Alex&Manny

Thank you for your kind words. That's really sweet.

Unlike others have said, my parents are not pushing me in this marriage. They have told me that they will support me if we go for a divorce. They are not encouraging me to divorce, but they have said that it would be okay if that is what I end up deciding. In fact, they were telling me that they are concerned about me, as I've lost some of my confidence since being with my husband. They think I've become clingy on him, and seem to have lost some of my own identity in this relationship. So they are worried and want me to come back to my own self again.

I used to be a lot more confident before. But I had a lot of personal struggles over the last several years. I used to be considered very attractive, had a really cute face, etc. But I gained a lot of weight after dealing with my issues over the last several years. My dating life in the 4 years before meeting my husband was TERRIBLE. I met abusive, uncaring, emotionally unavailable men. I kept finding guys who were 10 years older than me and felt entitled to a younger woman. I got so sick of getting online interests "Yo whatz up wimman?" from guys who were just looking to get laid, and posted the same message to 1,000 other women at once. The dating scene was utter torture to me. There was only 1 European man I met during those 4 years (before meeting my husband) who was everything I wanted... drop dead gorgeous with a sexy accent, brilliant and innovative, vegan, also a medical student, only 1 year older than me, and had an amazing sense of humor. We talked for the whole night the 2nd time we communicated. I would have married him in an instant as the connection between us was sizzling hot, but we were incompatible on the issue of kids, and thus could not proceed further. He also was not fully emotionally unavailable as he was just going through a divorce. He also had some hesitation due to my weight (though he was attracted to my face), and I had some hesitation due to his large number of prior sex partners. So we parted ways, sadly. But personality-wise, he was my dream guy...the kind of person I always fantasized about marrying.

Compared to all of those other guys, my husband was a gem. When I met him I was badly weary after about 4 miserable years on the dating scene. Yes, he was badly clingy in the beginning which put me off. But he made me feel safe, loved, beautiful, valued, etc. We were each other's first and only lovers (though we both had relationships in the past that didn't work out). Being each other's first was important to me, as I didn't want someone with a ton of prior partners. He is really handsome as well, and 3 years younger than me, and had a playful enthusiastic romantic side. He is also a lifelong vegetarian (now vegan), which is important to me in a partner and have a compatible spiritual lifestyle, which is really hard to find in another partner. Where will I find someone like this again? Yes, he has a lot of issues as well. He can be emotionally manipulative at times, when he wants something. He doesn't consider himself a provider for me (his wife) and puts his mom ahead of me. Now I've become the clingy one, and he often acts like he doesn't have enough time for me... which is sad. But he still does care, as he freaks out if we don't talk for a few days. He supports me in my diet (even does it along with me). I still feel some support with him and feel a lot better off with him than I did with all those past emotionally unavailable men. Although he's not the man I dreamed of being with (as I wanted someone with more conviction and integrity than my husband, more like that European fantasy guy from the past),... but when I think of divorcing my husband and going back to the past 4 awful years before him, I'd much rather be with him.

My family has encouraged me to finish my medical degree, lose the extra weight, regain my confidence... and they have told me that I won't have any problems meeting anyone as I'm a neat person and have a lot to give. But it's scary to think about giving up my handsome romantic 28 year old husband, in exchange for what? I'm 31 years old right now. Divorcing him puts me at a greater position of dating disadvantage than before when I was 'never married'. If it wasn't good when I was 29 and never married... I don't imagine my prospects improving being 3 years older and now divorced. I imagine getting dating interests from unemployed, substance abusing men 20 years my senior, who never finished high school, with 5 different kids from 3 different women. (If you fall into this category, please don't get angry at me or take it offensively. I was on internet dating sites for 4 years before meeting my husband and these were the guys who often expressed interest in me.) Sometimes I don't think my husband is my soulmate, and we aren't as intellectually compatible as I'd like... far from it. And I can't stand that he puts his family's needs ahead of mine. But he's so much better than so many guys out there. My inner voice often does tell me that there are huge red flags in my relationship... I feel like I deserve someone more intellectually stimulating, who wants to put me first and be a genuine husband and provider for me. But the dating scene seemed so bleak to me before, than I just don't want to go back there again. I'd rather fix what I have if possible. I feel like by the time I divorce him and find someone else relatively reasonable... it'll be 10 years later, I'll no longer be able to have kids, and he'll end up being just as flawed as my present husband and not half as attractive. I know this sounds totally negative and foolish (though I'm not otherwise a negative person as most would call me fun-loving and sweet and sincere). But these are my deep-seated fears, ridiculous as they may sound to some.

I'm working on myself. I have changed my diet. I go to an exercise bootcamp class. I spend more time looking attractive and dressing well. I am proud of my career and my accomplishments. But I still have some ways to go to get my confidence back again. I hope once I do this, the idea of dating again won't seem so demoralizing. Obviously I'm hoping my husband will change his ways and we can have a beautiful life together. But I realize this may not ever happen...

I realize this is not a relationship help site. But I know many of you have been puzzled by why I stay with my husband. This may explain it better.

Call me crazy, but it sounds like you haven't left your marriage because you're scared of not finding someone that meets your high standards or someone who likes you because of your age and weight, and not so much because of the fact that you don't really love him?

I'm also going to butt out before I start giving advice that wasn't asked for - but you need some more confidence woman.

You sound like an amazing person that's married to a real sh*tty one.

Think about it.

XO

What a lot of people don't know is rkk1 has posted MANY times about her husband. The gist of it is this:

- He will NOT help her with household finances once he's here and earning in US currency. He said he will send it all home to care for his family

- At one time, with the tax refund, he demanded she send him a portion seeing it was thanks to him that she got so much of a return (there was a lot more to this, with him constantly changing amounts and trying to use emotional blackmail on her)

- She was pressured to marry him and wasn't ready at the time (from her previous posts) but she's trying to make it work because of family pressure.

There are many previous posts of rkk1 which show severe issues in the relationship. I have no doubt she is being used, that his delay is due to getting the 10 year card so he doesn't need her anymore, or something else nefarious.

.

.

WELL.

That explains a lot.

I guess love IS really blind.

Sorry, rkk1, but it seems like the red flags are all there and they have been from the beginning.

I'm unsure if I have been checking the package that my fiance is supposed to receive through DHL right.

He read to me on a paper that they gave him that I had to go on his account on usvisa-info.com to look up the status.

This is what I'm getting : "No hay información de este Número de rastreo DHL ("Air Waybill", o AWB por sus siglas en inglés) al momento."

Is that what I'm looking for? Or is that just telling me we didn't get a number we can trace the package with, which he didn't.

I wish he would have just gotten an ID number of some sort instead so we could trace directly on the DHL website, I feel like that would be more up up to date.

Then again, the package probably hasn't been sent out, it's only been a day, I just want to make sure I'm checking the status of it right.

Any help would be appreciated!

Thanks everybody!

I was just informed by my fiance that his K1 was APPROVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are so happy and blessed that all this happened so fast! The journey isn't over yet, but we're glad we have gotten this far!

Thanks to all those who answered all my questions here on VJ these past few months, and hopefully will continue to do so.

XOXO

Unless you anticipate inadmissibility/needing a waiver or something, he should get his visa and possibly an additional Packet Which Should Not Be Opened for the POE officials to work with when he enters the US.

From there, he can do whatever, he's got 6 months to enter the US, I believe (K1 visa filers is that true?). He can either cross the border by land (in which case I believe his packet will specify a specific bridge he should use for the land border into El Paso), or he can fly into any US airport. Ciudad Juarez has the tiniest airport I think I've ever been in, but they have like 3-4 airlines that fly into various cities. Usually flights between the US and Ciudad Juarez are pretty expensive, so he might want to get out to a bigger hub city like Tijuana, Monterrey, GDL, DF and fly from there to the US, or else cross via land and fly out of El Paso, which is usually way cheaper than flying out of Juarez.

Thank you so much! We weren't sure if/when approved and given everything he would have to travel from El Paso with no other options!

But at least now we can look up cheap air fare from either Mexico to Chicago or El Paso to Chicago.

Southwest seems to have some nice deals.

Thanks again! XO

Hi everyone!

My fiance is out in Ciudad Juarez at the consulate. His interview is on Thursday.

When and if he gets handed his package from DHL - what happens next? What does he get? Where does he go? What's the nearest airport?

XO

My fiance was denied a Tourist Visa at the Guadalajara Consulate as well, almost a year ago.

He saw/heard of some very unlikely candidates get approved - and himself denied.

I think someone pees in their Cheerios EVERY morning.

XO

What Jay Kay said! ^^^^^^^ DS- 156 and DS 156k - two copies, not signed!

xo

Good Luck

Thanks! Best wishes to you, too! XO

Thats it. You have had it tge whole time. Its just a one page letter with links to websites that tells you where and how to make appointments. Scan it and Send him a copy just in case. Congrats

Thank you for your reply!!

Yes, that is it. You are good to go! Just have that letter with you when you go to your ASC, medical and interview. There is an attachment in the first post of this thread that shows an invitation letter: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/298777-ds-260-form-as-of-march-1st-2011/

Yay! You came to my rescue Jay-Kay, haha. You haven't failed on one of my posts yet.

Thanks so, so much. We're all squared away then.

XO

We never received it from juarez and they claim to have mailed out since august. so when i get there i will ask them to print it out for us.

But is that one it?? The one with the links?

Wait - I think I have it.

Just to make sure - what exactly does an invitation letter STATE?

Is that the one with all the links, giving the thumbs up to make the appointment?

I found this - http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/376730-invitation-letter-questions/

And if that is the so called invitation letter, than I've had it for 2 months.

Oh goodness.

Thank you so much!

We'll try that.

xo

Sorry, you misunderstood me;

You need an invitation/confirmation letter sent by the consulate to take to not only the medical appointment but the ASC and interview as well.

Mexico's mailing system is terrible and we knew he wouldn't get it in time for his interview but we thought I would, being in the U.S.

I haven't gotten it. What he is going to do is first thing arriving at Juarez, is going to the consulate to ask for a copy of it - which I have heard they are more than willing to provide since they will not email, or send another before the interview.

I just need to know where I can call to verify it has been SENT, so that when he does ask for a copy of it when he's there, he doesn't run into any troubles.

xo

Hello VJers!

Just wondering, my fiance's Invitation letter has not arrived to either one of us, and we knew that could be a possibility - but his K1 appointment in Ciudad Juarez is in a week.

Is there anywhere I could call or get in touch with just to AT LEAST verify that the letter was sent?

Thanks in advance!

Xo

I stand corrected. Thanks.

Hi there!

Yes, you are safe to proceed and make the appointment. Those two letters actually would only be sent to you (or so it was in our case).

The letter you have read about is the third, this one is the invitation letter. It is simply confirming your appointment. Some people get it in time, some people don't. I don't think we will , all that means is that you have to ask for a duplicate in Juarez when you're there BEFORE your medical and interview.

Don't forget to fill our the DS-156 and DS-156k! These you print out copies of and take them with you to your interview.

(Very simple, it's mostly general personal info - DON'T SIGN THEM, that will be done in front of the consulate official in Juarez.)

XO

The earlier the better! I think they're open at 5:30am and some people are actually in line since 4.

XO

My fiance told me when he scheduled his appointments - CAS apt was the first option they gave you to schedule which was in a light shade of blue, then the Interview apts were shown in dark blue?

Whatever comes up first is for CAS, that's for sure, since that appointment goes before the Interview.

Hope that helps.

XO

The reason I say medical before CAs is because (I'm trying to find the source as we speak ) I am under the impression that they give you something at the medical exam that you need to take to CAS.

Someone please correct me if I am wrong.

They usually recommend you do the medical first and foremost, then CAS, then your interview.

(But I'm not exactly sure if it really matters, someone would need to clarify.)*

As to how it is spaced - day wise - I don't think it matters as long as you give yourself time to do each thing without feeling rushed.

Plan at least a week total stay when you're there. That's how my fiance and I have so far planned it, his apt is in about four weeks.

And yes, you can take in any kind of documentation whether it be in folders or a binder - during the interview you will need to take them out as the official asks you for them.

Hope this helped.

Good luck!

Xo

Yeah, my Mexicano has gone slightly crazy without being able to work (we're currently in Korea and he's on an economic dependent visa, not permitted to do any lucrative activity). We have a little kid so that helps him stay busy, but he also stays busy keeping the apartment in order, and he did an online certificate for his field of work, he's been studying Korean (in the past, he also studied some Portuguese, Italian, whatever other languages interested him). He plays in 3 expat soccer leagues and burns off extra energy that way. He gets frustrated, not gonna lie, but since this is the best way for our family to be together, he keeps his head up. Yours will, too.

Wow!! I'm glad your guy has found tons of hobbies!

Hopefully, Manuel will too just for a little while, while we sort everything out.

*That really got me thinking on him doing some studying in his down time to learn English. **

Thanks for the feedback. XO

Yes. If he gets bored, have him fix all those little things around the house that need getting done.

We were just talking about that! While I'm at work he'll work on painting our apartment and other jobs like that.

"If plan A and plan B don't work out, there's always the rest of the alphabet."

XO