Fetaria

I do agree that the children need to have a say in this, which is why I have one child here with me and the other is with his father. It was the family mediator who told us that although it is good to give them choices no child wants that big of a decision put on their shoulders. Because then they interpret that we are asking them to choose between two people they love equally. In our case we told them that indeed mom was moving, dad was staying that we both loved them dearly and we were interested to know their thoughts on where they may like to live. That said we told them we would take what they said into consideration and make final decisions based on that. The mediator explained to us that throughout the divorce it was important that we maintained a parent/child relationship with our children and not let them feel as if any burden is theirs. Whether a parent is moving down the road or across an ocean, I think similar emotions come out of it.

I think also, Shari, as to what to respond to what he had said to you about how you could leave them and its not right. Rather than argue the fact, tell him you understand how he feels that way. That it is OK for him to feel that way. It is a good thing that he is sharing his feelings and thoughts with you ( no matter how hard to swallow ) You can explain until you are blue in the face the reasons why you are moving but if he is upset he will most likely not understand the value to your words. Tell him you are sad that he feels that way, explain that you do not feel as you are leaving him or his siblings anywhere. You are just moving a bit further away and it will take some adjustments and time to figure it all out.

My green card has the wrong sex on it as well. For the change to be made you have to fill out new forms, send in old forms but more importantly, send back the green card that is incorrect. Not a speedy process either. I would see what they can do on that end to make an easier POE for him when he returns and have it fixed once he gets back asap.

Again, I know this thread was for the mothers who have left their children a lot farther away that I am, and do not get to see them nearly the amount I will be able to see mine, but my children's feelings and emotions are the same as your kids at this moment in time. I have no answers for him that will ease his pain. We cried together and I think he knows how hard it will be on me too, but what kind of answer can I come back with to "you can't leave us, it's not right to leave your kids"?

No this thread is for parents JUST like you. It sounds as if those words he said were possibly fed to him. Do you think anyone in your family may be working that angle through your children? I definately hope not, but if you think so hush them up. How is his father helping with this transition? I think he could be doing a lot to ease the change as well. I think you have said all the right stuff, and keep saying it. Reaffirm with him constantly that he is welcome to move with you today or any other day in the future. Let him know that if he needs you for anything you are only a day away. It hurts so much to see our kids in pain. I think you need not sugar coat things, let him know that you are indeed moving and when and where and the facts of it all. You are his mother and you are making a decision based on your best judgement. It is his choice now to move with you or stay where he is. Reaffirm his choices, let him know either way he is not losing you. This is not going to be easy on any of you but I do believe everything will work out in the end as it should.

Yes, the consulate will want something official showing custody agreement between the father and yourself. Have your agreement signed and notarized.

Double post

Just when you need a serious amount of support from your family.. you get that? There are SO many examples here of just how wrong she is. Do not let this add to your pile of stress or Keiths. You both made a decision based on your situation at this moment, you are not "abandoning" anyone here. What an awful word to use. Do look back and read some of the posts here again, PM those who have went through it and get more feedback. It is possible to parent this way and everyone comes out allright in the end. My son is thriving, we are closer than ever. You are a good mother. I wouldn't even respond to such an e mail, it is undeserving of your time. Sorry I am jumping around here.. I just really want you to know that it will be ok. And you know what? If after the move things are not going as planned, who is to say a change could not be made? Your daughter may decide to move too. We have such a short time to live this life, we cannot spend it sitting still in one spot for fear of making a mistake. So use your best judgement, do what you can to ensure everyone's happiness to the best of your ability including your own. Your sister is wrong. You are not choosing Keith over your children. When mothers work, do the children think we choose work over them? When we go to the movies without them do they dwell on the fact that we are choosing entertainment over them? Our children, whether we live with them or not, only feel abandoned if we make them feel that way by ignoring their wants and needs. I could just go on and on making the same point over and over.. so I will stop. Don't let her get you down.

We were told the same thing as you at the Albuquerque NM office. We were told that if I would of applied for the SSN before we were married with my K1 it would of been no problem but being that we were married I was to wait until I had proof of a green card. I had no EAD at the time either.

I told them red (natural) but they argued I was blonde because of the highlights so I let them put blonde. Put whatever matches your picture at the time best.

We took originals and copies of everything. They just wanted to see originals and handed them back. The entire file from day one of applying for the K1/K2 was there on her desk. She flipped through it and marked stuff off but did not take anything new from us. I wanted to share our wedding pictures but she didnt even ask. Always good to have copies of what you want to keep the originals of but do take the originals for verification.

Must say I am very glad after reading the title to your post that you are not in need of a kidney or anything like that. Although everyone's case is different it helped me to check timelines and follow others that had similar ones to us. Also make your time apart productive and prepare for your future together. Before I was able to move we spent our evenings online making plans. We shopped for furniture together online for our new house, which I even got to help pick out after house shopping online. My husband took lots of pictures of the area where we live now and shared them with me. It is much more fun to dream of what is to come then to dwell on where you are at if you are stuck apart. Good luck in your journey.

Shari,

I am sorry.

A few things I did for my son before the big move was to make sure he and I had our own time together alone. Doing his favorite things, just hanging out making some good memories. I started a scrapbook for him. Gave him lots of hugs and nose kisses to last the time we would be apart. I asked his input for ideas of how to decorate "his" room in the new house and ideas of how he liked things so he knew that my new home was just as much his. Left some prestamped addressed envelopes for letters he may want to write. Set up a web cam for him. The final goodbye felt as if my heart was being ripped out of my chest, especially when he told me his eyes were wet, we both had a good hard cry. Gah, typing that made me cry again. I make sure now that each time we talk we are talking about what is ahead, how many sleeps until we are together again, what we will be doing and how fun it will be. I would say be strong, but dont. You dont have to hide that it hurts and neither should she. Be honest with yourself and her and say or feel whatever comes natural. My son and I get right carried away with the "I miss you mores" My heart goes out to you.

36 sleeps until I see my kids

Derbys12, I think for certain in your case .. fight for the right to take your children with you. I am glad to hear you have things started in that. It would be good to hear from other parents who have done the same and won. All I can offer is to keep it as distant from the kids as possible and not use them or let their mother use them as tools in the "fight". I am not sure how you keep it separate but I think very important that they are protected from the ugliness that can come from it. I think along with the bad evidence against her you will want to have strong evidence for the positive outcomes of them moving with you. Document everything, down to the amount of time spent with each of you now. I don't know that if at the age of 7 it would matter much his opinion on wanting to move but document that anyway. In Canada they can decide once they are 12. Good luck with this, I hope your son is recovering well.

Groomit, Thank you for your post. In time she may change her mind and want to move. Who knows what the future will bring. You are very strong to let her choose and give her what she needs in spite of what you want.

On top of missing my son who did not move with me I worry that my daughter, who is the same age as yours, will change her mind or resent the move. She is happy to be with me, adapting to the new life but I know she misses her friends she left behind. She is there now with her dad being showered with gifts and freedom to do whatever she pleases. I know as an adult it is all just surface and material but a 10 year old's perspective may see it much differently prefering the "stuff". Isnt that the way of a parent though, just when you think you have one worry in check... along comes another one.

We did not have much of much being that I have not been here long. The interviewer took that into consideration. Take what you do have and if you were going to do so anyway, switch bank accounts to create a joint one.

Although it is not bacon as I know it, it is more like ham I do like it better because it has way less fat. Throw it on an english muffin with a scambled egg and cheese and you got yourself an egg mcmuffin!

Now about them smarties I told my husband I miss smarties, I grew up with them and they were my favorite treat. He brought me a bag of them little chaulk candies that come in a roll.. at home we called those things rockets. Of course we had to google it all so we could find out which smarties were made first.. so that one of us could "win" the smartie battle. I think I won that one, but I dont remember for sure. When you have nothing else to argue about these things come in handy.

1 cup couscous

2 cups chicken broth

1/2 cup dry white wine

2 teaspoons olive oil

2 tablespoons fresh lime juice

1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin

1 clove garlic, minced

1 pound skinless, boneless chicken breast meat - cubed

1 green bell pepper, cut into large chunks

1 red bell pepper, cut into large chunks

1 yellow bell pepper, cut into large chunks

4 green onions, chopped

1/4 cup pitted black olives

Prepare couscous pasta according to package directions, using chicken broth for liquid. Drain and set aside.

In a large skillet combine the wine, oil, 1 tablespoon lime juice, 1 teaspoon cumin and garlic; mix all together and add chicken. Simmer over low heat until all liquid has evaporated and chicken juices run clear, 5 to 7 minutes.

Remove chicken from skillet and mix in a large bowl with remaining 1 tablespoon lime juice, remaining 1/2 teaspoon cumin, green bell pepper, red bell pepper, yellow bell pepper, green onion and couscous. Garnish with a few black olives per serving

Delicious! Oh How I love Couscous.

Thank you for the recipe! I've never actually experimented with couscous. I just prepare it according to the directions on the package and we have it as a side dish.

I don't eat chicken, so I am thinking of substituting chicken broth with veggie broth, and substituting chicken with something else (mushrooms, perhaps). I can't wait to try it Thanks again!

what the hell is couscous?!!!

It's PASTA!

I have made it as a cold salad without meat as well. Throw in some sugar peas, peppers, carrots, tomatoes, bits of whatever veggies you like. Toss it with a bit of olive oil. Good stuff.

Thank you for sharing your story Sharon. Sounds as if you raised some pretty spectacular kids there. I love hearing such things. Enjoy your visit at the cottage!!

"No...it's not easy. But it's not impossible either. We've been doing it for 3 years now and we've adjusted. It takes time just like anything else. Perserverance...but mostly, love."

Maybe give a call to ensure it was not lost in the mail and ease your mind.

We were very lucky to have our interview together. When my daughter got shy with answering it was hard not to talk for her or encourage her but we just stayed quiet and let it happen as it did. All she was asked, and it was more casual in the asking for her which was nice, was;

What school she went to

Did she like school here

How was it different from school in Canada

From that question the interviewer got off on a discussion about a russian boy who came here and was years ahead in math so she left my daughter alone after that and moved the focus back to us. They are trained to read people and how they respond to the questions just as much as what they say. We talked with her before going in for the interview and prepped her, saying just answer the best you can and if you dont know the answer to any questions just say so, that it is ok not to know. She was well practised by now going through customs each time she flys back to visit her dad. They ask some pretty complicated and odd questions she says.

Hello All,

Here is what has happened so far... Filed AOS applications for both wife and 12 yr old daughter, sent together in one envelope. They each received a separate notice of receipt on the same day. Later, they each received seperate biometrics appointment notices on the same day and the appointments were scheduled for the same day as well. Now, a couple of weeks ago, my wife received notice for interview appointment, but nothing yet for our daughter. Is it assumed that she will accompany mom because of her age? We were under the impression that children had their own interview, so we were expecting a separate interview notice, hopefully for the same day as it a long drive and requires an overnight stay.

Anyone with experience??

Thanks

You will most likely get the interview notice for the daughter within a couple days. We, like you, submitted both applications in the same envelope. My daughters (9) biometrics appointment letter was separate as was her interview notice which came a couple days after mine but the actual interview was for the same day 15 minutes after mine. They did not interview her separate however, just did it all at the same time. Afterwards we both got our separate welcome letters and separate envelopes with separate green cards. The interviewer says that when it is time to lift conditions however she will just fall in under me for that. So, if anything like ours, both interviews will be for the same time/day.

Once the powerball gets big and juicy we usually buy a ticket. A couple months ago when it was +300million we were just a couple numbers off.. we about peed ourselves . Made $100 though. I always have fun dreaming about the possibilities whereas my husband prefers to think about the responsibility involved .. he is no fun sometimes!

Once he asked what kind of "car" we would get. I said.. don't you mean cars? He then said.. " I think I would get a limo to drive me to work".. I said.. what you mean work? He and I just not on the same page on that one soooo I guess it is best we have not won the big one till we get that all straightened out.

Awww, my heart goes out to you. I don't have any kids, but I was a kid that was left behind. My dad wanted me and said my brother could go with my mom. My brother and I had a meeting and we chose not to be split up. So we both stayed in our home counrty but with my grandparents and my mother migrated to the US. My dad would visit us and take us to stay with him in the summer, but he would suck as a single parent - just not good with children by himself. Soon my dad left for the US and my brother and I stayed on with gramms and gramps until a DECADE later when they finished US college and got good jobs.

Everyday my brother and I ask if it was worth it, because we are both successful professionals and have a good "american life." We both had some serious serious issues and had to get counseling (he did I didn't). And I resented my mom for a long time (Ironically I was not really mad at my dad ).

All I can say to you is just continue to let your son know that you still love and want him. I used to wonder if they would forget about me. SO just keep reminding him that if he should ever change his mind the doors would be open.

I think the fact that you are aware of the possibilty of short changing your daughter and step children is half the battle. Once you are aware you can take special care to make them feel special and "integrated".

Keep all lines of communication open and try to make lots of visits. Look for signs of resentment from any of the kids and get help right away to solve it. Dont let it build up.

"Judge not, lest ye be judged."

Very good advice and wonderful to hear from a grown child of a similar situation. I will remember your words, thank you. Sometimes I think maybe I over do it a bit, letting them know how much they mean to me, re assuring and offering to talk if they need. I just dont want them to think they have no say or what they feel does not matter because it really does. I want for them to tell me if they are sad or mad because of whatever reason and I worry that they will tell me everything is fine until I notice it is not some other way. I guess all I can do is keep the conversation going and hope they will be honest with me about their feelings. Thank you again for posting.

1 cup couscous

2 cups chicken broth

1/2 cup dry white wine

2 teaspoons olive oil

2 tablespoons fresh lime juice

1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin

1 clove garlic, minced

1 pound skinless, boneless chicken breast meat - cubed

1 green bell pepper, cut into large chunks

1 red bell pepper, cut into large chunks

1 yellow bell pepper, cut into large chunks

4 green onions, chopped

1/4 cup pitted black olives

Prepare couscous pasta according to package directions, using chicken broth for liquid. Drain and set aside.

In a large skillet combine the wine, oil, 1 tablespoon lime juice, 1 teaspoon cumin and garlic; mix all together and add chicken. Simmer over low heat until all liquid has evaporated and chicken juices run clear, 5 to 7 minutes.

Remove chicken from skillet and mix in a large bowl with remaining 1 tablespoon lime juice, remaining 1/2 teaspoon cumin, green bell pepper, red bell pepper, yellow bell pepper, green onion and couscous. Garnish with a few black olives per serving

Delicious! Oh How I love Couscous.

I was able to enroll in a college here in NM as a New Mexico resident. I have only been here for 6 months. I dont even have my SSN yet. They waived the year rule once I proved that my husband had been a resident here for over a year.

Yes, your daughter will need those forms filled out as well. We submitted both applications in the same envelope.