how to handle being a step mom

[liraC 2]

hi!!!Any filipina here na nsa states na w/ husband..If you guyz na may step daughters,please give me some advice on how to handle it specially to the 11 and 13 years old kids...Your advice is truly appreciated...

[sunlyk 1]

hi!!!Any filipina here na nsa states na w/ husband..If you guyz na may step daughters,please give me some advice on how to handle it specially to the 11 and 13 years old kids...Your advice is truly appreciated...

I'm a step mom of a beautiful 7 years old. My advise don't get involve in term of disciplining with kids leave it to bio parents if you have concern about how the kids treating you talk to your husband cause sometimes kids can be mean and very manipulative. I belong to other forum also about step parents it helps me dealing with my step daugter you can PM so that we can exchange note.

[liraC 2]

hi!!!Any filipina here na nsa states na w/ husband..If you guyz na may step daughters,please give me some advice on how to handle it specially to the 11 and 13 years old kids...Your advice is truly appreciated...

I'm a step mom of a beautiful 7 years old. My advise don't get involve in term of disciplining with kids leave it to bio parents if you have concern about how the kids treating you talk to your husband cause sometimes kids can be mean and very manipulative. I belong to other forum also about step parents it helps me dealing with my step daugter you can PM so that we can exchange note.

thank you so much for your advice..How old r u?am 28 years old,so honestly,at this point i still dont know how to handle this kind of case..The only good thing now is,we have a good communication,we talked often by chatting in yahoo after i'd talk to my fiancee.But still i dont know yet what will happen when i get there,cuz i didnt met the kids in person yet..

[sunlyk 1]

hi!!!Any filipina here na nsa states na w/ husband..If you guyz na may step daughters,please give me some advice on how to handle it specially to the 11 and 13 years old kids...Your advice is truly appreciated...

I'm a step mom of a beautiful 7 years old. My advise don't get involve in term of disciplining with kids leave it to bio parents if you have concern about how the kids treating you talk to your husband cause sometimes kids can be mean and very manipulative. I belong to other forum also about step parents it helps me dealing with my step daugter you can PM so that we can exchange note.

thank you so much for your advice..How old r u?am 28 years old,so honestly,at this point i still dont know how to handle this kind of case..The only good thing now is,we have a good communication,we talked often by chatting in yahoo after i'd talk to my fiancee.But still i dont know yet what will happen when i get there,cuz i didnt met the kids in person yet..

I am 30 y.o age doesn't really matter for as long as you can handle it maturely with the right approach. Things can be very difficult expect the worse its different when its email or real time chat kids here are much more different than kids in Philippines. I myself had a step parents when I was 10 y.o. I know how it feels. Just PM me if you need advise I would love to share with you how I handle my step daughter and how I adjust with her.

[eros_EX_Plumber 0]

hi!!!Any filipina here na nsa states na w/ husband..If you guyz na may step daughters,please give me some advice on how to handle it specially to the 11 and 13 years old kids...Your advice is truly appreciated...

I'm a step mom of a beautiful 7 years old. My advise don't get involve in term of disciplining with kids leave it to bio parents if you have concern about how the kids treating you talk to your husband cause sometimes kids can be mean and very manipulative. I belong to other forum also about step parents it helps me dealing with my step daugter you can PM so that we can exchange note.

Mine will be an advice from a father point of view and I tend to agree with the advice given above.

If you need talk to him about the kids, do mostly when the kids are not around.

Please, under any circumstance, (worst case scenario) do NOT make the other side have to make a choice between the biological kids and the new wife/husband, most of the time the newcomer will be on losing side. Most parents will side with the biological kids, if they are forced to make a choice.

Try to love the stepkids are they were your own and you will get the love back from them and your husband will notice ...

Love is infectious.. and most of all, be yourself without worry so much...his/her family will love you just as much, once they know you...and become part of the family.

[sunlyk 1]

hi!!!Any filipina here na nsa states na w/ husband..If you guyz na may step daughters,please give me some advice on how to handle it specially to the 11 and 13 years old kids...Your advice is truly appreciated...

I'm a step mom of a beautiful 7 years old. My advise don't get involve in term of disciplining with kids leave it to bio parents if you have concern about how the kids treating you talk to your husband cause sometimes kids can be mean and very manipulative. I belong to other forum also about step parents it helps me dealing with my step daugter you can PM so that we can exchange note.

Mine will be an advice from a father point of view and I tend to agree with the advice given above.

If you need talk to him about the kids, do mostly when the kids are not around.

Please, under any circumstance, (worst case scenario) do NOT make the other side have to make a choice between the biological kids and the new wife/husband, most of the time the newcomer will be on losing side. Most parents will side with the biological kids, if they are forced to make a choice.

Try to love the stepkids are they were your own and you will get the love back from them and your husband will notice ...

Love is infectious.. and most of all, be yourself without worry so much...his/her family will love you just as much, once they know you...and become part of the family.

true, I never really get involve with disciplining with my step daughter as a respect for the both bio parents. If I see different I let my husband handle it and I always make sure that my husband understand my side. I am still on the stage were my step daughter see me as her rival to her dad. I always tell her that I'm not here to replace her mom or trying to be her mom but please allow me to love you and protect you. Well, things doesn't happen overtime I'm patiently waiting for that but for a meanwhile I will love her with all my heart as she is always daddy's little girl and create a bonding with her.

[adiiann 163]

hi!!!Any filipina here na nsa states na w/ husband..If you guyz na may step daughters,please give me some advice on how to handle it specially to the 11 and 13 years old kids...Your advice is truly appreciated...

Hehehe.... I will not have step kids with ages 11 and up because my fiance is single and only 28 but I can give you advises on how to handle kids on that ages. I have little cousins on that age range which are so close to me. First, don't be like super smarty to them. Try to know what their likes and approach them like a friend not like a guardian. Then, showing affections like you care for them by helping them even though they don't know, giving them gifts on their special day and being thoughtful to them. Doing some tiny cute stuff like baking their favorite cookies or making their favorite snack. On that ages, they are already in confusion between adulthood and being a child, so better not invade their privacy, they will appreciate it more. For girls on that age, you can offer to accompany them in mall to buy some sort of "kikay" stuff, and it would be a good bonding for both of you.

Hmmmmmm.... I hope I help a little.

[tedjen 0]

I agree with sunlyk, leave the "discipline" thing to their dad and mom... Just be a friend to them...

My husband has 20 and 12 years old daughters... I met the latter when my husband came here last August... At first she's a little indifferent, you can't take it away coz "somehow they would think that you are the reason why their parents separated"... She enjoyed her stay here in PI (with me) I went where she likes to, like Enchanted Kingdom (although I was terrified with those rides, still, I joined her)... Then I went with her helping to choose those NARUTO stuff... Then she's happy and would like to come back here...

Your step children's ages are fine coz it won't be difficult to handle... The key as I've said--befriend them

God bless us!

Edited October 25, 2008 by tedjen

[jom 4]

This is interesting because I have 4 "children". Two daughters from the first marriage 21 and 22 and two sons from the second marriage 6 and 7.

My two grown-up daughters are on their own although Joe is still very much involve in their lives. They are trying to be independent, sometimes they get into trouble and always call Dad for help. I have very good rapport with them and even talk to them when they have some troubles.

My two sons are different. The second ex uses and manipulates them to get back at Joe. We believe she is not over with the divorce yet. I am quite lucky that before I arrived here I was already interacting with them thru chat so they warmed up to me instantly and of course I take care of them everytime they are with us.They have come into terms with the divorce but want to be with both parents at the same time so this is the hardest part, leaving one parent to be with the other and vice versa. The transition from one house to another is difficult for them at their tender age.

My husband is strict but a great father. One thing is we keep a clean house and we teach the boys to clean after their mess. They are very polite kids and always ask permission even in getting a soda from the fridge because we have a rule of not more than two sodas a day. Our sons listen to us, this is the most important thing to me being their "mother". When they argue over a toy and I have to deal with it, they listen when I make a decision. Bottomline is they respect me and treats me as their "Mom' by listening and this is very important. To them, I am not just the new wife but also their other Mommy, although their Mom prohibited them from calling me Mommy so they call me Mymy.

House rules are very important and you must be consistent. My boys know that when they are with us, they pick up their own mess and be as independent as possible. Fix their beds after waking up ( although I have to make a follow-up because they are not yet good at this chore) , brush teeth, bathe once a day and never leave dirty clothes on the floor. They cant go swimming the next day if they dont pick up their toys from the pool. These are basic houserules that will help them when they are grown up so they will not be slobs like their Mom( I pity the boys with the stories they tell me how dirty their house is ) .

There are times that they will test you , even the simple task of getting water so you have to improvise . When they are with us, I keep 2 glasses on the island table so they can get water by themselves. When they still ask me, I will say that God gave them two hands so they better use it . Of course I spoil them, but there is always a boundary. They ask me to do things for them and I can also ask them to do things for me which is very fulfilling. Sometimes they have an attitude but for me talking to them and explaining is still the best way to settle things.

One time last summer Joe had to go to Tampa to work and I was with the boys the whole day. They were bickering and shouting at each other for sometime. I tried to separate them and let them stand facing the wall for 2 minutes as time out. Joe does this when they become uncontrollable. I was nervous but to my surprise, they listened and just stood there facing the wall quietly. After two minutes they went swimming and we played and had fun. When they returned to their Mom I expected a call but none came. The time out time is the last resort. Joe told me 2 minutes is short because he always do 15 min.

When they start talking , listen. When they ask questions, try to answer them. Know their favourite food, tv shows and even watch with them.You may be doing small things but it means the whole world to them.

Never speak ill about their Mom in their presence. My boy's have told me a number of things that their Mom told them about their Dad which are lies and I just say, their Mom didn't know or its not true and I explain. As much as possible when they are with us, we don't talk about her and just spend the limited time having fun.

Play and learn with them. This is also very important.

Every situation is different so we just have to do the best we can. I consider myself lucky because my "children" respect me and we get along very well

Today Joe is in Tampa wo work overtime until lunch and the boys are with us. I promised them , if the weather permits , that we will go to the park so they can ride their bikes before their Dad comes back.

A nice lady who is studying to become a minister told me that there are no "step-children". Once you marry the father/mother , they become your children too so I have to get used to calling them my girls or my sons. Many times, people asked Joe and I if we have children, and I always perceived it as "biological children" so I answered NO and this hurt his feelings so now I always answer, oh yes, we have FOUR

Goodluck!