How to deal with family's skepticism?

[*JG* 2]

My father, who is very smart (he's a physician)

This must be like the 40th time you've told us your father is a "physician," and maybe the 20th you've used that to prove that he's smart. I don't get it. Why?

Hmmm... I guess I repeat it for two reasons:

1. Most people on here (and on many message boards) rarely read entire posts, so it's unlikely very many have actually read what I've written before.

2. I don't understand how someone who's supposedly as intelligent as my father (and could get to where he is in life) can act so dumb when it comes to the topic of immigration. It simply astounds me.

Sometimes the difference between book smarts and common sense (including tact) is so completely different.

[Fandango 1,440]

I've been recieving a lot of criticism and skepticism from family members about applying for the fiance visa. It is hard for me to swallow because I am in a happy, fulfilling relationship with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with and I feel like I am constantly defending myself and him.

Has anyone else dealt with this? Do you have any advice on handling others skepticism? I generally just tell them that I am happy and that this is the decision that I have made and I hope that they can support me. I want my family to be supporting of one of the biggest decisions of my life and it saddens me that they are being so critical, yet at the same time say that I seem happier than I've been in a long time.

Additionally, my sister in law is Turkish and her parents grew up in Turkey, but came to the States and earned their doctorate degrees and are now well-off, establish professors. They have been very judgemental since the moment they learned I had met my now-fiance online and when I went to visit him for the first time. They have made several comments to my family members and their friends about how my fiance's family is from a poor city (although Turkey on the whole is a developing, less than wealthy country) and how his family is lower middle class. Both of his parents worked hard as teachers for 30 years and raised 3 children. My brother's in laws seem to make a point to constantly make mention of my fiance's socio-economic class to others and it irks me. I think they fear that the truth about their country and their background will be revealed because I lived in Turkey for five months and am marrying a Turkish man who is not from the elite class (although they grew up in the same socio-economic class as him!) It really makes me sick and I'd really like them to start minding their own business.

Well, I have to say I'm so sorry for your situation! But don't let it really get you down.....your bro's inlaws don't run your life, so just try to ignore it. I know that sounds over simplistic, but that's what I'd do. Well, after confronting them and asking for the respect to not comment.

I don't personally have any experience with skepticism with my family members, but I do have an interesting story that might be relevant. My parents moved to a small town in C Fla and years ago, me and D came for a visit. We were at the local bar, and EVERYONE was making such a hoopla about his accent....it was starting to get really annoying, but whatever. People were fawning all over him. Then we notice this guy giving us the stink eye, heh. Turns out, he too was English....he lived in this town though for 30-some odd years, and this bar we were in was apparently his local.

Anyhoo, we went to this bar a few times that week, and I thought it was so strange that the guy was not being friendly. One would think if you ran into someone from your home country, you'd at least be interested in speaking to him/her. Not this guy. Anyways, we hear thru some of the people fussin over D that this guy was a Brit, and supposedly used to hang out with the Kray twins Problem was, the guy was like 20 years too young to have done so. We hear all these bullsh!t stories about this guy and what he's supposedly done in the UK...how he's wanted by the gov't, etc etc. What a #######!

We concluded he didn't like anyone 'stealing his thunder' at being the token Brit in this place. Everyone kept commenting that they found it strange that he wouldn't come up to us, so one night he did. D is like tickled to bits over all the guy's BS, and this guy had the cheek to actually repeat some of his bs stories to D! D kept challenging him on the BS and the guy half heartedly retracted most of what he said..like, ok it wasn't the Kray twins, it was there half cousin from God knows where, blah blah blah. This guy had suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch an exaggerated cockney accent it wasn't even funny. He sounded like a mockery of himself

'Mah mum? Shesss a FAH-KING D-I-AMOND, she is! A FAH-KING D-I-AMOND' <-----he kept saying that, it was so funny. D mimics him perfectly now.

Anyways, there's a point in there somewhere...

[Galfeist 0]

Hi Julia,

After reading this post, I have to say "wow", am going thru same thing myself. Having 3 brothers, they don't hesitate to continue to tell me what a huge mistake I am making. Being an RN, we do very well here in the States financially, but materialism has never been what I've been after. Yes, I will be the breadwinner of our relationship, at least for a while, Edip is business-minded and I know he will succeed in his dreams of having a carpet shop of his own like his uncle does here in San Francisco, people don't understand the land of opportunity we as Americans have here, it literally is a gold-mine for the ambitious. I know many of my friends that have dropped out of college and now have entry-level jobs where they are miserable. I see ambition in Edip and am confident in him but most importantly, I have found a pure form of love I haven't seen in a long time. I met Edip last summer while vacationing in Istanbul, his roomate and my girlfriend hooked up and he invited Edip to keep me company and the rest is history. He is a carpet salesman which apparently are, as my friend who lives in Istanbul says "bottom of the barrel" and equivalent to used cars salesmen in the States, where everyone considers them liars and they don't make alot of money. Initially, it created some doubt, wondering if a visa was all he was after, but I know now that couldn't be further from the truth. I am first generation Mexican-American and am thankful for the opportunity my parents were given and it is an honor to be able to give someone else the opportunity to live in this great country of Freedom. Let's keep in touch. I am about 3 months behind you in filing so any tips let me know. I had posted I wanted to wait out my wait in Istanbul and teach English, but now I am not so sure, since people tell me, it's best for embassy to see recent pay stubs, I am headed back to Istanbul in May for 3 weeks, I love that place! I was there Sep-Nov taking a beginner's Turkish course and spending time with Edip. A question about packet 3. I thought I read somewhere it had to be mailed to Embassy from the USA, I was hoping to prepare everything and take it to him for him to have so he could send it when he needed to, but now am not sure if that's how it works, I need to read up more on that. Hope we can be friends. Best luck and wishes to both of us!

Doris