JenniferS

Sorry everyone, just reading all the posts now from the last day..
I guess saying I'd never move to Australia in a million years is a bit of an exaggeration, but realistically.. for likely 10-15 years. There was a long list of reasons as to why he moved here vs me moving there, and that was all discussed on our first real trip together when we knew we wanted to pursue a relationship. Aside from financial reasons, my parents are significantly older than his, approaching mid 70's and my father has health problems. My parents won't and simply can't travel, especially a long trip to Australia. Even if they could travel, they wouldn't be able to afford it. His parents just hit 60, they both travel freely (they were both here for a month in April for the wedding celebration) and have the financial freedom to do so. So, I just really couldn't leave my parents at this stage in their lives. I work in healthcare, I am depended on to be there for medical appts etc and decision making. If his parent(s) were to get sick while mine were still alive, I honestly dont know what we would do. We'll cross that bridge if it comes, but for now.. this is where I need to be. We have even talked about moving due to him not being able to find a job in the area, plus my department closing. We wouldn't be moving out of a 2.5-3 hr drive radius, at most. Aside from my parents health, there were many other factors that went into our decision. Again, I own property here, he was actually living with his parents when I met him, so really had no financial ties. He had already lived in London and Spain in his early 20's, so had the experience of living away from his family. I have a dog, who, although wouldn't be impossible to get to Australia, would be a huge financial burden, plus the thought of having to leave her in quarantine for over a month just makes me sick to my stomach, especially after all the testing and vaccinations she'd have to get before we left. And, yes, in a million years, I would never think of leaving her behind. Let me correct that.. in a trillion bazillion years, I would never leave her behind. She IS my child, and if you had to put your 3 year old child into quarantine and only see them once or twice a week for an hour, you would re think your move to Oz as well. I get it, they don't have rabies there, but the process seems to be a bit of overkill after all the ####### they have to go through before they even get to quarantine. To be perfectly honest, if it wasn't for him saying very early on that he would hands down move here, the relationship would have never progressed. Whether you think its excuses or insecurity or what not, that's my reality. If he were to hand me an ultimatum tomorrow and say either we move to australia, or else.. I am not sure what I would do. I'd first and foremost be upset that he had 2 years of mental preparation of moving here and gave up after 6 months, but I also think there's a pretty good chance I'd pick 'or else.."
But anyway, none of that really matters because I never twisted his arm to come here, he knew my thoughts and situation when we made the decision, and for 2 years we've been happily planning for him to come here, and the issue is his adjustment NOW. Lynjer, you summarized exactly how he feels, what I hear come out of his mouth everyday. Its just funny because before he moved here, I always assumed, that all of America had Australians up on this pedestal.. great accents, smart, chasing crocodiles and snakes around in between surf breaks.. you know.. and that's the kind of reaction I had gotten from everyone too when I told them I was marrying an aussie "oh wow! that's sooo cool!" etc etc but in the time he's been here, he's had 2 jobs in restaurants, one only lasted a week or two before they told him it wasn't working out, and the other one is the one hes been in for a few months now, but he really has been experiencing some racism? I guess that's what you would call it.. he had years of bar-tending experience before he got his degree, yet at this place they only keep him as a table runner/barback because of the 'language barrier'. He feels as though he is treated like he is stupid there, especially when all of the other employees are the equivalent of the frumpy fuglies you've talked about, but he prefers to call them "drunken slutty potheads".. as they all smoke pot the whole shift, drink until 5am after the bar closes and then sleep with each other. He is totally fine with holding a position that is "beneath him" so to speak, we had many talks about that before he moved here, he knew about our economy. Its just the fact that when he accepts a "lesser" position, he's getting knocked down even from that and treated as though he is not good enough for that. Again, I think his lack of a professional job at the moment is partly his fault, he has sent out dozens of applications, but we literally have only gotten 1 email back stating they found a more qualified candidate. I am not sure if it is the economy, or if it was his, sorry babe.. crappy resume that he was originally sending out.
Again, my concern is not where to live, we have already decided that, but just that I feel like I've tried every avenue I know how to get him contacts for a job, get him out of the house meeting people..and I just don't know what to do anymore and I just needed to vent. Maybe this is a normal part of adjustment. I feel like the old saying "You can drag a horse to the water, but you can't make him drink" applies here.. I've given him phone numbers to call for contacts, emails, told him to get a recruiter, a professional to write his resume..sat down for hours helping him etc etc.. I'll pay for it! And just finally, after 6 months.. he's gotten a professional to write the resume,and started making phone calls to recruiters. I've told him so and so wants to get together.. why don't you guys go out for a beer, never calls.. so I've told so and so to just stop by and pick him up! And he ends up having a good time! He has access to my vehicle all day. He could even have it at night if he dropped me off/picked me up. I work 7pm to 7am, we spend a couple hours in the morning together, and then I sleep the rest of the day. and instead of taking advantage of that time and making phone calls etc, he goes back to bed with me. Or looks at cars we can't afford to buy yet. I've been very nice to him about this most of the time. I do occasionally lose my patience, (but not often, I know it is a sensitive subject and I know I need to bite my tongue!) only because I can see that him not having a job is causing this depression he is in, but how does he expect to get a job!?!? I have spent countless hours helping fix up the resume after I noticed the spelling errors, looking for jobs online, looking for recruiters, talking to people for possible leads, etc etc. I have been as supportive as I possibly can. The only thing I have left to do is purchase a male Australian voice over and start making the phone calls myself, on top of working 60 hours a week. Yes, moomin, I think you are right, he resents the situation, not me. We are happily in love aside from this adjustment issue, I just don't think he realizes he is insulting me every time he talks about how Americans are fat and lazy etc etc. Which I have to hear about every single day. I know full well there are things wrong with this country, but I am still proud to be an American and proud to live here. Maybe he just got off on the wrong foot in the country with the type of people he is working with at the restaurant, thinking all Americans want to make lots of money without actually working for it. But, his last night at that job is this weekend.. It was getting more toxic than helpful, and I think he kept thinking it was going to turn into a full time job, although after 4 months of one night a week, you'd think he'd realize it wasn't. Hopefully with this job done and no employment at all, he will be much more motivated with the resume/recruiter.

OK, so, we still have the big wedding planned here in April, so, we are keeping it a secret from everyone.. but my fiance.. I mean, ahem.. husband.. moved here on the 16th, we met up in vegas for a few days and got married on the 18th!!! Sooo excited!!! I just want to stand on the rooftop and scream it, but I can't.. so I thought I'd at least tell a bunch of strangers =) We wanted to get a head start on the paperwork since it is 2 months until the wedding, and his parents will be here for a couple of weeks afterwards, so wanted to make sure we got it all done on time. It is soooo nice not having to see each other with a countdown in the back of our heads.. I hated constantly thinking.. "we only get to spend 8 more days together.. now 7.. now 6.." It is fantastic having that feeling GONE!!!
Now.. to start looking into all this other paperwork we have to start.. there will probably be more posts from me soon... sigh...

OK, so, we still have the big wedding planned here in April, so, we are keeping it a secret from everyone.. but my fiance.. I mean, ahem.. husband.. moved here on the 16th, we met up in vegas for a few days and got married on the 18th!!! Sooo excited!!! I just want to stand on the rooftop and scream it, but I can't.. so I thought I'd at least tell a bunch of strangers =) We wanted to get a head start on the paperwork since it is 2 months until the wedding, and his parents will be here for a couple of weeks afterwards, so wanted to make sure we got it all done on time. It is soooo nice not having to see each other with a countdown in the back of our heads.. I hated constantly thinking.. "we only get to spend 8 more days together.. now 7.. now 6.." It is fantastic having that feeling GONE!!!
Now.. to start looking into all this other paperwork we have to start.. there will probably be more posts from me soon... sigh...

OK, so, we still have the big wedding planned here in April, so, we are keeping it a secret from everyone.. but my fiance.. I mean, ahem.. husband.. moved here on the 16th, we met up in vegas for a few days and got married on the 18th!!! Sooo excited!!! I just want to stand on the rooftop and scream it, but I can't.. so I thought I'd at least tell a bunch of strangers =) We wanted to get a head start on the paperwork since it is 2 months until the wedding, and his parents will be here for a couple of weeks afterwards, so wanted to make sure we got it all done on time. It is soooo nice not having to see each other with a countdown in the back of our heads.. I hated constantly thinking.. "we only get to spend 8 more days together.. now 7.. now 6.." It is fantastic having that feeling GONE!!!
Now.. to start looking into all this other paperwork we have to start.. there will probably be more posts from me soon... sigh...