RyLu

Asssalamu Alaikum sister,
I have read your post and it sounds to me that your husband is using you for american citizenship --which is fraud. I am pakistani and my wife is an American citizen. I have lots of knowledge about the immigration process and divorce process. I am still currently in pakistan, so if you need any assistance, I can help you, insha-ALLAH.
You are correct to feel that your husband's character and behaviors are inapropriate. Even in Pakistani culture, good men treat their wives with so much respect and attention. 32 years is not old, and you can still easily find a good man who will give you all the love and respect you deserve -- i would urge you not to waste another day on this man. You have been patient enough with him, but if he has not improved yet, then do not expect him to later on in the future. If you try to hold on to hte hope that one day, he will suddenly change and be good to you, in a few years, when he get citizenship and leaves you, you will feel that he has wasted even more of your life. You deserve better than this sister!
You are in my and my wife's prayers, sister. feel free to contact me for assistance in this process, (sent you an inbox message through this site)

You've gotten a lot of good advice, and it is hard to make a big change like this. For what it is worth, I would also argue that being ignored is mental and emotional abuse.
If it helps you in your decision, make a list of what you want your life to be like in 5 or 10 years--all your hopes and dreams, what you think a good marriage should be like. Then make a list of how life with him will be in 5- 10 years based on what you have seen so far (be very honest with yourself as you don't need to share this with anyone else). Hopefully you will better understand what decision to make after comparing the lists.
Another perspective that might help: if you had a friend who came to you for advice and told you what you have told us, how would you counsel that person? Often we can give the best advice to others, and find it difficult to follow ourselves.
I wish you all the best, and the strength to make the right decision for you.

It sounds to me like if you stay in this marriage he will have complete control over everything in your life, and you will be "just there". You will lose your identity, hopes, dreams, and will always be in the dark about what's going on, and not included in any kind of plans or decisions. The depression you're feeling now will be ten-fold. Also, I wouldn't go back to Pakistan. If you choose to divorce him, do it from here. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do. Take care.

I read the whole thread and returned to this one, which was halfway through.Being disrespected and disregarded = mental abuse.

There are so many posts about unhappy relationships in these forums.
Perhaps those of you who are experiencing such problems should be asking yourselves a different set of questions.
Instead of asking "Why is my spouse treating me like this?" perhaps you should ask yourself "Why am I allowing this unhappiness to continue?"
If you are unhappy only YOU can put an end to it.
If one builds and another tears down what do you gain but hard work?!

Honestly from the examples you made he doesn't sound a shy guy that can't show his feelings. He seems he's just not interested in you, and the fact that he barely pursues any intimate relationship with you is a pretty clear sign of lack of interest as well if you ask me.
About mental/emotional abuse - I've been in a relationship where I was emotionally abused and I really did not realize I was being abused until I got out of it. And getting out of it was really difficult too, because I kept thinking that maybe I was being too negative and maybe he did care for me after all. If he had any small stupid gesture towards me I thought it must mean he cares, even though it wasn't even remotely close to what everyone does in a normal relationship.
It was incredible how well it felt once I gathered to strength to cut any ties with him - and we weren't even married!
Really - what matters is YOUR happiness and it doesn't sound like you will ever be happy in this situation. I can understand why some posters suggest you try a bit longer, but in your case honestly time is a luxury you don't have: if he comes over and gets his green card you and your parents will be responsible for him for a really long time and he might as well completely ruin your life for what you know. And you have been married for close to two years and he had PLENTY of time to show his love. If he didn't until now he is not going to magically start all of a sudden.
In my opinion there is really no time left to still have doubts after being married for all this time, I would just divorce and cancel the affidavit of support if I were in your shoes. You're still young, need to start enjoying life again

It doesn't sound like the relationship you envisioned for yourself. It sounds like you want something similar to the affection your parents seem to give to each other.
Wanting your spouse to be interested in you and care about you is not asking a lot. It is something that should come without effort when you are in a loving relationship.
People who have trouble expressing affection in one way are usually able to show it in another.
From an outside perspective he doesn't seem unaffectionate he seems uninterested in the relationship.

Ok I have gone back and forth trying to decide if I should get involved in this conversation. I have decided it's to harmful for me not to. I spent 16 years in a loveless, neglected, practically ignored relationship trying to *SAVE* my spouse and give her a better life. We were both USC and both grew up in the same town. You have a many fold problem. One, you didn't make the decision to marry, your parents did. You asked him to take you as his wife on your parents urging. He obviously didn't want a marriage as he has completely neglected and ignored you.. *THIS IS MENTAL ABUSE* You are guilt tripped at every corner by your parents and by him. You stated that he quit his job because of too little pay. *so his pride wouldn't allow him to work for less yet he it does allow him to depend on you?* Marriage is a partnership based on love trust and respect. You have none of these. You also are doubting your own worth and are depressed by how he is treating you... *not what he's doing but what he is not doing* Neglect is an abuse. You are worried about having children. You say he loves children. Trust me this would make it worse. You would see him give all the time and love to the children he would never give you and you would be even more lost than you are now. *personal experience*
You want the cheapest solution, cut the ties now so it won't cost you more * your sanity and your finances**
Ok in other posts you have asked maybe you should just let him come and divorce him here, because you don't want to hurt his future. I can't help believe that this is fraud. If you bring him here with the sole purpose of giving him a better life before you divorce him then you are committing fraud with the VISA he receives in which you state that you have a true relationship. If you are looking for the perfect time to do this .... Trust me there is no perfect time, you just have to have the courage and do it. You will never be happy, he will not change, and in the end this will cost you so much more than the money you spent. Forget the airline tickets. Look at it as an investment in your happy future. Move on and let go the anchor that is pulling you down. Listen to your own heart for once. Do as others have said, call the appropriate people and cancel the VISA and file for divorce and move on with your life. Don't look at the this as you time in the past is wasted on him, look at it as you don't want to waste the rest of your live, your future. Give yourself a chance to be happy, you are worth it.
In all I wish you the best and I will pray for your strength and happiness.

Hunni you are the same age as my daughter. Reading what you have posted breaks my heart. Hell ya its mental abuse. You have said you are depressed, crying, I am sure you fell abandoned unloved. All signs dear of mental abuse.
You are a trained doctor which means you are a very dedicated, smart women. I am sure you would have no problem attracting any man.
You can not allow guilt to control your emotions. And you must stop being so maternal and think you can fix him.
No way is America going to make him loving, attentive and talkative. Baby that's him in living color.
At least you are fortunate enough to see him for what he is before he gets to you and than its harder to walk away.
Just ask yourself this "are you a better person, better inside and out with him in your life and because of him". In a nut shell does your husbands love and care make you want to be better, do better. To reach for higher heights?
Only you can answer these questions.