Fiance Family Troubles?

[kristinanddan09 1]

so, I've had a really bad day today already and lately I've been extremely frustrated and stressed about things. I'm trying to do uni, work and this entire process. I miss him so much and each day is a trial for me it seems. I don't know why but this time was so much harder to say good-bye. Anyways, I've been worried about him leaving his family, even though he says he's really okay with it, he's been there for his entire life and he wants to be with the one he loves now <3 Which is nice to hear. However, the problem is his family, more imparticular one for right now. When I was there for the 4 and a half months, he and I started officially dating about a week after I got there because we got along so very well and we just "clicked", things were perfect. Anyways, I thought I got along with his family great, loved his little sisters, and one was my age so we talked a lot. Well he and I broke up a little while after I got home, because let's face it, long distance can be hard, but we both knew it wouldn't be easy. He started up a new relationship but things are basically over now, however I'm getting a hard time from his sister. He and I don't want to get overly excited about all this so we don't want to talk about it to everyone right now, so his sister doesn't know. I know that that might sound bad, but we don't want to get our hopes all up and then have them crushed.

I really liked his mum and step-dad as well. However, his sister said a few rude things to me today and I'm sure that things will only get worse, because I told him about it and he got really really mad and said he'd have a talk with her. I'm afraid that I'm messing things up, and once everyone finds out about what is going on, they're going to resent me. I thought his sister and I were closer, but then I found out today that she doesn't like me anymore, that she thinks he doesn't love me anymore, that I never really "had him" while I was there, which doesn't make any sense becauase in my eyes we were a couple! and that she finds it really weird and ridiculous how I have photos of him and I as my display pictures (facebook, msn, blackberry). And yeah, sorry I really had to just talk about this and get it off my chest. Only because I'm extremely happy with him, and I want him to be happy, he does say that I make him happy. But I don't want his family to hate me by the end of this. He and I made this choice, we both realized after my last visit that we didn't want to keep saying bye to each other anymore, how well we really do get along when we are together.

[evli1966 88]

You did the right thing letting him know what was said to you.

No one but you 2 and God knows how you 2 feel for each other so she maybe lashing out at you becasue she feels she is losing her bro.

that is no excuse for her to do so.

Trust in each other and work on your relationship and pay no mind to anyone else which tries to stand between you 2.

That doesn't mean to ignore family and friends and what they have to say but it does mean you need to set clear expectations to them on how you feel and hope they support you as they should.

Bless.

[JoannaV 174]

Unfortunately, by not updating his sister on the situation it has caused a moment of confusion. If she thinks that you two are no longer together then of course it would be weird for her to see your display pictures, and of course in that situation she would "protect" her brother and turn against you. It would seem best if you both of you were entirely upfront about your plans. The sister will probably take a little longer to get used to it than she would've if you'd told her in the first place. And there is no guarantee that the family won't "resent" you for a little bit. But your experience of them whilst visiting was overwhelmingly positive so I think we can assume they will come around and be happy about the situation, even if it takes a little while. Certainly, they would be even more confused if you wait longer to tell them, and it would be harder for them to accept if they haven't been thinking of the two of you as together for a while.

Good luck!

[kristinanddan09 1]

You did the right thing letting him know what was said to you.

No one but you 2 and God knows how you 2 feel for each other so she maybe lashing out at you becasue she feels she is losing her bro.

that is no excuse for her to do so.

Trust in each other and work on your relationship and pay no mind to anyone else which tries to stand between you 2.

That doesn't mean to ignore family and friends and what they have to say but it does mean you need to set clear expectations to them on how you feel and hope they support you as they should.

Bless.

Thank you so much for your response We are going to work on it, but I do know we have to let them know what is going on sooner or later. I'm just stressed about the process, and it's really hard cause in the past I've gotten my hopes up about things and things haven't worked out so it's kind of heartbreaking. Yeah I definitely won't ignore what they say, I'd happily listen to everyone's opinions and I wouldn't make the opinion seem any less welcome. Thank you again!

[kristinanddan09 1]

Unfortunately, by not updating his sister on the situation it has caused a moment of confusion. If she thinks that you two are no longer together then of course it would be weird for her to see your display pictures, and of course in that situation she would "protect" her brother and turn against you. It would seem best if you both of you were entirely upfront about your plans. The sister will probably take a little longer to get used to it than she would've if you'd told her in the first place. And there is no guarantee that the family won't "resent" you for a little bit. But your experience of them whilst visiting was overwhelmingly positive so I think we can assume they will come around and be happy about the situation, even if it takes a little while. Certainly, they would be even more confused if you wait longer to tell them, and it would be harder for them to accept if they haven't been thinking of the two of you as together for a while.

Good luck!

Yeah, like I said before it's hard to tell people, I'd like to wait 'til I can send off the I-129F form and not have any trouble with that, then start letting people know because it's going to take awhile anyways. I'd like to tell his family in person, because I want to make one last visit there. I really do care about his family, like you said I did have a great experience there the first time that I was there. I would never take him away forever, as I have a lot of the same friends as he does there, I couldn't say bye to them for good, I definitely would have to visit there twice a year at least if its possible. I know he says he's happy about moving here but I know he'll want to see his family as well. I know they might be upset at first but all I want is the best for him, I want him to be happy, and he says he'll be happiest here.

From my thought, I've had pictures of my best friends and I throughout the years as my display pictures, and I haven't had any trouble with it before? I don't see how if it's a guy makes it any different. He and I have been friends for 9 years now, and we are closer than ever. I've had pics of him and I together before and there hasn't been any trouble until now. That was also what bothered me. And not that I don't value her opinion, I listen to what everyone has to say, and I try to not to let it all get to me, but I think with all the stress of things, I'm just getting stressed/worried/upset faster than ever. Thank you so much for your response

[JoannaV 174]

I can understand not wanting to tell them about the fiance visa and moving and stuff right now, but it sounds like the sister didn't even know you were going out any more?

Don't worry about it, it will all be fine in the end. Just concentrate on your relationship with your guy right now. Maybe avoid talking to the sister for a little while.

[kristinanddan09 1]

I can understand not wanting to tell them about the fiance visa and moving and stuff right now, but it sounds like the sister didn't even know you were going out any more?

Don't worry about it, it will all be fine in the end. Just concentrate on your relationship with your guy right now. Maybe avoid talking to the sister for a little while.

Yeah, well we were together, then we weren't and now we're starting this whole process. Think I'm going to avoid her for a little bit, you're right!

[Gemmie 142]

it's hard making the big move, and sometimes family members don't behave as you want them to. To be honest, if it were me, I would want his family to know the truth (that we're together and he's going to move to the US) before I get the forms sent off, so it's one less blow. Then once they know of your plans, it won't come as a huge shock when the forms are sent, and plans are in motion.

It must be really hard to hear that your loved one is moving away, so perhaps baby steps are the way to go.