Dating Internationally

[MensahLuv 4]

Many of us have met our fiancee or significant others via online dating, hook ups from friends or family, vacations overseas, internships overseas etc. Many of them seem to move fast immediately after meeting. Many marry or get engaged and start filing for visas to bring their SO to the states with them in less than a year. Just wondering if you guys ever wonder how true your international LOVE really is with marriage fraud being a major concern specifiaclly with west affrican countries??? Do you believe in LOVE at first site? Many would challenge us in how can you fall in love from the majority of your interactions being online. Yes, some of us do visit multiple times, but for the most part its usually a month or less. Have you met the familes or friends of your SO? If so, Are you close? do you get along? When was it that you knew I really do love this man or woman...I can spend the rest of my life with them? What was it that made you say he or she is the one? Just some thing to ponder? Lets Talk. Please share?

[rodceasar 34]

I have pondered on this issue(fraud)as the US citizen. I knew my situation was not fraud (at least in my own eyes) and still know so. I do believe in love at first sight although it is tough to say that after a few interactions that it's truly love and not just lust or a search for somethings that missing. I can say, in my case it was love at first sight. I think it depends on the couple. Keeping a relationship online, can tell alot, if both parties are perceptive enough. I think you can tell alot by the words one writes. Just be careful to not be fooled by words and ask the right questions. Ask them consistently over time to see how answers change. I have met the family, friends and others of my spouse. I know she would not have introduced me and brought me to their homes, if it weren't true love and interest there. Being from E. Africa, she is very concerned with how her family perceives her and her choices. Also, not having a traditional marriage or wedding with F&F there should be of concern to anyone thinking of it. If that is tradition in their country, it should make one wonder why not? I would be very careful in marrying someone w/o having done these things! I am very close to all of the family and regularly talk to them via phone and internet and also during my visits. We are close and get along, very well. I knew she was the one in the first week. I have been with my wife for for over 1 yr and 7 months and during that time, there was not (1) day that we did not talk for HOURS via callling cards, Skype, chat and email. During my visits, I am always thrown the phone to talk to relatives and friends. Many also come just to meet me. My wife and I had alot in common in terms of how we percieve life, what we want out of life and other things. Also, I am a highly educated professional and my wife is not so there had to be discussion prompted my me on this fact. I needed to know how she would handle it. What did she want to do for a living when she came to my country? What are your life goals? How do you feel about divorce? What do you want from me? etc...

[MensahLuv 4]

I have pondered on this issue(fraud)as the US citizen. I knew my situation was not fraud (at least in my own eyes) and still know so. I do believe in love at first sight although it is tough to say that after a few interactions that it's truly love and not just lust or a search for somethings that missing. I can say, in my case it was love at first sight. I think it depends on the couple. Keeping a relationship online, can tell alot, if both parties are perceptive enough. I think you can tell alot by the words one writes. Just be careful to not be fooled by words and ask the right questions. Ask them consistently over time to see how answers change. I have met the family, friends and others of my spouse. I know she would not have introduced me and brought me to their homes, if it weren't true love and interest there. Being from E. Africa, she is very concerned with how her family perceives her and her choices. Also, not having a traditional marriage or wedding with F&F there should be of concern to anyone thinking of it. If that is tradition in their country, it should make one wonder why not? I would be very careful in marrying someone w/o having done these things! I am very close to all of the family and regularly talk to them via phone and internet and also during my visits. We are close and get along, very well. I knew she was the one in the first week. I have been with my wife for for over 1 yr and 7 months and during that time, there was not (1) day that we did not talk for HOURS via callling cards, Skype, chat and email. During my visits, I am always thrown the phone to talk to relatives and friends. Many also come just to meet me. My wife and I had alot in common in terms of how we percieve life, what we want out of life and other things. Also, I am a highly educated professional and my wife is not so there had to be discussion prompted my me on this fact. I needed to know how she would handle it. What did she want to do for a living when she came to my country? What are your life goals? How do you feel about divorce? What do you want from me? etc...

Thanks for responding. I just thought this was something we should discuss and think about. Many dont want to think it can ever happen to them, marriage fraud that is. It does happen to the best of us. Your situation sounds aot like mine. Only, I dont believe in LOVE at first site. I really have to talk to you, trust you, become close to you over time to feel a bond. Not that time can guarantee anything but it just gives you more time to think things through, process and make logical decisions. I truelly believe my relationship is real. I have met all his siblings, mom, neices, nephews, cousins, friends and friends of the family. Only one I have not met is the dad which I will meet next month. I interact with his familiy all the time and they have all accepted me 100 percent. Another thing I ponder was where I was finacially in my career. He is still in school, so that is somthing I knew i would have to have patience with. I am not use to being the provider in a relationship, which it look like I would be until he is able to work. I see the potential and I feel he would have my back 100 as a man should have for their wife in due time. Like you I ask many questions and I still do from time to time. We met May 09 and we have talk every single day since we met. We have been knowning One year and 6 months but it seems like forever

[MensahLuv 4]

Come on people. Dont be shy. I have 33 readers and Only one can share. :-)

[midge and isi 8]

Israel and I met in school- we had about 5 months together. The first being just friends- until one of our mutual friends told us to stop flirting and just get on with it! And thats what happenend! We started spending time chatting and getting to know one another and that friendship bloomed into the best thing i have ever had in my life!

I meet his family (8 weeks after we started dating) and talk to his siblings and parents on a regular basis while I was there. Israel and I had many mutual friends as well. At the end of the term I even took my own trip to spend time with his sister and 6 week old for 3 days. Israel spoke a few times to my parents and communicated by email.

I even met one of his brothers at Heathrow on the way home for about 2 hours... talk about crazy! I had to meet the last sibling.

Communication between my family and Israel also continued thru our 14 months apart.

My parents also traveled to Ghana to meet Israel and his family this past summer. Which was very important to me before the whole visa process was actually over for them to have meet him. We had a wonderful 11 days together- spending time exploring but also playing cards and just having a good time so they could get to know him. My parents can't wait to travel to Ghana again-

They are also counting down to our interview just as we are and can't wait for him to be here.

So no- I really dont think there is any frued there...

[Heather Rae 2]

never intended to do any long distance dating or internet relationship it just happened. At first I didn't blieve in it and then we became close and he made me laugh and we enjoyed each other. Then we moved to phone calls which at first was a little difficult he has that african accent and I had never even been out of the country before. It was totally something different for me and it took time to for us to grow and learn each other. But I believe God placed him in my life and he is a true blessing and has been from the start. II have been with my husband for over 2 years now it was 14 months before I ever traveled to Ghana and We are approaching our first wedding anniversary in Dec.. I didn't have love at first site...my life didn't allow me to trust so much at first.. He earned my trust over time. We were and still are very vocal and leave no questions unanswered.. It is kind of funny some traditions in countries... I felt like a teenager when I went to see my husband for the first time.. There was a big family meeting and we had to answer hard questions about our relationships and intentions toward each other before the family gave a blessing for us to be married. I'm very close with my mother in law and his entire family. I talk to his brother online about everyday. I talk to my husband by phone and email and text messages to many times a day to count. We are very close and can just about finish each other sentences now. We have been through a lot and he has been there for me much more than I have for him, due to circumstances in my life here in the states. As for marriage fraud....I know there is lots of it have seen it through many people but my marriage...I have my eyes wide open and my husband truly loves me, as I truly love him. I have been to Ghana 3 times this year and stay about a month everytime I went. I took my daughter and grandson with me in April and our families bonded really well. My daughter calls my husband her father cause he has already been more of a dad to her in this time period than her own father in her life time and she is 19... My family, daughter, grandson, mother, niece all communicate with my husband and his brother. The communication with his mother is a little more difficult she don't speak much english but we do communicate and she is learning. We are very much in love and hate to be apart but stay in constant communications. I'm going back right after Christmas for our anniversary. We have an awesome relationship in person and over the distance.. But the distance is very hard on us as it is all couples going through this. We would all rather be with our loved one on a daily basis... and that is why my husband I have a set time every day we talk for a certain amount of time on the phone. We text all the time and never lose contact with each other and always share all that is going on in our lives both with his there and mine here. Just as we would if we were in one place together.

[lori7734 6]

ok i'll bit...Desmond and i met online sept.2008..we talk every day for months.He said he was in love i didnt really believe.So i decided to take a trip to ghana there was no mention of marraige at all for that trip,but i think a week after i was there i woke up and realized i really loved him and how he treated me just very different from my past relationships.So i knew i needed him in my life forever so we married on 3-24-2009. Do we have disagreements yes and some of its just culturual differences like not thinking of getting his opinion on some matters.but i usually go with my gut instict and i know he loves me no fruad here just love.

[Tyeger87 10]

Fraud is something that I think about alot and its constantly in the back of my mind. I know my relationship with Ali is not fraud but then again people can be fooled by words. Ali and I have lived together for one year in Cairo and we spend one month with his family in Comoros and they are absolutely wonderful. They took great care of me while I was there and we talk as often as he calls home. My mother gave me some advice, that I think is pretty good. She told me that if you love him and you feel this is the right thing, then apply for the vis and go for it. Once he gets to America, if the relationship was a fraud on his end, it will reveal itself. Because you are doing the Fiance visa, you dont have to get married immediately, let the relationship settle and see where to go. I believe thats true, if its fraud it will reveal itself and its better to have tried than to spend your life thinking "what if".

In terms of cultural differences, those are difficult but we have a good habit of forgiving each other and letting ourselves cool down. The biggest thing for me is the openness of the home. Being a black american, growing up in Atlanta, people dont visit without calling, people dont visit every day, and thats something ive had to deal with alot here. His friends are over all day every day. For things like that we compromise, i dont have a problem with his friends but we have at least one day each week where no one can come over (unless there is a big soccer match) and being with my being in school his friends have to leave after I get home from class. It works if each person is willing to put in the effort to compromise. With dating internationally its all about compromise. There are somethings however that dont require compromise and what I consider the perks of eventually having a Comorian fiance. I mean look at the beauty of dating internationally, not only do you get the love of your life, but you also get to explore new cultures and new countries, you are in a constant state of learning. Think about the benefits to your children, they get not only a loving father and mother, they get extensive family which tends to be alot closer than families in the states. They learn multiple languages, they get exposed to a different culture and a different country. I feel like finding love internationally is much more eye opening and a more life changing experience. My fiance is fantastic and I cant see myself with anyone else, i found someone who I can be myself with, i can be crazy and goofy, and enjoy the little things and feel fine with that. But also with him comes two different languages (Comorian and French), a beautiful family in Comoros, family in France, a village that is close knit and is now my home. I get to start saving with him for our ada (grand mariage in Comoros), I get to build a house in my village. My children (inshallah) will know at least 4 languges (english, arabic, french, comorian), they will spend summers in Comoros with their family.

There are so many beautiful things about dating internationally outside of the greatest thing which is finding the one you love. I think the risk does not outweigh the benefits. Its better to take that risk and be happy and experience so much, than to be too afraid and miss out on something so amazing.

just my 2 or 3 cents.

[MensahLuv 4]

Israel and I met in school- we had about 5 months together. The first being just friends- until one of our mutual friends told us to stop flirting and just get on with it! And thats what happenend! We started spending time chatting and getting to know one another and that friendship bloomed into the best thing i have ever had in my life!

I meet his family (8 weeks after we started dating) and talk to his siblings and parents on a regular basis while I was there. Israel and I had many mutual friends as well. At the end of the term I even took my own trip to spend time with his sister and 6 week old for 3 days. Israel spoke a few times to my parents and communicated by email.

I even met one of his brothers at Heathrow on the way home for about 2 hours... talk about crazy! I had to meet the last sibling.

Communication between my family and Israel also continued thru our 14 months apart.

My parents also traveled to Ghana to meet Israel and his family this past summer. Which was very important to me before the whole visa process was actually over for them to have meet him. We had a wonderful 11 days together- spending time exploring but also playing cards and just having a good time so they could get to know him. My parents can't wait to travel to Ghana again-

They are also counting down to our interview just as we are and can't wait for him to be here.

So no- I really dont think there is any frued there...

Sounds true! I think it great your mom and dad went with you.

[MensahLuv 4]

never intended to do any long distance dating or internet relationship it just happened. At first I didn't blieve in it and then we became close and he made me laugh and we enjoyed each other. Then we moved to phone calls which at first was a little difficult he has that african accent and I had never even been out of the country before. It was totally something different for me and it took time to for us to grow and learn each other. But I believe God placed him in my life and he is a true blessing and has been from the start. II have been with my husband for over 2 years now it was 14 months before I ever traveled to Ghana and We are approaching our first wedding anniversary in Dec.. I didn't have love at first site...my life didn't allow me to trust so much at first.. He earned my trust over time. We were and still are very vocal and leave no questions unanswered.. It is kind of funny some traditions in countries... I felt like a teenager when I went to see my husband for the first time.. There was a big family meeting and we had to answer hard questions about our relationships and intentions toward each other before the family gave a blessing for us to be married. I'm very close with my mother in law and his entire family. I talk to his brother online about everyday. I talk to my husband by phone and email and text messages to many times a day to count. We are very close and can just about finish each other sentences now. We have been through a lot and he has been there for me much more than I have for him, due to circumstances in my life here in the states. As for marriage fraud....I know there is lots of it have seen it through many people but my marriage...I have my eyes wide open and my husband truly loves me, as I truly love him. I have been to Ghana 3 times this year and stay about a month everytime I went. I took my daughter and grandson with me in April and our families bonded really well. My daughter calls my husband her father cause he has already been more of a dad to her in this time period than her own father in her life time and she is 19... My family, daughter, grandson, mother, niece all communicate with my husband and his brother. The communication with his mother is a little more difficult she don't speak much english but we do communicate and she is learning. We are very much in love and hate to be apart but stay in constant communications. I'm going back right after Christmas for our anniversary. We have an awesome relationship in person and over the distance.. But the distance is very hard on us as it is all couples going through this. We would all rather be with our loved one on a daily basis... and that is why my husband I have a set time every day we talk for a certain amount of time on the phone. We text all the time and never lose contact with each other and always share all that is going on in our lives both with his there and mine here. Just as we would if we were in one place together.

LOL @ Feeling like a teenager at the family meeting. Yes, that is a cultural thing in most african culturals I know. I think it is a good thing, but also a very challenging thing. I would feel like mind your business. This is between him and I. LOL! I guess that why their divorce rates are not as high as in the States. They work it out and talk it out as a family. The long distance thing was an issue for me, I had promise myself in the past I would never do long distanc.Here I am now dating Internationally!LOL! It is very challenging and both people have to be on the same page for it to work. I look at my past relationship and thought. Here I had a man one building over and I barely knew him and what was on his mind. I think in my current relatinship, we get to communicate more and express more than the boy next door.

[MensahLuv 4]

ok i'll bit...Desmond and i met online sept.2008..we talk every day for months.He said he was in love i didnt really believe.So i decided to take a trip to ghana there was no mention of marraige at all for that trip,but i think a week after i was there i woke up and realized i really loved him and how he treated me just very different from my past relationships.So i knew i needed him in my life forever so we married on 3-24-2009. Do we have disagreements yes and some of its just culturual differences like not thinking of getting his opinion on some matters.but i usually go with my gut instict and i know he loves me no fruad here just love.

I must admit. Online dating is one thing I could never do .Meaning, I would never wold have allowed myself to let a International connection to happen. I would not have attempted to travel to see a guy I met online.I would have been too scared. You are much braver than me. Did you travel alone on your first trip. That greatitwork for you though.

[MensahLuv 4]

Fraud is something that I think about alot and its constantly in the back of my mind. I know my relationship with Ali is not fraud but then again people can be fooled by words. Ali and I have lived together for one year in Cairo and we spend one month with his family in Comoros and they are absolutely wonderful. They took great care of me while I was there and we talk as often as he calls home. My mother gave me some advice, that I think is pretty good. She told me that if you love him and you feel this is the right thing, then apply for the vis and go for it. Once he gets to America, if the relationship was a fraud on his end, it will reveal itself. Because you are doing the Fiance visa, you dont have to get married immediately, let the relationship settle and see where to go. I believe thats true, if its fraud it will reveal itself and its better to have tried than to spend your life thinking "what if".

In terms of cultural differences, those are difficult but we have a good habit of forgiving each other and letting ourselves cool down. The biggest thing for me is the openness of the home. Being a black american, growing up in Atlanta, people dont visit without calling, people dont visit every day, and thats something ive had to deal with alot here. His friends are over all day every day. For things like that we compromise, i dont have a problem with his friends but we have at least one day each week where no one can come over (unless there is a big soccer match) and being with my being in school his friends have to leave after I get home from class. It works if each person is willing to put in the effort to compromise. With dating internationally its all about compromise. There are somethings however that dont require compromise and what I consider the perks of eventually having a Comorian fiance. I mean look at the beauty of dating internationally, not only do you get the love of your life, but you also get to explore new cultures and new countries, you are in a constant state of learning. Think about the benefits to your children, they get not only a loving father and mother, they get extensive family which tends to be alot closer than families in the states. They learn multiple languages, they get exposed to a different culture and a different country. I feel like finding love internationally is much more eye opening and a more life changing experience. My fiance is fantastic and I cant see myself with anyone else, i found someone who I can be myself with, i can be crazy and goofy, and enjoy the little things and feel fine with that. But also with him comes two different languages (Comorian and French), a beautiful family in Comoros, family in France, a village that is close knit and is now my home. I get to start saving with him for our ada (grand mariage in Comoros), I get to build a house in my village. My children (inshallah) will know at least 4 languges (english, arabic, french, comorian), they will spend summers in Comoros with their family.

There are so many beautiful things about dating internationally outside of the greatest thing which is finding the one you love. I think the risk does not outweigh the benefits. Its better to take that risk and be happy and experience so much, than to be too afraid and miss out on something so amazing.

just my 2 or 3 cents.

Thanks for your 2 or 3 cents.lol. You make some really good points.People can really put on a good act and once they get what they want, You cannot believe its the same person who worship the ground you walk on. Like you say, you will only know if you try. At the same time you need to think things through as well and not making life decision because someone tells you they love you. Especaially the situation where you see the visible signs and you ignore them then cry later. Yes, Fraud will reveal itself, but be smart and ask lots and lots of question. Visit and do all you can to get a good visual of what you are getting yourself into. Marriage Fraud can be very detrimental to people. Many cant say, oh well. Its fraud let me move on. People feelings are at stake,among other things this process takes you through. Non the less the pros you listed are grreat.

[kofilovesama 4]

warning to all the women, i dont wanna rub anyone the wrong way, were all in the same boat. but i do wanna give you a real friends experience with a man from west africa. he came over on a work visa, about 7 years ago, she met him, and shortly after they started to date. they dated for a year, and she was head over heals in love with him. he had the african work ethic, meaning he did his share of work without complaint. always put her on a pedestal, made her feel special. she was in love and had no inklings about fraud. they got married 5 years ago. OVERNIGHT he was a different person. used words like fat pig, lazy, b word, and actually started abusing her physical as well as emotionally. he got what he wanted from her, which was permanent residence in the usa. if anyone has been to ghana, we all know they worship the ground we walk on, they all have the ''dream'' and will do WHATEVER IT TAKES. of course their parents siblings cousins friends and everyone else make it seem legit b/c they are happy for that person to get ''the chance''. there is nothing that makes me more mad is a man touching a woman like he did to my good friend. i cried many nights with her as she was down after getting beat up and felt ultra low.

on top of all the bad things going on in her life, her parents had no idea her daughter was married. she had no support from any family member. where were from interacial marriage dont happen. she honestly was scared if her dad found out that his week heart would fail and that it would kill him. she honestly thought she would give her dad a heart attack so she went 6 years without them knowing. talk about juggling your life, misery, and depression. she finally listed to me and got a divorce, then he did some crazy things, and she had to get help from family b/c he was getting dangerous. thank God she is away from him now but talk about 7 years of misery, which started out, with nothing but joy and happiness. gals ask your man what is the number 1 goal or what does he want for himself. me being christian, i would hope the answer would be, to make it through this life on earth with my spouse and help her get into heaven with me, b/c eternity is the ultimate goal. if he gives you a answer like, to have a nice job and a big house with many cars? gals that sounds great but it sounds to me your a pawn to his dream, dont be fooled like my good friend please.

God bless i hope this helps 1 person

chris

[MensahLuv 4]

warning to all the women, i dont wanna rub anyone the wrong way, were all in the same boat. but i do wanna give you a real friends experience with a man from west africa. he came over on a work visa, about 7 years ago, she met him, and shortly after they started to date. they dated for a year, and she was head over heals in love with him. he had the african work ethic, meaning he did his share of work without complaint. always put her on a pedestal, made her feel special. she was in love and had no inklings about fraud. they got married 5 years ago. OVERNIGHT he was a different person. used words like fat pig, lazy, b word, and actually started abusing her physical as well as emotionally. he got what he wanted from her, which was permanent residence in the usa. if anyone has been to ghana, we all know they worship the ground we walk on, they all have the ''dream'' and will do WHATEVER IT TAKES. of course their parents siblings cousins friends and everyone else make it seem legit b/c they are happy for that person to get ''the chance''. there is nothing that makes me more mad is a man touching a woman like he did to my good friend. i cried many nights with her as she was down after getting beat up and felt ultra low.

on top of all the bad things going on in her life, her parents had no idea her daughter was married. she had no support from any family member. where were from interacial marriage dont happen. she honestly was scared if her dad found out that his week heart would fail and that it would kill him. she honestly thought she would give her dad a heart attack so she went 6 years without them knowing. talk about juggling your life, misery, and depression. she finally listed to me and got a divorce, then he did some crazy things, and she had to get help from family b/c he was getting dangerous. thank God she is away from him now but talk about 7 years of misery, which started out, with nothing but joy and happiness. gals ask your man what is the number 1 goal or what does he want for himself. me being christian, i would hope the answer would be, to make it through this life on earth with my spouse and help her get into heaven with me, b/c eternity is the ultimate goal. if he gives you a answer like, to have a nice job and a big house with many cars? gals that sounds great but it sounds to me your a pawn to his dream, dont be fooled like my good friend please.

God bless i hope this helps 1 person

chris

Thanks Chris for sharing your story.Really sorry to hear your friend had to go through this. I have heard many stories of this happening. They are sooooo sweet and the families help contribute to make it look soooo real. It really is a big chance we take. I met couple other guys when I was in GH and I could tell that they were out for only one thing. Telling me they love me and all the sweet sweet things.

[Mr. K 8]

I met my fiancee in person in Ghana. And being the born skeptic that I am, I do not believe in love at first sight. I visited my fiancee several times during the visa journey, got to know her family, and became good friends with one of her friends.

To rid yourself of thoughts of fraud, start mentioning or considering that you want to live in their country permanently. We were going to live only in Gh at one point. Then we decided to do the visa to allow her to meet and know my fam.