Russia girls are amazing!

[eekee 182]

SPb is my absolute favorite city. And it took me one hour to find a job there.

Believe me, I understand what you are saying when talking cultural things to do! But we have some here, they are just fewer and farther between. But I am with you on St. Pete, I freaking love that place! It is one of the most beautiful and regal places I have been. When I retire (god willing) I would love to spend my time split between St. Pete and Sochi. Hopefully someday I will have the language skills to make it a possibility.

[visaveteran1 33]

SPb is my absolute favorite city. And it took me one hour to find a job there.

Believe me, I understand what you are saying when talking cultural things to do! But we have some here, they are just fewer and farther between. But I am with you on St. Pete, I freaking love that place! It is one of the most beautiful and regal places I have been. When I retire (god willing) I would love to spend my time split between St. Pete and Sochi. Hopefully someday I will have the language skills to make it a possibility.

I met my wife in STPB so it holds fond memories and it is a special city. We stayed at a neat little hotel right in the middle of downtown...we could walk to everything. The hotel was VERY Russian...no one spoke English. I liked the restaurants nearby and we were close to a nice cafe. The weather was excellent the entire time. It's a romantic city to be sure.

I'm thinking we'll go back there for one of our anniversaries.

[mox 298]

It all depends on what'd make you happy... I'd pay the extra money to live in a place like San Francisco.

I don't live in San Francisco, but I live just south, and there's nowhere else in the United States I'd rather live. Most of my salary gets eaten up by the cost of living, there's no way I can afford a house (even with the downturn in housing prices), but there's just no describing the quality of life. I used to live in Denver, and the pace of life is actually much slower here. People are friendlier, there's so much more to do (I loved the Rocky Mountains, but I've got the Sierra's right next door PLUS the ocean), and the climate is perfect.

Anyone can live here if they're willing to sacrifice other things. Yes it's harder if you're in an occupation that doesn't pay a lot, but people do it. In fact, I wonder how some people really can do it. I see minimum wage workers in fast food restaurants, and they're not kids out here. They're adults. I always want to ask them how they can afford to live here.

[eekee 182]

You liked the restaurants? I think they're terrible. And you were very lucky to have excellent weather; usually it's terrible as well. Never leave the house without an umbrella.

I met my wife in STPB so it holds fond memories and it is a special city. We stayed at a neat little hotel right in the middle of downtown...we could walk to everything. The hotel was VERY Russian...no one spoke English. I liked the restaurants nearby and we were close to a nice cafe. The weather was excellent the entire time. It's a romantic city to be sure.

I'm thinking we'll go back there for one of our anniversaries.

[Satellite 1]

If you move from Oklahoma City OK to San Francisco CA...

Groceries will cost: 62.541% more

Housing will cost: 240.567% more

Utilities will cost: 5.584% less

Transportation will cost: 18.769% more

Healthcare will cost: 26.918% more

Let's not forget Oklahoma is in the middle of nowhere.

In California you are a few hours drive from the ski resorts (mountains, snow), ocean, Disneyland, and most importantly an incredibly temperate climate with few extremes. And you can't beat the fresh fruits and vegetables grown right here in our backyards. I'll have to agree with Mox, no other place I'd rather live than in California.

And if you like the slow life and low prices, the central valley is the place to be. Housing can be had for $200,000.

[CarolynRitesh 0]

Again this thread has taken a few interesting turns!

I would have to agree with eekee that spending one week with someone 24/7 is not the same as dating someone for several months. Not to mention, but you are jet lagged for most if not all of that trip and fuzzy thinking prevails! Some advice my Mom gave me a long time ago is to know a person for at least a year before you make any big decisions because in that year you will see them in all kinds of different situations (and they you) and can get beyond that euphoric phase as eekee so eloquently put it.

Of course there are couples that meet and instantly know they are right for each other, of course there are couples that meet on-line and then have a brief meeting together and work out - and of course there are couples that date for long periods and still do not work out - it's just that couples who have been dealing with each other face to face have better tools in their toolkit to deal with the unpredictableness of life.

Obviously, most people can't take a year away from financial, family, etc. obligations and fly around the world to settle into a completely different culture to get to know their potential mates better. I have to admit, that if I had met my husband on-line and come to India for a week or two to meet him, we might still have gotten married, but our transition to a new life together in the US would be much MUCH more difficult for both of us than it will be since I have spent 3 years in his culture. We have both changed in this process so far and will continue to do so as we shift into a different culture together. Seeing him and being with him over time in his own culture helps me to understand where he is coming from, why he thinks certain ways, does certain things, etc. To expect him to go to the US and just 'become American' is un-realistic, but I do expect him to change - that is impossible to avoid.

I guess my point is, don't underestimate the depth and influence of anyone's native culture and mentality and don't overestimate the power of love or an 'easier' life in building a solid and lasting relationship. My question for everyone (both for those with spouses here and those preparing for their spouses/fiancees), how are you preparing for/dealing with this shift in both of your lives? What has been easy, and what has been challenging? How have you, as the USC or Russian changed for the better or worse?

[Chuckles 0]

... and then there are millions upon millions of people who have never met their spouse before marriage, such as is common in India, and very many of those marriages work out just fine.

Its not worth predicting or worrying about other peoples 'relationship worthiness'. Just get on with life and let other people be.

[eekee 182]

Sure, some of them work out fine, but in a culture where that is the norm, are there really any options if it doesn't work out?

... and then there are millions upon millions of people who have never met their spouse before marriage, such as is common in India, and very many of those marriages work out just fine.

Its not worth predicting or worrying about other peoples 'relationship worthiness'. Just get on with life and let other people be.

[CarolynRitesh 0]

... and then there are millions upon millions of people who have never met their spouse before marriage, such as is common in India, and very many of those marriages work out just fine.

Its not worth predicting or worrying about other peoples 'relationship worthiness'. Just get on with life and let other people be.

Sorry you took what I wrote that way Chuckles, it was not how I meant it to come across. It was not about 'relationship worthiness', it was an honest question about how others make their marriages work in a cross-cultural setting. I am curious to see how other people are dealing with it because no matter how any of our relationships evolved initially, we have to deal with things that other couples don't when they are both in/from the US. We are getting ready to move to the US, and it is something I am thinking about right now.

As far as Indian arranged marriages go, it is the mentality of both sides of the couple and there is a LOT of family support to help make them work. Even with that, Indian couples where one member grew up in the US and the other in India face the same obstacles that everyone else faces and divorce is on the rise...

[Chuckles 0]

I think everyone on this thread is over-analyzing a tad bit. Your opinions and ideas are well thought out Carolyn, and I apologize if it seems I singled you out.

However, in my opinion, you just cannot predict these things. I am amazed how people meet and still manage to have sucessful relationships. You are right about Indian couples with the family support and all helping them out. Still... you can talk about it and theorize about what it takes to have a strong relationship until you are blue in the face, but ultimatly you don't know what is in peoples hearts and minds.

[groovlstk 0]

As I said, living together in Russia with the comfort of her native language and surroundings, tells very little about her success in the USA.

The rest of what you said is common sense so I have no further comment except one week together (24/7) is equal to dating and American woman for several months if you consider that dating might only entail meeting once or twice a week for 4 or 5 hours on a date...so you should consider that to be fair.

IMHO you're putting too much emphasis on a woman's ability to make a go at life in the US.

If what you share with your wife is love and not some facsimile, it's not that big of a sacrifice. I don't mean to shrug off the difficulty of making such a monumental transition, but in my experience it was just one of many compromises and sacrifices my wife and I made that were necessary to make our relationship work. I will say, however, that without love we would have failed within the first six months.

I dated a lot of Russian women living in the US before I met my wife, almost all arrived here on K1s and divorced after a few years. Never did I hear the excuse that the divorce resulted from difficulty in adjusting to life here; rather, most women married puppylove-struck guys whom they liked and trusted and with whom they hoped they could one day love. (And those were the decent women, others were far more calculating.) Some time after arrival, stress and loneliness - not love - entered her life and things fell apart. The curious thing is that the guy in such failed relationships always has some excuse - her friends whispered lies in her ears, she missed her mom too much, she had difficulty learning English, etc., etc. He can't accept the simple fact that she never loved him and never could.

I think Kazan Tiger did it right - love was in his equation before he filed the K1, he won the battle on her turf, he did things in their proper order and took the time to make sure it was genuine. Was four years too much? I don't know, but I'd put a lot more stock in his chances than the guys who spend a week with a girl who can't speak English and believe her when she says "I love you, too."

[Bobalouie 0]

If you move from Oklahoma City OK to San Francisco CA...

Groceries will cost: 62.541% more

Housing will cost: 240.567% more

Utilities will cost: 5.584% less

Transportation will cost: 18.769% more

Healthcare will cost: 26.918% more

Let's not forget Oklahoma is in the middle of nowhere.

In California you are a few hours drive from the ski resorts (mountains, snow), ocean, Disneyland, and most importantly an incredibly temperate climate with few extremes. And you can't beat the fresh fruits and vegetables grown right here in our backyards. I'll have to agree with Mox, no other place I'd rather live than in California.

And if you like the slow life and low prices, the central valley is the place to be. Housing can be had for $200,000.

Thanks for dissing my home state sat, thats very nice of you. I went out of my way to not dis california, but I guess your just an A$$ today. Oh, wait, how is today different from any other day?

Lets not foget that Oklahoma is in the middle. 2 hour flight to all 3 coasts and the same to the Rocky mountains. The only thing that really sucks is the unpredictable and often extremely severe weather. To each his own I guess Sat, and I am happy you enjoy california.

Edited April 8, 2008 by Bobalouie

[Okiebollweevil 0]

If you move from Oklahoma City OK to San Francisco CA...

Groceries will cost: 62.541% more

Housing will cost: 240.567% more

Utilities will cost: 5.584% less

Transportation will cost: 18.769% more

Healthcare will cost: 26.918% more

Let's not forget Oklahoma is in the middle of nowhere.

In California you are a few hours drive from the ski resorts (mountains, snow), ocean, Disneyland, and most importantly an incredibly temperate climate with few extremes. And you can't beat the fresh fruits and vegetables grown right here in our backyards. I'll have to agree with Mox, no other place I'd rather live than in California.

And if you like the slow life and low prices, the central valley is the place to be. Housing can be had for $200,000.

Thanks for dissing my home state sat, thats very nice of you. I went out of my way to not dis california, but I guess your just an A$$ today. Oh, wait, how is today different from any other day?

Lets not foget that Oklahoma is in the middle. 2 hour flight to all 3 coasts and the same to the Rocky mountains. The only thing that really sucks is the unpredictable and often extremely severe weather. To each his own I guess Sat, and I am happy you enjoy california.

Bob, you forgot to say that is a short drive to Santa Fe (now mostly inhabited by Yankees and Californios who wanted some of the SW experience, more out of staters living in Santa Fe than natives who can't aford the housing with the price increases caused by the immigrants) or a short drive to Galveston with great drive on beaches and low density. I turned down a job in LA that was more than double my salary with much discussion with my wife when we price compared all the differences and the driving difficulties (my wife loves to drive). So we stay in Oklahoma where costs are less, but we are both looking to move to Houston, warmer weather, less tornadic activity, big Russian community, and 60 miles to Galveston. If your woman loves you and not a fanciful dream of the country with streets paved of gold, she will endure the differences and together you can make a pleasurable life here. We are a mobile society so its not to say we can move elsewhere. And yeah Oklahoma is not the cultural center of the universe but we do have a Van Cliburn silver medalist here who is an artist in residence from Russia, who is a wonderful pianist and he stays here for some reason, giving us occasional memorable piano performances, I haven't heard from the left or right coast whether they have some one like this to give cultural enrichment to our ladies and ourselves.

[mox 298]

I turned down a job in LA that was more than double my salary ...

You could double my current salary and I wouldn't live in LA. I love Northern California. Southern California is a different story. There are some nice areas, but for the most part LA is a cesspool.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

So, I won't be seeing Kool Kirk & Naughty Nadya taking over La La Land on a future episode of TMZ?

I turned down a job in LA that was more than double my salary ...

You could double my current salary and I wouldn't live in LA. I love Northern California. Southern California is a different story. There are some nice areas, but for the most part LA is a cesspool.