We Keep Receipts

I would disagree with your reasoning on why men fall into affairs but no need to debate that here. The reason why men fall into affairs is complex and varies on a case by case basis depending upon the people involved and the situations. Your generalized reasoning does not do the issue of "why men cheat" any serious justice. In this thread, only the OP, her husband and this other female know what the real deal is.
I know myself, I am better off not having close companionships with women I am attracted too, full stop, your mileage may vary. Women are intoxicating for me, it is necessary for me to limit my exposure to this temptation for the health and longevity of my marriage, I am aware of this. This reasoning goes for any temptation that comes upon a man, just got to deal with it prudently.
You seem very confident in your fidelity strength without the need to have boundaries, more power to you! I am not as confident in the flesh as you are.
Take care...

I just posted on the Off Topic forum about how to improve the Immigration process. I guess this is a good place as any to throw my ideas on the wall and see if they stick:
For the fraud part, the problem is no matter what you put in place people will always find a way to circumvent the system, if you want something bad enough you can lie, cheat, and steal your way into it. If you set a time constraint on the relationship, you'll weed out the weaker players, but the rest will just wait patiently until their time comes. I spent 9 years overseas and I can't tell you how many Sailors would meet these young ladies in foreign ports and spend months, sometimes years corresponding with them, only to marry them and find out the hard way they were had.
For the legitimate lovers, maybe a 6 month requirement of actual dating time(pictures together, email, chat, and phone log). But the problem is if you don't have the funds to travel over to the fiance's country or vice versa, it will hurt you in the long run.
USCIS: I don't know what their procedures are over there, but they need to be revamped to become more effecient. There is no excuse as to why an I-130 or I-129 should take longer than 3 months tops. Hell security clearances don't take this long. If there is something in either of your background that requires that much screening, the petetioner should be notified by letter/email detailing what the problem is and if/when it can be resolved. Also they should have something in-place that spouses can get a temporary visa to visit their SO. Visitor visas aren't %100 and a waste of money if you apply for one and get denied. And if they grant this temp spouse visa, don't allow the AOS to happen until they get their CR1, that will negate anyone coming over and automatic applying for it. This way couples can spend time with each other, make the visa 3 months max, I'd rather have that than nothing at all. Also if they come on the temp visa, hold both of them responsible for the return of the FN, impose a hefty fine on the petitoner and a ban on the spouse for 5 years if they overstay. Make sure they can't get a SSN or work permit until they are given a CR1, this will make working or living harder over here if they do decide to scam, and the petetioner will try a bit harder to make sure they aren't caught in this mess as to not pay the fine or get into trouble down the line if they have to petetion someone else later.
I've seen horror stories of relationships/marriages falling apart because the first step takes +2 years to complete. I know love is eternal and you should be with the person you love for all time, but we are all human and have basic needs for affection and itimacy. And in that time the spouse can't see their loved ones because they can't get a visitor visa and the PT can't get vacation time off. How back logged can you be to take that much time to approve a petetion? They say we need jobs in America, hire some more people to get the job done.
Last thought: the interview process should be dual-hatted, to weed out fraud AND to make sure the relationship is real. Some of these embassy seem to have the first part down pat, they have forgotten about the second part. I don't care how much you love someone, if someone is grilling you relentlessly, you will flub, and if you fail because of this then you are that much longer apart.....

I just posted on the Off Topic forum about how to improve the Immigration process. I guess this is a good place as any to throw my ideas on the wall and see if they stick:
For the fraud part, the problem is no matter what you put in place people will always find a way to circumvent the system, if you want something bad enough you can lie, cheat, and steal your way into it. If you set a time constraint on the relationship, you'll weed out the weaker players, but the rest will just wait patiently until their time comes. I spent 9 years overseas and I can't tell you how many Sailors would meet these young ladies in foreign ports and spend months, sometimes years corresponding with them, only to marry them and find out the hard way they were had.
For the legitimate lovers, maybe a 6 month requirement of actual dating time(pictures together, email, chat, and phone log). But the problem is if you don't have the funds to travel over to the fiance's country or vice versa, it will hurt you in the long run.
USCIS: I don't know what their procedures are over there, but they need to be revamped to become more effecient. There is no excuse as to why an I-130 or I-129 should take longer than 3 months tops. Hell security clearances don't take this long. If there is something in either of your background that requires that much screening, the petetioner should be notified by letter/email detailing what the problem is and if/when it can be resolved. Also they should have something in-place that spouses can get a temporary visa to visit their SO. Visitor visas aren't %100 and a waste of money if you apply for one and get denied. And if they grant this temp spouse visa, don't allow the AOS to happen until they get their CR1, that will negate anyone coming over and automatic applying for it. This way couples can spend time with each other, make the visa 3 months max, I'd rather have that than nothing at all. Also if they come on the temp visa, hold both of them responsible for the return of the FN, impose a hefty fine on the petitoner and a ban on the spouse for 5 years if they overstay. Make sure they can't get a SSN or work permit until they are given a CR1, this will make working or living harder over here if they do decide to scam, and the petetioner will try a bit harder to make sure they aren't caught in this mess as to not pay the fine or get into trouble down the line if they have to petetion someone else later.
I've seen horror stories of relationships/marriages falling apart because the first step takes +2 years to complete. I know love is eternal and you should be with the person you love for all time, but we are all human and have basic needs for affection and itimacy. And in that time the spouse can't see their loved ones because they can't get a visitor visa and the PT can't get vacation time off. How back logged can you be to take that much time to approve a petetion? They say we need jobs in America, hire some more people to get the job done.
Last thought: the interview process should be dual-hatted, to weed out fraud AND to make sure the relationship is real. Some of these embassy seem to have the first part down pat, they have forgotten about the second part. I don't care how much you love someone, if someone is grilling you relentlessly, you will flub, and if you fail because of this then you are that much longer apart.....

I just posted on the Off Topic forum about how to improve the Immigration process. I guess this is a good place as any to throw my ideas on the wall and see if they stick:
For the fraud part, the problem is no matter what you put in place people will always find a way to circumvent the system, if you want something bad enough you can lie, cheat, and steal your way into it. If you set a time constraint on the relationship, you'll weed out the weaker players, but the rest will just wait patiently until their time comes. I spent 9 years overseas and I can't tell you how many Sailors would meet these young ladies in foreign ports and spend months, sometimes years corresponding with them, only to marry them and find out the hard way they were had.
For the legitimate lovers, maybe a 6 month requirement of actual dating time(pictures together, email, chat, and phone log). But the problem is if you don't have the funds to travel over to the fiance's country or vice versa, it will hurt you in the long run.
USCIS: I don't know what their procedures are over there, but they need to be revamped to become more effecient. There is no excuse as to why an I-130 or I-129 should take longer than 3 months tops. Hell security clearances don't take this long. If there is something in either of your background that requires that much screening, the petetioner should be notified by letter/email detailing what the problem is and if/when it can be resolved. Also they should have something in-place that spouses can get a temporary visa to visit their SO. Visitor visas aren't %100 and a waste of money if you apply for one and get denied. And if they grant this temp spouse visa, don't allow the AOS to happen until they get their CR1, that will negate anyone coming over and automatic applying for it. This way couples can spend time with each other, make the visa 3 months max, I'd rather have that than nothing at all. Also if they come on the temp visa, hold both of them responsible for the return of the FN, impose a hefty fine on the petitoner and a ban on the spouse for 5 years if they overstay. Make sure they can't get a SSN or work permit until they are given a CR1, this will make working or living harder over here if they do decide to scam, and the petetioner will try a bit harder to make sure they aren't caught in this mess as to not pay the fine or get into trouble down the line if they have to petetion someone else later.
I've seen horror stories of relationships/marriages falling apart because the first step takes +2 years to complete. I know love is eternal and you should be with the person you love for all time, but we are all human and have basic needs for affection and itimacy. And in that time the spouse can't see their loved ones because they can't get a visitor visa and the PT can't get vacation time off. How back logged can you be to take that much time to approve a petetion? They say we need jobs in America, hire some more people to get the job done.
Last thought: the interview process should be dual-hatted, to weed out fraud AND to make sure the relationship is real. Some of these embassy seem to have the first part down pat, they have forgotten about the second part. I don't care how much you love someone, if someone is grilling you relentlessly, you will flub, and if you fail because of this then you are that much longer apart.....

I have dealt with a lot of women and men relationship problems, and each one is different. But in this case I feel compelled to say this.
I am a true believer that if someone loves you they will always protect you. From what you have informed us on this forum he has done everything but protect you. Now we all know that people from different places and walks of life have different upbringings and customs. But somethings are just universally wrong: Abuse in ANY form, verbal, physical, mental, or emotional is just wrong on every level. No excuses, no explainations, it's just wrong.
This is why in my earlier post I said stop contact with him. He knows you are wanting the relationship to work and he is using that to keep you attached to him. It's a vicious cycle that never ends; you make him upset(anything from saying the wrong thing to breathing wrong) he calls you out of your name or worse, you try to figure out what can be done and go right back to it, he says sorry, then it repeats itself all over again. An abuser can never be placated, something will ALWAYS set him off. The ONLY time I would even consider staying is if he got Counseling and you were able to see documentation that he was getting better. Anything less than this, and everytime you are with him, you risk your life.
Your fellow VJer's are concerned for your safety and I know when you love someone you believe anything can be achieved. But here is the hard answer: If you are fighting against the person who is supposed to love you, get out of it, simple as that....

Ma'am,
I am truly sorry for what you are going through but this is no nightmare, this is the life you are living right now. I am new to this forum since I have recently gotten married and going through the CR1 process myself, but I felt compelled to answer to this post.
I 100% agree with everyone on this post, you need to get yourself together and leave him ASAP, don't pass go, don't collect 200$, just leave. I'd get the marriage annuled, cut my losses as the other VJ'ers have suggested and make like a tree, and get out of there. Stop all contact with him immediately, it's obvious that you are still emotionally attached to him at the hip. And as long as he knows that he will always appeal to that to get you to stay with him. No phone calls, emails, video chat, or smoke signals. There are ways to get this done without him, Google is an excellent friend:)
He is just verbally abusive now, it WILL escalate to physical violence in time. Don't wait another minute....

Ma'am,
I am truly sorry for what you are going through but this is no nightmare, this is the life you are living right now. I am new to this forum since I have recently gotten married and going through the CR1 process myself, but I felt compelled to answer to this post.
I 100% agree with everyone on this post, you need to get yourself together and leave him ASAP, don't pass go, don't collect 200$, just leave. I'd get the marriage annuled, cut my losses as the other VJ'ers have suggested and make like a tree, and get out of there. Stop all contact with him immediately, it's obvious that you are still emotionally attached to him at the hip. And as long as he knows that he will always appeal to that to get you to stay with him. No phone calls, emails, video chat, or smoke signals. There are ways to get this done without him, Google is an excellent friend:)
He is just verbally abusive now, it WILL escalate to physical violence in time. Don't wait another minute....