stigma of marrying a USC

[noel_jas 0]

These past few weeks I have been hearing negative comments from some of my friends here, my fiance's coworkers and some of his family members. The other day my college friend told me I'm so lucky that I'll be able to go to US and all. Yes, indeed I'm lucky since not everybody is given this opportunity but it sucks because some people couldn't see the sacrifices that I have to make just so I could be with my fiance. My family and friends are here plus I have a promising career here but I have to give up everything for my fiance. I can choose the position and the company that I will work for here in PI but when I get to US and we barely have enough I doubt if I will still have this privilege. I have been with my fiance for almost 4 years now but it really frustrates me that some of his family members still misjudge me because I'm younger (he is 17 years my senior). Yesterday his stepfather told him that I will eventually cheat on him because I'm still young. It really frustrates me because my parents raised me very well that I can't do such a thing. Ever since I have always tried to be upright, I don't drink or smoke, I've never been to a bar, my life is basically work and home that's why it's so sickening to hear these negative comments from them. I wish I have the gift of ignoring their comments but I can't help it. I feel discrimated just because I am younger than my fiance and that I'm from the Philippines but hey even older women cheat nowadays. Well, I am just ranting. Thanks for reading.

Edited September 25, 2008 by pinoy_pinay

[RickieAndEva 0]

I feel for you. I truly appreciate my wife sacrificing her career, friends and family to be with me in the U.S. You shouldn't mind what others say. Remember Why you are doing this. All that matters is the two of you and your relationship. That's all. It is Gods will that you are together.

Rickie

[noel_jas 0]

I feel for you. I truly appreciate my wife sacrificing her career, friends and family to be with me in the U.S. You shouldn't mind what others say. Remember Why you are doing this. All that matters is the two of you and your relationship. That's all. It is Gods will that you are together.

Rickie

Thanks for your comment. It's not easy for me to leave everything behind here for an uncertain life in the US. It sucks more because I feel that even my fiance fear that when I get there I will lose all the values that I have here and become a different person. I can't blame him though because there are Filipino women who are like that. I am not yet there but I feel misjudged already.

[JamesRachel 0]

Just ignore them and do the right things with your husband. I was felt scared that to in future but in future I will going to showed them that not pinay or filipina was like whos only want a green card after we got in usa .This was the common reason why americans family descrimanate us. The sad part, there was a some our fellow filipina that use they`re guy and after they got GC they try to get argue to end up their relationship for nothing.

Remember not filipina does to leave their husband after they got GC but for all over country specially for those poor country in asia and south. God Bless for all of us!

[noel_jas 0]

Just ignore them and do the right things with your husband. I was felt scared that to in future but in future I will going to showed them that not pinay or filipina was like whos only want a green card after we got in usa .This was the common reason why americans family descrimanate us. The sad part, there was a some our fellow filipina that use they`re guy and after they got GC they try to get argue to end up their relationship for nothing.

Remember not filipina does to leave their husband after they got GC but for all over country specially for those poor country in asia and south. God Bless for all of us!

Actually it's not only Americans who discriminate us but also Filipinos who are already in the US. My fiance is a Filipino and most of those who are giving negative comments are Filipino also. Kainis d ba!

[steve_maria 0]

I's sad to hear that..well just pray and show to them that you are a good honest and faithful woman.Someday they will realize that what they think towards you they are wrong..Keep on praying and keep loving your fiancee ignore what they say i know sometimes it realy get inot your nreves but be patient GOD is watching from up above.HE is always there for you to help and guide you.as they said kong my tiyaga my nilaga...LAter on they will learn to love and value you...

[HoneySkin 0]

You cant please everyone. You are new to them and they to you..its all part of the adjustment period... "mahirap talaga makisama sa ibang tao"...relationships require some compromise - should be good mutual compromises - keep your values in tact, be humble and pray always - these things will give you strength- dont fight fire with fire...

[maliciant 7]

I understand what you mean, my own family have used the phrase mail order bride to describe my fiancee, when it happens I tell them that's like calling her a prostitute. All you can do is your best to ignore it and make a mockery of them by proving them wrong.

[noel_jas 0]

thanks so much for all the replies. i am quite sensitive that i get affected by negative comments of others but I will do my best to ignore them and focus on our relationship. i only hope that people in the US whether americans or Fil Am would realize what we have to sacrifice here just so we can be with our loved ones.

[Rocky_nBullwinkle 6]

Yes, I agree with Ms. Honey Skin here. You cannot please everybody at the same time. If you want to be with the one you love, who cares about what other people will say? You are not marrying them anyway. You are marrying him. I also gave up my job when I came here. You are not the only one going through this. Count me in.

You cant please everyone. You are new to them and they to you..its all part of the adjustment period... "mahirap talaga makisama sa ibang tao"...relationships require some compromise - should be good mutual compromises - keep your values in tact, be humble and pray always - these things will give you strength- dont fight fire with fire...

[HoneySkin 0]

I understand what you mean, my own family have used the phrase mail order bride to describe my fiancee, when it happens I tell them that's like calling her a prostitute. All you can do is your best to ignore it and make a mockery of them by proving them wrong.

One cannot control other peoples behaviour or what other people want to think of...one can just manage other peoples perception of you...integrity is crucial in dealing with other people especially of a different culture...commitment, compromise and sacrifice are all good and your spouse should be able to support you emotionally on this one....its not easy, its like walking on egg shells but the "negative-people" will soon enough be tired of thinking negatively about you...dont let it put you down...show them that their son or friend truly picked the right woman....

[noel_jas 0]

thanks a lot guys.....just to clarify, i do have a good relationship with his mom and the rest of his family members. bad trip lang talaga yung matapobre nyang stepfather but my fiance told me that he was drunk when he said it. anyways thanks again and i will keep your pieces of advice on my head para next time hindi na ako mapikon....God bless everyone

[bevs 0]

ignore them. they just dont really know what they been thinking, cuz they never been you. show them they are totaly wrong. GOD is with you, dont worry!

[ccndyeth 0]

I think it will feel good when you prove to people they are wrong in misjudging you.. cause when that time comes and you prove to them they just open their big mouth in judging you, Gosh!! it will make you feel like a winner.. In short.. nasa iyo ang huling halakhak!!!

So just ignore them for now..

mag kakawrinkles ka lang sa face..

Stay Happy!!

Edited September 25, 2008 by ccndyeth

[Completely 3]

These past few weeks I have been hearing negative comments from some of my friends here, my fiance's coworkers and some of his family members. The other day my college friend told me I'm so lucky that I'll be able to go to US and all. Yes, indeed I'm lucky since not everybody is given this opportunity but it sucks because some people couldn't see the sacrifices that I have to make just so I could be with my fiance. My family and friends are here plus I have a promising career here but I have to give up everything for my fiance. I can choose the position and the company that I will work for here in PI but when I get to US and we barely have enough I doubt if I will still have this privilege. I have been with my fiance for almost 4 years now but it really frustrates me that some of his family members still misjudge me because I'm younger (he is 17 years my senior). Yesterday his stepfather told him that I will eventually cheat on him because I'm still young. It really frustrates me because my parents raised me very well that I can't do such a thing. Ever since I have always tried to be upright, I don't drink or smoke, I've never been to a bar, my life is basically work and home that's why it's so sickening to hear these negative comments from them. I wish I have the gift of ignoring their comments but I can't help it. I feel discrimated just because I am younger than my fiance and that I'm from the Philippines but hey even older women cheat nowadays. Well, I am just ranting. Thanks for reading.

People might like you or dislike you in any ways but who cares?? as long as your husband will defend you no matter what.. You dont have to prove or explain yourself to anyone.. He chose you to be his wife, meaning he loves you and think that you are the one who can make him happy and spend the rest of his life..

I had my husband family, actually it is just his sister who is against on marrying his brother.. She thinks that because I am from the Philippines or from Asia, I will just marry for greencard sake.. . First time I met them, I thought everything was perfect, everybody likes me but I was wrong, the financial issue came up, where we have to decide to buy a house in the Philippines.. We thought of buying in the US at first but no one agrees on our idea..Everyone said, you can not please everybody, nor ask anyone to like you... But did I care ? No.. my husband is very frustrated with his family at first, until I explained to him that it takes time to accept someone in the family.. He did not like it, but he listened to me.. He never leave me alone in that battle..

For me I dont care, as long as I dont live with them..and I am working.... I can just ignore everything.. and pretend nothing happened.. It is better that you cay something about them, but they can not say anything about you..

Ignore, be cordial, and act like you dont know what is happening.. This is tough but I assure this will work at the right time.. Remember those people are still your husband family..

Edited September 25, 2008 by Completely