Should I keep trying to get my spouse over to the U.S?

[martinbr 1]

This is really a screwed up situation I got going here. I guess I just have myself to blame here. Started to correspond with a person whom I met through a friend at work last year and in which led to a trip over to the Philippines to marry her in November 2007.

That part is fine and I love her to death, but what followed after that might make it impossible for me to get my wife over here.

Before I went and got married, I had to go and get my divorce finalized to my ex-wife in which actually we were divorced for 4 yrs already but just not legally because I was being a nice guy and keeping her on my health insurance at my work. So when she found out that I was going to get married and she was going to be dropped from my plan at work, she flipped and got a high powered attorney. She got me for $1,350.00 per month in child and spousal support.

Now I am living on $230.00 per week to live on. I did have a side business in which I have do Roofing, but that has pretty much been dried up for me for right now until the economy picks up.

I filed in March for a CR-1, so that is still in the pending stage. Probably laying on someone's desk.

But what really scares me is that I am getting booted out of my job next year due to outsourcing and will probably have to be on unemployment unless something comes up along the way.

So this brings me to whether I should even bring her over here or not. I would hate to have to people totally dependent on me, that would be my wife and her daughter and not be able to support them. The way my ex has me tied down with all this bull#$%^, I am scared. She might be better off there with her family to take care of her. She really wants to come here but I have to think is what would be best for them. Her and her daughter.

I have to go back into court and see if I can get this judgement modified so I can at least pay my bills. Sorry for the rant, but I am just trying to get some ideas on what would be the best thing to do.

martinbr

[N360 0]

This is indeed a tough situation martinbr. Im afraid, theres not a lot of us here in this forum that can help give a very good advice because there still a lot of variables from your story. For example, does your wife in PI have a career that can help bring in good money into the family when she gets here in the US? If so, then I'm sure she can be much more of a help here in the US than in the PI. Another variable is... Is there an available co-sponsor for you so you can meet the poverty guidelines?

But as a personal opinion, If I were in your position, I would try to bring my wife over here to the US. No matter what her career are. I think it is not good for a couple to be separated any longer than you two really have to. I would try to get a co-sponsor if I were you. If possible I would also get a loan or something to help bring them over here. Just a thought.

Goodluck martinbr!!

Edited May 28, 2008 by NoelandTintin

[sweetpink 1]

I am no expert of judicial law about family code but I think the best way you can do right now is to settle your financial problems and probably look for a new well-payed job before petitioning your spouse and her daughter.

[Skeeter211 2]

I just wanted to add that the Affidavit of Support doesn't really address the amounts of spousal or child support you have to pay as far as whether you exceed the poverty guidelines. In fact, the issue of my support payments never were an issue in AOS for the I-864 forms to my surprise. I can't speak for your interview, but in our AOS interview, the Consul never asked about it either.

Now supporting your wife and her daugter as a reality issue after they arrive is a different story. You may be able to let the judge know in your family law court that you are married again and need to have some consideration for your new family's support needs, but I am not sure how successful that will be. Many states are on a formula based on your income, her income, and time spent with your children and the fact you have a new family is irrelevant. (Welcome to California!)

Good luck!

Scott

[martinbr 1]

I can qualify for the advidavit of support. I make a enough money at my primary job. It's just that the ex-wife is taking 50% of my paycheck out by California law. We were married for 17 yrs, so by law should do this for the next 8 1/2 yrs.

My wife doesn't have any skills but wants to do care giving. When my job ends next year, I will get a buyout severence package that I could put her through school. She really wants to come here. She really wants to work! It is just so very expensive to live here in the U.S. I am hoping we can make it, but I am really worried about the outcome.

martinbr

[macutelit 0]

[✿Ice Rain✿ 0]

I can qualify for the advidavit of support. I make a enough money at my primary job. It's just that the ex-wife is taking 50% of my paycheck out by California law. We were married for 17 yrs, so by law should do this for the next 8 1/2 yrs.

My wife doesn't have any skills but wants to do care giving. When my job ends next year, I will get a buyout severence package that I could put her through school. She really wants to come here. She really wants to work! It is just so very expensive to live here in the U.S. I am hoping we can make it, but I am really worried about the outcome.

martinbr

Hi,

I have read some stories almost same with you and some are worst than that.

In my thoughts, Even how hard and difficult the situation is, as long that the couples are loving and sticking with each other, Nothing is Impossible to survive the wheel of hardships in Life.

You need to have some courage and need to have faith in yourselves that both of you will do it, that both of you can do it for sake of your family.

Don't be afraid.

Good luck.

Shape

[martinbr 1]

I can qualify for the advidavit of support. I make a enough money at my primary job. It's just that the ex-wife is taking 50% of my paycheck out by California law. We were married for 17 yrs, so by law should do this for the next 8 1/2 yrs.

My wife doesn't have any skills but wants to do care giving. When my job ends next year, I will get a buyout severence package that I could put her through school. She really wants to come here. She really wants to work! It is just so very expensive to live here in the U.S. I am hoping we can make it, but I am really worried about the outcome.

martinbr

Hi,

I have read some stories almost same with you and some are worst than that.

In my thoughts, Even how hard and difficult the situation is, as long that the couples are loving and sticking with each other, Nothing is Impossible to survive the wheel of hardships in Life.

You need to have some courage and need to have faith in yourselves that both of you will do it, that both of you can do it for sake of your family.

Don't be afraid.

Good luck.

Shape

Thank you for your encouragement. If I can hold out for the next two years, my daughter will be turning 18 yrs old and that would be a big chunk of money being put back in my pocket. The child support would be ending. The hardest part about all this is that my daughter hasn't even talked to me in almost a year now since I went and got married. The ex totally turned this into me being the bad parent here. I hope she comes around some day. It hurts.

martinbr

[jom 4]

I feel for you. My husband also sends more than a thousand dollars in support of my two minor stepsons and believe me, the ex-wife is not working so the child support is being used by her too. It is sad but its the reality here, but thank God they were married less than 5 years, otherwise she would have gotten spousal support too! I have to say that 1/3 of my husband's monthly income go to child support but we are coping well. Our bills are being paid and there is still some extra for personal "wants".

Anyhow, If you are worried and not comfortable about bringing your wife and her child because of financial reasons then give yourself time until you are settled. You are the one person who will know when it will be okay for them to be here.

Hang in there and everything will be okay in God's own time.

Myla

[tallcoolone 102]

You should of spent a lot of money on a lawyer and not got shafted so hard. But by now it's not worth trying to go back to court to change the court order since you only have 2 years of child support. Not a wise move.

I would consider bringing your wife/fiance over here and both of you get your life back on track.

It's so much easier to be able to lean on each other, and you two as a couple will be able to work thru your tough times finacially and then be able to appreciate the good times that are forthcoming.

Good Luck and I wish u the best.

[Skeeter211 2]

I can qualify for the advidavit of support. I make a enough money at my primary job. It's just that the ex-wife is taking 50% of my paycheck out by California law. We were married for 17 yrs, so by law should do this for the next 8 1/2 yrs.

My wife doesn't have any skills but wants to do care giving. When my job ends next year, I will get a buyout severence package that I could put her through school. She really wants to come here. She really wants to work! It is just so very expensive to live here in the U.S. I am hoping we can make it, but I am really worried about the outcome.

martinbr

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you might want to check with your lawyer on the amount of time you will pay your ex-wife her support. I live in California too and was told that if you were married over 10 years its considered a "long marriage" and your will pay support until she re-marries or dies. I hope you are correct and you only have 8.5 years. Let me know and maybe I can dump my support payments sooner than I thought.

Scott

[David-and-Mae 15]

This is indeed a tough situation martinbr. Im afraid, theres not a lot of us here in this forum that can help give a very good advice because there still a lot of variables from your story. For example, does your wife in PI have a career that can help bring in good money into the family when she gets here in the US? If so, then I'm sure she can be much more of a help here in the US than in the PI. Another variable is... Is there an available co-sponsor for you so you can meet the poverty guidelines?

But as a personal opinion, If I were in your position, I would try to bring my wife over here to the US. No matter what her career are. I think it is not good for a couple to be separated any longer than you two really have to. I would try to get a co-sponsor if I were you. If possible I would also get a loan or something to help bring them over here. Just a thought.

Goodluck martinbr!!

I agree with NoelandTintin. I am not good in giving counseling but my best advice for you is to bring your wife (and her daughter) here in US. Right now, your main problem is if you will meet the poverty guidelines or not and even if you won't, you can always find a co-sponsor for them to be given their visas. Once they're there with you, she can work right away and help you with the finances. You may struggle for awhile but at least you have each other to pass each and every obstacle. I know I sound too optimistic and what I'm saying is what you consider "easier said than done" but if you really, truly love her, you'll move mountains and fight for your love. As for your ex-wife, bring her to court again and modify the child support payment.

Good luck to you... don't give up!

--Mae

Edit: just to add that since you will qualify as a sponsor, pursue the plan of getting your wife (and kid). I'm sure with God's help, things will work out for you.

Edited May 29, 2008 by David-Mae Forever

[martinbr 1]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you might want to check with your lawyer on the amount of time you will pay your ex-wife her support. I live in California too and was told that if you were married over 10 years its considered a "long marriage" and your will pay support until she re-marries or dies. I hope you are correct and you only have 8.5 years. Let me know and maybe I can dump my support payments sooner than I thought.

Scott

Your absolutely right, she can string this thing out for the rest of my life. What a beautiful law this was made to to be. Not very fair to the poor people in the world. I can see if a guy was well off and married a long time to take care of a ex, but for someone that was barely making it when he was married to her and now with the same thing, this is the shi$%.

Knowing her, since this was her second marriage I doubt if she will ever get married again. So she has me by the gonads.

martinbr

I agree with NoelandTintin. I am not good in giving counseling but my best advice for you is to bring your wife (and her daughter) here in US. Right now, your main problem is if you will meet the poverty guidelines or not and even if you won't, you can always find a co-sponsor for them to be given their visas. Once they're there with you, she can work right away and help you with the finances. You may struggle for awhile but at least you have each other to pass each and every obstacle. I know I sound too optimistic and what I'm saying is what you consider "easier said than done" but if you really, truly love her, you'll move mountains and fight for your love. As for your ex-wife, bring her to court again and modify the child support payment.

Good luck to you... don't give up!

--Mae

Thank you for the encouragement!!!

martinbr

[DARUMA07 25]

I have to hand it to all that responded to this Thread.... Great Advice given here!!!!

Martin, one door closed on you and another one opened.... Take it from there and believe me everything will work out for you and your new bride.....

Dan

[WiL and ShAi 0]

im so sorry that you have to go through this kind of problem. just have faith and everything will be fine.