yellow_flower

Hello Everyone,

Though I can share our experience here in America with my 2 young kids against my horrible life with my husband. We move here last year September 2010. I married to a US citizen guy and we have son which is 7 years old now and I have my own daugther before I marry him which is 9 years old now. It takes like 4 years the process of our Visa due to denial and re process again. I moved here with my 2 young kids knowing that life in america with him is heaven and a nice future to my children. I am wrong!! our life comes out Hell since we got here. My husband is way to old to me for like 20 years gap,. He is so emotionally abusive person..everytime he comes home we end up fighting, he love yelling at me infront of my children we started in a little conversation and it end up big because he never listen and he thinks whatever he decide is right and am always end up wrong. He is controlling me for my decision and for all my life. He dont like me having asian friend, he dont like me being exposed, he dont like me to have my freedom. He said that whatever he wants me to do I have to do it. He is so greedy, money and food. If he leave home and give me 20bucks when he comes back he expected reciept or prove what i spent on the money, I cannot even get a job because he dont want me to get a job he said I should only take care of him and the kids and thats all.

I stand behind him on all his decisions in a few months eventhought I am not happy..my first christmas here in America is full of tears we didnt celebrate the christmas because he is not in the mood to do. We went to church but he left us bcoz his dog jump out to his car and that we have to walk in a white snow freezing christmas eve carrying my 2 kids to get back home.

After a months behind his back-- finally stand on my feet! A friend of mine sponsor me to get to school nursing aid just to be able to handle myself and get a better job and not such to depend on him..I told him about my plan he wasnt happy because he said that my salary in nursing aid a week is enough to pay the taxes and babysitters to my kids.

My children is afraid of him ( his own son,and my daughter) there is no moment that I never cried of what he did to me, he is emotionally abusive to me..he yelled and embarrashed me infront of people even we go shopping our food he yelled to me if i cannot hear what he said. God Knows I felt so much pain beside him.

2 days ago, I called his phone, let him know that I got a call from school about my daughter personal problem which I think my daughter is affected of what is happening to our life here, my daughter is begging me to go back to Philippines where they are happy and they are not happy here. Anyway, the school called me to schedule a meeting regarding my daughter and I told him and I said I felt sad because I blame to him what is going on and I ask him if he can do it or he cares for the family then i ask him to change his attitude and show a little respect to me or stop yelling at me infront for the children I said to him if he wont change then its better for us to go back To Philippines where we are happy and my childrens. He said to me and he work his #### to feed us and I have the nerve to blame all this to him. I just ask him to change his nasty attitude but he dont understand. I call a friend of mine to sleep 1 night at her house just to get away from him and want him to think what he done to us. but dispite it comes out really bad.

He turn on my friend back and sending my friend nasty messages he was mad on my friend of giving us a room for a night to sleep. then when we go back home the next day he wasnt here but he leave me a note in the wall that he is not coming back and that i have to support the children on my own. I am so confused!! I dont know what i've done wrong to him of treating us like this. We have such a terrible moment here in USA and the sad part is why my children have to be here to witness this life. My children born with so much love and care to my family, they grow up of laughters and smiles and hugs with my loving families..then when we move here what they saw is my tears, yelling, and my terrible husband. I dont know what to do..

My daugther is a green card holder for 10 years and so I am. my son is a us citizen here in America.

what my plan is...to send them back to Philippines...after my graduation and once i get my reimbursement back from my school. I dont know if my plan is right, but I like to go back to Philippines and leave my children to my family and I go back here to work and send support to them. I know from myself that I cannot handle my 2 children here with my miserable life. I dont drive here and currently a student. I dont know what to do. He left us yesterday with nothing, no food in the fridge and no money, how can I support my children in this situation and the apartment is behind the rent. I dont know what to do. please anybody give me advice on what to do If i send my children back in Philippines for their own safety and what will happen to thier citizenship and my daughter 10 years greencard?

please I need an advice I have a friend willing to loan money to buy ticket just to take my children back to Philippines.

I expected answer please...

thank you!

hi there. am a Filipina too. am currently residing with my husband in Missouri.

you are getting a lot of good advise from the members here. so get a hold of yourself and listen. lakasan mo ang loob mo. you can do this. you just need to bring out that fighting spirit.

Hi everyone, im just very confuse so if anyone of you who have this i apreciate your opinion.

ok, i just got aproved last week for my fiancee visa but than now my fiance (boyfriend) discuss with me about having pre-nup ,that before we get married i have to agree and sign. and according to him that it written that If we got divorce i will get a pay out of 5thousand$ a year whatever year i stayed with him. and that i am not eligeble half of his assets which i undrestand. and he offer me $200 POCKET MONEY while i dont have earning and once im earning i got nothing.. i am working right now in singapore and im earning ok . im a bit worried that this matter wont do me any good. I really want to settle down with him but i feel that im not secured with his condition as i felt i am stranger to him. i dont know but i never encounter here in asia having this kind of agreement.. i appreciate if any one of you can give an opinion for this .Thank you..

when a person, whether a man or a woman asks for a pre-nup - it means that person was hurt very bad in the past and is having difficulty trusting a new partner as far as finances is concerned. try and talk to your fiance about this. what exactly is bugging him before you throw yourself into the fire. I can see from your details that you are more or less established in Singapore. sayang kung iiwan mo ang naumpisahan mo, tapos mag uumpisa ka sa wala pagdating mo dito.

alam mo, hindi naiiba ang condition ko sa'yo. that's why even if I haven't slept yet, I logged in here to send you this reply. I used to work in an embassy in the Phils. my daughter studies in a private school and I have a small but beautiful and well equipped apartment in Makati. in other words, love na lang talaga ang kulang. when my friend (now my husband) proposed marriage, we had lots of arrangement. kse nga we both had bad relationship in the past. hindi man in writing, we held strong to these arrangements. on my part ayaw ko ng sinungaling, baon sa utang at maraming issues sa buhay. on his part, he asked that I don't take his house (in case the relationship doesn't work out) and I help out sa bayaran sa bahay.

fast forward. 1-hr before I met my in-laws, my fiance told me about a pre-nup I need to sign. I wasn't shocked but I was wondering why. gosh, kung kelan I am already in the US why bring that up? fine, we met my in-laws. they started talking about my fiance's ex etc etc. I was very straight forward with them. they can put whatever conditions in the pre-nup provided I get to put 3 conditions for myself: 1) let me and help me find work. the soonest I find work, I will find my own house so he could keep his house if that means so much to him 2) though shall not get jealous of my job and make an issue out of it. I have a record of being dedicated and passionate at work, palagi ako na po-promote na nagiging cause ng insecurity ng lalake. and 3) in case the relationship turns bad, give me at least 30days notice to pack my stuff and leave. no questions asked.

believe it or not, I didn't even see the paper they were talking about!!! that was in Sep2010.

I will confess that of my 7mos marriage, about 80% is hell - thanks to my stepchildren. now na nakuha ko na EAD ko at SSN, I am able to look for a job. my aim is to find my own place to stay and be independent. I told my husband na since hindi tao ang trato sa akin ng mga anak nya, hindi ako magbabayad ng share ko sa utilities. nek nek nya! anyway, grabe and competition dito with regards to work. even if you are educated, the opportunity is limited - depends on which state you reside.

so if I were you, pag-isipan mong mabuti. aanhin mo ang pag-ibig kung araw-araw umiiyak ka... hindi pa kayo kasal ganyan na ang conditions nyo. what more kung kasal na kayo at magbago na naman ang isip nya?

Hello, I live north of Boston and would like a recommendation of an immigration service. I see many offering this service (especially on this site). I am on a tight budget, so cost is also a factor. I am not sure how important having a local service is. Perhaps it is not. My fiance lives in the Philippines. thanks!

hi 2step,

my name is Julie aka yellow_flower in VJ. pls advise your fiancee to look up the group PRETTY LADIES (VJ members) in Facebook. there are a lot of us there and we guide the newbies on what to do (whether its K1 or CR1). its like a mini visajourney.com but specifically for Filipinas.

OR, you may let me know your fiancee's name in Facebook so I could look her up. don't worry, no charges here. we just want to see a fellow Filipina happy

you don't need to spend anything. we'll help you all the way. plus your fiancee will be able to find friends even if she hasn't arrived in US soil yet.

regards!

Julie

Kirksville, Missouri

I went a did some research of my own. The consulate in Abu Dhabi has varied results. I'm a bit worried. It seems that others from middle eastern counries are put on AP, but females from the Philipines go right on through

I am so scared!!! I have been obsessing over this all day! My fiance is a Pakistani National, but he was born and raised in the Emirates. He has never spent more than 2 months in Pakistan. Also, we both have previous marriages, I have kids, and I am older than him (only by 5 years). OMG! I am so convinced we will get AP.

Can anyone calm me down? I need sleep and we still have over 2 months until our interview!

hi I+H, try to relax. ok?

from what I understand in your thread, AP in Pakistan is no different from the usual K1 visa processing in the Phils. pls don't just rely on the number of successful females from the Philippines that are able to get approved. do review the timeline as well. for example, the average wait for an NOA1 is about 6-8mos. that just NOA1 alone. one has to wait for another month or so before NOA2 arrives. if there's no RFE, good. otherwise, that would constitute another period of waiting. and so on and so forth. so from USCIS to US Embassy in Pakistan, what was your waiting time???

also consider, the size of the embassy in Pakistan and its diplomatic relations. even if the staff is efficient, how much cooperation is it getting from Pakistani government as far as security screening is concerned? with the ongoing terrorist threat, only heaven knows what's going on out there.

by the way, I used to work for an embassy in the Philippines. I was told that my boss who used to handle Administration, also had to handle Consular section in Pakistan coz nobody wants to get posted there! do u have any idea how difficult it is to work in a non-English speaking environment?! goodness gracious... you probably need to do body language.

hey, your already waiting for your visa interview in 2mos time. that's great! some Filipina women don't even know what's going. you know what these Filipinas did to lower down their tension??? they COMMUNICATED and compared notes. to those who did their homework right, bravo! to those who didn't even check their notes, sorry.

my Filipina best friend is a teacher in the Philippines. she was denied K1 the first time due to lack of proof of relationship. we weren't aware of visajourney.com back then. both my friend and her beau are religious, hence they don't have 'sweet' posed pictures. too bad she can't tell the Consul that they had a PhP 500,000.00 mock wedding.

lastly, I wish to inform you that I am a Filipina too and the first time my fiance applied for K1 visa in 2007 - USCIS informed my fiance that our paperwork was LOST. as simple as that! my fiance filed again in 2009. same thing, our paperwork got lost. but this time, we were prepared and re-sent EVERYTHING to USCIS faster than a speeding bullet. I arrived in US soil in Sep 2010.

so if you're still nerve-racked after reading this, you probably need to see a doctor and request for some medication that would make you feel relaxed. kudos!

It is interesting that BDO allowed your DS-160. Were you able to print the confirmation page for your DS-160? Did you use the confirmation page at BDO?

After another VJ member submitted the DS-160 online, the USEM emailed her, telling her that K-1ers do not use the new DS-160.

Yes, the printed copy of the Confirmation Page was the one I showed to BDO Corporate Center branch located along Makati Avenue. After I clicked 'send by email' - I received an email confirmation the following day. That DS-160 was a real pain. Took me 4 hrs to accomplish (for myself and my daughter).

Dear Honeybear, when I went to BDO to pay for my K1 visa fee, they asked for a DS-160. When I went for my interview on June 21, 2010 - I showed the same DS-160 form, together with my appointment confirmation at the gate.

When I was inside the Immigration Section, I was informed I need to submit 2 copies of DS-156, a copy of DS-156K, and 2 copies of DS-157. If you can't find it online via US embassy website, try to Google for it. You need a draft to work on prior to your interview. You can secure a copy of the above mentioned forms at the Embassy, but mind you, it would be stressful. Nakaka conscious pa!

hi there, having read ur storyline and the subsequent replies of the members here - I do agree that you shouldnt be spending more than US$ 1,000.00 (prevailing exchange rate in Makati banks = US$ 1.00:PhP 44+). your destination is in Butuan City in Mindanao. thats province area. mostly nature, not too much malls.

if you are going to stay with your gf and settle for home cooked meals 75-85% of the time, you should do well. I am from Makati by the way (Brgy Poblacion, just at the back of Rockwell Power Plant Mall). whenever my fiance is here, he settles for home cooked meals. we take turns cooking. I get to show him what Filipinos cook and eat, and he'd show me what he knows to cook and like to eat. apart from the bonding time, twas a way for us to get to know each other very well. I dont bring him though when I go to the marketplace coz I wont be able to bargain for a lower price (people here have this mentality that if your bf is a foreigner it means big bucks). we'd have dinner outside every now and then. he does that to give me a break from cooking, also bcoz he loves to eat at this korean resto. our average expenditure at kaya korean resto in jupiter street, makati city is PhP 1200-1500. but thats fine dining and 2 servings of spicy squid for him haha! my sis who is a programmer and travels a lot says, dinner in a nice resto in Mindanao area shouldnt be more than PhP 700.

the better person to orient you of these things would be your gf coz she is from there.

when my fiance and I were in the get-to-know each other stage, he asked me a lot of questions like: how many are you in the house, how big is your place, how many and what type of elect appliances you have, how much is your elect bill, how much do you spend monthly on food, clothing, leisure etc. he also asked about means of transport (jeep, taxi, bus, LRT, horse drive carriage). he also asked about basic commodities like how much is a kilo of rice, fish (depends on the kind of fish), pork, beef, chicken, veggies. we talked about what we like and dont like to eat. he asked how often I watch a movie in the nearby cinema, what do I do for fun etc. whats the average meal in a fine dining resto, at a corner etc.

while some people claim such questions bother them, it reality these are the typical questions I get at work from expats wanting to set-up their business in the Phils. when I finally realised the questions were aimed at me and not just an economy assessment of the Phils, I emailed him an excel file with a breakdown of my monthly salary with a planning budget from Jan-Dec. thats it, I passed my exam. Hahaha! am not joking, I do plan my life like so. and I carry a print-out of that excel file in my wallet to remind me not to go overboard when I spend.

the bottom line is, if your gf really really loves you, she will do everything and anything to protect you. she'd even tell u hey, dont spend so much. the important thing is we're together.

I do agree that in chatting, you get to know a person. but I do recommend that you meet each first and get to know each other very very well before thinking of getting married. marriage is a life long commitment, it isnt just a piece of paper. if you want to offer marriage because you want to prove to her (and her family) that your intentions are true, then you are not being fair - to yourself and to the girl. get married because it is something that BOTH of you want and because BOTH of you are ready for whatever will come your way.

when I first met D2B in 2006, my family was against the idea (we're not even bf-gf). but I insisted that my parents (especially my mother) meet him, at least to show Filipino hospitality. I gave him a despedida party (seafood buffet) not knowing twas his birthday. overtime, he got closer to my family and believe it or not, he and my mum get along very well. I for one, do not agree in lavish wedding. you are getting married because you want to spend your life with that person. when the two of u fight, are u going to call those 100 guests who attended your wedding to patch you up? NAH!

I am not sure how much the church fee costs but it shouldnt be more than 3,500 pesos. I read here someone suggested, you go get a fixer. dont u dare if you dun want to get "fixed." google up for Butuan City Hall. if they have an email, you can ask for procedure/guidelines. ah just to let you know, I organized my cousins wedding last Dec 2009. we spent approx 50,000 pesos for 100 guests. can show u her site in Facebook. I still have the budget file with me. if you need, just email me so I could pass to you and give you more tips on how to cut cost. you can give a dream wedding for your girl, just dont invite her entire clan and community! I'll get back to you about marriageable age. I know they raised it. you see, I couldnt marry my ex back then coz of that. he had to get parental consent (thank goodness I didnt get married! LoL)