Aileen and Steve

I agree with some of what you say except not all males watch porn. Unless you have talked with every male on this planet you can't say "All males DO". I have watched a few times but I felt empty afterwards and I have no desire to watch someone else have sex. And I've never been to a strip club because I've never felt the need to go to one.
There is a difference between watching porn for "fun", and watching porn because you're trying to "get off" alone and denying it to your spouse. From what she says, this guy is hiding his porn material and he lied to her several times about not watching it anymore or buying it. That is an addiction.

I can't believe how most of you are making this problem to be trivial! There are some real issues here that need to be resolved by professional help. I believe most guys watch porn or go to strip clubs as a form of light or "fun" entertainment. A porn addict will try to hide his addiction just like a drug addict or an alcoholic tries to hide their addiction. The longer it goes on, the more it takes to achieve the same resultant pleasure.
This guy has a porn addiction. He requires this type of stimulus to satisfy himself. Watching the "incest porn" probably came later on in his addiction because he is needing more stimulus to satisfy. He has an unhealthy interest in interracial relationships. He was probably using the group he created to feed his sexual fantasy.
Don't let his wanting to have a baby as a sign of things going good fool you. It's a form of control he is trying to exert over you. He is wanting to falsely make you happy to take your attention away from his porn addiction.
There is no valid reason to remain with someone who emotionally and mentally abuses the other. I've been in a relationship with someone who's ex had physically and emotionally abused her. I've seen the long term effect of abuse. If he is unwilling to seek professional help AND stay in therapy until his abusive behavior is solved then LEAVE. You should already be searching for an escape route should this situation become worse. Find a support group that has a "safe house" you can escape to if need be.
This just proves he is addicted and has no intentions of quiting.
More abusive control from him. He is trying to make it look like you are the one who is doing wrong and he is this great and wonderful guy who is working hard for you. The truth probably is he has to work 2 jobs to support his addiction.
I'm sorry most of the responses I've read are in support of this guy and his addiction. You need help. He needs help. If he does not get help, his addiction may get worse. His mental/emotional abuse may turn into physical abuse. If you do not get help, you will become an emotional wreck, possibly making fatal decisions.
By getting help you could save your relationship and marriage if that is what you want to do. A good place to start looking for local help is your local church. Most Pastors will have already help others and could help get you started.
I really wish you the best in finding a solution to this problem.

I agree with some of what you say except not all males watch porn. Unless you have talked with every male on this planet you can't say "All males DO". I have watched a few times but I felt empty afterwards and I have no desire to watch someone else have sex. And I've never been to a strip club because I've never felt the need to go to one.
There is a difference between watching porn for "fun", and watching porn because you're trying to "get off" alone and denying it to your spouse. From what she says, this guy is hiding his porn material and he lied to her several times about not watching it anymore or buying it. That is an addiction.

I agree with some of what you say except not all males watch porn. Unless you have talked with every male on this planet you can't say "All males DO". I have watched a few times but I felt empty afterwards and I have no desire to watch someone else have sex. And I've never been to a strip club because I've never felt the need to go to one.
There is a difference between watching porn for "fun", and watching porn because you're trying to "get off" alone and denying it to your spouse. From what she says, this guy is hiding his porn material and he lied to her several times about not watching it anymore or buying it. That is an addiction.

John, (for the most part) I agree with you.
IMO...porn is for the sexually immature, sexually naive, sexually depraved and sexually starved. (but) I don't think someone is automatically addicted to porn but it can certainly become an addiction and pervert / corrupt / pollute / deprive a marriage of true intimacy. I think porn can have a similar affect on a relationship as alcohol consumption. Some can handle a few drinks and others can't stop until the bottle is empty. I believe that an additiction to porn can destroy a relationship just as any other addiction.
In no way is porn "healthy". It is a vice. Period.

That's quite a streeeeettttccchhhhh. I'm not buying it. She wasn't clear on what it was she found, and you're giving him to much credit. He's already proven he can't be trusted, and he has an obvious obsession with porn that transcends normal desire. If it's "incest" theme videos, it goes beyond normal taste. Til she is more clear about what she found I stand by my intial point. He's sick, and anyone who watches "incest" theme videos are sick. She mentioned finding some stuff about incest along with some porn and grouped them together, which in my opinion is a mistake. Like I said, she wasn't clear on what she found and he's proven to be slimebag to her so he gets no benefit of the doubt from me, maybe from others but not from me. She needs to leave his #### with a quickness. Someone mentioned not having kids with him or around him and I couldn't agree more. You can do better my friend, move on from this lying, sick clown.
Matt

You should buy the movie Fireproof and have him watch it, you as well. Porn is not healthy in any relationship. You should pray for your husband. "People's actions often reflect the atitude of their hearts." pornagraphy is a lustfull addiction. This problem he has can be fixed, but he has to be willing to agree that lust is the opposite of love, and to love you with his full potential means that he has to get rid of all the parasites in his life that is distracting him from you.
John

nope, I didn't say I was okay with him watching porn, I said I knew he'd be watching since we have those channels -unless I had blocked them but of course I wouldn't go that far - what I mean is, we had talked about this 4 yrs ago and had made a commitment, and of course now this makes me wonder if he had been doing any other kind of stuff while I was away. He had been wanting to get a book on politics and I had amazon send it to him while I was back home and he was so thrilled by the surprise, I left him movie tickets too. Uff, If only people would use the time they spend on porn trying to improve themselves their relationships...

There's a difference between HAS looked at porn and IS looking at porn.
I know for 10000% sure that Tony doesn't look at porn. He doesn't go to strip clubs (and wouldn't). I know he DID while he was single. I know he DID while he was in the military. If I found out that even after our discussion on it and our views on the subject that he was watching porn it would rightly p*ss me off.
I don't consider porn healthy for our relationship, neither does my husband. Whether other people do or not is their business. The OP has voiced to her husband her opinion of it and he's dismissing it. Some people are okay with open relationships but if BOTH people aren't it's cheating.

If you can't be happy with someone doing these behaviors then I would look at information for spouses of sex addicts on the web for my community and at least see a spiritual leader or counsellor (together if possible) it only takes one to change! It's easy for others to give you advice but only you know what you want from your life.