Medical Examination

[eros_EX_Plumber 0]

Ever wonder what doctors really write down on those charts?

Here are few samples....exact wording ...enjoy!!!!!!!

* The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

* The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

* Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

* She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

* The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

* Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. (Long fingers?)

* Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

* A midsystolic ejaculation murmur heard over the mitral area.

* The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

* Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

* She is numb from her toes down.

* Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

* The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stockbroker instead.

* When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

* Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.

* She has no rigors or chills but her husband says she was very hot in bed last night.

* She can't get pregnant with her husband, so I will work her up.

* Whilst in Casualty she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

* The patient states there is a burning pain in his ####### which goes to his feet.

* On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

* The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

* I will be happy to go into her GI system, she seems ready and anxious.

* Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.

* I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.

* The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

* Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

* The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.

* Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

* The patient has no past history of suicides.

* The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

* Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

* Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.

* The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

* She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

* The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.

* Patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year.

* He had a left-toe amputation one month ago. He also had a left-knee amputation last year.

* By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling much better.

* The patient is a 79-year-old widow who no longer lives with her husband.

* The patient refused an autopsy.

* Many years ago the patient had frostbite of the right shoe.

* The bugs that grew out of her urine were cultured in the Casualty and are not available. I WILL FIND THEM!!!

* The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.

[Ban Hammer 15,120]

* The patient refused an autopsy.

i can't imagine why!

and mbc

Edited September 29, 2008 by charles!