rkk1

You need to say no now. You need to make him aware that there is NO changing your mind. It isn't going to happen. Several reasons for this. He's hoping the same as you, that once you're there together you'll discuss it more in length but different to you he's hoping YOU will change YOUR mind and you're of course hoping the opposite. Plus if you don't set this deadline ahead of time are you going to be the one to tell his family they're not welcome? That they have to leave? If this is something you would "prefer" not to happen but if it does oh well, then that's great because it probably will happen. If this is a definite h*ll no then you need to tell him that this is one of the big things, the "I won't laugh this off we will have serious issues if you try and ignore my opinion on this" kind of big deal.
6 months in a 1 b/r apartment I don't care if they're the nicest people on the planet, that will get old quick and damage your relationship (with them or your husband). As you said (more or less) YOU should be the "Queen" of your home and you won't be if they stay for so long. Even in a bigger house it's far too long. Heck my mother isn't super irritating and she entertains herself rather well but I couldn't handle her for 6 months here. At home in Aus I could because I have a car, she has a car, it's my home so it's just normal. Here I would have to entertain her, or feel like I would to make her visit seem worthwhile. More to the point SHE wouldn't want to stay that long. It's incredibly odd that they would want to. They should have their own lives in THEIR country. 6 months in every year sounds like they want to live in the US for half the year, like a holiday home. If this is the case they can rent/buy something themselves.
Tony and I had a friend of his stay for more than 2 months. We have a 2 b/r house and I felt it every day. There was no alone time. I felt like I was invading if I walked into the office and they were talking or whatever. I felt weird cooking dinner for just us (he ate at his parents house). I had to make sure I was "decent" when getting up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.
I also had a close friend visit for 2 weeks. Loved having her here but I was happy to have our house to ourselves again. I couldn't watch whatever TV I wanted (would have been rude so I let her pick). I couldn't sit on my laptop in the living room and surf like I normally did because again, I thought it was rude and instead we would chat.
Friends is entirely different to family, and especially in-laws. HE would love it. He's a man so he wouldn't deal with them the majority of the time (women are usually closer to their parents) and they're his family so there's a certain kind of comfort in that. You will want to be nice and polite to them, you will be walking on eggshells not to upset them because in close quarters being being upset with each other sucks.
No no no. 6 months is ridiculous... even if they were able to visit for that long there is a saying, "House guests are like fish, they are only good for three days". Of course international travellers get a bit more leniency but still...
**Edit - I agree with rlogan on the "it isn't a compromise if you already had an agreement thing". Compromise happens BEFORE the agreement. Sometimes compromise happens after an agreement when circumstances change so it might not be that he's trying to manipulate you, it could just be that he didn't realise how he would miss his family. Could be they have decided now is the time to guilt him. But you reach an agreement you were both happy with, nothing has really changed. I would start with a small visit to see how it goes. I'm willing to bet a month is probably super max for both of you.

You are not over-reacting. This was an agreement, and there is nothing more important than the word of spouses between one another. It doesn't have much to do with parents visiting. It has to do with changing an agreement you made before you were married. If he is going to change 2-3 weeks into six months, (of every year?!) then what other agreements is he going to simply discard?
Don't take ####### about "compromising" with him in violating agreements. There isn't any point to making agreements in the first place if afterwards you are manipulated into changing them for spurious reasons. Presumambly we are talking about an adult here, not a six-year-old who wasn't capable of thinking through what an agreement means. You don't make cultural excuses for this. The time to have invoked that cultural matter was when you made the agreement in the first place. If he isn't a man of his word, then he isn't a man.
Most likely he made that agreement to satisfy you at the time, (prior to marriage) with the intention of manipulating you into changing the agreement later. If so, you can look forward to that kind of treatment for the rest of your marriage unless you prohibit it. It isn't really relevant whether a visa can be approved for this length of time - what is relevant is whether you can trust this guy.

This makes no sense.. How can he sigh an I-864 saying that he has the funds to ensure you will not be a public charge on one hand and get an expedite because he has no funds to send you on the other?

To whom?
Is financial hardship to USC?
Does she now have any family in her home country?
worst case USC can always wire the money.
If this was the case all the spouse waiting would either quit their jobs or somehow get terminated from their jobs and get the case expedited.

If her passport is in her maiden name the visa will be issued in her maiden name. USCIS doesn't arbitrarily change peoples names.

Update: I filed the expedite on Dec. 12 at 9am, was contacted by email for more information a few hours later, and faxed them a letter explaining the situation + evidence that afternoon. We never received an answer as to whether our expedite was approved or denied, but 5 days later...NOA2!

I just rotate one of the following responses:
1. I have an Asian Fetish
2. Mail Order Brides are a bargain, avoided local sales taxes
3. It's part of a UN sanctioned population diversity project
4. I was messed up in "Nam', and this is part of my therapy
5. I needed a height compatible dance partner for my Salsa Class
6. Qualify for the "Vietnamese Only" discounts at the local Asian market
7. She was a 'Groupon" purchase
8. Andrew Zimmerman is coming over for dinner
9. Mother-in-Law 18,000 Miles Away !
10. Because I Love her (This one Rarely works)

A more serious answer from me may be to just show them a picture. Looks aren't everything, but my baby is made of Weapons Grade Cutetonium

Okay some of these answers are confusing so to explain...
1. If you have met in person in the last 2 years the USC can file the K1 tomorrow. The K1 whilst costing more for visa fees is cheaper overall if you are not presently together, and quicker in that you don't need to meet again to get married until you have the visa, and you can file immediately rather than waiting to get married.
2. CR-1. If you went CR-1 you could file that whilst in the US in December, yes BUT that means you'll lose the months between now and then in waiting time. You get a GC on entry so you can work straight away and travel so that is a BIG bonus compared to K1.
3. Entering on the VWP with intent to adjust is against the law. As you are not presently in the US on the VWP it would be against VJ TOS to advise you how to break the law.
It really depends on what you want. CR-1 means spending the first year of marriage apart (UK has quite a backlog so you're looking at around 8+ months) but it also means that you can leave the US and are legally able to work immediately.. which if money is tight for your spouse is a huge benefit... bearing in mind the job situation isn't the best over here so while you might be legally ABLE to work you might not actually GET work for a while.
K1 means you need to AOS once you marry (you have 90 days to marry once you enter the US) and are in the US which presently costs $1070. It's a LITTLE bit quicker but filing it now rather than waiting till dec takes a few months off your waiting time and you could be together this time next year. It means you marry and live together immediately as opposed to being apart for the first year of marriage but it also means you can't leave the US until you get your travel permit and can't legally work until you get the work permit which take around 3 months from filing AOS. Depending on how quickly you marry you could be unemployed for a while.
I personally chose the K1 route because my fiance/husband could support me, because we wanted to file ASAP instead of waiting till we could afford to be together in person again but MOSTLY because I didn't want to spend the first year of marriage apart.

My son and I have done a lot of photography of weddings, so I may have a different point of view than most. Comming from the guy's side if things there are a couple things you should really consider.
1) If this is a international wedding, then one of two of you aren't really going to be able to have a lot of their friends and family at the wedding. While the man wants to give his bride everything to make her dreams come true, if the wedding is very unballanced, is that really going to accompolish what you are wanting?
2) What is the wedding really about and who is it about? To me, it is about the man and wife, God, the pastor, and possibly their children. For everyone else it is basically just a show and a party.
3) Planning and executing a wedding can add a lot of stress both financially and emotionally to a new couple. The bigger the wedding the more stress. The more people, the more there is a chance that someone is going to do something unexpected or just basically wrong.
4) A lot of people think that they need a big church wedding, but a church is really where people come to meet, it isn't the house that God built, it's the house that men built for people to worship God. God created the outdoors and in many ways He created places that are much more beautiful than man would ever build. Outdoor weddings also have the opportuinty for a whole lot more varity of colors and backgrounds for the pictures that will help you remember that day for the rest of your lives. That being said, a rainny day outdoor wedding isn't such a good thing.
5) As others have said, consider the expense. Plane tickets, visa's, medical exams, trips back and forth, phone bills and all the stuff that comes with an international wedding can create a financial strain on most people. Plus, do you want to spend the money on a wedding and big party or would you rather go see the new country together and have a nice honeymoon where you can enjoy each other?
6) I think you need to consider not just the financial expense, but also the "time" expense of a wedding. I know in my case, time is a huge factor, between work, keeping up housework, and keeping up with all the other stuff around my house, there are weeks that go by where time is just a major issue. Add to all of that the idea that he has been trying to get things ready for his bride to be living with him. Now add on all of the paperwork and such that the Immigration process has added into the mix, and the candle is certainly burning from both ends. Then keep in mind the expense and paperwork that is yet to come if you have to file for AOS and such.
7) This guy obviously loves you very much to do all that he has to make an international couple come together. I am sure he wants everything for his new wife, but some understanding and returning that love can go a long way.
8) Think of the marriage, not the wedding. Marriage is hard work and even harder when the two of you have to adjust to different cultures and such. One of the biggest rules of making a marriage work is to not do harm to the marriage. Find a way to compromise on things, including the wedding if necessary, so that you keep the marriage solid. Protect that marriage with your life, because that is what you are promising each other that you will do. I have seen too many big weddings ruin a marriage from the start. So think about it, is the marriage the fairy tail or the wedding, and what is most important?
9) Go to premarriage counseling and take it very seriously! Start things off on the right foot with good communications and some help so that you don't make the mistakes that damage the marriage. This also helps you to get to know each other better. Yes, this probably means that you won't get married right off of the plane, but building a successful marriage takes work and a solid foundation.
10) Do special and unique things in the wedding to show your love to each other! This doesn't mean go buy each other some gift, it means do something for each other that means a whole lot to the both of you.
11) I am probably going to get flamed for this, but do not do everything and just expect him to show up! The wedding and the marriage is about the two of you and is the beginning of your lives together, you should start out with solid communications and working together, because you are going to have to work on and communicate with each other about a whole lot of things from that day forward! Make sure you both are on the same page from the very start. Certainly, you can agree on what parts each of you are going to do, but you need to walk the highway of life together, you had better get on the entrance ramp together.
I hope this helps and I pray that you have a long and happy marriage.
--Jim