David & Kezia

Hi,

I already searched this online, but there hasn't been much information, so I'm checking here if someone has any idea or has had any experience with cases like this.

My Mom has a first cousin that has special needs. I think he is 40 years old now. His mother was pregnant with him when they went away and we have been looking for them, and we only found him when he was around 20 years old. By then, he has been severely neglected. He was emaciated and he had a dislocated shoulder that was never attended to so it healed in the wrong spot. We kinda rescued and informally adopted him since then. His last schooling was supposedly up to the 3rd grade, but it was so sporadic and he barely went to school (which is normal in the hinterlands and other fishing barrios), that he couldn't read nor write. We tutored him for almost a year until he learned enough to read, write and do basic math, and then sent him to another tutor so that he could get his GED (equivalent) and go to high school with us. He did pass, barely, and he also barely passed through high school in the province.

He is not too stupid, but still slow and his judgement or EQ is quite low. He is however disabled and looks like a hermaphrodite (and is often thought so), and although we haven't had him officially checked and diagnosed by a psychiatrist, we are pretty sure that he'd be in the "special" child category.

We haven't formally adopted him, as it is not common in the Philippines, but after my Mom died, he has been my responsibility. We keep him busy, and my younger brother and my old father has since kept an eye on him since I've been in the US. However, I want him to be with me here, especially now that my brother is now in the big city (Manila) trying to have his own career and my father is also now getting too old to manage him.

I want to know how to get him to join us. My husband and I are thinking of formally adopting him, but I'm not sure how adopting a special needs adult works intercountry. He's not even immediate family, so the immediate family petition which normally takes 10-20 years doesn't look like an option for him.

Would adopting him and citing that he came from the small town that was also ravaged by Typhoon Haiyan (Yolanda) help us get him, and maybe expedite the petition process?

I expect that it would be expensive, as adoptions usually are, but we are willing to save up and do this for him, as he is my responsibility anyway.

Any feedback would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Kezia (and David)

You can't translate that anywhere because it is in Cebuano or Visayan, AND written in slang with texting language coupled with wrong spellings. Even I have a hard time understanding it, although it doesn't seem bad to me.

The first part says: Try hard (or struggle). Don't get carried away there with your troubles/quarrels, or you'll end up alone (joke on independence day) this Valentine's Day. You really should be different (or change).

The second part is harder to translate because I think that there are misspellings there. I think it means that she/he was having nightmares that's why she/he is creating or making up something.

The third part is a reassurance that someone is not going to leave or abandon someone.

The fourth part gives me an idea that the other person is a male, because it says something like: Be a man (or man up). Dont you have nightmares there.

As I said, harmless. Probably a sister talking to a brother or a male friend, just harassing each other.

Whohoo! Finally, on December 26, 2013, we ordered production of your new card. Thanks a lot for all your support! Good luck to everyone else still waiting.

No - if you look at the CSC list one more time you will observe that here are 3 that sent directly to CSC that also got approvals.

Oh yeah, there are 3, thanks. I wonder what made them special, when the rest of the people earlier than them hasn't bee touched yet? I hope that those applicants would give us details, like if they were expedited or something.

I've been looking at the trend of those that have been approved. It seems like those are the VSC transfers, and no one from California has really been approved yet. Am I correct in my observations?

-Kezia

Please add us:

VJName..............Date of I-751...NOA1 Date....Biometrics.....Approved

DAVID & KEZIA.........08/12/13......08/14/13......09/10/13......--/--/--

We are scheduled to be out of town by 9/9 - 9/16, so I will try to go to the office next week and try to get my Biometrics done early, just like I did for my Adjustment of Status.

USCIS error is cause for expedite, for I-129F approvals -

so keep that in mind as yer talking with a USCIS Tier 2 Human, an ISO, today.

Go Get Em !

Yup, you should talk to someone higher up about this.

However, you really shouldn't have booked the wedding before she actually arrived or at least had the visa secure in her hand.

There are money laundering laws involved here, so please be careful and research online how much money you can bring over the airport. Don't bring any cash over the limit or it will just give everyone trouble. It is best to carry as little cash as possible when travelling, just enough for what you need on the travel and some emergency money.

It is best if it is done from bank to bank, even if it's through his father.

I'm sorry about your wife and her mother, and the problems that came out of this. This is a tough situation indeed.

I suggest that you get all the documents and proof that you need, and file an appeal. You may even have to contact your congressman for some help here. Cite not just emergency of the situation when she had to leave the country right away, but also for humanitarian reasons.

Hi everyone!

I haven't been here for a while as I have been busy with work, family and the house, but I need some help again.

I have a distant cousin who just married a US citizen, but her case has a lot of problems:

1. She overstayed for about 9 years on a B-1 Diplomat Class Visa (not sure about this), and we are only guessing this from another cousin of hers who we assume entered with the same visa type. I am doubting this, as B-1 is tourist or business class, D is for crew members, and diplomats and their employees & immediate families are under the A visa.

2. She was religious and sheltered/naive young woman when she came here, and she didn't even want to come, although she had Diplomatic connections then and her family wanted her to stay here so brother hid her passport so that she couldn't go home (and she was homesick and miserable). She finally was able to steal her passport and run away from the brother, but she has already overstayed by then, so she lived in fear and in hiding.

3. She lost her passport within a few months of reacquiring it, but she was able to get a replacement from the Philippine Embassy. However, she doesn't have a copy of her VISA and I-94, and doesn't remember any details except the date of entry and the POE. Neither does she have any of the other documents related to her VISA and trip.

4. A few months ago, she got married to a long-time friend (5 years) who she has also been dating on and off all these years. He is a local celebrity and their relationship is well-documented and well-known by many, so there is no issue on proving the relationship.

5. Although she was overstayed, she has been working here for an agency and she has been paying taxes with her ITIN. She never got a Social Security number though.

My questions are:

1. Should they file for the I-102 (Application for Replacement/Initial Nonimmigrant Arrival-Departure Document) so that she can get at least a copy of her I-94, or should they just submit the I-130, I-485, I-765, and the supporting docs, even if she isn't even sure of her visa class and she has no I-94 or passport stamps? Personally, I think they should file for the I-102 at least.

2. Correct me if I'm wrong please. The fee for the I-130 is $420, the I-485 is $1,070 with biometrics, and the I-756 is free if filed concurrently with the I-485. So the total is $1,490? Do they write a separate check for each or just one check?

3. Should they file the I-102 and wait to have it before they file the AOS papers, or should they file them concurrently? The concern if they file it before the AOS, is that they red-flag her for overstaying and get deported. The concern for filing the AOS without the I-94 ready, is they could get an RFE or get rejected outright because she can't prove her legal entry.

4. When can she apply for a Social Security Number in California: today, after filing for AOS, after approval of AOS?

5. She has been paying taxes with her ITIN. How can those taxes be applied to her Social Security for her retirement?

6. When can she change her surname to that of her husband's?

Thanks a lot for all your help!

:-)

Kezia

ATTN: OP (or Mods)

Please update the links on the original posts, as they no longer work.

Thanks!

:-)

Kezia

Wow so many negative things about Filipina learning to drive. I gave my wife driving lesson and she did extremely well. I wonder if the problem is the person teaching? Maybe it has to do because I am a very careful person driving, patient, and good at explaining thing.

But I hear most men complaning about teaching their wife how to drive. It makes me feel maybe the teacher needs to learn to teach?

I definitely agree. For me, it was because my husband has always had patience issues especially when it comes to being in a line (whether it is in a grocery counter or on the street), and he can get too stressed out, therefore stressing me out to. When I finally passed my driving test, with my friend taking me instead of my husband, I passed it with an almost perfect score. And since then, I've been driving very well alone and with friends. However, when he is in the car with me, he still can't resist trying to dictate my every move, even on which direction to take and which lane to take, and it stresses me out and we still argue. He still has to learn that he can't always be in control.

As for highway and street driving, I feel more comfortable driving in the freeways. It's a lot easier and less stressful, compared to all the lane shifts, stopping and going, and watching all the cars coming from all directions when I'm driving on city streets. On the city streets, people who can't drive really well are driving, including some people who like one other poster's wife is driving too slow that it's dangerous for everybody.

-Kezia

They're right. There haven't been any coupons lately, except for new registrants. That's what I did last month.

Click this link, Register with a new email address and a different card. After entering the details of your beneficiary and your own information, at the next page where you review your transaction before confirmation, you will have an option to enter a COUPON CODE at the bottom. Type in "LIBRE" and then click Apply, so that there will be no charge for your first remittance. What's more, according to Xoom, if you were referred by someone else, you also get a gift card after a few weeks. I'm still waiting for mine, but my husband already got his after almost two months.

:-)

Kezia

any new coupons lately?

You are already married, how do you expect to get a marriage license? Duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You "second wedding" is for SHOW only, for the family, its not a REAL wedding, or at least it better not be. Just file your marriage cerficate that you ALREADY have with NSO and plan your "fun wedding" as a simple celebration for family.

I'm sorry but this topic really makes me scratch my head as to what someone is thinking....

Its Thursday here in the Phils, I hope you are just doing a ceromony for the pleasure of the family.

Actually, in the Philippines, you are allowed to have as many "official" and "legal" weddings, although they will only recognize the first one as the real official one. People usually get married in a civil wedding first, with people signing official documents, etc., and when people get married again in a church wedding, they can also have either a ceremonial one or one that is fully legal (with everyone including the ninongs & ninangs signing too) and registered with the NSO. Both or all the weddings can be registered with the NSO, and that's what usually happens, although when you write down your marriage date anywhere or when their records come up with multiple ones, the first one is the one that is written down or reported. My parents and my other relatives had the same experiences, and so does a lot of people in the Phils.

My difference is because we got married here and we still haven't reported our marriage to the consulate and therefore it's not yet in the NSO, so as far as the Phils is concerned, I'm still single. I was hoping that someone here had a similar experience, especially if the "for-show" wedding is not a church wedding but also another civil wedding (with a real judge) but a garden affair this time. If we were wed in the Phils and had to go through a "renewal of vows" wedding (civil or church) no matter how many times we'd have to do it, we wouldn't have this issue because all we'd need is our old marriage certificate. I hope that the Civil Registrars in the provinces can tell the difference and wouldn't be so ignorant to require us to give documents that says that we are both single.

We just want our second wedding to be also official and recorded, and to allow our ninongs and ninangs to sign the document with us, instead of having a purely ceremonial wedding.

I am in a situation almost similar to this. We are actually going home to the Philippines this Thursday (Apr 12), and we will have a garden wedding there so that my whole family would be able to witness us getting married.

We were already married here, but I didn't report the marriage to the NSO, thinking that we'd get married there again anyway and we don't want a duplicate of reports although we'd have two wedding dates (a US and a Phil one).

An uncle of mine who is a judge is the one who will officiate the wedding.

My first question is if it is really still necessary for us to get a marriage license and have it official there, or can we just have a ceremony and I'll just report our US marriage when we get back here next month?

My second question is if we would still be required to present documents as if we are single, or would a copy of our US Marriage Certificate be good enough, since it's just a renewal of vows anyway?

?

Kezia

If David is an impatient person then sure, he'll be especially volatile in this situation. So go easy on the whiskey and crank, put the .357 magnum in the safety deposit box, and make sure someone else is always with you.

Seriously, the best thing you can do is communicate clearly to each other. It sounds like you are trying.

Sure, every learner wants consistent instruction too. Inconsistent instruction is immediately stressful because now what do you choose. That's why context matters. When you are taking the test you have to take the tester's view, which is obedience to authority. When you got the hot Russian Mafia chick on board you plant the gas pedal on corners.

Hahaha! You really make me smile Robert. That's why we love you here on VJ, because you always makes sense and you also have a good sense of humor.

BTW, I finally got a compatible schedule with my friend, and she took me to the DMV this morning. Like my previous tests, I scored high on my test this morning, but unlike the previous tests, I had no auto-fail mistake. So yes, I passed. It helped a lot that I wasn't stressed out before I went to the test, which is what usually happened on the past test on the drive over, because my husband would make me "practice" for a few hours and we'd be getting into arguments because of the inconsistencies and his always hurrying me up on turns.

The tester made me go to a completely different route, and it wasn't even somewhere I've been before although I am fairly familiar with the neighborhood. He also said that I did very well and would have scored almost perfect (92) if I didn't take too many manuevers on the parallel parking (a 6-point deduction) and if he saw all my headchecks (minus 2 points). I am still amazed that they don't see all my headchecks because I do them twice, although I guess this is just a matter of timing if he was also turning his head the other way, because he did say that he saw most of my headchecks and that I did them twice each except for some that he didn't see. So I guess, I'm fine with that, and I passed anyway. For some reason though, I guess it's because I don't have that much practice with parallel parking anymore or I am just trying too hard to do it right, that I always mess up my parallel parking on the test, even if I did it perfectly several times just a few minutes before that. But again, it doesn't really matter anymore. I can practice all I want later, and I passed already. He also asked why I didn't pass the last ones, as I drove really well, and I had to explain each of my singular mistakes in the past tests that were auto-fails.

Anyway, I didn't feel very elated at passing like I would have normally expected, and I think what I felt was more justified and relieved that it's finally over. Because I had family over, I immediately went to pick them up at their hotel, and I've been driving and walking all over Las Vegas since 10AM and I just arrived home this 11PM. My husband was anxious, but I was happy to report to him that the whole day was uneventful when it came to my driving. I drove better alone or with other people, than I ever drove with him. I was calm, alert and even chatty, and I had almost perfect parks too. There wasn't a single incident of anyone honking their horn at me, even while we were at the busy Las Vegas Blvd and going in and out of it. I told him I was drove about 40 miles of freeway today too, and I did pretty well. Now, my friend and my aunt could report the same thing to him, and I hope that he will be less nervous and worried when I'm driving, so that I will also be less nervous when he is my passenger.

The sad thing with being soulmates is we feel each others' stress and pain, even when we were still over 7,000 miles away. We knew when the other was in pain or stressed out, even if one tried to hide it from the other. It's worse now that we are living together, because he actually gets sick when I'm sick, and vice-versa, even from something as basic as a headache or stomach pain. That's why we really need to work on trying to relax and not to stress each other out, because it's a viscious cycle. I wonder though if this means that he is going to be the one absorbing & feeling my pains and other crazy symptoms when I do get pregnant. Hehehe!

As a respiratory therpist treating patients with this symptom, I would suggest that he talks to his primary care physician to request a sleep study at a certified sleep lab. Snoring is one symptom of Obstructive Sleep Apnea. If it is concluded that he has OSA, a typical treatment is a CPAP device. Google Obstructive Sleep Apmea. Good luck.

I was going to say something almost exactly like this, but I saw this post. She is right, it's sleep apnea and could be fixed by a CPAP device or just by training him to sleep right. What I mean by the latter is by making him position himself on the side so that there's less chance of snoring, and training him to keep his mouth shut too.

My husband is the same way, and OMG he rocks the whole bed literally, or at least he used to when I first got here. My first step was waking him up everytime he snores really bad or starts having that choking-like noise or when he stops breathing for more than 10 seconds. The last two symptoms are what you really have to watch out for and they're really scary. He was very annoyed when I did that almost every few minutes during the first few days, but after that, he wouldn't even wake up or remember, and he would automatically adjust himself to a better position and close his mouth too.

Closing the mouth helps a lot, because an open jaw means more throat being pushed against each other (imagine it). Those things you buy that you wear like the invisalign in your teeth is meant to keep your lower jaw forward and minimize obstruction in your throat. It's very annoying to wear though, just like how the masks are also annoying to wear, so not a lot of people use them, especially those who can't help but salivate while there's something in their mouth. It's also expensive. It's cheaper just to train them to close their mouth, move their lower jaw a little forward (and it helps a lot if they are not sleeping on their back where the jaw naturally goes down by gravity).

People who also breath through their mouth when they are sleeping tend to always have a stuffy nose all the time. That's because the air you breath is not properly filtered and heated up (which is the main job of the nose), so the lungs signal the brain to signal the nose to produce more filters (thus the more liquid in your nose making it stuffy, and makes you snore more). So if he breathes through his mouth when he is asleep, you'd better train him out of it, because not only is he damaging his lungs with unheated and unfiltered air, he is also snoring a lot that it bothers you both.

Sleep training works. I already have several successful trainees, including my youngest brother, two cousins and a family friend. My husband is not fully trained yet, and he still opens his mouth sometimes and he still snores sometimes, but at least not as bad as when I first slept with him. I think it's harder to train him because he is older, and maybe because he is also always stressed out at work (and snores bad when he is super tired) and also because he is a little overweight (although he is already working on it and already lost 22 pounds in a month).

So yes, in summary, you can try the following at home methods: sleep training by waking him up and making him change position, and by making him close his mouth (which I strongly believe he also does as all the snoring people I know does that), and maybe lose weight.

If it's really bad and you think he seriously needs weight, a sleep study and medical intervention/advice are what he might need more.

Good luck!

:-)

Kezia

Haha! Pro Tip #1: Do not teach wife to drive while on starvation diet.

Pro Tip #2: When taking the driving test, tell the instructor what you are doing: "I'm stopping before the sign, looking right, looking left, etc..." So they can't accuse you of forgetting.

Pro Tip #3: Now that you have done the right thing saying you react too slow to David's instructions: tell him you understand why that frustrates him. Instead of laying down the bill of indictment for his crimes of inconsistent instruction. You are in a car that can kill you or other people - especially at highway speeds. This is a team effort to stay alive and not kill anyone else.

Flunking the driving test twice, geez. That record unfortunately weighs very heavily against you being a good driver. Kind of a no-brainer there, Kezia. I'm pretty certain you don't repeat your husband's instructions back to him. If you did just that much it would eliminate a lot of stress.

Hahaha! You make me smile, Robert. Yup, his being on a diet may have contributed to it, but if you've read my other post about his stress levels at lines, I think it's more of that that's making him so impatient.

As for highway speeds, I'm good with that and I'm not really slow. He even allowed me to drive for 3 hours on the way to California last month, and he trusted me and praised me for being alert and being able to see the possible dangers ahead and around me, including a fast car changing lanes using the right lane about 3 cars behind me. I was also great with changing lanes and with thinking & acting ahead to avoid or prevent those possible dangers (just like the car backing up from the driveway with my first tester). He was nervous at first while we were still getting out of Las Vegas, but when he saw that I was doing well despite all the other speeding cars and many trucks, he started to relax and had more praises for my driving (while I get almost nothing but criticism when we are on city streets).

It's mostly on city streets especially on turning corners that he gets really agitated with my driving. To him, I take too long to turn and I don't accelerate from a stop fast enough for him, or I slowed down too much while turning (to have better control). Unconsciously, he is always thinking of other people behind me who are getting impatient or mad for my being "too slow", because that is how he is with other cars who take too long to turn.

That's what frustrated and confuses me, because when I'm with him, I'm always "too slow" or "too indecisive" with turning, but when I'm with other people like all the three testers, they think that I am too anxious or impatient and should wait more. BTW, in all 3 tests, directly and indirectly, it's that "impatience" that ultimately lead to my bad move and auto-fail. (Thank you BTW for the verbalizing tip.)

That's why that big fight erupted a couple of days ago, because we went back to that same small roundabout in that residential area where I tried to get in the roundabout while there was still a car in there. When we got there, it was the same situation and there was a car who entered the opposite exit just as I was about to enter from across the roundabout. I stopped and told him that it was exactly what happened except that last time I got into the small roundabout because I thought that it was big enough for both of us and I also had enough time between him and me for me to be able to get ahead of him. He wouldn't listen to I was saying and wanted me to get into the small roundabout because just like before I had enough time to get ahead of the other car. What he actually said was that he doesn't care what the tester said because this time he was the instructor and was therefore the "God" in the car. I kept on arguing with him becuase that's precisely why I get confused, because he always makes me want to GO, but the testers want me to be more careful. I also got very frustrated then and wouldn't stop arguing because he wasn't listening to my point.

As a student, I need consistency, and I especially need to learn and do more what is legally expected of me, or at least what the DMV testers expect of me, because in order for me to pass the test, in the bottom-line, they are the "Gods", not my husband. After I get my license, then maybe I could start driving as crazy as he does.

Anyway, after he calmed down enough (the next day), and after several text exchanges (because I wouldn't talk to him coz he doesn't listen anyway), he finally absorbed what I've been trying to tell him, AND realized that it may be another issue related to his stress/impatience with "lines". He has already improved a lot with the checkout lines, although he would still slip every now and then until I remind him about it, but I'm not so sure if it would be as easy for him to be in control of his own stress/impatience when it comes to driving.

It doesn't matter who is driving (me, him, a friend or a stranger), he always gets impatient with what he considers slow drivers or bad drivers. The main difference with me is he can yell at me, while he can only make gestures at other cars, and he can only whisper his comments to me when it's our friends driving with us. Luckily for me, despite his impatience and crazy driving (which he calls aggressive-defensive driving, and I agree that he's both), he is a very good driver with very fast reflexes and also always aware of possible dangers around us, or I'd always be scared of his crazy moves. I trust him enough that when we once had a problem with out tire and we ended up skidding almost out of control in the freeway, I just braced myself and didn't scream nor get scared. I wish that someday I'd have the same skills that he has that helped us out of that very bad situation which could have been a surely deadly accident for a lesser driver. I always remember that incident, that's why I always give enough following space in front of me, and I do my best not to get too close to trucks (not just coz they are big and has poor visibility, but also because rocks come flying around even if they have mudflaps) and other drivers who are showing poor driving skills on the freeway.

My husband is a very good man. He's just got a lot of small issues that we are still trying to fix. He tries a lot, and I try my best to help him out, but when he is in the middle of those annoying/frustrating actions or habits, it really tries my patience. I've always been known for my patience, that's why I'm a good teacher and a good elder sister or cousin, but boy oh boy, marriage really taught me to be more patient and enduring. I'm not just his wife and bestfriend, but I'm also his teacher, mother and shrink. Hehehe! I understand though, and he's got a lot of adjustment to do especially because he has been living alone for a long time and he doesn't really know enough how to be with other people for an extended period of time.

Anyway, thank you everyone for somehow being part of this frustrating experience. It's also a lesson for both of us, and at least now he has accepted that he not only stresses out more than I do (thereby stressing me too) but that he's got the same impatience problem with driving like he has already admitted to checkout lines or any other lines (even a queue on customer service on a phone).

I might or might not reschedule my next driving test next week or maybe the next, but this time without him. I hope that I can find a free time with DMV that will match my friends' schedules soon. For now, I'm stressing out on the results of my bid on a very big project, which BTW he also stressed me out and annoyed me just when I was rushing to submit before the deadline. Geez! When will he ever learn not to show that he is stressed out for me because it will not help me at all but just stress me out too. I guess it could be unavoidable because he cares for me a lot.

:-)

My hubby taught me how to drive. Even though I've driven in the Philippines before as well, I just kept quiet and let him teach me as if I was learning for the first time. He was very patient with me, and I was patient with him. Everything was fine, until we started practicing parallel parking (something I never did in the Philippines) and I got so frustrated that I cried, and he just kept saying "You can do this. Try again." and I did, once, twice, until I must have done it 20 different times. I passed my test the first time. Also, he only started teaching me 3 days before so that it won't be too stressful. It worked for us! I know it's really frustrating and annoying, but be patient with yourself and with him. He is only trying to help you even though it comes across as nagging. I know when I passed I just gave my hubby a big hug and told him that he is no longer allowed to comment on my driving now that I have my license. And he hasn't, except to say that I have gotten better! lol. Goodluck and don't give up! You survived AOS, you can survive the DMV!

You didn't parallel park in the Philippines? Wow! You must have lived in some classy neighborhoods, because I thought that all we did in the Phils is parallel park except in malls. :-P

Oh, and on the test. Sorry but being second in line does not count for making the stop. Even if you were that close to the intersection. I agree most drivers in practice will do exactly as you did but during a test, no.

It might be what the tester thought too. The other testers agreed with me though that the legal stop is always behind the pedestrian lane, just before that white line. They also told me that you are not required to stop again at the other end and on top of the pedestrian lane, as long as you have full visibility. I did the legal stop, and I had full visibility on all sides. I just did not move forward and stop again, although I did a slow roll after a few seconds (which might what she thought as another rolling stop), before I was fully confident that I could really go ahead and go faster. I'm always slow at accelerating from a stop, and I deliberately do that on turns like that because I like having enough time to double and triple check before I go roaring into the next street.

I may accept that stop or no stop was a misunderstanding because of my slow acceleration, but his other lies about me turning my head are acceptable. Almost everyone who drove with me would comment that I look too much or that I don't have to turn my head twice, but she did not notice or just plainly lied about it because I dared to explain myself to contradict her statement.

I want to add that driving too slow is also very hazardous. Especially if you merge into traffic and are going much slower than the rest, the other cards can rearend you. The safest speed to drive is the speed of traffic. I was driving 70 down a highway (as was everyone else) and someone turned on to the road in front of me, waaayyyyyy down the way. I should have never even got near them. But, then they drove at about 10 mph. I came up on them extremely fast and had to slam on my brakes. If I had been even slightly less alert I would have hit them and it would have been a pile up.

Driving school. Driving is about confidence and quick decisions. Too fast or too slow is bad driving.

I agree with you. When I first got here, I was always commenting how everyone is always driving over the speed limit... sometimes 20-30mph over speed limit. Just a few weeks ago, we were in a highway on the way to California, and I was already driving 80mph in the middle lane of what was supposed to be a 75 zone (I think), but people were still zooming beside me on the fast lane like there were doing 90mph or 100mph. Crazy! Whenever we see cars driving in the speed limit, we immediately know that there is a cop ahead. Hehehe!

I don't really drive slow, but yes, driving slow especially in a freeway could really cause accidents. We both avoid those kind of cars, and my husband drives even more crazy in trying to avoid what he thinks are bad drivers.

What he criticizes me for being slow in, is in reacting to his commands to change lane here, turn there, making a right turn here, etc. He thinks that I freeze up sometimes. I agree with that, but not to the extent that he thinks. I just don't accelerate as fast as he likes me to, and when he says to GO or STOP, my feet is actually already on the accelerator or the break, but he just doesn't feel it right away because I don't slam on them. I did that several times when I had to, but it felt out of control and just scared me, so I try to have controlled breaks and accelerations, until I can do them like he does. I also don't always merge into traffic at right turns or change lanes when he tells me too, because I know just how fast or how slow I can do that so I know when I don't have enough time to do it, so he thinks that I am always hesitating, which to a point he is right about. The fast reaction time comes with practice and experience, so for now, I am following the correct following distances and sometimes even more if it's a truck or some car with a guy on his phone not paying attention.

First of all, let's not generalized. My husband taught me how to drive in the US and it worked for us. He was extremely patient and understanding, and I was a good listener and accepted his corrections even though I did not agree with them sometimes (we talked about it after each lesson, not during the lesson), I trusted him and he trusted me. I passed my test in the first try because I felt confident and at the same time my husband made me feel confident. The instructor told me after the test that he wouldn't have known that I started learning few months ago, I took that as a compliment.

Nowadays, I have a job that requires a lot of driving and I consider myself to be a good driver. I gained more confident afterwards driving by myself but at the beginning I needed my husband to show me the way. It is funny because usually I am the one who drives when we go out. From time to time I still ask him what to do in certain situation when driving and when he drives he might ask sometimes: "is your side clear?" to confirm when crossing an intersection. We are a team, it is just the way we operate and it has worked for us.

To teach and to learn how to drive requires a lot of patient and confident at the same time. You don't want to be in a rush, angry or indecisive because not only your life can be at risk but other people's.

For what I read, I would suggest what others have suggested, talk to husband, go to a driving school, practice with someone that makes you feel comfortable, and get your DL. Hopefully, you and him can make it work. Remember that what matters at the end is that you are both happy!

Thanks!

You are a very lucky girl.

We are usually a very good team at everything else. However, somehow, there's just something in him that makes him very impatient and stress out with other people driving (because he would be making almost the same comments later when we are passengers in my other friends' cars, or if we are in a convoy with other cars). He also gets very impatient and temperamental at check-out counters. We've also had a bad fight over that, because he used to be very impatient at lines and really used to treat me like a slow and stupid kid at a checkout counter. I knew I was slow, but I was still learning the self-check-out, and I would always forget to pull out my card ahead of time so that I could have it ready. We already talked about that and his apparent disrespect of me when he is acting out that way. He finally realized that he has always had problems with lines and he gets stressed out, all the time, whether it be a check-out line, a line for the doctors' office, or in the streets with cars. He has learned to be patient on the previous ones, but he still forgets on the latter. He doesn't like to be inconvenienced and delayed, but he hates it more when he is the cause of the delay so he gets really really stressed out and used to always rush through the check-out counters and such.

And to all the others who still think that I'm a "blame everyone but me" girl, read again closely, and see just how many faults I have admitted. I'm no conspiracy theorist, although I do have some conspiracy theories that I believe it ;-) but that is another topic. Anyway, just because some other girls you know are like that, doesn't mean that every girl or every person is. Don't judge me yet, and read more and closely. I am here to vent out, ask for some feedback/advice, or at least some more examples to see that I'm not the only one with the same problem, because yes, I also want to feel better (knowing that I'm not alone in this kind of frustrating experience) and I also want some sympathy.

Please pass this note to your husband.

What you don't want, is your wife, or anyone, driving faster than they feel they can make decisions about what happens next. Are slow drivers frustrating? Yes. You're an adult, get over it. You will be much happier with a safe wife who doesn't cost you money in fines, or accidents, divorce fees, because YOU like to drive faster. Ps, I like to drive fast, I hated being with my wife driving, my annoyance made her more self-conscious, which led to her messing up more. We are no longer married. That wasn't the reason, but it didn't help.So let her learn with someone else. And when you're together, you drive, then it's not an issue. Everyone wins.

Thanks for the advice. I actually already told him the same thing, except for the divorce part. No one is divorcing anyone in this marriage, so everyone please quit suggesting that. Arguments and some quarrels here and there are a healthy part of every relationship, not just marriages. It is how we handle them that makes us get to know each other better and makes us stronger. We are still crazy in love with each other and will stay that way. We are soulmates who literally waited a long time to find each other.

I'm sorry for what happened to you and your ex-wife, but I don't believe that it will happen to us. We are both still adjusting, and we have already went a long way since we first got to know each other... which seems much longer (maybe 10x longer) than we actually have been.

If he's yelling something like "OMG! You're going to hit that tree!!" then it's fine. Other than that, don't get used to it. Even if you don't mind right now, if he gets used to yelling at you all the time, it will eventually escalate into more complex issues.

Also, by what you said, you're a good driver already. Go practice with a friend for a while, then go take the driving test with said friend or by yourself. Once you pass, share the good news with the husband.

Hahaha! Nothing serious like that. Again, the closest we've come to some accident was when I was pulling out into traffic ahead of someone and he thought that I didn't see them.

There was another incident that was almost the similar, and I admit that I miscalculated a little, but there wouldn't have been any accident. What happened that time was I was in the middle lane, and there was two cars beside me on the right lane, and I wanted to go into that lane. When the one beside me put in a right turn signal in, slowed down and they both appeared to turn into the driveway, I sped up and took the chance to get to their lane, because there were no cars ahead of them and even as I was looking into my side mirror while I was during the change lanes (which I do not just before but during too), the one car was almost on a rolling stop while it was turning into the driveway. My mistake was thinking that the car who was almost bumper to bumper behind him was also turning, because he thought that I cut him off, even if I already speed up and way ahead before the car in front of him got out of his way after his turn. He was mad, and after we did the next right turn and he finally caught up with us, he slammed on his accelerator and roared right beside me while I was turning into our apartment driveway. That's just an example of how sensitive and temperamental drivers here could be.

I've actually been planning to go to the test with my friend, but he keeps volunteering himself, and it's also been tough to get a common free time with my friend lately. Now, (or at least for now), he is more agreeable to having someone else take me, so we don't stress each other out.

I think I am starting to HATE HER TOO!! I really really hate her for expecting people to drive safely!!...I hate her for not passing unsafe drivers!! I hate her for not passing you even after you politely explained why you followed the car in front of you without stopping. I mean for goodness sakes...accidents are logical!!

Because it's a mad mad mad conspiracy!! The testers have conspired against you!! I would be surprised if David isn't behind it. Pulling the strings like an evil DMV puppet master.

Haven't I just wrote that I knew (and accepted) what I did wrong with the last two testers? actually I knew immediately after I did it, and sometimes before they even said something. I know how to accept mistakes and criticism, and I even solicit them when not freely given, and everyone else who taught me knows that, even David accepts that, after he is calmed down. I have always been a good learner.

As for the first tester, she really just wasn't paying attention so either she didn't see me stop for several seconds before the pedestrian lane (which BTW is the legal place to stop) while waiting for the other car blocking two traffics (one lane going forward or right where I was, and the right most lane of the perpendicular traffic where we were both turning), or she really wanted me to stop again at the very end after the pedestrian lane (which is a safer way to stop and look if you don't have good visibility) even if I had complete visibility all around me (no car beside me) and no cars coming from the left from the perpendicular traffic who could go into that lane that I was turning into.

I also knew that she wasn't paying attention earlier before that either, because she shrieked when a car pulled out of the driveway almost right in front of us and would have hit us if I wasn't stopped about a car length away beside his driveway. I knew that he was pulling out and wasn't looking, so I slowed down and prepared to stop just in case he would suddenly pull out, which he did, but that woman wasn't paying attention so she was surprised and mad. She even wanted me to honk my horns really hard, which she even said is what she would have done and she usually does. I just smiled and calmly told her that there was no need for that because it might just make the other driver mad (which happens too often here and ends up with people shouting each other and with rude gesturing, and sometimes other deadly forms of road rage), or surprise him into having a more dangerous reaction by slamming into his gas pedal (which was the one he was on at that moment) instead of his breaks. For all I know, he was another beginner driver. Besides, he already saw us as soon as he pulled out. In the Philippines, people use their horns all the time, but softly, just to remind people (mostly pedestrians) that they are there, and people are used to it, although sometimes the horn blowing and the road rage could also get out of hand. From what I observed here in the US, and she even agreed with me, people get mad easily when someone blows their horns at them.

And again, sorry for the typos or extra or missing words on my previous messages, as they were from my phone.