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LOLCat Bible Translation

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Filed: Timeline

URL is http://www.lolcatbible.com/index.php?title=Main_Page

Here are a few random excerpts.

Leviticus 23

Teh Sabbath

Fur 6 daze use gots 2 work. Buts on teh 7 day, use gots 2 rest. Its called teh Sabbath.

Micah 3

Micah sed, “listen up, n00bz wats runnin Israel, u shud laik totallee no betta.

U am h8in on gud n luvvin ebil, n u am skinded mai peeps an kutted dem up.

U am laik cannibuhls! GROSS!

U betta not aks Ceiling Cat fr help wen u needz it btw cuz u can talks 2 teh paw.

Ceiling Cat sez ur profitz is laim, n00bz, dey am callin shizzle cheezburgrz R U DUM?

Ur profitz no can has vishuns frm Ceiling Cat no moar, n u am laik ‘am sunshiny tomozzle, or rainin?’ BUT NO CAN HAS WETHER 4CAST, N00BZ!

N ur profitz will b laik ‘sux 2 b us.’

But Ceiling Cat hav maid me 1337, so I cn lai it out 4 u, n I c all ur sin cooties.

So I tells u srsly u am betta pai attenshun!

All ur base am maid of fail, n u am maid of fail 2.

Cuz Ceiling Cat has gives u meellions of pressies, laik ur wiggy judgz bein wize, n ur profits havin vishuns, bt u am nt appreeshyatin teh skillz, u am pimpin teh skillz, n u still tinks Ceiling Cat am ur BFF.

Ceiling Cat am nt ur BFF, n He am gonna lay teh smack down, Chuck Norris-style, n all cuz ur laim.”


Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is.

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Isle of Man
Timeline
The ancient Hebrews had a skewed concept of a wrathful God

But the ancient Hebrews didn't write the bible. GOD wrote the bible.

...which is why He sent them His Hippie Communist, 'turn the other cheek' Son to set them straight.

You mean Him...?

Bible Quotes for November 6

Jesus Steals a Colt

As they came to the towns of Bethphage and Bethany, on the Mount of Olives, he sent two disciples ahead. "Go into that village over there," he told them, "and as you enter it, you will see a colt tied there that has never been ridden. Untie it and bring it here. If anyone asks what you are doing, just say, 'The Lord needs it.'" So they went and found the colt, just as Jesus had said. And sure enough, as they were untying it, the owners asked them, "Why are you untying our colt?" And the disciples simply replied, "The Lord needs it." So they brought the colt to Jesus and threw their garments over it for him to ride on. (Luke 19:29-35)

This one is funny...

Bible Quote for November 10

Sh_t-faced Priests

"Listen, you priests; this command is for you! Listen to me and take it to heart. Honor my name," says the LORD Almighty, "or I will bring a terrible curse against you. I will curse even the blessings you receive. Indeed, I have already cursed them, because you have not taken my warning seriously. I will rebuke your descendants and splatter your faces with the dung of your festival sacrifices, and I will add you to the dung heap. Then at last you will know it was I who sent you this warning so that my covenant with the Levites may continue," says the LORD Almighty. (Malachi 2:1-4 NLT)

Edited by Confucian

India, gun buyback and steamroll.

qVVjt.jpg?3qVHRo.jpg?1

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Isle of Man
Timeline
The ancient Hebrews had a skewed concept of a wrathful God

But the ancient Hebrews didn't write the bible. GOD wrote the bible.

Nope. It was written by ancient Hebrews.

So you are saying that the Old Testament is skewed? And if so, what does that say about the Jews?

I've got to go, I have some bread in the oven!!!

Bible Quote for February 22

Eat Sh_t

Each day prepare your bread as you would barley cakes. While all the people are watching, bake it over a fire using dried human dung as fuel and then eat the bread. For this is what the LORD says: Israel will eat defiled bread in the Gentile lands, where I will banish them!" Then I said, "O Sovereign LORD, must I be defiled by using human dung? For I have never been defiled before. From the time I was a child until now I have never eaten any animal that died of sickness or that I found dead. And I have never eaten any of the animals that our laws forbid." "All right," the LORD said. "You may bake your bread with cow dung instead of human dung." (Ezekiel 4:12-15 NLT)

Edited by Confucian

India, gun buyback and steamroll.

qVVjt.jpg?3qVHRo.jpg?1

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Filed: Country: Philippines
Timeline
The ancient Hebrews had a skewed concept of a wrathful God

But the ancient Hebrews didn't write the bible. GOD wrote the bible.

Nope. It was written by ancient Hebrews.

So you are saying that the Old Testament is skewed? And if so, what does that say about the Jews?

You need to approach the OT with an understanding that it is, for the most part a fictional, but inspired piece of literature, even if it has some historical references.

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