SweetDelish

maybe a gamer's de-programming joint counselling, for several months? unplug, rediscover the world around you. In your version of it, there's a spouse, a bed, and the opportunity for nakedness. No ethernet card required.
(just saying)

I am soooo happy to hear that he is willing to work on the relationship!! That is definitely a great first step and I know you feel some enormous relief from hearing this.
One idea I did want to float by you:
Even thought divorce is no longer looming overhead, you might want to still consider the marriage counseling. As you said communication is key. Actually, marriage counselors are experts on helping couples to communicate more effectively. I'll admit, I have times when I can't fully communicate my feelings... it can be extremely difficult when emotions are running high to pinpoint exactly what you may be feeling and have your hubby UNDERSTAND what you are talking about. I know with my husband, we often times have a cultural and/or language barrier which magnifies this problem and he often winds up looking like
Anyway, I think that we'll heavily consider marriage counseling (in fact, more than likely) because it's not just for a crisis situation.... It's for gathering tools to help you and your husband communicate better so that a situation doesn't escalate to crisis mode. I love my husband dearly as I'm sure that you do, and I don't anticipate having a crisis (who does??!) but I want to educate myself on ways to handle conflicts and/or difficult conversations in a way that will bring about a result of moving the relationship forward and intensifying feelings of love and respect for each other, rather than resentment (and all those negative feelings that tend to fester).
This is what I hope for you and your hubby. Good luck to you both and keep the faith

saylin - his reaction to finding this thread is a good sign, in my book. if he had the opposite reaction and angry with you for discussing your dilema in a public forum then you could safely assume there is no hope in his commitment to working things out.
the first year of marriage (actually living together) is the most trying. when you throw immigration into the mix, tis a whole nother beast. orfee and i joke (now, last year it wasn't always so funny) about our new 'dynamic'. we had started out as friends online, emailing pages and pages everyday. as we progressed to a couple, we spoke on the phone as often (and as long) as we could. every visit was so precious. every moment we spent together always had the shadow of having to be a apart again. it seemed like there would never be anything as important to us as the struggle to be together and appreciating every second we had. once he got here and real life set in, my son (his stepson), finding a job, balancing chores and bills - EVERYTHING changed. we could go days and days without even really speaking and if we did speak it was to list off chores that needed doing or compiling grocery lists. our struggle changed from just wanting to be together to adjusting to domestic life from a romantic long distance relationship. and you know, there was a part of me that didn't want to give that up. the constant attention, via emails phone calls. the visits, the trips to fun places and experiencing life in a 'vacation' like setting.
if both of you are dedicated to making your relationship work, both of you've got a fighting chance together. take it slow and pay attention his actions - not promises or apologies. glad things are looking up

Hi all
Just wanted to say thank you to the community and the kind people who have answered my questions while I put together our I-129F petition - finally mailed it this afternoon and I feel so relieved! I'm now scared to read relevant posts as if I'm going to find out I made a mistake, just like people talking about an exam after you've taken it
The worst part for me was dating everything as the way Americans write short dates is backwards to me but got there in the end. Thanks again VJ, this wait is going to be torture but without this community I'm sure I'd have made all sorts of mistakes and delayed it further. So thank you, and good luck to everyone else on this journey.
Lucy

Hi Saylin;
We've been talking so you know my feelings on this.
Hugs Dear.
You have tremendous support in this group.
You have earned it.
Refiner's gold. Life tries you until you are pure gold. And I know you will make it through all of this... it just takes times, tears and eventually a lot of strength and self-respect.
As you know, I work in the legal field. Your husband has responsibilities and obligations that he took on both through your marriage vows and through the AOS.
Perhaps you can get some assistance drawing up a good separation agreement that will allow you to complete your schooling, finance a reasonable living until that is complete, allow you the privacy of your own home and not constant exposure to a heartbreaking situation. I can provide you with the foundations of an agreement that you can modify to your heart's content and to his as well. The car or a reliable car sounds like a good plan as well. DO finish your studies - you gave it up once - don't short-change yourself now. That gets tired very fast and you mentioned you have student loans - no sense wasting them or acruing more.
Once you have a separation agreement that meets both your approval. Get it signed and registered in a local Court. That would make it more enforceable if the terms were not met.
If he is requested to provide strong support until one year after your schooling is done - allowing you to establish yourself - then he might be more amendable to that strong support now as opposed to something long and drawn out.
Keep in touch and, if you want, I can give you a framework of separations clauses to begin the process.
Love you Hon. Will support you anyway I can. Pain and growth sadly do go together.
As someone on here has said tonight - watch your health and your food - they help to keep you strong and sure through these stormy seas.
Hugs,
G

Saylin do not give him anything ok? ( Sex), don t make him feel he tortured you, stay strong. Even if you are crying, don t in front of him. Start being distant to him as well. Be firm, reasonable and do not let him touch your body. Be strong and firm about thhis, you see how I'm insisting on that? Cause I know men even they divorce they still sleeping with their ex and they bragging about it with other men, you are not a toy but a nice woman, not a desperate.