ROC pending ..usc wife cant make up her mind

[Blk-Cherry 0]

We have been married for 3 years. We recently filed for ROC jointly. I am done with my bio-appointment and just waiting for either an interview date or a permanent GC. After 2-3 weeks of filing ROC jointly, wife's best male-friend got out of prison and she spent some time with him. Afterwards she told me that they are more than friends now and she don't think our relationship is working out and that we should separate. i asked her if she'll think about reconciling and is there any hope for our relationship. she said yes. It was a confusing message but i decided to listen and observe instead of rushing to conclusions. we still stay together. sometimes sleep in the same bed. we go grocery shopping together. attend family events together like birthdays and parties. we argue about everything. she cooks for me. A week after she told me that she will move out when she is ready. Two days later she said she left him for me because he is not what she want. a month later she said she is spending a weekend with him. i asked her if she is moving out of our home. she said no. She still runs up to me for everything she needs like we are together because according to her i am her husband and its my duty. Long story short i dont know what she wants. If she tell me that there can be no reconciliation between us and permanently move out, then i would want to get a divorce and re-file with a waiver. Having tons of evidence supporting our faithful marriage, i am not worried. I am a law-abiding person and dont want to look like that i am trying to mislead immigration into thinking that we are together during the pending ROC. The truth is that us living together and doing things together(see above for examples) but she saying that we are not together is confusing me. She trying to get back with me in a matter of months is not out of the question ( 2 years ago she did the same thing: she said she wanted to separate, moved out and moved back in and then got back with me after 4 months). Any advice on this matter will be much appreciated.

[rika60607 215]

Open relationships are not forbidden by USCIS. As long as you two are not separated (you live in the same house and share financial responsibilities) you are okay...

If you are not happy with your relationship though - you can divorce and replace your I-751 with a waiver I-751. You do not have to suffer just for immigration sake.

[Blk-Cherry 0]

we are staying in the same house and sharing all of our finances together (we share rent, car insurance, groceries etc) and I am already half way through the ROC process. But the fact that she can't decide what she want to do with our relationship is anoying to me. She tells me we are not together but she does not act like it because she comes to me for all her issues and needs. She talks about moving out whenever she is ready but she doesn't look like she will ever be. This is not a stable situation. And I rather divorce her and replace the i-751 with a waiver before it's too late and I get approved for the permanent GC without immigration knowing my situation. Because if down the road we do get divorced, and during the process of naturalization, if this issue came up, I don't want to look like I mislead anybody.

[rika60607 215]

You've got to do what you want to do. May be you can start by reading up on your state's separation and divorce laws? Be aware that some states require a long separation prior to no fault divorce, which may complicate your status... your ROC will not be denied simply because you can't provide divorce decree on time, but you may have to see an Immigration Judge if your divorce is delayed. On the other hand, as long as you are not separated and neither of you filed for divorce prior to the date of ROC approval - you have done nothing wrong in the eyes of USCIS.

That is to say that both staying in current marital situation and going through with divorce at this time are not going to be stress free. It looks like both you and your wife can't quite make up your minds about what you want and what is acceptable in your marriage. So marriage counseling might be something useful to you... it may not (probably will not) save your marriage, but it may help you to communicate with each other better and to come up with a plan that meets both of your needs.

I admire your wife's honesty and your lack of jealousy, but at the same time she seems to be on the road to disaster. A guy who just came out of prison and who dates another's wife? What a catch.

we are staying in the same house and sharing all of our finances together (we share rent, car insurance, groceries etc) and I am already half way through the ROC process. But the fact that she can't decide what she want to do with our relationship is anoying to me. She tells me we are not together but she does not act like it because she comes to me for all her issues and needs. She talks about moving out whenever she is ready but she doesn't look like she will ever be. This is not a stable situation. And I rather divorce her and replace the i-751 with a waiver before it's too late and I get approved for the permanent GC without immigration knowing my situation. Because if down the road we do get divorced, and during the process of naturalization, if this issue came up, I don't want to look like I mislead anybody.

[Blk-Cherry 0]

Rika Just want to thank you for your replies and I seriously appreciate any input in this manner no matter how small or big. Before I make a dicision that I can stick with and talking to my lawyer I wanted to get a feel of the situation from a third persons percpective and different view points. Thanks again.

On a side note: if she wants to be with somebody fresh out of prison, no car, no stable job, living at parents trailer house. That's not a problem. But she staying with me and spending a weekend with him is. I won't be surprised if she leaves him next week and try to get back with me. Because she knows she can depend on me for support and stability. This is why I think she is never going to leave me for anybody but she acts like she is an independent and freedom-loving women and can do whatever she wishes.

[rika60607 215]

If you look here: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/293209-i-751-february-2011-filers/page__st__600

you will see that CSC often approves joint I-751 in 2 months and VSC drags its feet. January-February filers are not approved yet, so the wait is 6+ months. If you filed ROC at VSC just a couple of months ago, you are looking at 4+ months to make your decision (assuming approval rates don't change, which they occasionally do).

If you decide to divorce prior to ROC approval, in respect to your immigration status it is better to do it sooner than later... if amicable divorce is possible at all, I'd give it a chance before lawyering up (especially if there is no child custody issues and not much of a dispute over property).

And you are welcome.