I am so SAD!!!

[lonelywife 0]

im just new here...we are close to get our visa in a weeks now...but my husband and i had a big fight over a small thing but seems that wer are heading in a separate ways....I AM SO SAD

[scotty's girl 1]

I'm so sorry to hear that. Give time for both of you to cool off and come back and talk to him. Hopefully, you'll be able to fix that problem.

[sasha414 0]

its probably just the stress. give it a few days and im sure youll be ok.

[luckymom 0]

This visa processing is very stressful to the people involved. Maybe it's just personal differences, just hang on there and you will be fine. More prayers are needed to keep any relationship alive and worth fighting. God bless you.

[lonelywife 0]

scotty, sasha and luckymom, thank you very much for your kind words...i am so sad right now! i love my husband so much and i could not believe we are in this horrible situation now...we fought over a small thing, thing that i never know from his past...know what i mean? guys, i hope i could hear some advice from you. whether im right or wrong, i hate every thing that came from my hubby's past...and he knows/understand that...ex: dishes, i dont care whether they're expensive, i want to get rid of them. anyway, we threw everything and others gave to cthe charity, but there are some things that left in our house, like bag...and bcoz of this we had a big fight....bcoz we agreed that anything from the past have to be thrown away and yet i found out that the bag that we are using is from him and the ex.?

guys, what advise could you give me?

thanks!

Edited August 26, 2009 by lonelywife

[annaprice 17]

hi sis :] the whole "visa processing" is just very stressful. and when youre in a relationship the past really does not matter. Well yes you have the right to know it but then again, question is whats important the past? or your present and future together? right? :] Appreciate the small stuff, don't be afraid to express your feelings towards the people you love. I've truly learned forgiveness can define you as a person. Don't judge people for what they've done accept them for who they are. Everything happens for a reason and if you continue to bring the past into the present you'll never have a future! just always remember that :] if you need me im just a PM away. take care!

[chizkeyk 0]

Gosh... forget about that and move on. There are so many things on earth to be sad about not just by that purse left by your husband's ex... Or if you do really wanna get rid of her items, ask him to buy you a new house, new utensils, new bed, new car, etc... In that way, you wont be taunted by his ex memorabilia's.

Mind you, my hubby's ex live-in-partner turns out to be my hubby's best friend now. So the communication is still open. She used to call and send email from time to time, but we haven't seen her for 3-4 years already as she moved out of state. With her permission, I sold her items on ebay and some ended up in Salvation Army, and the townhouse where they (hubby & ex) lived for 9 years is now a rental property as we moved to a single detached house. I respect my hubby's past and I feel so secured with my marriage. I am not even threatened if her ex is brunette...lol

You'll be fine. Be considerate with his feelings too.

[rockhouse 1]

You are over-reacting big time. If he wanted to keep pictures of his ex on the walls thats one thing, but to freak out over a bag that was around when they were together is absurd.....unless he has some sort of sentimental bond with the things she owned, then i see how that would be awkward.

As long as you know he loves you, and he hasn't given you a reason to think anything else, then i would forget about it.

Life is gonna get alot more difficult together than a bag.

Edited August 26, 2009 by rockhouse

[mark&rhiz 0]

Hi...sorry for you situation...I hope things can be worked out for you both....you know...property/material things that a person possess might have been first acquired during a time involving an ex-spouse/partner. I do not know what significance the bag is to him, but it could be just some thing that he kept, not really thinking of it having any memories of his ex, but just has some use or he maybe never even thought about it.

It sounds like to me that he has exorcized your home pretty much of items that he had with his ex, but there might be a bag, there might be a picture frame, there might be a lamp, who knows what still there that is left over from his separation. To me it is not a matter of retaining them for memories, just that they are property and have some purpose, and no meaning/memories. There is a difference in sleeping in the same sheets as he and his ex did or having their picture on the wall, that you should be concerned about and he should be sensitive to your feelings. But it sounds like he has pretty much taken your feelings into consideration and you should be give him a break and not be so jealous. I am not saying your feelings do not matter, I am just saying, try not to to be so worried about every little item. But if he is keeping the bag because she gave it to him on their xmas vacation in the cabin type of situation and carries this warm memories of what he had at one time, then he needs to cut lose the past and enjoy his future with you.

I have a feeling this argument went from the bag to other things. It is those other things that you shared between each other during the argument that probably need to be addressed.

Just some thought of mine from reading your post....again I hope things work out.

[David-and-Mae 15]

I used to be so upset about things around our house that are part of my husband's past. And then I realized, why would I be upset and waste my time sulking and thinking about them when I am fully aware about his past? Pictures of ex-girlfriends were the first things that my husband threw away when we talked about it. But pictures and memories of ex-wives, they're still here in our house, tucked away in a safe place where I don't have to be poking my nose around. I understand that my husband had his past relationships and I respect that. I had my past relationships too and he respects that. We never talk about it unless it was necessary to bring the subject up. For us, what matters most is the present that we have and the future that we will be sharing together.

Don't waste your precious time getting upset about the past because it's in the past... You're his present and future so cherish the time you have together.

Mae

[edp333 9]

As an outside observer it appears the green monster is involved.

Things to consider:

Was this a mutual agreement or one to make you happy?

Who has the burden of paying for the replacements?

Did you leave all your past properties in the philippines?

Maybe counseling is an option.

[liraC 2]

You have to move on,past is past!!!Look at the brighter side,who is the present?who is the one who he is always talking with?YOU..and soon you'll be here,and he is all yours!!!

[angel7407 33]

As an outside observer it appears the green monster is involved.

Things to consider:

Was this a mutual agreement or one to make you happy?

Who has the burden of paying for the replacements?

Did you leave all your past properties in the philippines?

Maybe counseling is an option.

Right! Sometimes we women are so assertive to get rid of our husbands' past. We sometimes forget that we have memories too from our past that we keep. Last week,my hubby and me were fighting over his plant of 8 years. I repotted the plant and snipped the leaves coz I want new leaves to come out. He got upset. I asked where did he get the plant, he said it was given by an ex gf. I was a bit upset coz of that but he told me it'snot bcoz of the memories, but bcoz he wants the plant as it is. So i am taking care of the plant now...hehehe! It is true that we will be hurt or struck sometimes, but if we talk of pasts, meaning I will throw away my kids too because they are memories of my ex?

To the OP, please calm down. Ask apology to your husband coz you reacted that way. I think he kept the bag not becoz it was given by the ex, but bcoz it is useful. It is normal for people not to throw away things that are still very useful.

[muñequita linda 0]

Another noob? Or a troll, maybe! She says her visa is in the works, yet she and her husband have a house and she is getting rid of everything that pertains to his past.

[thepizzadude 26]