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Marlita

Trini Carnival- Do's and Dont's

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Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Jamaica
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In following with the Theme of Todays Chuckle and the Carnival Season, I had to pass this on cause it was too funny. Even if i didnt understand it all. I don't know what the H O stands for but a Frontline HO is basically ah Hot Gyal in Carnival like so:

DSC04547.JPGDSC04356.jpgIMG_1653.jpg

TEN COMMANDMENTS OF FRONTLINE H.O.ism according to Prettidolli:

1. Swear to be the best FRONTLINE H.O., giving the cameras all de H.O., and nothing but de non-stop H.O.. So help yuh Jesus/Krishna/Ram & Sita/(Insert deity here) Represent your band and PLAY YOURSELF to de FULLEST!

2. Do your best to make certain you do not look a hot, sweaty, and ghetto mess! That means makeup and all body embellishments should remain intact. Dis ent de backline yuh know....LOL!

3. Do not neglect your section or your admirers under ANY circumstances! They don't make de H.O. but they damn sure can break de H.O.. Be friendly, smile, chat, and oblige de nice folks who are mesmerized by your divadom and fabulousness. Take photos, lime, flirt, hug up de chirren, socialize, LIVE IT UP! It IS Carnival after all!

4. Bless all man jack in de place with a deadly but posh cheesecutter wine when yuh pelting waist. BLESS DEM WID SWEET WAIST!! Yes, I said p-o-s-h. If yuh want dutty wine, stay in de back with Backline Betty and dem... You should be Helen Keller deaf by Ash Wednesday b/c your crystals made plenty noise going, "WHIP WHAP WHIP WHAP!"

5. Pose and smile in style without twisting up yuh body and skinning yuh blasted teeth like a flipping jack-o-lantern. Is February not Obzokee(sp)October... The ideal pose is for the body to be fairly centered with a natural, non-forced smile without the slightest hint of desperation. A true frontline H.O. knows how to make tweet, tweet luuuuv to the camera.

6. On a more serious note, H.O.'s MUST have their hygiene in tact! This means, removal of all unsightly body hair, no visible underarm deodorant, no halitosis, no lipstick/goop on or in teeth, no poorly positioned pantyliners. Believe me, I have seen this and have gone Helen Keller b-l-i-n-d right on Carnival Tuesday. Why play yuhself frowsy in a $1K mas?Allyuh get meh point...

7. Make certain that your band's security can control yuh property. Make a FRIEND in security, it helps! As an ultra, ubersexy, divalicious F.H.O men (and some women) will attempt to rush your band to get more than just a glimpse of you. And why not? The poor souls simply cannot help themselves! IS YOU GYAL IS YOU! This is where security comes in to keep you safe and bum's rush free. Is not just sweet man...vagrants does tief ah wine too yuh know?(Psst! Security can also babysit your stilettos until it's time to cross de Grand Stage.) Check on it.

8.IGNORE DE FRIGGING CUT-EYE. Let's just face it, many do aspire to H.O., but few do achieve. The hateration screw face and cut-eye is alive and well. Meh granny does say that red costumes does decrease de maljo. The Devil is a liar! Don't hate, congratulate, lift, separate...Two snaps, allll of that.

9. Be a Benz, Beemer, not a Pinto screamer. F.H.O's take pride in themselves. Facials, manicures, yoga, gym classes, discipline, nutrition, and exercise are mandatory. If your love handles are dragging on the floor behind you and there are flats in you Michelin tire, de H.O. is NOT for you...Leff de H.O. alone! (Please see appendix for B.M., aka Bullet hole Mampie.)

10. The best F.H.O's have a heart as magnanimous as their Carnival persona. This means respect your fellow masqueraders and other bands while you are on the road. A cussing, swearing jammette does not a F.H.O make! Do not be a pretender to the throne. I tend to buy extra pieces of inexpensive jewelry to give away to de sweet lil' H.O.'s in training who beg for pieces of your costume. I've even given some of my lunches, snacks, and drinks away to the homeless folks who "try a ting" with these overstocked and overloaded bands on de road. Carnival is a time of joy and giving. Do so act like so!


PUSH!: Pray Until Something Happens!

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