Some Funnies

[LenJayUS 0]

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

5. There are three religious truths:

a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.

c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12 If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners

depressed?

13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ....they're cramming for their final exam.

17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?

18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they

deliver the mail?

19 If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

24. As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS!!!"

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things.

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1987 . They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

The CD was introduced the year they were born.

They have always had an answering machine

They have always had cable.

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.!

They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane Boss, de plane".

McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.

They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter

[Jaylen Brit 0]

If FEd Ex and UPS merged they'd probably call it 'FEXd UP'

Never mind the speed of light, whats the speed of DARK?

Talking of joining words (IRS and THE = THEIRS) the word 'therapist' has always made me nervous.

And also, who was it who decided to put an S in the word LISP?

Now that's just cruel.

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't

mean they don't love you with all they have ... (keep reading)

Jim and Sharon were both patients in a mental hospital. One day While

they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped

Into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Sharon promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and

pulled Jim out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Sharon's

heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the

hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she

went to tell Sharon the news she said, "Sharon, I have good news and

bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able

to rationally respond to a crisis ! by jumping in and saving the life

of the person you love, I have concluded that your act displays sound

mindedness. The bad news is, Jim, hung himself in the bathroom with his

bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Sharon replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry." "How

Soon can I go home?"