Do You Yearn for a Man in Your Past?

[Caladan 19]

But even if it's just a civil ceremony done quickly -- everyone will treat you differently now that your union is permanent. You can't break up as easily. People start expecting that you'll have kids. So there's a lot of social reasons a wedding could strengthen a marriage: ideally you've got the support of a community.

So marriage is a good thing to 'validate' your relationship to society?

Saying 'you can't break up as easily'.....is that actually a good thing? Oh we're more committed because it's not an easy process to split? I'd actually want my partner to not break up with me because he doesn't wanna break up with me, lol...

Like it or not, that's what it does. Don't get me wrong, I don't think it makes the couple actuallly more committed to each other, but everyone acts like you suddenly share a mind and a common purpose in a way they wouldn't quite assume when you're in a serious relationship. And I think a lot of it is just that you've made a visible commitment.

Seriously. You get a whole different reaction when a doctor's office or bank calls for your significant other and you say 'This is his wife' rather than 'I'm his fiancee.'

[Jaseball 0]

Scroll up and re read. Read the bit where I asked what the difference was between committing with your heart and committing by law. Read the bit where I compared the two.

You can also read my first post here where I said I have been with D almost 8 years and I felt 'just as committed' to him then as I do now. So in the context of what we're discussing, where you came up with banging various women and whatnot...omG not a clue in this world.... :lol:

You were talking about the difference between committing with your heart and law. My point was that with the modern, enlightened way of thinking you're right. For men in the US there is very little advantage to committing by law.

[Fandango 1,440]

Like it or not, that's what it does. Don't get me wrong, I don't think it makes the couple actuallly more committed to each other, but everyone acts like you suddenly share a mind and a common purpose in a way they wouldn't quite assume when you're in a serious relationship. And I think a lot of it is just that you've made a visible commitment.

Seriously. You get a whole different reaction when a doctor's office or bank calls for your significant other and you say 'This is his wife' rather than 'I'm his fiancee.'

I know you're right about the reaction of people....I just think that's a sucky thing. Just like this author in the article looked down her nose at non-marrieds after 4 years....

I dunno why I have this stuck in my teeth tonight...lol prolly cos I'm bored. At this point, D would be literally be sayin 'Lisa, floss' But hey I've got nowt else better to do tonight...well at least for the next half hour or so.

I've been married and I've been in a commited non married relationship...and I can categorically say that the commitment that I feel towards D as a non married transcends anything I've ever felt in the past. And for society or anyone to automatically label it as a 'commitmentphobe' or the like is categorically wrong.

Scroll up and re read. Read the bit where I asked what the difference was between committing with your heart and committing by law. Read the bit where I compared the two.

You can also read my first post here where I said I have been with D almost 8 years and I felt 'just as committed' to him then as I do now. So in the context of what we're discussing, where you came up with banging various women and whatnot...omG not a clue in this world.... :lol:

You were talking about the difference between committing with your heart and law. My point was that with the modern, enlightened way of thinking you're right. For men in the US there is very little advantage to committing by law.

You're having your own conversation there, Jase Commiting with your heart to someone usually doesn't mean bangin other people and then switchin partners because they get 'annoying'

kthxbye

Edited September 26, 2007 by LisaD

[Caladan 19]

Jaseball, you're either the bitterest divorce in the world or a young man who spends too much time filling his head with crazy propaganda.

There are lots of advantages to marrying for men. Not if you just think of a relationship as buying sex from a woman, no, but most people don't think of marriage as something women traps a guy into so in the event of a painful divorce she can have a small chance at receiving alimony. Marriage tends to help men in their careers, makes them live longer and healthier lives, provides easy and clear parental rights over children... lots of good things.

For men in the U.S..... you realize that even though your fiancee is Chinese she'd still have rights under American law if you divorced, right? Yet you're still planning to marry. You've got to have something you like about marriage.

[Jaseball 0]

Now you're just twisting my words.

I'm just following your logic that society has changed. There are no clearly defined roles based on sex. Marriage as an institution is outdated in many cases. Truly loving someone should be enough of a commitment and means more.

Following that line of thought, men nowadays, with the same mindset, should not get married. Getting the milk from the cow and then trading the cow in for a new cow makes more sense in many cases.

[Jaseball 0]

Jaseball, you're either the bitterest divorce in the world or a young man who spends too much time filling his head with crazy propaganda.

There are lots of advantages to marrying for men. Not if you just think of a relationship as buying sex from a woman, no, but most people don't think of marriage as something women traps a guy into so in the event of a painful divorce she can have a small chance at receiving alimony. Marriage tends to help men in their careers, makes them live longer and healthier lives, provides easy and clear parental rights over children... lots of good things.

For men in the U.S..... you realize that even though your fiancee is Chinese she'd still have rights under American law if you divorced, right? Yet you're still planning to marry. You've got to have something you like about marriage.

If I can have a marriage like my parent's and most of my friend's parents I'll be happy. The points you brought up about living longer, children, careers, and just overall outlook are definitely valid and are all factors I have considered.

Personally I've never been happy dating multiple women. I've always been a one girl sort of guy.

What the heck was the original topic of this post again?

[Caladan 19]

One should not confuse 'society has changed the way it understands commitment' with 'no one believes in commitment therefore by the power of LOGIC i should have a 20 year old to screw!' The former does not entail the latter. People still want children, or someone to grow old with, or someone to share a household and future with.

Guys who say things like that --- is the only reason you got married is so that your girlfriend would give it up? Really? If she'd had sex with you you would have dumped her for the newest 20 year-old on the veldt? What kind of man does that make you?

[Jaseball 0]

People still want children, or someone to grow old with, or someone to share a household and future with.

Those are all the reasons I want to get married. Out of all my friends I'm the last one who's single. Until now I never met someone I felt comfortable with and who I could imagine building a future with.

Now, to get the thread back on topic....

No, I have never yearned for a man in my past. B)

[Caladan 19]

As far as longing for my first boyfriend, bah. He's a swell guy, he married one of my friends, we've kept in touch, he came to my wedding.... but longing for him? Oh please. If I wanted to marry him, I would have.

[Fandango 1,440]

The only man I long for is D

awwwwwwwwww

[no name 1]

case in point: D and I are together 8 years this January. While yes, it's true that he did propose before the end of the first year...we've been together all this time and it hasn't been about him 'not wanting to marry this particular woman'.

yet you've been apart 15 months. Do those months count as part of the relationship? (This is an honest question here, btw.) I mean, you haven't touched/hugged/kissed/smelled your fiance in over a YEAR. I am puzzled to why when a ticket costs $500 from Orlando-UK.

[Caladan 19]

case in point: D and I are together 8 years this January. While yes, it's true that he did propose before the end of the first year...we've been together all this time and it hasn't been about him 'not wanting to marry this particular woman'.

yet you've been apart 15 months. Do those months count as part of the relationship? (This is an honest question here, btw.) I mean, you haven't touched/hugged/kissed/smelled your fiance in over a YEAR. I am puzzled to why when a ticket costs $500 from Orlando-UK.

A little over the line personally, don't you think?

I count the time apart, generally, though I date the relationship from when we met in person, not from the first IM conversation.

[Fandango 1,440]

case in point: D and I are together 8 years this January. While yes, it's true that he did propose before the end of the first year...we've been together all this time and it hasn't been about him 'not wanting to marry this particular woman'.

yet you've been apart 15 months. Do those months count as part of the relationship? (This is an honest question here, btw.) I mean, you haven't touched/hugged/kissed/smelled your fiance in over a YEAR. I am puzzled to why when a ticket costs $500 from Orlando-UK.

hahaha I was wondering when you'd act up again.

Great to see you up to your usual par

But to answer your question...yes, I totally do count this time apart. We've grown even closer being apart...it has come with challenges that we have hurdled over.

But don't mistake my chattiness at times for familiarity with my situation, devilette...

Edited September 26, 2007 by LisaD

[no name 1]

case in point: D and I are together 8 years this January. While yes, it's true that he did propose before the end of the first year...we've been together all this time and it hasn't been about him 'not wanting to marry this particular woman'.

yet you've been apart 15 months. Do those months count as part of the relationship? (This is an honest question here, btw.) I mean, you haven't touched/hugged/kissed/smelled your fiance in over a YEAR. I am puzzled to why when a ticket costs $500 from Orlando-UK.

A little over the line personally, don't you think?

I count the time apart, generally, though I date the relationship from when we met in person, not from the first IM conversation.

No, I said it was an honest question. Not sure why you feel the need to judge my question. I truly wanted to know how it's a relationship if you haven't been together in person with them in over a year? It's not like UK visitors need a visa. It's not like they are far apart geographically.

case in point: D and I are together 8 years this January. While yes, it's true that he did propose before the end of the first year...we've been together all this time and it hasn't been about him 'not wanting to marry this particular woman'.

yet you've been apart 15 months. Do those months count as part of the relationship? (This is an honest question here, btw.) I mean, you haven't touched/hugged/kissed/smelled your fiance in over a YEAR. I am puzzled to why when a ticket costs $500 from Orlando-UK.

hahaha I was wondering when you'd act up again.

Great to see you up to your usual par

ooh, now I'm acting up, cuz I dared to question you?

Glad to see your avoidance is there as well. Honesty doesn't work for you, does it, Lisa?

[Fandango 1,440]

ooh, now I'm acting up, cuz I dared to question you?

Glad to see your avoidance is there as well. Honesty doesn't work for you, does it, Lisa?

hahahahah omG scroll up.