cultural differences

[JelloShotGirl 0]

What cultural differences as a Fil-Am couple do you all face? What has been your biggest hurdle to overcome regarding cultural differences? Even though my husband and I have been together for 2 years, we have only lived together for 4 months. So we are learning new things about eachother everyday. I am just curious about other fil-am experiences! thanks!

[Jasman0717 8]

For me it is trying to understand what she really means when she says things like 'ok then don't' or 'its up to you'. Other than that things are really good. She doesn't have a good concept of savings but we are working on that. She sure loves to spend every dime she makes

[RonMay 1]

For me it is trying to understand what she really means when she says things like 'ok then don't' or 'its up to you'. Other than that things are really good. She doesn't have a good concept of savings but we are working on that. She sure loves to spend every dime she makes

lol jasman she's like me, always saying "its up to you" or "it doesnt matter" which my husband gets frustrated sometimes since he wants me to really decide what i want and not just going what he wants. lol. actually the thing is, i dont really have a choice or it doesnt really matter to me so i dont care either which he wants. lol... i know sound confusing... also he told me im very supertitious (which not that much)... im good with his friends and family ( i can carry a conversation ) but sometimes its hard to hang out with them coz for one, i dont drink/smoke so i feel like being left out, they're all drunk and wasted, and im still sane which makes me insane ... we havent had any big issues though "so far"... he eat rice and loves it so im happy with that. a whole sack of rice supply

Edited July 19, 2007 by ronmay

[jazzy 0]

For me it is trying to understand what she really means when she says things like 'ok then don't' or 'its up to you'. Other than that things are really good. She doesn't have a good concept of savings but we are working on that. She sure loves to spend every dime she makes

hhahahahahaha....funny. ..sounds like me. ...lol......that's how we grow up......the (ok) all the time...... Todd told me...honey its not up to me....its up to us....lol.. ....anyway..that's how filipina are.....we're working for that tooo...cos i used to say.....its all up to you... .i love shopping (woman's nature) and he is more on savings and investing...very particular with every dime.....hahahhahahaha.. .but i love the way he is....its for our future though..(he's tihik) ...lol....i got upset easily with small words and things he say (though he doesn't mean it) but he know's how to made me smile right away.... other than we're both fine and still working for the cultural differences we have.......

jazzy

[beameup 0]

For me it is trying to understand what she really means when she says things like 'ok then don't' or 'its up to you'. Other than that things are really good. She doesn't have a good concept of savings but we are working on that. She sure loves to spend every dime she makes

After 20 years of experience and 5 years of living in the P.I. I can tell you that Filipinos are "non-confrontational" to the point of telling "what they think you want to hear".

As far as money goes, the vast majority of Filipinos live "day-to-day" and really have no "experience" with having any money to speak of. As a result, the vast majority of Filipinos, appear to most Americans to have a "teenagers mentality" when it comes to money. The exceptions are the "upper class" 5-10% who are successful and very "TIGHT" with money (Chinese Filipinos, Ilocanos, etc.).

[doug & angel 0]

....As far as money goes, the vast majority of Filipinos live "day-to-day" and really have no "experience" with having any money to speak of. As a result, the vast majority of Filipinos, appear to most Americans to have a "teenagers mentality" when it comes to money. The exceptions are the "upper class" 5-10% who are successful and very "TIGHT" with money (Chinese Filipinos, Ilocanos, etc.).

This appears to be very true in our case .. My fiancee tells me I am like her mother " KURIPOT " I send her money and its all gone in a couple of days and she can't tell me where it all went. It is sometimes a very frustrating issue for me that an otherwise intelligent and responsible person can't cope with something us americans learn about the time we have lunch money on a regular schedule.

[RonMay 1]

....As far as money goes, the vast majority of Filipinos live "day-to-day" and really have no "experience" with having any money to speak of. As a result, the vast majority of Filipinos, appear to most Americans to have a "teenagers mentality" when it comes to money. The exceptions are the "upper class" 5-10% who are successful and very "TIGHT" with money (Chinese Filipinos, Ilocanos, etc.).

This appears to be very true in our case .. My fiancee tells me I am like her mother " KURIPOT " I send her money and its all gone in a couple of days and she can't tell me where it all went. It is sometimes a very frustrating issue for me that an otherwise intelligent and responsible person can't cope with something us americans learn about the time we have lunch money on a regular schedule.

that's cool! you're a saver... my husband is super spender, that he wants me to control him... heck its hard for me to control him coz i know im guilty of wanting it sometimes ... perhaps your fiancee has so much to spend. she cant tell what exactly coz maybe you wouldnt agree unto where the money goes. you'd be surprise most of the money goes to her family. (bills bills bills. debts debts debts) or i could be wrong (shopping shopping shopping)... but i believe if ever you send her something, she'll use it for her family to help (selfless) and a little bit of extra clothes...

Edited July 20, 2007 by ronmay

[doug & angel 0]

....As far as money goes, the vast majority of Filipinos live "day-to-day" and really have no "experience" with having any money to speak of. As a result, the vast majority of Filipinos, appear to most Americans to have a "teenagers mentality" when it comes to money. The exceptions are the "upper class" 5-10% who are successful and very "TIGHT" with money (Chinese Filipinos, Ilocanos, etc.).

This appears to be very true in our case .. My fiancee tells me I am like her mother " KURIPOT " I send her money and its all gone in a couple of days and she can't tell me where it all went. It is sometimes a very frustrating issue for me that an otherwise intelligent and responsible person can't cope with something us americans learn about the time we have lunch money on a regular schedule.

that's cool! you're a saver... my husband is super spender, that he wants me to control him... heck its hard for me to control him coz i know im guilty of wanting it sometimes ... perhaps your fiancee has so much to spend. she cant tell what exactly coz maybe you wouldnt agree unto where the money goes. you'd be surprise most of the money goes to her family. (bills bills bills. debts debts debts) or i could be wrong (shopping shopping shopping)... but i believe if ever you send her something, she'll use it for her family to help (selfless) and a little bit of extra clothes...

I think its a combination of things, bills, wanting to improve life there, and a lack of concept of money management and budgeting. I'm working with her, and its hard at times because of our cultural differences and sometimes she's a little oblique about what she's thinking or what has happened. (her mother on the other hand is right to the point the best I can tell. My taglog isn't great, but its getting better fast) As they say, patience is a virtue and with this much cultural difference it takes a lot of patience.

I know that there is a stereotypical case here of men expecting the woman to manage some or all of the household finances, especially if they are from an asian background. I've had more than one conversation which that topic tends to rear its head as either part of a joke "what will your allowance be .. " "I guess you won't have any more drinking money" or as a desire " I hear they take care of all the bills and you don't have to worry about that" Stuff like that shows how ignorant some of us americans can be.

Edited July 20, 2007 by doug & angel

[Psoas10 17]

Hmm the money thing was a new one too me. Then my fiance is ilocano, so that explains why she is so tight with money sometimes. I think I will have to adjust more than my fiance. She will be right at home here.

[edp333 9]

Money is normally the biggest issue in any relationship. No matter how much money I send my wife it is gone in a week or less. I am trying to let her learn on her own to manage money.

Verbal differences:

When I say OK, meaning I understand something, the filipino/filipina takes this as saying yes.

When you ask if they have no money, the fils answer yes; meaning yes I have no money.

Traditional differences:

I mentioned saving a piece of our Wedding cake for our one year anniversary, but the relatives ate all the cake right after the reception.

Expecting me to call my in-laws Mom and Dad without asking their permission first.

We are both learning as we go.

[JelloShotGirl 0]

Money is normally the biggest issue in any relationship. No matter how much money I send my wife it is gone in a week or less. I am trying to let her learn on her own to manage money.

Verbal differences:

When I say OK, meaning I understand something, the filipino/filipina takes this as saying yes.

When you ask if they have no money, the fils answer yes; meaning yes I have no money.

Traditional differences:

I mentioned saving a piece of our Wedding cake for our one year anniversary, but the relatives ate all the cake right after the reception.

Expecting me to call my in-laws Mom and Dad without asking their permission first.

We are both learning as we go.

THanks for that translation! We experience that "OK "/yes thing everyday! LOL! Now I get it!

[JelloShotGirl 0]

I guess with the money thing I am lucky (so far) I am sponsoring my hubby , I am the American , we are trying to get off to a good start by being very careful with our spending. Luckily he is pretty frugal. The issue i am having is trying to get him to express whats on his mind, but maybe thats just a guy thing no matter where the dude is from, not expressing too many feelings sometimes.

[beameup 0]

....As far as money goes, the vast majority of Filipinos live "day-to-day" and really have no "experience" with having any money to speak of. As a result, the vast majority of Filipinos, appear to most Americans to have a "teenagers mentality" when it comes to money. The exceptions are the "upper class" 5-10% who are successful and very "TIGHT" with money (Chinese Filipinos, Ilocanos, etc.).

This appears to be very true in our case .. My fiancee tells me I am like her mother " KURIPOT " I send her money and its all gone in a couple of days and she can't tell me where it all went. It is sometimes a very frustrating issue for me that an otherwise intelligent and responsible person can't cope with something us americans learn about the time we have lunch money on a regular schedule.

Chances are that it went to "the family" since the "family" remains the most important "institution" to a Filipina. And since she is marrying or married to a Foreigner then demands will be made on her and "pressure" applied. If this is the case (likely) then it will not end when she comes to the U.S.

My current wife (2nd Filipina) is an orphan so all those "problems" have disappeared.

[doug & angel 0]

I figured out the "okay/yes" thing early ... Okay sounds like "oo" the tagalog form of "yes" so I've had to break myself of using that unless I mean "yes" and go with "I understand" or "I don't understand"

[doug & angel 0]

Chances are that it went to "the family" since the "family" remains the most important "institution" to a Filipina. And since she is marrying or married to a Foreigner then demands will be made on her and "pressure" applied. If this is the case (likely) then it will not end when she comes to the U.S.

My current wife (2nd Filipina) is an orphan so all those "problems" have disappeared.

Oh I'm sure it went so a good cause of some form or another, I just wanted to know where or whom maybe I'm too retentive, but I like knowing where it goes at least so I can track it down. Though I wish it wouldn't disappear so fast. Mom seems to be a good source for this information .. just got to keep working on my tagalog so I can learn to communicate better there.