In a tizzy

E,

Contact US Customs and Border Protection (CBP) also; they have the ability to refuse him entry to the US.

That's the information I need at hand right at this moment. It helps. I just have NO idea what to expect within the next few hours.

At the same time....

I had realized he has never seen me in my own environment - using sign language. Never met my family. Never seen my stomping grounds. Never met my friends. Never seen my EVERY bit of my whole living situation.

Not that I am trying to rationalize his reason for telling I cannot do this and that.

He just does not know who I am and is only aware of his own culture, whereas I've met him, his family, his stomping grounds, and etc.

(Thinking...) That's a HUGE gap that may need to be address with him.

I'm putting a stop to this whole chaos and wait for the outcome of the interview.

To be continued....

seriously, no matter what islam or anyone else says... this is not gonna work out well for you. he is asking you to do things that just arent in your nature and nothing you say will make him think he is wrong. please... walk away

I THINK I AM TOO LATE! I'll have the face the music. (Wait, I forgot, I cannot hear). Nevermind. I'll figure this one out: Putting on big girl panties!

Vj'ers....

I hope I can make this short. This is NOT GOOD for me.

I'm definitely in a tizzy and my panties in a BIGGER wad!

There was no round 2. He did send an email saying he hopes to adjust to my way of life and was acting all nice and normal. He stated that all he did was ask me "WHY was I smiling?" - simple as that and not to get upset about it. Just like what Mithra said that he would act like he did nothing wrong.... We did not even skype at all, like I had hoped. He's already on the bus to make an overnight trip to Algiers.

I am trying not to beat myself over this 11th hour thing.

Due to my being deaf, I use relay agent to make calls for me (translating my signs into voice). Well, seems like 10 companies that employ relay agents DO NOT make international calls. Therefore, a call to the Duty Officer was not possible.

SO, I had to email the CO with case number/admission number etc etc... and explained in simple layman's terms of my, ummm, desire to SUSPEND the interview decisions UNTIL I AM CONTACTED. I left them my pertinent contact information and my number (which can be done from international to USA {not vice versa}).

As of Monday, I am going to find ways to contact USCIS (which I had done) and explain (repeat) what I had told the CO.

(THINKING- actually I have a million cuss words circulating in my brain at the moment!)...

I've already got several possible back up actions planned right now for the "WHAT IF he is denied," for the "WHAT IF he is APS," for the "WHAT IF the decision is suspended," and for the "WHAT IF he is approved."

I would hate to admit right now that I am... literally discombobulated.

Words cannot explain how much I am overwhelmed and bowled over by your support! I am truly humbled...

TO BE CONTINUED....

p.s. Yep, I am going to a place to pray for DIVINE INTERVENTION, a MAJOR ONE! It will be 7:30am my time when he has his interview. SOMETHING MUST HAPPEN.

Sorry, I need to stop and pop an emergency anti-anxiety pill.

E

It sounds like you know what you want to do (go through with immigration) so I suggest you stop arguing and going "rounds" with your fiance and just start to prepare for your life together. I can almost guarantee your fiance will never get that he's wrong and you'll never get that he's not going to change. You'll learn that soon enough when he gets here and you realize that googling ayas, hadith and various Islamic terms isn't going to help your cause or make him change. This isn't really about Islam. Its about control and manipulation.

SO agreed and duly noted.... read next reply.

I wonder what this guy would say if she were in the medical field or in some other occupation where she might have to examine naked men.

Some gaps just cannot be bridged, the end.

OHH! OHHH!!!!! Speaking of naked men.

Gee, I have a BA in physical therapy and 80% of my client base were males. I had been a physical therapist for 7 years before moving on to a "gentler" career. I was a physical therapist for "Coal Miners" down in the remotest parts of Alabama for a few years AND on top of that, I worked with YOUNG men between the ages of 18-25 that suffered from traumatic brain injury (TBI).

Naturally, the boys with TBI have no sense of modesty, and they are unaware of their inhibitions, often times disoriented, discombobulated, out of sorts and all depending on the "Glasgow Scale" of severity. Well, during their course of care, a lot of times they would just ambulate the halls during therapy and start to "disrobe" and become incoherent ON the spot. They expose themselves because they are NOT right in their heads. IT's almost like reprogramming a 3 year old brain in a 20 year old body.

During those therapy moments, I have seen plenty of PENII (it's a plural term for MANY ####### / not penises) in my whole life, more than I need to. None of these moments faze me. I mean, you've seen one #######, you've seen them all.

RIght now, in my teaching career, AGAIN is predominately males... my student ratio is 4 males to one female. I am an agriculture/horticulture teacher SPECIFICALLY for sensory impaired kids. So, a lot of "tactile" instructions take place.

I'll have to address this matter with my man during round 2. I don't think he's ever met someone like me - a female doing this kind of thing. SERIOUS talk is needed!

Well, thinking about it right now.... I am not the sweet helpless diminutive girl who sits and waits for her knight in a shining armor to rescue her. I grew up in a very dominant male household (4 BIG uncles, 8 BIG male cousins, 6 BIG male 2nd cousins, 1 BIG brother, 2 BIG fathers step/bio), and situated right outside of the Marine base.

I am starting to realize maybe my fiance does not KNOW enough about me and he thinks he can "impose" such edict on me.

We're gonna have another BIG talk and I'm ARMED and ready for a match.

More to follow....

Fortunately, it is between her and Allah, as it should be, and no one else's business. Only she understands what is expected of her: Muhammad(SAW) said, "O Wabisah! are you come to ask what is goodness and what is badness?" Wabisah said, "Yes, I am come for that." Then He joined his fingers and struck them upon Wabisah's breast, that is made a sign towards his heart, and said, "Ask the question from thine own heart." This he repeated three times aloud and said, "Goodness is a thing from which thy heart findeth firmness and rest; and badness is a thing which throweth thee into doubt, although men may acquit thee."

THANKS! I am definitely going to look this up and use it as my source of debate tonight - round 2.

IMHO, you should be with a man that not only loves, values, adores, & appreciates YOU... but one that can love, value, adore & appreciate everything YOU DO for others.

Absolutely! I mean... a lot of my deaf/blind students (deaf with LOW vision) typically are not aware of their rights and are in homes where communication is almost NIL. So... Who else will go out there and work with them? They are not an easy lot for me, but my passion calls for it.

His family was amazing to me all 3 times that I was there. But soon came to see and was told by some of his family and friends after I sent him back to Jordan, that they were happy to get rid of him because they were tired of supporting him. When I asked why they didnt warn me or tell me I got this response: 1. their loyalty was with him not me, and 2. they were tired of dealing with and supporting him,. Sad, sad, people. Think of it this way... do they really love you....or is it that they love you for taking him out of the country so they dont have to deal with him?

Know that I will respect the decision that you make, but I am praying for you, your safety, and sanity. Had it not been for my faith and my best friend....I would have lost my mind and ended up in jail after what he put me through.I am praying this doesnt happen to you.

Gee wow! Your hindsight is AWESOME! I would have never seen it that way. Now that's gotten me thinking.... God bless his family for putting him up for SO long. I absolutely love reading this again and again. I'm gonna take this with a grain of salt and ruminate on these issues tonight.

I guess what disturbs me is this: all this is coming out at the last minute. You have known each other for some time, yet only now are these things being discussed.

I watched your videos and I see a very competent person with a tremendous ability to communicate - I liked the video where you are in Peru - and I am thinking, what a shame it would be for someone to curb your tremendous spirit for their own selfish reasons. Does he see and respect what a wonderful spirit you have?

Yes, I travel all around the world working with Deaf communities, educating the hearing people about how to work with them and etc. I do charity work to help parents fight the educational system, how to be better advocates for their deaf babies.

Well, he was ashamed that a blind/deaf man was holding my hands (it's called tactile communications). Forbidden he says, I disregard it and considered it as an act of charity.

Working with Deaf/ blind children/adults has been my passion, especially improving the plight of their current situation. Call me Joan of Arc for these folks. I will lay my life for them. As for my man seeing that spirit in me... all he knows is that he will not quash the flame of compassion I have for the less fortunates.

At this moment on, only time will tell, this will be dealt with in God's plan.

Blessings!

Update:

I butted heads with him tonight ALL THE WAY from beginning to the end for 2 hours. SERIOUSLY, nails, tooth, my wolverine claws, and my brains. "Sticking to my guns and all"... He relented at the end and said, "Emily, can't you just say 'I won't smile at men?'" REALLY!? I said what kind of smile are we talking about. This has gotten to the point where it's becoming RIDICULOUS. He finally said, "Let's change topic."

Truly, my confidence, resolve, and inner strength has become only stronger after reading all of your supportive VJ input. Nor did I falter and became a wimpering little kid.

I told him tonight, "ADAPT, or move on" , "ACCEPT me, or say good bye" , "Love me or Leave me be" His face changed when I challenged him being a Salafist Jihadist, an extremist, and all. He was pretty shocked I found the meaning of this word. (THANKS Moonlight ). To have knowledge is to be forearmed! He lambasted me for "not knowing" enough about the salafist's roles. SO, I lambasted BACK at him for not knowing the full reason for "smiling."

I told him I have adjusted enough and made a point that even the BEST people acting PIOUS can have evil and impure intentions, while so called country bumpkins (like me) knowing nothing about rules/laws/expectations can have the BEST interest at heart.... Allah/God will look at BOTH sides and not just based on "appearances."

He was .... dumbfounded more like it.

We have one more night, ROUND 2 and I am prepared for a LONG bumpy ride. I'm armed with information, your guidances, and etc.

Again I thank you all SO much for your support. More to come... ROUND 2 tomorrow at 3pm....

Wow. My fiance becomes happy when I smile. What did you say about his culture, that you will 'pay for'? I can understand if you were there, and in his culture, you shouldn't smile on the street, because it is the norm there, but really, you won't be happy if you have to catch yourself all the time.

In response to Golden Gate:

Well about his culture.... after arguing about my eyes and my authentic smiles, that it was a part of HIS culture not ISLAM, and pretty much is so STUPID after all, especially not accepting my "Deaf Culture" and making adjustments. That is when he went livid and feces hit the fan... Lucky, being forearmed with information, I stuck to my ground. I don't fight well, but I do pull out my best defense mechanism, which is being SO stubborn, resilient, and sticking to a "COMMON" ground.

I'm beginning to think this isn't even a real situation. But if it is..

You're doing a huge disservice to everyone involved, most of all yourself, if you leave it up to a

government worker as to whether or not you marry this guy.

It's not their decision who you marry, and it sounds really sad that you've leave your future in the hands

of a government worker who will talk to your fiance for a few hours at the most.

The irony of all this is that the majority of the people who go through this process lament the fact that

a government worker has such control over the direction their lives go in (i.e. - approving, denying, AP decisions,

etc, etc). Yet, you're freely going to put your future into their decision. That sounds totally bonkers to me,

and it's making me think the situation isn't a real one; it's that unbelievable!!

If it is real, take religion, culture, country of origin, etc, etc, etc, out of the equation.

If you met some guy here in the US and he told you not to smile, not to go camping, etc, etc, etc

would you ask a government worker to decide for you?????

Here it is. I've taken the time to blur his name. Usually, I am NOT the kind of person to divulge... but, this is SERIOUS and you can see for yourself THAT THIS IS REAL!

While he was explaining to me about his medical exam, for some reason, my eyes wandered off and I started to smile for no good reason except pleasant dreams and sweet memories.

I looked back on the cam and saw that my fiance's demure had changed in a nano-second. Honestly, this is NOT the first time he has admonished me for smiling, however, the first time for smiling in my own home. INSANE, right?

A good VJ'er inboxed me and explained to me that in Mohammed's hadith, even the smile is considered as an act of charity, therefore one of the 5 pillars of Islam. YOU VJers ROCK! The best ever.

E

]

I don't know if I'm misunderstanding, but this is not normal for a healthy relationship.

Definitely NOT normal for me... I've done some thinking and have come to conclusion that it's all about "control" which means depriving my only sensory process of communicating with others.

In-humane.

E

Im very sorry to hear that.

my advice after all this, is RUN, RUn and RUN far ...very far.

Email the embassy as the people adviced u, stop the process, call the embassy.

Im algerian, and i only can give you the best advice on Algerians.

I feel very sorry for you that its happening to you, but i feel if this is happening now its better than later when he will be in the Us, and u will be responsible for him for 10 years.

Im algerian woman, and im very surprised that ure finace didnt show his real algerian caracter earlier than now.Not all algerians are like that,but some are and you got unlucky to pick up this one.

Usually the algerians that are like that, uses women to have a visa and travel, and try to control the foreign woman, if she agrees in everything(like to convert, to wear hidjab, to stop all relation with male and woman friends that are not muslim...stop eating porc ,or drinking..going out alone, shopping alone...)...they will stay married..but in most cases, foreign woman dont accept and feel in prisn after few months or years..and ask for divorce, from that the man will ebhappy to divorce and have a new girlfriend(usually they already planned to marry an algerian (the moms will be happy to find a girl from same town or family to marry to..)

my question to you: is how did you feel about him, his family when u were in Algeria? u came to algeria yes? did he ever asked you to change something before: like religion, drinking...teh way you dress up??friends??what does he do in life?did he studied ?

please dont get me wrong, but im just trying to figure out how this person is, from wich area he is...you know algeria is very big and it contain a lots of different people....!!!

unfortunatly,there are many like the new salafist, that talks about religion all time,there wifes wears burka and they have a beard and wear strange clothes (im not judging them..but this is not our clothes and culture they brought that from pakistan..and excttt countries).

i feel very a shamed to hear that he is treating you that way. please think twice, but i will recomand you to broke up with him and run away, he doesnt deserve you, and believe me youre life is going be a night marre if he gets to the US.

if you need any help just send me an email here on VJ.i will be happy to talk to u and share my thoughts on this situation.

Salafist! It's a new word I've learned today. I'm thinking it's a school of thought, called Madh'hab.

I thank you for pointing that singular word out. Salafi beliefs do not sit well with me. I am for unity, humanity, peace, and sustainability. (Which is why I am an agriculture/horticulture teacher for the Deaf students).

You ask, how do I feel for my man? Lots of love, no doubt, no 2nd thoughts, especially in terms of respect and reverence. My man, he lives 4 hours south of Algiers, born and raised on the edge of Sahara desert.

BUT, I do draw the line somewhere.

I only have 2nd thoughts about things I am UNABLE to change, i.e. "LOOKING DOWN" when in presence of men and holding a stiff lip.

Thank you for your support. Let's inbox.

E

The US Embassy is not in charge of deciding whether or not the beneficiary is a good person or is going to be a good spouse. Their decision solely rests on whether the relationship is a bona-fide one (i.e. not for immigration purposes). And let me tell you, you can have a perfectly bonafide relationship with a jack@ss. Which would be what your fiance sounds like. Nothing to do with his Arabness or Islamicness. He's a controlling jerk and it's just going to get worse. You know what the worst part is, though? That you know it. You just don't want to believe it.

That's the worse part... That I know it.

Well, actually I do believe it. I am just not the "fighting" kind. I'm more of using my wits and charm. (Imagine Barney Fife and/or Linus combined).

Reading everyone's community support and voice really HELPS me a lot. Not that I am seeking validation or affirmation. Perhaps, more of a "self-check" to assure I am NOT crazy for thinking THIS is normal for every relationship.

My "current" friends and family WOULD not understand this. They aren't the ones going through the USCIS process. VJ'ers are the ones I can really count on to partake their input.

Hope this make sense?

If you are still unsure of what you want to do - you can always postpone the interview.

Postpone the interview? Seriously? It can be done?

The embassy does not open until Sunday (their work day begins). THEN the beneficiary has an interview THAT same day - THIS coming Sunday, like in 2 days.

It's 6 hours difference, therefore I will need to call at 2-3am on Sunday.

It's a difficult feat for a deaf person to use a phone, next to impossible. It's gonna be the 11th hour suspending wait.

Tonight, I'm going to be upfront with my beneficiary and PRAY to God I don't falter.

Which is why I usually leave EVERYTHING in His Hands. "Man proposes, God disposes."

E

p.s. More to follow after tonight or tomorrow.

I don't know that that is completely necessary if the OP has decided to end the relationship. I also don't know that she would get the answer that she wanted. And even if she did what would it change? (Although I do think your response was heartfelt and was coming from a good place. I don't mean to diminish your intent, darnell)

I remember when I was living in a MENA country and a friend of mine was being beaten by her husband. It had taken her awhile to ask for help and when she finally did another friend and I arranged to help her leave the country. She left work in the middle of the day to go home and pack her stuff and then stayed at my apartment until her flight. That evening when she tried to leave the country she was stopped at the gate because her husband and his family had put a block on her passport saying that she had stolen from them. We had to go the police station where the complaint was filed and wait for her husband and his family to come (she was terrified). While waiting one of the local police officers was trying to ask about the situation. The other friend who was with us spoke a little arabic and explained in half english half arabic that her husband beat her. The police officer's response was "Well, is she a bad girl?" My friend (who was also married to an Arab man) didn't miss a beat and said "No, she's a very good girl." To him it was a matter between family and there were perfectly acceptable reasons for a male family member to beat a female one. This is certainly not true of all MENA men but there are circles where this is completely acceptable behavior.

I think you got out just in time, E. It sounds like you were losing your sense of self and it would have only gotten worse once he arrived. You've made the first step to getting back to your old self. Good for you. Time to get on with your life.

WOW! I cannot fathom myself being in place where I AM NOT able to read arabic nor speak it well. I'd be already shut-in if I was in that position.

Being married to the RIGHT person can make everything feel like heaven. Being married to the WRONG person can make everything feel like prison.

More to follow after tonight and tomorrow night.

E

Speaking from experience....I am scared for you. I am begging you to rethink this. Gone this far or not......think long and hard before you go through with this. The man I married was the sweetest guy ever until I found out who he really was. He started to change before the interview but I refused to see it. Not wanting me to talk to his friends, not wanting me to talk to mine, once he got here, things got sooooo much worse. I was mentally, emotionally, and physically abused. He controlled my every move and thought. Had a VERY strange obsession with my 12 year old daughter that he could not keep his hands off of ( Thank God she says nothing ever happened). My best friend tried to warn me, and I really wish I would have listened before I brought him here. He was here 5 months, wouldnt work, wouldnt help me with anything and treated me like I owed him everything....may I add that I paid for everything? The trips there, the hotels, the spending money, the food, the immigration process and even his ticket here. All he wanted to do was keep me at home, control me, and he could do whatever he wanted. Which was eat, sleep, and stay online all the time. I found porn on my internet, he was all the time in chat rooms talking to other women. When I finally had enough we called his family and told them to send him a ticket back home. But before he left, he made sure to downgrade me in front of my kids and threaten me that if I messed up his "plans", he still had family here in the U.S, that would make my life hell and meanwhile he would go home and be happy with his new wife from Egypt that was truly the one that he really loved and was one of the many that he was talking to when he was here in my home. BTW....he did marry her.....not even 3 months after he left the U.S. Bad news....even after writing everyone in the immigration process, telling them my story and sending them the divorce papers, my family and I are still legally responsible for him if he steps on U.S soil within the next 2 years. Im begging you ......PLZZZZZ Stop and think about this. What he is telling you to do is not right and its not love. Thats control!

I am absorbing EVERY word you're saying. I have a question for you, Dream'nJordan. Was his family SO VERY benevolent towards you in the beginning.... (sort of to the point of pulling wool over your eyes)?

His family is EVER so loving towards me. Now... I am developing a hind-sight about this whole "loving" thing.

Yours, E

I suggest a different thing (y'all can laugh at me) -

Everyone's interpretation of 'Islamic law' and 'Islamic practices' is different, and is based on what they learned from an Imam / Muallah at a mosque or via some electronic connection.

Ask HIM the name and location of the Imam / Muallah that he follows.

Then YOU contact this person, and list your concerns with him, show him 'this list' that you were 'given', and inquire if he thinks that these seems normal for an cross-cultural relationship.

Good Luck ! Let us know the response, as well.

I wish it was that easy. See, his imam is arabic speaker and I ONLY use sign language and do not speak at all (I can if I WANT to).

Someone kind enough sent me an email stating that even in the Hadith that prophet Mohammed said that genuine smiles are one of the acts of charity and it falls under one of the 5 pillars of Islam.

For me smiling helps disarm a person's uncertainty/unease/unknowing (etc), especially when they are having a discourse with a "DEAF" person, ME.

Does any of this make sense to you?

Sincerely, E

p.s. here's a youtube link and you can see me using sign language (I was doing a lesson for my Deaf kids and reminding them to use safety goggles).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzNUSL150sY

I'm beginning to think this isn't even a real situation. But if it is..

You're doing a huge disservice to everyone involved, most of all yourself, if you leave it up to a

government worker as to whether or not you marry this guy.

It's not their decision who you marry, and it sounds really sad that you've leave your future in the hands

of a government worker who will talk to your fiance for a few hours at the most.

The irony of all this is that the majority of the people who go through this process lament the fact that

a government worker has such control over the direction their lives go in (i.e. - approving, denying, AP decisions,

etc, etc). Yet, you're freely going to put your future into their decision. That sounds totally bonkers to me,

and it's making me think the situation isn't a real one; it's that unbelievable!!

If it is real, take religion, culture, country of origin, etc, etc, etc, out of the equation.

If you met some guy here in the US and he told you not to smile, not to go camping, etc, etc, etc

would you ask a government worker to decide for you?????

No, Msheesha, this is real. I have my skype conversation saved. I will be glad to send you an snapshot attachment (after I hide his skype name). As you like, you can decide whether I am being genuine or if I am actually the crazy one.

As I had mentioned before, Embassy will be contacted (either way) and my concerns will be expressed. I am very intuitive with time and with the unknown plan. That's the INFP in me.

You're so right, it sounds BONKERS to me when people lament about the government having a lot of say in relationships. It doesn't faze me one bit. I am pretty sure it's because they are are kept abreast of HUNDREDS of fraud marriages.

Perhaps the naive me was hoping that he is not "one of those" MENA men. But lo behold, it is possible I am mistaken. Educating myself on these issues and am forearmed with information and avenues to make other recourse (THANKS VJ'ers for your support/advice), helps me cope with this better and know what steps to take.

As for right now, I know I have the POWER NOT to marry him. PERIOD. End of story.

Thanks, E

Remember there are two in this relationship. He may list his requests and you have your right to reply to them. You may work it out and come to some compromise. He may display dominance but be kind and ask him what he means or to explain why he wants those thing and he may soften up.

You may not know that in their culutre smiling is considered an adornment and is not to be shared with anyone other than friends and families. Sort of like covering the hair. Once here he will see this and come to accept it more, especially around your friends and family

Explain that because you are hearing impaired you depend on your eyes for communication and his request is impossible to meet so it is out of the question.

Tell him the man you transport is a relative and has depended upon you for years.

Tell him you are a more outgoing female who is active and does things like camping and sitting with your co-workers for lunch. He may be having some feelings of insecurity so be gentle with him. Also consider would you like it if he is sitting with female co-workers at lunch that you don't know.

If he is beyond reason and there is no compromising point then I would reconsider. I like the suggestion about speaking with the Imam. I think one in your area may have more perspective on multi-cultural relationships then one in his home country.

It will be rough the first year because they do experience culture shock and are far from everything they've known all their life. You will be getting to know each other and will have to work through things that may seem normal or reasonable to you or him. Try to remember when something seems shocking or unreasonable to not have an emotional reaction but an intellectual one that is curious and seeking meaning behind what is being said. Once you learn more about each other you will have a better understanding of each other and where you both are coming from.

A very kind response coming from you means a lot. You're correct on a lot of things.

I shall keep you posted after his interview on Oct. 30.

I'm praying to God for strength to sort this out.

More to follow, E

The embassy will not judge if he's a good man/husband. That's your job. You nedd to be accountable for your own choices and it sounds like you won't leave. That makes me feel sad for you.

You're correct on the Embassy only doing its job. As for my job, I am definitely accountable for all I do.

Frankly, I have a lot of sustenance and am not taken as a weakling, nor am I easily a push-over. I only seek a community voice/support on this issue as I am not able to speak of this kind of situation with my family nor my friends. They wouldn't understand as they are not the ones going through the K-1 USCIS process. They have never dated or married anyone outside of USA. The lot of them have NEVER traveled out of country. That is why I am here on VJ to seek out wise words, advices, and etc. I do VALUE your input on how to go from here.

I am VERY intuitive and will trust God's plan on this one. I pretty much have made up my mind which is knowing that "a leopard does not lose its' spot"... "Take a man out of his culture, but you can not take the culture out of the man."

I will keep you all posted on what happens after the interview. It is most definite he will have AP. When this happens, the Embassy will contact me or vice versa. The entire situation should unfold ACCORDING to God's plan.

I am taking this blow by blow and quickly getting up on my feet as fast as I can.

Again, I appreciate all your support. VJers, know that you all are the BEST!

More to follow

E

Sorry to hear you are in this situation but if you are serious about cutting your losses then consider this, the 30th is on a Sunday and I have never heard of an embassy open on Sundays. Ok on to the point, call the embassy directly and give them the case and name number and tell them you want to withdraw the visa. Also, send them an email with an attached memorandum stating why you want to withdraw (ended the relationship).

I had the same situation (not the same embassy) and they responded quickly and told me not to worry the interview was cancelled, however it took about 4 months to finally get back correspondence from USCIS stating that the visa request had been returned to them and they had closed out the case.

Consular Section

United States Embassy Algiers, Algeria

05 Chemin Cheikh Bachir Ibrahimi

El-Biar 16030

Alger Algerie

Tel: 0770-08-2240

Email: ConsularAlgiers@state.gov

Web Site: http://algiers.usembassy.gov

For American Citizen Services only

Tel: 0770-08-2032

Email: ACSAlgiers@state.gov

For after-hours emergencies involving U.S. citizens, call the Embassy Duty Officer at 0770-08-2000.

Good luck,

All this pertinent information helps me greatly. I cannot thank you enough! Just an FYI, the Embassy is open from Sunday - Thursday which is considered as their "FULL WORK WEEK". Fridays and Saturdays are considered their "weekend".

Fellow Vjers,

During one late evening last week, I had this vision that appeared in my head while in my quiet meditative moments. It was a vision of him "dying" (not literally, but from my life). Of course, that perturbed me SO DEEPLY that I cried for 3 hours, snots and all . I could not understand the meaning for a few days. But now, I can see the reason for it all.

I have a very deep relationship with God and had so since I was 5 years old. I am going to trust my vision and His purpose.

If my man ever wants me, he WILL appreciate my smiles, my need to use my eyes, and more.

I will keep you posted VERY soon on this and the outcome.

~E

p.s. It is more likely I will trust the Embassy to make the final call.

p.p.s. In my prayers/dua'a, I've always said this, "If it is Your will, keep us together. If he is not the man You planned for me, keep us apart for only God knows best." ~His loving servant.

Do you really need to ask what to do? If you like being treated this way then, by all means, bring him here. If you don't like being treatedt his way then cancel the petition. It's better to cut your losses now rather than bring him here out of embarrasment or loyalty or whatever. It will get worse if you don't put an end to it.

I'm an outgoing person and while we're in Algeria I always try to make my SIL laugh when we're outside of the house. She gets very mad at me because "she can't laugh outside." That's just not me. If your guys wants a woman like that they he should find someone in Algeria because they are a dime a dozen. It annoys me when I hear of men benefiting from some parts of American culture(women working, paying bills, shopping..etc) while shunning other parts(friendliness, kindness, sharing in household duties, take care of babies..etc). If a multicultural marriage is going to work then there must be compromise on both sides. In our home we try to take the good from both of our cultures. You cannot sustain a relationship when you are the only one being asked to live up to unrealistic expectations and controlling behaviors.

You're right. Some things in both cultures are adaptable. Mine Deafness in my case, it is NOT possible to adapt which would be "looking" on ground when in male presence. HOW can I do that if I cannot hear and am very dependent on my eyes to process my environs, impossible! There is no way am I going to look down and become disoriented and lost within the environs.

I really have nothing to lose here. I have a FANTASTIC job, FANTASTIC dream career, and etc. (Sorry if I am giving myself a pep talk).

More to follow later.