Question About In-laws

[Addie_Goodvibes 0]

Hello all,

Ok this is a long story.

My wife & I have known eachother for over 13 years, when we first started dating about 4 years ago,

and intially went to ask her parents Blessing for our Marriage they ( actually her Mother) outright refused & did everything she could to prevent my wife from dating let alone marrying and American.

When I initially went to meet her parents, the rest of her family ( Aunts, Uncles, Siblings were very supportive even her father was beginning to coem around and was willing to meet me and accept the fact that his daughter was in love with a

"foriegner"

After the attempt at meeting her parents and asking for their blessing failed. ( Her mother told me to return to Amwerica & told her daughter she could not date me, My wife then told her Mother she was Going back to the USA with me.

Since that time My Wife & I have been Married and now have 2 beautiful Children.

My dilema is this.

Since our children have been born, My wifes Parents have not made even 1 attempt to meet their grandkids, send my wife so much as a letter or even call her.

I am torn up inside that my children are not able to know thier Japanese Grandparents.

My wife does not seem to be bothered at all by this, she seems to have some internal peace about the entire situation.

My family have been very supportive and involved in our lives & love my children. Her extended Family ( Aunts Uncles, Borther ect.. are also supportive.)

We have been discussing moving to japan for 5-10 years , However I am very hesitant to do this , in a way taking my kids away from their American Grandparents who care so deeply for them and moving to another Country where her parents have shown no love or support.

What is the best thing to do?

I am Not upset at her parents, i do Not hold any grudge or resentment for them as I know this is a cultural abrrier and something that is not personal. the fact that My wife is happy and does not seem to be bothered about this gives me peace on my end, but I am put off at the fact that her parents are not putting forth any effort to get to know thier grandchildren.

Any advice would be helpful.

Thank you all!

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Edited April 11, 2007 by Addie_Goodvibes

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

Assume zero response from the J grandparents and go to Japan with the intent of letting your kids experience a different culture. If the grandparents warm up it's a bonus.

[Addie_Goodvibes 0]

Assume zero response from the J grandparents and go to Japan with the intent of letting your kids experience a different culture. If the grandparents warm up it's a bonus.

That was our initial plan, however My family is already expressing resistance as they are so close to our Daughter & newborn Son,

Our reasons for moving to Japan are to expose our Children to the Japanese Culture.

[Saddle Bronc 124]

Having seen the relationship of my BIL (sister's husband) to his mum over 22 years, I'll second LS on this!

[boo boo 1]

I looked at the pics of your kids.....talk about beautiful:) I think that you should send a card w/ the children's pic enclosed.....maybe a "thinking of you" card. If you hear back....awesome, if you don't...at least you put forth the effort. Her parents could regret everything and be ashamed of their actions. I was in a similiar situation where I was "disowned" by some relatives that raised me after my mother passed away......my uncle was not happy about me dating someone of another race when I was a "young adult" and gave me the option of choosing family or boyfriend (I chose boyfriend) via letter that he mailed to me.....but now I know that he reqrets everything.....and would of handled the situation differently......I saw him 5 years later at a family reunion and he came over and hugged me....it was alittle uncomfortable.....but it was nice....and afew years after that incident...my aunt even sent me a letter apologizing for everything they put me through....I do not have a relationship w/ them, but I hold no grudges either....and I haven't spoke w/ them for 7 years now......but life is short and I just might make the move. Remember.....Life is short!!!! Whatever you decide to do, I wish you and your family the best

[Addie_Goodvibes 0]

I looked at the pics of your kids.....talk about beautiful:) I think that you should send a card w/ the children's pic enclosed.....maybe a "thinking of you" card. If you hear back....awesome, if you don't...at least you put forth the effort. Her parents could regret everything and be ashamed of their actions. I was in a similiar situation where I was "disowned" by some relatives that raised me after my mother passed away......my uncle was not happy about me dating someone of another race when I was a "young adult" and gave me the option of choosing family or boyfriend (I chose boyfriend) via letter that he mailed to me.....but now I know that he reqrets everything.....and would of handled the situation differently......I saw him 5 years later at a family reunion and he came over and hugged me....it was alittle uncomfortable.....but it was nice....and afew years after that incident...my aunt even sent me a letter apologizing for everything they put me through....I do not have a relationship w/ them, but I hold no grudges either....and I haven't spoke w/ them for 7 years now......but life is short and I just might make the move. Remember.....Life is short!!!! Whatever you decide to do, I wish you and your family the best

Thank you for the Good advice, We have sent them regular letters with Pictures , greeting cards ect.. We always keep the correspondances neutral, (" Thinking of you ect..")

No responses! Her other family members are very involved, her friends and everyone else its just her Parents that are not eben aknowledging their daughters new children.

I am sure they feel shame and the in the Japanses Culture that is deep, it is the lowest thing in society to shame ones family or ones self.

That is why I am not angry & I understood at first. It wa sneve rmy intention to "take their only daughter from them"

My wife chose to leave with me when she did, we tried doing the right thing by asking for their blessing. The rest of her family told her she should go with me because if she waited for her parents approval then it would never happen,. now here we are Happily married with 2 Beautiful Children.

[boo boo 1]

wow, no responses? Well one day they will come around....and I am happy to hear that your wife does have other "supportive" members in her family that support your marriage ...I bet in away that her parents feel like your wife chose "you" over "them"......but I admire the efforts you and your wife has made towards her parents.....what you are proving to them is that you love their daughter and always have her best interest at heart