Questions about college expenses

[SnME 3]

I would appreciate any help or advice here related to how Colleges in the PI normally handle billing and

How to convince my girl that she needs to be more 'firm' with her family when it comes to them asking her for money...

Here is my problem:

My Honey currently lives in Mandaluyong City. She works her #### off EVERY single day and makes 'fair' money considering where she is at and what she does for a living. She has a heart of gold and she has been paying to put her younger sister through college for the last few years now. I have a lot of respect for her because of the way she provides for her family and sister.

The younger sister goes to school at the University of San Jose-Recoletos back in Cebu. She is in her 2nd year of studies now and My Honey has ALWAYS been the one to pay for ALL of the expenses. (Her dad has money for coconut wine but no money to contribute to the tuition for little sister - I would like to kick his ####! )

Her Sister and Dad seem to think that she can just make money for tuition appear by magic. They NEVER consider her needs or expenses - They just tell her 'how much' it is going to cost and when she needs to pay it by... Here lately, They just keep asking for more and more and it has been MORE than my Honey actually earns. (Yes - I know how much my Honey makes each month and Yes - I have seen the statement of expenses from the school)

Here in America if you can't afford school tuition, You either take fewer classes or get a job. Her sister will not get a job and contribute to the costs and she gives my Honey BS excuses about the costs and will not take fewer classes to reduce the costs...

Am I wrong in thinking that her sister could take fewer classes to reduce the costs???

Am I wrong in thinking that her sister should seek part-time work to help with the expenses???

How can I convince my Honey that she needs to put herself a little bit higher on the priority pole and keep some money in her savings for an emergency? As it stands now, She is screwed if she gets sick and needs to go to the doctor or dentist. (little sister and tuition took ALL her money)

My girl would suffer before asking me for money if she got sick. She would just not tell me that she was having a problem then. I worked my way through college and will NOT help pay for her sisters tuition if she is not willing to work any and contribute also...

Advice???

Threads suck without pictures...

[april082010 3]

I think that's how things goes sometimes in Filipino families. We ought to help our siblings if our parents can't afford to do it. It's part of the culture. But she can make choices but sometimes it's hard to think things just for ourselves. She might feel guilty if she won't help because she feels responsible for her sister and her family. Try to learn more about her culture and what she believe.

Edited June 26, 2010 by april082010

[piglett 16]

well i think that's just the way thing are done in the Philippines.

My new wife is expected to pay for her younger brothers tuition, he starts collage in Manila this fall. The good news is that my wifes older sister will pay all of his other costs.

Also i have found that these lades sometimes have the old (Oh it will all work out) outlook on life. I normally at that point say something like "no it will probably not work out unless we figure out the costs & plan ahead"

now in your case Doberman have you married your girl yet?

i just got back from there & did just that.

So now i am going to send my wife to a review class so she can finaly take the test so she can be an RN there. & i guess while she is trying to better herself i will be the guy that pays for her brothers tuition. Now that i am married to her i have no problem sending her a few bucks here & there, even though she still doesn't like me to.

good luck

piglett

[Pinay Wife 47]

***

Edited June 26, 2010 by Pinay Wife

[sjr09 155]

I understand what your saying it's hard for us Kanos to get our minds around the Filipino family and culture.

Yes their are demanding, greedy and selfish Filipinos like any other place on the planet. My wife's family never ask for money and they are poor farmers, what I do is ask them what do you need, to make life better. I don't just send money not knowing what it is used for, I guess it make me feel better knowing what I do will make there life more comfortable, and I know they respect me more for doing that. you don't need to be a cash cow, but when it comes from the heart you'll feel better,

[JORDANTONI09 10]

I'm sorry to hear about your dilemma but I admire your honey for sending her sister to school. Some families practice this to help ease the parents' expenses especially when they're headed towards retirement. My mom always shouldered our expenses and there are five of us so I'm grateful for that. I believe that you can pay the tuition in either in full, quarterly or monthly. My mom opted for quarterly payments in case one of her children decide to drop out of school. At that time, she was sending 3 girls to universities and the 2 younger ones to high school so it was easier that way. Now, I have two siblings currently studying. One taking up Interior Design and the other studying Culinary Arts.

Why not advise the family to minimize their expenses? I don't see the point of them asking for more money when your honey is still earning the same amount every time they ask her for it. If the little sister isn't willing to take part-time work at the moment, why not try a summer job at a call center? I had a friend who did that and she was able to pay for her first quarterly tuition the for the following year. I understand that there are tuition fee hikes but it's like they implement it every month. lol. Maybe it's about time that your honey should put her foot down. Why not give the little sister an ultimatum? I wanted more money without leeching on my mom so on a whim, I went to Marikina and saw the opportunity to sell Rattan slippers. I also contacted a friend of mine whose aunt supplied imported perfume to malls. I had a capital of Php500 for the slippers and made 5,000 a month on orders. My perfume business made double of that depending on the influx of orders. I used that money for "gimmicks", miscellaneous school expenses and of course, put the rest in my savings account.

She should give them a fixed amount to budget monthly. Money doesn't grow on trees and even if your honey does it out of the goodness of her heart, they should consider that it all comes from the sweat of her brow. Think of a sustainable sideline business that they can earn from monthly so they can be preoccupied with that.

Good luck and I hope things will pan out!

Toni

Edited June 27, 2010 by JORDANTONI09

[SnME 3]

Thanks for all the advice here everyone.

My girl sounds like you Toni! She has always been a hard worker and always found ways to earn.

It is just that her heart is a little too big most times and she gets taken advantage of.

One time she had to suffer with a toothache for a couple of weeks because she spent everything on tuition. I found out after she got another check and went to the dentist. She was too proud to ask me for money.

None of this would be a problem if the sister would get a small job like you suggest or cut back on the classes some. At least then, my girl could manage to save just a little for her own personal expenses.

[SnME 3]

I understand what your saying it's hard for us Kanos to get our minds around the Filipino family and culture.

Yes their are demanding, greedy and selfish Filipinos like any other place on the planet. My wife's family never ask for money and they are poor farmers, what I do is ask them what do you need, to make life better. I don't just send money not knowing what it is used for, I guess it make me feel better knowing what I do will make there life more comfortable, and I know they respect me more for doing that. you don't need to be a cash cow, but when it comes from the heart you'll feel better,

A couple of things keep me from helping with the tuition here...

I got a big problem with 'dad' not contributing at all and spending on alcohol instead, and I truly believe that little sister ought to help out just a little. She refuses to work so long as big sister will pay it for her.

We had a hard time just getting her to send my girl her grades. Had to just flat tell her that tuition will NOT be paid if we don't see the grades! She figured that one out and started sending them as soon as they were available. The way I see it, If my girl is the paying for all this - She deserves to know if her sister is passing or not...

My girl has a lot of pride and I help her as much as she will allow.

[JORDANTONI09 10]

Aww.. Thanks, DobermanGuy!

It won't hurt to get out there and earn an extra buck. I guess your girl just has to stretch the peso for now. She should demand for receipts just so she can take note of their disbursements. I believe that's fair since the money does come from your girl's pocket. She's a kindhearted girl and probably feels that it's her duty to provide all those needs for her family. You have to remind her that no matter how necessary money may be, she can always help them in kind. She can send a trusted friend of hers in Cebu a little money and allocate that for groceries so she can be appeased knowing where it went.

I get how your girl is because I never asked my fiance for money too. We apportioned the visa expenses so everything that I have to pay for while I'm in the Philippines will come from my pocket while the ticket and the green card will be his responsibility. Anything thereafter will be jointly shouldered. Team work.

Tell her to be stern about the amount she sends because she has to live a little. After everything she has done for them, she deserves to be worry free and at least have a taste of financial security in exchange for her hard work. Little sissy needs a wake up call!

Btw, her company should give her medical insurance. In most cases, dental care is included.

Toni

Thanks for all the advice here everyone.

My girl sounds like you Toni! She has always been a hard worker and always found ways to earn.

It is just that her heart is a little too big most times and she gets taken advantage of.

One time she had to suffer with a toothache for a couple of weeks because she spent everything on tuition. I found out after she got another check and went to the dentist. She was too proud to ask me for money.

None of this would be a problem if the sister would get a small job like you suggest or cut back on the classes some. At least then, my girl could manage to save just a little for her own personal expenses.

[Norm and Grace 0]

In our country we are on our own. We work through collage or get loans and end up in debt when we finish getting our degrees.

In the Asian cultures its up to our families to send the kids to school. The burden is put on the shoulders of the oldest sibling. Usually the oldest sibling is given everything to succeed so they can help out the other kids in the family. In the Philippines it seems like the burden is put on the shoulders of the oldest girl to provide not only for her sibling but for the whole family. Why not maybe send her a little something every month to help her? Just see it as taking a little burden off of her shoulders. Just let her know that its all she will get. Any plans to marry her or plans to file a K-1 visa. I see you seem to have more love for your dogs then your honey.

[Fudpukker 18]

Time to lay the SMACK DOWN

[SnME 3]

Btw, her company should give her medical insurance. In most cases, dental care is included.

Toni

The sad reality though is that many employers will find ways around that. (they are good at NOT making the SS payments also)

She has no insurance of any kind through her employer. I did a lot of research on this when I figured out that her boss was not making SS payments and learned a lot. The PI is similar to here in the respect that MANY people do not have insurance through their work. Employers there use loopholes and tricks (just like some here) to avoid paying any more than they have to and the employess suffer for it.

[SnME 3]

...Usually the oldest sibling is given everything to succeed so they can help out the other kids in the family. In the Philippines it seems like the burden is put on the shoulders of the oldest girl to provide not only for her sibling but for the whole family.

Why not maybe send her a little something every month to help her? Just see it as taking a little burden off of her shoulders. Just let her know that its all she will get. Any plans to marry her or plans to file a K-1 visa. I see you seem to have more love for your dogs then your honey.

Her family is poor and spent nothing on her education. My girl worked part-time when she was in highschool just so she could have a few pesos to rub together.

As far as giving her money goes - I explained that already but you did not READ.

As for your comment about my dogs - That was rude. Wish there was a button to leave bad rep for comments like that...

[april082010 3]

Her family is poor and spent nothing on her education. My girl worked part-time when she was in highschool just so she could have a few pesos to rub together.

As far as giving her money goes - I explained that already but you did not READ.

As for your comment about my dogs - That was rude. Wish there was a button to leave bad rep for comments like that...

That sucks about her job not remitting SS payments and not providing health insurance. In my case, since i was the oldest i also help out all my younger siblings to go to college. Gladly they able to finished their studies. I ended up going to college and working full time. My younger sibling finished college earlier than me. We are 5 and when i started my schooling I was on the same level as my youngest sibling. I hope she'll be able to sort it out. I admire her good heart. I don't wanna comment about the family, you can't correct the mistakes of the parents by looking at their faults. Though she refuse about getting money from you.. you could send her gifts even simple once to ease her burden.

[Atencio 43]

I think you are just butting your head against what is a cultural norm there. My wife as the oldest daughter paid for all four of her siblings to go to school. Her family values education above all else which is one of the reasons she got married at an older age. Her family did not pay for her education as she received a full scholarship to UOP-Cebu. Nevertheless they still supported her with encouragement.

She also loves her family which you have to kind of suspect given that is also a general Filipino norm.

I guess to quote "it is what it is". I think for yourself you just have to figure out how you can support your fiancee and don't try to change what she is doing too much. It just may add extra stress on her in trying to satisfy opposing groups in her family and yourself.