On Getting Older

[hampster 0]

On Getting Older.

1.) Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,

How old was your husband? 98," she replied.

Two years older than me. So you're 96, the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

2.)Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:

And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?

the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

3.)The nice thing about being senile,

is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

4.) I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries,

a hip replacement, new knees Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,

take 40 different medications that make me dizzy,

winded, and subject to blackouts.

Have bouts with dementia.

Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.

But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

5.) I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,

so I got my doctor's permission,

to join a fitness club and start exercising.

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.

I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down,

and perspired for an hour.

But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

6.) An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.

First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,

she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

Wal-Mart? the preacher exclaimed.

Why Wal-Mart? Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week

7.) My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

8.) Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

9.) It's scary when you start making the same noises,

as your coffeemaker.

10.) These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says,

For fast relief.

11.) Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old,

You grow old because you stop laughing.

12.) --- THE SENILITY PRAYER :

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,

the good fortune to run into the ones I do,

and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Cheers

PAUL

Edited January 24, 2007 by hampster

[Mags 112]

LOVED this one!

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,

"How old was your husband? 98", she replied, "Two years older than me". "So you're 96", the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

Edited January 24, 2007 by mags

[hampster 0]

Thw WAL-MART ONE CRACKED ME UP

[Reba 2]

My Mother has this one in a frame on a shelf in her house:

THE SENILITY PRAYER :

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,

the good fortune to run into the ones I do,

and the eyesight to tell the difference

[brnidokiegurl 1]

On the ageing thing, tv said the other day the sixty year old woman of today is actually being more equal to a new 40s

[Sheriff Uling 3]

Funny that you created this thread. Now that I'm knocking on my mid-thirties, I have been increasingly thinking... Man I don't want to get old. I know that it's inevitable, not unless I die of course, but I just don't want to be that old guy that can't take care of himself. Anyway... I think that # 2 is cute. Cheers!!!

[Robor007 0]

Getting old sucks... I had LASIK surgery about 8 years ago and at the time I had perfect 'close up' vision. There wasn't text small enough that I couldn't read. Fast forward to now and my close up vision is going. Now I've got to hold things at a distance to focus but if it's too small I can't read it because it's too far. Noooooooooooooooooooo!

[Jasman0717 9]

:lol: Primo

[hampster 0]

This is a good way to relieve some stress,

from being away from your loved one.

I miss not be able to(in person)

care/ protect/spoil my wifee Cheryl- NorthernGirl.

Well she will be here in Adelaide, South Australia soon

She's coming over for 10 glorious days and nights

14 days, 17 hours, 20 minutes and 2 seconds until Friday,

9th February 2007 at 10:30:00 AM (Adelaide time)

Cheers

Paul

Edited January 25, 2007 by hampster

[Robor007 0]

This is a good way to relieve some stress,

from being away from your loved one.

I miss not be able to(in person)

care/ protect/spoil my wifee Cheryl- NorthernGirl.

Well she will be here in Adelaide, South Australia soon

She's coming over for 10 glorious days and nights

14 days, 17 hours, 20 minutes and 2 seconds until Friday,

9th February 2007 at 10:30:00 AM (Adelaide time)

Cheers

Paul

TimeAndDate.com?

I'm jealous...

It is 120 days, 8 hours, 41 minutes and 40 seconds until Friday, May 25, 2007 at 5:00:00 PM (Miami time)

(assuming I travel to see my wife on Memorial Day)

[hampster 0]

Yeppers Time&date.com

It is 14 days, 10 hours, 21 minutes and 20 seconds until Friday, 9 February 2007 at 10:30:00 AM (Adelaide time)

<H2 align=center>Current time is</H2>

2007-01-26 00:08:40

CST(local time in Adelaide)

well when you have a target date fro something,

as special as seeing your partner/wife/fiance,

it helps to know and have the time and date correct.

Not good going to the airport to pick significant other up,

if you go on the wrong day either day before or after you spose,

to pick them up at the airport

Good luck with your countdown

Cheers

Paul