Favorite Pictures in Russia

[mox 298]

I speak from personal, painful experience on this one.

Yes. And I read from personal, painful experience.

[slim 1,514]

But don't lose sight of why you work so hard, or life can slip away from you before you realize it is happening. I speak from personal, painful experience on this one.

I get that part, but when all I'm hearing is how broke we are (after we just took a vacation to the Dominican Republic) and how I never buy her anything (just spent several hundred bucks on her birthday) then what am I supposed to do?

Bottom line is my wife is spoiled. She continually b!tches about what we don't have but yet can't seem to appreciate what we do have. And then, working to get it, which we all know is the only way to attain a materialistic lifestyle, seems to be the cause of her unhappiness.

I've cut back my hours to the minimum required at my job (which is still 56/week... slowing to 48 with every-other-weekend off) but it's not enough as I haven't "planned" on things to do on my days off. I should've had fashionable dinners planned at nice restaraunts and trips to bed&breakfasts lined up with a spa stay inbetween. My bad.

My suggestion to all of you that don't have your fiancee/wife here yet is you somehow start showing her what life in the U.S. is like before she arrives. Apparently even the Mid-West is like Hollywood until they show up. Cover the monthly bills with her and help her to understand how money works here. Maybe you can save yourself some headaches. And not earn the nickname "Papa Karlo."

Good luck guys. And thank goodness for the Pro Bowl today. If it wasn't for the NFL I'd probably be sitting in the "man chair" at the mall or the day spa or some other Godforsaken place like that.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

Oh, I feel very fortunate my Alla is not spoiled. My girl would consider us rich if we did the things you are doing Slim. She has always reminded me, "I never needed a rich man in my life. I only want man that will provide a simple home, has job, buys food and clothes for us. It would be nice if we could go to restaurant maybe once in month and trip to sea once a year." Her idea of luxury is having a room to ourselves and not sharing with her mother and children. She sees the Hollywood life as story book only and fully understands that this is not want she will find with me in America. I was always careful from the very beginning with her. We talked economic class and "Lifestyles of the Poor and Unknown" from the very first e-mail I ever sent her, I tested her expectations. I think she will consider our life here is much better than expected compared to what she is used to. Alla is realistic and I am extremely grateful.

But don't lose sight of why you work so hard, or life can slip away from you before you realize it is happening. I speak from personal, painful experience on this one.

I get that part, but when all I'm hearing is how broke we are (after we just took a vacation to the Dominican Republic) and how I never buy her anything (just spent several hundred bucks on her birthday) then what am I supposed to do?

Bottom line is my wife is spoiled. She continually b!tches about what we don't have but yet can't seem to appreciate what we do have. And then, working to get it, which we all know is the only way to attain a materialistic lifestyle, seems to be the cause of her unhappiness.

I've cut back my hours to the minimum required at my job (which is still 56/week... slowing to 48 with every-other-weekend off) but it's not enough as I haven't "planned" on things to do on my days off. I should've had fashionable dinners planned at nice restaraunts and trips to bed&breakfasts lined up with a spa stay inbetween. My bad.

My suggestion to all of you that don't have your fiancee/wife here yet is you somehow start showing her what life in the U.S. is like before she arrives. Apparently even the Mid-West is like Hollywood until they show up. Cover the monthly bills with her and help her to understand how money works here. Maybe you can save yourself some headaches. And not earn the nickname "Papa Karlo."

Good luck guys. And thank goodness for the Pro Bowl today. If it wasn't for the NFL I'd probably be sitting in the "man chair" at the mall or the day spa or some other Godforsaken place like that.

[CarlosAndSveta 808]

My suggestion to all of you that don't have your fiancee/wife here yet is you somehow start showing her what life in the U.S. is like before she arrives. Apparently even the Mid-West is like Hollywood until they show up. Cover the monthly bills with her and help her to understand how money works here. Maybe you can save yourself some headaches. And not earn the nickname "Papa Karlo."

What is bad about being called "Papa Karlo?"

[slim 1,514]

Oh, I feel very fortunate my Alla is not spoiled. My girl would consider us rich if we did the things you are doing Slim.

Alla is a little older and has a little more life experience than my wife. She also has kids so that makes her automatically appreciate having things. When you've been through some stuff, it's a lot easier to be thankful for what you have.

I was always careful from the very beginning with her. We talked economic class and "Lifestyles of the Poor and Unknown" from the very first e-mail I ever sent her, I tested her expectations. I think she will consider our life here is much better than expected compared to what she is used to. Alla is realistic and I am extremely grateful.

Therein lies the problem here. I too was careful from the start, but we started when we were both barely 20 years old and much, much, much has changed for both of us since then. She got accustomed to the men in her life treating her a certain way and she didn't really live a tradtional lifestyle of staying in one place and working at a job to make money to pay bills. Her and I both moved around every couple of months (a year or two at most) and never had to work the day-to-day grind that it takes to make it here in the States. Now that we're required to do that, it's something that she's not so sure she wants to do.

But, there's really no other way for us to do it, so we're going to have to stick to it for a while. No arguing with that.

What is bad about being called "Papa Karlo?"

Being called Papa Karlo isn't so bad. What's bad is being Papa Karlo, or at least working like him. (If you don't know the story, Papa Karlo is a Russian folk character who works a whole bunch. When people work like a dog, Russians can say something like "that guy works like Papa Karlo." It's not a derogatory term or slander, it's just saying you work a lot.)

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

I feel you, Slim. I do understand. My former wife is very spoiled. If I would have seen that then with these eyes instead of with my 20 year old immature mind at the time, I would have never got involved with her. Obviously, your girl has not walked in Alla's shoes. Alla is happy everyday for the sole reason she actually found a man that loves her AND her children, something fairly rare in Russia. You are on a different train my friend. I wish you well.

Oh, I feel very fortunate my Alla is not spoiled. My girl would consider us rich if we did the things you are doing Slim.

Alla is a little older and has a little more life experience than my wife. She also has kids so that makes her automatically appreciate having things. When you've been through some stuff, it's a lot easier to be thankful for what you have.

I was always careful from the very beginning with her. We talked economic class and "Lifestyles of the Poor and Unknown" from the very first e-mail I ever sent her, I tested her expectations. I think she will consider our life here is much better than expected compared to what she is used to. Alla is realistic and I am extremely grateful.

Therein lies the problem here. I too was careful from the start, but we started when we were both barely 20 years old and much, much, much has changed for both of us since then. She got accustomed to the men in her life treating her a certain way and she didn't really live a tradtional lifestyle of staying in one place and working at a job to make money to pay bills. Her and I both moved around every couple of months (a year or two at most) and never had to work the day-to-day grind that it takes to make it here in the States. Now that we're required to do that, it's something that she's not so sure she wants to do.

But, there's really no other way for us to do it, so we're going to have to stick to it for a while. No arguing with that.

What is bad about being called "Papa Karlo?"

Being called Papa Karlo isn't so bad. What's bad is being Papa Karlo, or at least working like him. (If you don't know the story, Papa Karlo is a Russian folk character who works a whole bunch. When people work like a dog, Russians can say something like "that guy works like Papa Karlo." It's not a derogatory term or slander, it's just saying you work a lot.)

[Chuckles 0]

You sure are open with your messages, slim. That is nice for people to see and learn about 'Russians in America'. We have some similar 'problems', but me and my wife are just a tad bit older, and I think you are right, it makes a lot of difference. I am not rich, and we both work, but she understands that part. Her quality of life was pretty good in Russia too, I suppose. Decent job, savings in the bank, owned an apartment etc.

The things that didn't work out for us were the food and the bills. She eats almost anything now, but trying to find food 'just like' in Russia was actually a big deal for the first year. You can't take a Russian woman and give her a hamburger and expect her to grin and eat it. I couldn't even give her a nice Chicken vinagrette and have her eat it. It was a big pain in the a$$, but she acclimated eventually. After that, it was her understanding the bills. I am not rich, but I have a decent enough job. So, she couldn't understand how my bills could come close to being the same as my income. That was a sticky point for us, because she is such a scrooge! (I mean saver...) It took a while for her to understand credit, and what things cost (Such as utilities and insurance) in America.

So I guess if you can learn anything from me, look for some good Russian stores or restaraunts in advance, and explain all your finances in fine detail first.

[Satellite 1]

So I guess if you can learn anything from me, look for some good Russian stores or restaurants in advance, and explain all your finances in fine detail first.

Having the luxury of having Russian stores all around me in me in both San Francisco and Sacramento I can tell you that if you do all your grocery shopping there you will spend twice if not three times what you would shopping at discount grocery stores like Winco, Walmart and Costco. We hardly go to the Russian stores and if we do we only buy a few "luxury" items as a treat.

[kud 0]

So I guess if you can learn anything from me, look for some good Russian stores or restaurants in advance, and explain all your finances in fine detail first.

Having the luxury of having Russian stores all around me in me in both San Francisco and Sacramento I can tell you that if you do all your grocery shopping there you will spend twice if not three times what you would shopping at discount grocery stores like Winco, Walmart and Costco. We hardly go to the Russian stores and if we do we only buy a few "luxury" items as a treat.

I am with you Satellite. The DC area has enough Russian stores to do all your shopping, but paying those bills would kill us financially. I was lucky since I met my Wife here, before her J1 ran out. She returned to Russia and I started the paperwork. Her 3 yrs here helped a lot. And yes we frequent Costco.

[Jason-Sasha 1]

I must say that living in America while on J1 together with Jason really helped me to get acquainted with American life better. I know it's not that easy as some russian girls think. I know how many responsibilities i will have when i come there. I admit that my parents spoilt me and I admit that I have a pretty easy life here now. I earn enough money to pay for my rent , other bills and for everything I want now. But I am so ready to change it for living with Jason. I had an experience living with him, I know where I am going. And I felt so much happy working everyday but coming home at night knowing that my Jason is there waiting for me. Trust me, it's so much better than just living alone in Moscow.

The good thing for us is that I am working for American company now and when i come to the US I will still be able to work for them on-line. So, i think we will be fine. But anyway, it doesn't really matter how much you earn for a girl who really loves you. Together you will overcome financial and other difficulties.

And, Slim, just give your wife some more time. She chose you from all the other men and she doesn't want to leave you and come back to Russia. It says a lot. For some of us more time is needed to adapt.

Sasha

[Jason-Sasha 1]

I must say that living in America while on J1 together with Jason really helped me to get acquainted with American life better. I know it's not that easy as some russian girls think. I know how many responsibilities i will have when i come there. I admit that my parents spoilt me and I admit that I have a pretty easy life here now. I earn enough money to pay for my rent , other bills and for everything I want now. But I am so ready to change it for living with Jason. I had an experience living with him, I know where I am going. And I felt so much happy working everyday but coming home at night knowing that my Jason is there waiting for me. Trust me, it's so much better than just living alone in Moscow.

The good thing for us is that I am working for American company now and when i come to the US I will still be able to work for them on-line. So, i think we will be fine. But anyway, it doesn't really matter how much you earn for a girl who really loves you. Together you will overcome financial and other difficulties.

And, Slim, just give your wife some more time. She chose you from all the other men and she doesn't want to leave you and come back to Russia. It says a lot. For some of us more time is needed to adapt.

Sasha

Awww.... I'm so proud of my Sasha and her posting abilities! Isn't she just great? She kinda took over for me while I was sick with the flu. That's my girl!

[KGSodie 0]

Good to hear from you again, Jason! Yep, we've been enjoying the words of your Sasha and Buck's Natalia in your absence.

I think Sasha has stated very well what I was trying to think of the words to say, Slim. Your wife chose you, and I'm sure she had plenty to choose from. I can't say for certain, and I do NOT want to make any more assumptions here than I need to, but sometimes (in my experience, anyway) if a woman isn't getting enough time from her man, she can try substituting 'stuff'. Material things. I know you work a bunch, and I respect the hell of you for that, and I understand it. On your weekends off, find some fun, cheap stuff to do. Do some window shopping and grab a shake. Plan some picnics. Make breakfast in bed. Buy a single rose (if she likes them) every week or two. Just little things. They add up and count for far more, in my estimation, than the new dress or shiny bauble. Yes, an event will come up where the new dress or shiny bauble would have been fabulous and you'll be sure to hear about it, but the disappointments will be tempered by the LOVE and the dedication and caring you demonstrate day in and day out.

Chuckles - I hear ya, and we're rowing in the same boat I think. I make a decent living, nothing too extravagant, but the bills always add up to just under the income, and Natasha doesn't understand it all yet. Some things are priced about the same here as there, but a lot of things are just more expensive. Heck, what with teaching and my regular job I drive about 60 miles a day, which isn't much but with the current price of gas (still cheaper here than most places, I know, but we've been spoiled as Americans for a very long time) that takes a big chunk. It will become clear to her I think with time and experience, and working herself and paying for things on her own.

It's amazing that as the Russian community here on VJ we've managed to somehow take this PHOTO thread and make it all about Russian culture and life and being married and, well, just everything. Personally, I love it! It's the first place I go to read every day.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

Glad to have you back Jason! We have been enjoying the wit and wisdom of your other half, for sure!

I agree with you Kevin, I'm glad are morphing thread is the way it is. Makes for much useful entertainment each and everyday.

[slim 1,514]

I feel you, Slim. I do understand. My former wife is very spoiled. If I would have seen that then with these eyes instead of with my 20 year old immature mind at the time, I would have never got involved with her. Obviously, your girl has not walked in Alla's shoes. Alla is happy everyday for the sole reason she actually found a man that loves her AND her children, something fairly rare in Russia. You are on a different train my friend. I wish you well. :

When I met my wife, that was before she was spoiled! The time inbetween is when she grew accustomed to it. We pretty much led separate lives for about five years; we stayed in contact but she did her thing and I did mine. We knew we were going to end up together but in the mean time, we did our own thing. I was assuming (I know it was dumb) that she was going to be different, but not that different. She was assuming (I know it was dumb too) that I was going to be more mature and rich. Sure, we're both a little bit like we were before and a little bit different, but we've had to "relearn" everything about each other, almost like we were starting fresh. We got to know each other's "soul" but we had to skip over each other's daily doings.

I think we both came into it with different expectations with the key difference being I've adapted to suit the situation and she's been mostly unwilling to. Sure there are things that I haven't bent on but those are mostly things pertaining to life here in the States. We're not going to skip paying rent so we can go to dinner. However, I will ensure I change my clothes before I sit on the couch.

I realize the train I'm on is a different one, but, the girls that end up on the train Alla is on sometimes start off on the train my wife is on. (I doubt that's where Alla started though!) Either way though, I'm a patient man so I'm willing to hang on. I know there are only two stations at the end of the tracks.

You sure are open with your messages, slim. That is nice for people to see and learn about 'Russians in America'. We have some similar 'problems', but me and my wife are just a tad bit older, and I think you are right, it makes a lot of difference. I am not rich, and we both work, but she understands that part. Her quality of life was pretty good in Russia too, I suppose. Decent job, savings in the bank, owned an apartment etc.

The things that didn't work out for us were the food and the bills. She eats almost anything now, but trying to find food 'just like' in Russia was actually a big deal for the first year. You can't take a Russian woman and give her a hamburger and expect her to grin and eat it. I couldn't even give her a nice Chicken vinagrette and have her eat it. It was a big pain in the a$$, but she acclimated eventually. After that, it was her understanding the bills. I am not rich, but I have a decent enough job. So, she couldn't understand how my bills could come close to being the same as my income. That was a sticky point for us, because she is such a scrooge! (I mean saver...) It took a while for her to understand credit, and what things cost (Such as utilities and insurance) in America.

So I guess if you can learn anything from me, look for some good Russian stores or restaraunts in advance, and explain all your finances in fine detail first.

I try to be open with my messages because just like someone out there needs to know what to enclose with their I-134 they also need to know their not the only one with a crazy wife. (Or a perfect wife!) We're all going to have some of the same problems, that's just the nature of the game. I hope by sharing some of mine someone out there can avoid having the same problems. (And it's kind of like a confessional. I feel a lot better and less stressed when I pound out the keys a little and get it off my chest. Anything to take stress away!)

I also know that it's a waiting game. To toot my own horn, I am a great husband. There are some things I do that I know aren't the best, but all in all, I'm a pretty good guy and there are a lot of women out there that would be lucky to have me. I hear every day how lucky I am to have her and I know the flip side of that is sooner or later she is going to realize that she has it pretty good too. But, that's up to her to figure out. She'll either get it or she won't. (See above post about the two stations at the end of the tracks.)

And, Slim, just give your wife some more time. She chose you from all the other men and she doesn't want to leave you and come back to Russia. It says a lot. For some of us more time is needed to adapt.

Sasha

I get it. (There's no denying the reasoning behind why things happen. Everything happens for a reason, from the root causes explained in 7th grade biology class all the way up to the devious doings of governments. Human nature is the same regardless of one's home country. People go about things differently, but the reasoning and root causes are the same for everyone.) I just wish she'd hurry up already!

I think Sasha has stated very well what I was trying to think of the words to say, Slim. Your wife chose you, and I'm sure she had plenty to choose from. I can't say for certain, and I do NOT want to make any more assumptions here than I need to, but sometimes (in my experience, anyway) if a woman isn't getting enough time from her man, she can try substituting 'stuff'. Material things. I know you work a bunch, and I respect the hell of you for that, and I understand it. On your weekends off, find some fun, cheap stuff to do. Do some window shopping and grab a shake. Plan some picnics. Make breakfast in bed. Buy a single rose (if she likes them) every week or two. Just little things. They add up and count for far more, in my estimation, than the new dress or shiny bauble. Yes, an event will come up where the new dress or shiny bauble would have been fabulous and you'll be sure to hear about it, but the disappointments will be tempered by the LOVE and the dedication and caring you demonstrate day in and day out.

Weekends, what are those?

We're in the same school of thought here. Only difference is, she's not on board... yet. I'm sure she will be some day and as all of you already know, it's just a matter of time.

How much time though... that's the question!

Thanks for all the words of encouragement. I'm hanging in there. I'm a big boy and can call a duck a duck. It quacks, afterall. I just hope that someone out there can take something from this, or, if your wife is like my wife and tells you how horrible her life is, maybe she can read these posts and say "really I think our life not so bad." (That actually happens here. Life is horrible until it's compared to someone else's. Well, someone not on TV, anyway.) Good luck to all, and share more of your (stories) photos!

[KGSodie 0]

I'm a big boy and can call a duck a duck. It quacks, after all.

I thought you could tell it was a duck based on the poop? ;-)