

Is there a web site that is legitimate for finding an available woman in China?

Thanks for all the advice. I drafted the letter and it is in the process of being translated. I also contacted a PI in Guangzhou and am currently waiting for a response. Not sure what I want him to do. I guess locate her, and see where she works. Any suggestions? I kind of feel like I'm stalking her from 15,000 miles away.

Another thought, After reading over some of our documents, I noticed a phone number where she works. I called it, (11pm China time) and it rang. No answer. I'll call again about mid-morning (China time) It might prove interesting. I know just enough Chinese to be dangerous.

Seriously, she may have fallen out of love for me, but I think she's scared. She's quite timid when she's not upset. That doesn't mean she'll ever come to the states, but it would be nice to know that she's not nefarious.

Thanks to all. A lot of different thoughts.

So her friend went to find her yesterday and she was not there. Her family said she is having psychological problems. Of course that could amount to anything. They told her friend that she does not want to come to the U.S. anymore and wants a divorce. This is her family talking. Who I'm not clear, her friend said her cousin.

Another tidbit to this saga is, about three months ago, she said she bought a house in Nanning, but didn't quite have enough cash so she borrowed some from her sister. The sister that she works for. She said she did it for an investment. IF this is all true, it would be a great little piece of leverage over her now.

So what I am going to do is, draft a letter, have it translated so there are no mistakes in meaning, send it addressed to her at the storehouse, (which is a proven address) explaining and reassuring and asking for an invitation letter for my new visa.

If this doesn't bear fruit, I think it's the end of the line.

Her sister pays her 4,000Y per month, ($650) and she also lives with her sister. Her sister has the most to lose if she leaves China.

No her first marriage was to a Guangzhou man, who found a new lady friend after she had a tubular pregnancy and he thought she couldn't have children. C-section scar. She always claimed she would not have another Chinese husband because in her mind too many of them practice infidelity.

I also thought that she wouldn't have gone through the marriage it's not much for all the work she did.

Remember we face timed nearly everyday for a year. If she was scamming me I would think she would limit it to two or three times a week. There are also many other things that she wouldn't have had to do to gain my trust.

Probably to much information,but these are all things to consider.

What the thoughts on the ID card and passport information? Would she be that brazen?

She lives in Guangzhou now, she's from Nanning, originally. No degree, she works for her sister a a dye distribution center. Her sister imports dye from Hong Kong and then ships it to local dress manufacturers.

She works in the storehouse.

Her father died when she was fourteen, and she went to work to support the family. It lines up with was what was on her biographic information. I know it sounds like the perfect hard luck story and maybe it is just a story.

You are correct. BUT, I did meet her sister, to get the visa I needed her ID card , I have a copy of her passport, divorce certificate, and our marriage certificate. Also all of the information contained I the I-130.

One last aside. I didn't have some paperwork for the marriage and we were turned down at the marriage office, flew back to Guangzhou, flew back, got married, flew back again to Baiyun airport where I promptly left early the next morning.

No time to see her mother after, and couldn't stay with her before because we weren't married.

At this point I'm not sure if I'm even believing the story.

I cannot tell you how much I hope you're right. My Chinese visa expired February 6th.

I asked her friend that will see her tomorrow to ask her if she will speak to me if I travel to her. But before I can go, I have to buy the airline tickets and apply for another visa. Which will take some time.

The thing is, if she doesn't want to see me, there is no point in traveling to China. Something else I just thought of, and I know this sounds bad, but I didn't go to her home. We stayed in hotel near where her friend lives. So really I don't know where she lives. Did I just fall off the turnip truck?

At the time it seemed reasonable. Now, not so much.

The winner will be named when the results are in.

I appreciate the optimism, but no one rides the subway for a week. Obviously she doesn't want to speak with me, why is the question. A couple of more days and then I'll have to try to move on.

One of the difficulties is the difference in cultures. Maybe Chinese women shut down periodically. I don't know. I do know American women do. Although in my opinion, it's a pretty cruel thing to do in any culture. Especially considering the distance.

She's either:

1) Scared.

2) Feels guilty about leaving her family.

3) Dishonest.

Or a combination of the three.

I may never know the reason, so I'll give it prudent time and then try to let go. Not much else I can do.

I did not meet her mother, but did meet her other sister and nephew. Although who knows? I didn't ask for an ID.

From what I understand, they don't use the DS-230 anymore, now it's the DS-260. Available online only.

Thanks,good to know.

Yes. Time will tell. We'll see soon enough.

Thank you everyone for the sanity check.

A little more background which may help clarify. She works for her sister's dye distribution company. Her sister can't keep any new employees more than a couple of days. They quit and say, "too much job!" Much work as she says. She works seven days a week normally 9-11 hours per day. So maybe her sister is laying a guilt trip on her about leaving. My wife has said about her sister that, "she not smile often." : )

I spoke with her good friend this morning, (I think if it were a scam she wouldn't answer the phone), she said my wife's phone is still powered off so she is going to take the subway (1&1/2hours) to her home this weekend and basically plead my case to her. Her friend said this morning that she is sure my wife is loyal to me, but she doesn't know what the problem is. Her friend told me that I am a good man, which I appreciate very much and she is sure that my wife will be happy with me in the states. So she will email me Sunday night with either good news that she'll begin communicating or bad news that a divorce is pending. I'm lucky that she and I have such a good friend.

Thank you.

If the I-130 has been approved and is in process of being sent to the NVC. Is there a way to stop the process so it doesn't go any further?