The Wedding-Industrial Complex Exposed

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

I was in the grocery store, trying nonchalantly to slip through the express checkout with more than 15 items, when I noticed Eva Longoria staring at me.

The "Desperate Housewives" star and her groom, NBA player Tony Parker, graced the cover of OK! Magazine above the headline "Wedding of the Year." OK! reportedly shelled out $2 million for exclusive coverage of the July 7 event in France, which included a $75,000 Angel Sanchez wedding gown, chateau reception, and ample bling (all the women among the 200 guests were given 18k gold bracelets).

"We couldn't be closer to heaven," the lovebirds said.

The marketing of the wedding as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be close to heaven -- or at least close to celebrity -- is explored in "One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding," by New Yorker writer Rebecca Mead.

The book is a must-read for future brides and grooms who want to honor the day without getting caught up in the escalating production values promoted by the industry.

"An American wedding is a testament to the enduring desire to have things that seem meaningful and make a statement of commitment," Mead says. "People want to know how to get married, and the people most readily available to tell them are the people selling the stuff to do it. There are cultural forces that encourage ‘bridezilla' behavior."

Those forces begin with "norms" touted by the media. Consider that the much-publicized cost of the average wedding -- $28,000 -- comes from a study conducted by Conde Nast Bridal Group, publisher of three wedding magazines and a web site. The study's respondents are those who had answered an online survey, responded to a magazine promotion, or attended a bridal show. Not exactly the population of brides at large.

"If a bride has been told, repeatedly, that it costs nearly $28,000 to have a wedding, then she starts to think that spending $28,000 on a wedding is just one of those things a person has to do, like writing a rent check every month," Mead writes.

Mead looks behind the wedding-industrial complex, including the Chinese seamstress who earns 40 cents for sewing the skirt on a $1,000 gown; the Cinderella coach and other trappings of Disney's "Fairy Tale Wedding Department"; and the videographer who encourages peers at an industry conference to double their prices, because "parents want the best for their children."

Mead also investigates a number of wedding "traditions" that turn out not to be time-honored rituals at all, but creations of the bridal industry. "The engagement ring was invented by [diamond producer] De Beers in the 1930s and 1940s," she says. "The so-called traditional bridesmaid luncheon, rehearsal dinner, pre-wedding barbecue, and post-wedding brunch don't have a basis in history. It's easier to say no to things like that if you understand that it's not wrong to not do them."

The funniest chapter in "One Perfect Day" is about the demand for contemporary vows from ministers-for-hire in a nation where 40 percent of people have no religious affiliation. Mead probes the origin of an Apache Indian prayer popular in wedding ceremonies -- and discovers that it was actually written by a screenwriter for a Jimmy Stewart western in 1950. While not authentic, it was apparently good copy, as the screenplay won an Academy Award.

When I asked Mead which wedding expense is the biggest waste of money, she demurred. "I'm not dictating to other people what to do," she says. "What I do point out is the ways in which different parts of the industry promote themselves as essential when they're not. They're very clever at playing on people's emotions."

There are infinite ways to create a memorable celebration on a budget. Fifteen years ago this month my husband and I were planning our wedding for 150 guests (we both come from large families). After meeting with a caterer who wanted $12,000 for room-temperature chicken, I went home to sulk and my husband went to a bar.

It was a serendipitous drowning of sorrows. He ran into a friend, a chef for a huge catering firm, who offered to do the wedding freelance.

Granted, this required my fiance to go to the meatpacking district the day before the wedding and buy 120 chickens, but we were able to serve a gourmet buffet for a lot less than $12,000. And we skipped the wedding video. (For more ideas on affordable wedding planning, see my blog.)

The latest trend is the "green" wedding, which encourages couples to reuse, recycle, and leave a smaller carbon footprint than a Longoria-Parker style affair. Corina Beczner, who runs Vibrant Events in San Francisco, suggests altering a family member's wedding dress, collecting old family jewelry and melting it down for wedding bands, and sourcing flowers from a farmers market.

"There's this desire in modern society to want everything new, but it can be much more meaningful to reuse things," Beczner says. On the other hand, in some cases, "going green does cost more money ... you're paying to align your values with sustainability."

Mead is skeptical. "I think environmental consciousness is a fantastically good thing, but a lot of green products in general are being sold because it's the latest buzzword," she says. "It's great to give out wildflower seeds as a wedding favor, but if your guests have to fly halfway across the country to get to you, it's not a very green wedding."

Why do so many couples spend more than half of the median American income on a single day in the first place? Mead suggests it's because many of the rite-of-passage aspects of a wedding have been lost to history.

"People talk about the trials of planning a wedding -- it's exhausting and emotionally consuming," she says. "In the book I write about how it's an invented trauma. The life of the newlywed used to be quite traumatic -- leaving home, suddenly living in an intimate relationship with someone.

"These days, the day after isn't so different from the day before. People hope that if they make a statement with their wedding, it will have a talismanic effect on the rest of their marriage."

http://finance.yahoo.com/expert/article/moneyhappy/39681

[Cassie 8]

The wedding industry has always been a huge rip-off. My aunt made my veil, an identical replica of one we saw in a bridal salon (priced at $150, mind you) for a grand total of $10, if that. Vendors always ratchet up their prices once they hear that it's a wedding because they know that people will pay for it. This past Friday I helped my friend take back all this stuff her daughter had purchased for her now-canceled wedding, and it made me sad to see how much they were charged for things.

[chri'stina 190]

The wedding industry has always been a huge rip-off. My aunt made my veil, an identical replica of one we saw in a bridal salon (priced at $150, mind you) for a grand total of $10, if that. Vendors always ratchet up their prices once they hear that it's a wedding because they know that people will pay for it. This past Friday I helped my friend take back all this stuff her daughter had purchased for her now-canceled wedding, and it made me sad to see how much they were charged for things.

I'm definitely a thrifty shopper. First of all we couldn't afford to have an expensive wedding, but if I could, I still would be thrifty about it. I don't understand why people spend so much on weddings, sometimes it seems like a status thing. Sometimes it's the parents who push the expensive wedding plans for status. It happened to a friend of mine who wanted a simple beach wedding but somehow ended up having a fancy wedding that cost a lot, b/c her dad wanted it that way, to show off to the relatives.

Edited July 23, 2007 by stina&suj

[Dr. Obvious 49]

Why do so many couples spend more than half of the median American income on a single day in the first place?

That's what I ask myself all the time. For 1200 or 1300€, we had a three day long wedding extravagansa that was definitely was the most awesome wedding I have ever gone to. Guests kept telling us that too. They still talk about it in a great way. For 1200 to 1300€, excluding the cost of rings, but they were 400€ for both, made by a artisan blacksmith in Oldenburg.

[KarenCee 3]

Our wedding was less than $1000. Dress, tux, food, flowers, everything. It was a very nice, very well planned wedding too. I remember reading on here a while back about one couple who were already $30K in the hole for their wedding and weren't done yet. If I had the resources to have such an expensive wedding, I think I'd rather use those resources towards the purchase of a house.

[Saddle Bronc 124]

The fact of there being a wedding industry willing to fleece is evident from the availability of wedding-related magazines (such as "Modern Bride") for almost two decades (so article not really news).

$28K+ for a wedding? If I wanted to spend that much (or could have afforded to), I could have bought the luxury-SUV (single-payment plan, without even bargaining) I rented (and drove to/from the wedding) and then had our actual simple wedding.

[mawilson 2,133]

Why do so many couples spend more than half of the median American income on a single day in the first place?

That's what I ask myself all the time. For 1200 or 1300€, we had a three day long wedding extravagansa that was definitely was the most awesome wedding I have ever gone to. Guests kept telling us that too. They still talk about it in a great way. For 1200 to 1300€, excluding the cost of rings, but they were 400€ for both, made by a artisan blacksmith in Oldenburg.

€1200-1300 per person?

[Dr. Obvious 49]

No, for the entire three day wedding, not per person, overall.

[mawilson 2,133]

No, for the entire three day wedding, not per person, overall.

Well, prices were different back in 1957 when you got married...

(another guess)

[Heracles 417]

Probably also explains why marriages are failing on an hourly basis.

A lot of people, girls being the worst, put all of their energy into the wedding day and forget about what is to come after that. Bills, shared responsibility, commitment, family, ups and downs etc

[Caladan 19]

The total cost for our wedding was around $8000 or $9000. Most of that was the reception, which for 75 people and an open bar cost $4400. (There's really no way around the reception costs without either cutting guests or skimping on the food or alcohol.) C. and I contributed about $2000 of that ourselves. One thing to remember is that other than the reception, most of the costs are incremental: gown was $90, six months later the alterations were another $300.

Would I rather have had the $9000? Maybe, but it's sort of a moot point since while my parents gladly helped with the wedding they never would have just handed us a check for a few thou. Three days after the wedding I have a lot of memories of my friends having a great time at the wedding. No one went into debt over it. It just took a lot of budgeting.

But generally I agree with the sentiments in the article. A common refrain from me to my mom: Just because Modern Bride invented it in 1975 does not make it a tradition.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

No, for the entire three day wedding, not per person, overall.

Well, prices were different back in 1957 when you got married...

(another guess)

My mother wasn't even born in 1957, rather a few years after that.

You have to jump out of the box of what a wedding is supposed to be to understand how we managed to entertain between 25-75 (depending on the day) guests for the amount we did.

Our wedding was nothing like in Modern Bride. No, you wouldn't see loads people dancing around on their fifth beer while dressed up like pirates and shooting buried treasure maps out of homemade cannons in the pages of that magazine. No, it was much better than what is written in that rag. By far.

[Amby 490]

I'm making my best friend's wedding cake for her, her manager at the place she works is doing the flower arrangements with fake flowers, her aunts are setting up the tables at the hotel. It's going to be really nice and not too expensive in the long run.

[Mephys 2]

Got my dress for 200$ in a prom boutique, my veil for 10$ on ebay, garter for 20$, shoes for 35$, my husband outfit 200$, 25$ for the 3 kids to get dressed, the minister charged 150$ to come where we wanted, 35$ to rent a gazebo in a park, family members took about 300 pictures and 2 videos (free), his grandma made our wedding cake as a gift (free), and we had the party at his parents house(free) and they cooked a prok roast as a gift ( free). I made the CD myself for the music as well as the invitations.

Cost: 675$

We had bought our ring about 10 months before for our engagment with the purpose of using them for the wedding as well. was about 500$ for both rings.

And honestly, for the 20 min the minister was there I think it was a little overcharged, but he did make a great speach and I was happy with it. Who said you need to spend a house deposit for a perfect day?

I became his wife that day and that made the day perfect no matter what!

[mawilson 2,133]

Why would you want to save money on something as important as the wedding?

(Assuming you want a big wedding to begin with, of course.)