Need some advice!!!!!!!

[PsychoKat 0]

I dont understand none of this stuff about leaving kids behind.

frankly, deal with it. if you need to go there whats stopping you?

get on a plane. I suppose you get what you get for turning your back on them. I was abandoned I know how it feels. I care more about what they feel than you- than your emotional dubage.

you are the adult in this. they are kids and did not ask for this!

This was really uncalled for. Having re-read what she's previously posted regarding the children, I cannot see anything that could lead you to conclude she turned her back on her children. According to what she posted in the past, the grandmother offered to care for the children to assist her in finding and establishing employment, and she agreed with this arrangement.

This type of arrangement is not at all unusual, many single parents entrust the care of their children to family members (including the childrens grandparents), to ensure the welfare of their children, while they struggle to become self-sufficent and more equiped to provide a stable, positive home in which to raise their children. Many find this preferable and in the best interests of the children, when faced with these circumstances, to the unknown and possible instability of establishing new employment, maintaining stable living arrangements while going through this process, combined with the added expense of child care, and discomfort with the idea of strangers (child care) raising ones children.

Contrary to what you might believe, this is not indicitive of turning ones back on ones children, instead it would tend to indicate the opposite, putting ones own emotions aside to provide a stable environment to ensure the welfare of the children.

She was unaware until the very last possible moment, that this would end up turning into the problem it has, she was hit with this the night before she was due to come to the US and get married, she was forced to make snap decisions about life altering issues, and decided to follow through with her marriage, while in limbo and confused over her options and recourses regarding the children. There is nothing in this to show she was turning her back on her children, her world was turned upside down and she made what she hoped were the right decisions....hindsight is always 20/20, faced with these circumstances who's to say what anyone would choose at that moment.

Final note, some background regarding my insights about turning to family members to ensure the welfare of the children:

A friend of mine worked washing glassware for the chemical company I used to work for. Her husband was the primary breadwinner for the family, they had 2 children, his from a previous marriage and were not rich but were adequately comfortable. She had no advanced education, just a high school diploma, but since his was the primary income, this really didn't seem to present any issues. Until one night just before leaving work she got a call that he had been killed in an accident on the way home from work himself. One month later she found out she was pregnant, both a blessing and an added weight on her shoulders. She turned to his and her parents to help with the children, while she not only worked full time, but went to school in hopes of providing a better life for the children. She now holds a degree in chemistry and is a senior chemist. She is able to provide a stable loving home for her children, which without the help of those family members she would not be able to do.

[arwensun1965 1]

According to what she posted in the past, the grandmother offered to care for the children to assist her in finding and establishing employment, and she agreed with this arrangement.

This type of arrangement is not at all unusual, many single parents entrust the care of their children to family members (including the childrens grandparents), to ensure the welfare of their children, while they struggle to become self-sufficent and more equiped to provide a stable, positive home in which to raise their children. Many find this preferable and in the best interests of the children, when faced with these circumstances, to the unknown and possible instability of establishing new employment, maintaining stable living arrangements while going through this process, combined with the added expense of child care, and discomfort with the idea of strangers (child care) raising ones children.

Contrary to what you might believe, this is not indicitive of turning ones back on ones children, instead it would tend to indicate the opposite, putting ones own emotions aside to provide a stable environment to ensure the welfare of the children.

She was unaware until the very last possible moment, that this would end up turning into the problem it has, she was hit with this the night before she was due to come to the US and get married, she was forced to make snap decisions about life altering issues, and decided to follow through with her marriage, while in limbo and confused over her options and recourses regarding the children. There is nothing in this to show she was turning her back on her children, her world was turned upside down and she made what she hoped were the right decisions....hindsight is always 20/20, faced with these circumstances who's to say what anyone would choose at that moment.

Final note, some background regarding my insights about turning to family members to ensure the welfare of the children:

A friend of mine worked washing glassware for the chemical company I used to work for. Her husband was the primary breadwinner for the family, they had 2 children, his from a previous marriage and were not rich but were adequately comfortable. She had no advanced education, just a high school diploma, but since his was the primary income, this really didn't seem to present any issues. Until one night just before leaving work she got a call that he had been killed in an accident on the way home from work himself. One month later she found out she was pregnant, both a blessing and an added weight on her shoulders. She turned to his and her parents to help with the children, while she not only worked full time, but went to school in hopes of providing a better life for the children. She now holds a degree in chemistry and is a senior chemist. She is able to provide a stable loving home for her children, which without the help of those family members she would not be able to do.

You have hit the nail right on the head and I will be forever grateful to you for that, it is extremely difficult for me to say things like that but you put it so well and so truthful.

Thank you

Janice

[PsychoKat 0]

Glad I could help at least in some way

[sarah and hicham 3]

I dont understand none of this stuff about leaving kids behind.

frankly, deal with it. if you need to go there whats stopping you?

get on a plane. I suppose you get what you get for turning your back on them. I was abandoned I know how it feels. I care more about what they feel than you- than your emotional dubage.

you are the adult in this. they are kids and did not ask for this!

disgusting!