Kim & Delvy

ticket was purchase after first email

Yep. Ticket was purchased last Friday. Email came last Friday. But, clearly, if I thought it was something to be concerned about, I wouldn't have bought the ticket. But, my gut and experience tells me it's all a farce.

I'm sure that if the mystery Facebook person had evidence of such it would be on Facebook.

Kim, listen to your instinct, and I believe you do have some concerns, if you didn't you would never had posted this on a public board. R 'e-read your last statement, who would have any interest in breaking up your marriage. This is your marriage and how you handle it is your business, but remember this situation is not unusual.

See...my instincts tell me that this is not true and that it's the act of someone looking to trash something good or to see retribution for the cousin's murder.

I posted to see what other people thought of the situation. Not to listen to people that I don't know and don't know me. That would be ridiculous. I agree that the situation is forked up, but I have safeguarded my money and my lifestyle from any such risk. Only thing at risk would be my feelings, and if you knew me, you'd know that that isn't a big risk. Again...I'm not overly romantic. I'm a realist. I am also very keen, so I tend to see people for who they are, not for who I want them to be.

I don't feed into drama or BS. That's crazy!

I dunno, Kim...are you sure you're just not too scared to see the proof?

Nah. Proof wouldn't scare me. Why would it? I'm very (very) self sufficient and self reliant, thus...if there were proof, I'd have no problem with being like... this marriage is a wrap. Good luck (ex-hubby)...vaya con Dios. I'm too special/important/significant to not value my own life/future/happiness.

So, if there was any proof to be had, I'm sure it would have surfaced by now. The fact that the sender is anonymous speaks to their credibility. I could find any of you people on Facebook and do the same. That doesn't make it true...

If it ever happen to me I'd send a reply to that 'message' and ask for proof (since the 'sender' seems to be interested in my well-being and want to protect me of a scammer). If it's true then there should be proof, such as pictures, names, letters... if the 'sender' didnt reply or couldnt get you any real proof but a word of mouth, then it have a more posibility that it's a make up story.

First....ADORABLE BABY!!!!! CONGRATS!

Anya-D: I totally hear you!!! I was tempted to reply to the sender after today's message asking for proof, but I think the story is so far fetched that it's probably torturing the sender that I'm not responding. I can only imagine their agony that I'm not buying into the lie.

I vote for rocking up completely unannounced. Don't tell ANYONE you're going. Don't tell your husband, or your mother, or sister or anyone.

Another idea would be to reply to them and ask for evidence (pics of him with the woman & child). I would ask them for the phone number of the woman/child, and/or the address.

Another idea could be to tell the poster that you're no longer together or that you knew about it all along or that your relationship is just for show (don't tell anyone but your husband that you're doing this) and see who comes up and laughs about it to him, or his family or who knows about it.. because only the person who you sent the email to would know and lets hope reveal themselves.

UPDATE:

I got another message this morning. The message says:

"The only thing I want is that <MY HUSBAND> doesn't forget his baby in <HIS HOMETOWN> and send stuff for milk and diapers."

Still no identity information, no proof, no nothing. Just general statements that could be crafted by anyone.

Kim, this statement has me concern "So, this morning, some anonymous person emailed me on Facebook to tell me that my husband has another wife and a baby in his hometown, and that I shouldn't let him abandon his family. They go on to say that his family and friends all know it. And that if I forgive him for it, that he will just do it again "

Have you gone to his hometown un-announced? What are you prepared to do if you find out all of this is true once he has arrived and settled in.

How did someone find you on facebook, does your husband have a FB account that is connected to your account?

My husband doesn't really have an electronic existence. He has an email account, but all of his messages are forwarded to me in addition to staying in his inbox.

Everytime I go to his hometown it's unannounced. I'll be there, and we'll be in our rental or a hotel like an hour and a half away, and then we'll just go to his hometown and spend the day with his family. No one will know we're coming until we're there. Then we'll watch a baseball game or go to a restaurant or go to the beach or whatever and kick it at his house basically all day. So, yeah, I've been there unannounced, but not like... I'm here in Baltimore, and just show up in his town without him knowing that I'll be there.

I think that if any part of this is true, I'm prepared to give him the boot and tell him he has to figure out his own sh*t but that he can count me out. I am a firm believer in there being plenty of fish in the sea. And with that said...I'm always willing to throw back a blowfish. I've told him in the past that if he ever plays me...I don't care if we have 10 kids, that'll be the last he sees of me and if I can help it, it'll be the last he sees of his kids.

I think they found me by me being connected to his brothers. His brothers are on Facebook and they post on my wall all the time. So, it would have been feasible for someone to find me. But, my dog also has a facebook account that's linked to his brothers (actually, only linked to one brother...so now I think I know which brother's account they found me through) and the message was actually sent to my dog's facebook account, not to mine. GENIUSES HERE!

sounds like you're in the drivers seat with the Pre nup, you'd still be on the hook to support him but thats not nearly as bad as losing half of everything you own. The fact that you have not been sending money puts things in a better light.

With the new info, I'd say this is not a crisis moment. You can bring him over and just see what happens. I'd still put a key logger on my computer for the first month or so.

Absolutely. I'd say about 50% of my friends are lawyers. They'd disown me if I didn't have a pre-nup.

Alright, so....is the advice of the board... stay vigilant and still move forward? I think that's my gut feeling. Just wondering if you guys would do the same.

She said that if anything, he (and his supposed other family) would benefit from coming here. Not from us splitting up. So, who would have motive to write such a thing?

If he has another wife behind your back and lets assume she knows about you. She has been benefiting up to now,

However everything is about to change for her.

The big question now is does she trust him to come here and keep supporting her and use you just long enough to get the required status, dump you and work on bringing her and Jr over here?

Or does she feel that since he's been lying to and using you that he can not be trusted?

If she dosn't feel he can be trusted, then the only way to hold on to her boyfriend/lover /husband/father of her child is to break you two up and keep him from going.

She would loose you as the meal ticket but she would keep her man.

She would have the motive.

I believe you are in a more powerful position before he gets to the states. If you get divorced here does he get half of everything you own? You would be on the hook for spousal support for a long time. You've got a lot to lose.

It's possible he is just an innocent victim here. but the worst place to get advice is from his family and friends.

The title of the post says where you are emotionally and that means you would probably rather not here the things I said but you indicated you had some doubts and I'm saying the doubt is reasonable

I'm absolutely willing to listen to other people's ideas on this. I knew that most people would jump to the conclusion that it's true, and I just wanted to hear what people might think of such a case. Clearly, I have known my husband for years and am going to rely on my experience with him rather than conjecture from people we don't know but it's true...my first instinct was that the message was sent by some evil person in his town expressing jealousy. After further thought, I am even more convinced that it is the act of some petty "friend."

The truth of the matter is that, I really don't support the huz financially. I don't spend, so why should I help someone else spend? That's bananas. I think that over the 3 years we've been together, he's received less money from me than I spend on groceries in one month. And that's been for things that I saw as necessities (like a doctor's visit when he had mumps and transportation on our anniversary trip). He benefits most by me visiting and us staying in a rental or at a hotel (being steps up from his normal home life). But, as far as money....he's on his own. I don't believe in charity to someone who is able to earn for themselves....

Also, as I mention, I'm not really the romantic type, so I absolutely have a pre-nup which stipulates that he gets nothing under any circumstances. Even my life insurance gets paid out to my brother for him to use as he sees fit.... Additionally, my assets are in my company's name and thus protected.

Remember...I'm not a fool...even if his intentions have always been and will always be noble, I believe in protecting myself...my momma didn't raise no fool!

I personally think it's a trick to try to ruin his life on the part of the same people who have been trying to do bad things to his family since the issue with the cousin started on Jan 1st. Nothing in my history with the huz leads me to believe that he would be calculating or able to fool me in such a way. I don't have on rose tinted glasses, and I never have.

No judgment given, but since you asked for opinion, I will give mine, the chance of this being true, is 99%. Are you of the same culture, if so then you understand exactly what I am saying.

Good luck,

I feel you. I'm very skeptical of men in general. Maybe it's because I have a lot of guy friends, and I know how men operate...usually looking for the next best thing...

I actually operate similarly. I try not to get too attached. Even though I'm married, I'm not attached. Meaning, I could split up tomorrow and live my life exactly as I want to. I mean, right now I prefer my husband in it, but that could easily change for me.

It sounds cold, but that's how I've always been. I feel like if someone is holding me back, I need to shake them off. I'm just trying to figure out if I have just cause to shake him off. I haven't bought the plane ticket yet. Was going to buy it today...but I might sit back and wait a beat. See what happens if I do.

What I'm saying is, it very well MAY be related to the cousin incident. Just because it is doesn't mean it's untrue. Like, my 'friends' didn't get involved until there was some strife going on. If there was harmony among everyone, usually human nature is such that people do not want to get involved with throwing one person under the bus. but if there's discord in the air, it's 'fair game' to use as ammo. So, even accepting that it's coming from the other side of the family doesn't automatically make it false.

I'm not trying to slag off your hubby here - it very well may be false. But from one NYer to another, realize that while true love is all well and good, your hubby does have an added benefit to your marriage, that IF it goes south, you will be on the hook for a very, very long time. I know there's a tendency for the USC when (s)he's in the petitioning stage to be partially blinded in the instance of scammers.

Either way you decide, I hope things work out for you!

Yeah, I'm not sure if I've been blinded by love. I really only love myself. I mean...maybe that's the NYer in me. Like, I always feel like I could live with or without someone. I definitely don't feel like... "oh, my true love is here and this must work out". I'm more of the... "yo, this isn't working for me, I'm going to have to let you go..."

Again, my gut tells me that it's not true, and that it's just someone forking around trying to keep someone else down.

I actually just spoke to my husband's brother's wife on the phone to ask her if she knew anything more about who sent me this message. And basically she said that she agrees that the facebook account was created for the purpose of sending me that message, but that she can't figure out why anyone would do that other than to just mess with him and his family more. She said that if anything, he (and his supposed other family) would benefit from coming here. Not from us splitting up. So, who would have motive to write such a thing?

Meh, I dunno...if it were me, I'd say a trip down there was in order.

I was in sort of a similar situation. I livd with my ex in his country for a period of many years; I made a lot of friends (mutual ones) and forged relationships with them. When I left, there was some fighting going on between two groups of friends, and without going into details, he was kinda stuck in the middle. Two of the girls in the one group (my friends) decide to call me up and tell me that he was sleeping around. I questioned him, and like you, trusted completely that we had an 'understanding' that if he was ever interested in someone else, I'd prefer him to leave rather than stay. He gave me the excuse that they were mad at him, it was retribution, etc...so I chose to believe him. It did sound not only plausible, but likely.

Flash fwd a while, he's up to his interview, and some random girl decides to get on the phone and tell me all sorts. He actually then confirmed it all. Then also confirms what my friends had said the year before. And that was that.

I'm not in any way suggesting because something similar happened to me, that it is happening to you. But it is possible that you are completely snowed on this. You don't have the luxury of seeing with your own eyes, and sometimes that winds up being a fatal problem.

If it were me, I'd msg the person and get more information and verify/dismiss as much as I can. I'd also go there.

Good luck.

Thanks for the concern and advice everyone.

I guess for me, I've always been sort of on the fringe about how much I could actually trust in a relationship. Maybe that's the New Yorker in me, or a product of the guy friends that I have. I don't know. But I don't think that marriage has changed that about me. I'm always vigilant.

When he and his brother got their asses kicked, it was definitely in reference to the police matter concerning his cousin. There's no doubt about that. I mean, there's more information about the history of the unrest in his hometown since the murder happened, and I don't have time to write it all out, but there's no doubt that it was related to the cousin who is sitting in jail. It's about witness intimidation because the brother is a star witness for the defense.

So, I'm still not sure how I feel about the situation. I mean, I'm going to remain vigilant. But, in my gut, I don't believe the email has any validity other than someone just wanting to screw with my husband.

You know, you can use Facebook in Spanish and many other languages.

Yes, but this one was definitely using FB in english. You can find out settings for people by going to https://graph.facebook.com/FBID where FBID is the Facebook user's FB ID. So, if I were viewing my facebook pages in spanish, it might say es_US or something like that, as opposed to en_US which is US english.

Also, they wrote a name like... "Martin Luther King Jr." which is an American representation of the son of Martin Luther King with the same name.

So, whomever wrote that is hip to English. So, I agree...the list might be short.

Now...I spoke to one of my husband's brothers who said that based on the connections of the people on the mystery person's FB account, that he thinks he knows who it is who sent this message, but has no idea why they would do that other than to mess with my husband.

So, I told him, if he knows who it is...to wait until after my husband comes to the US because I don't want him to do anything that could land him in trouble.

I'm just so upset to be involved in such a ridiculous thing. I mean, this is so immature and so stupid. Clearly the actions of someone with no life. You know?

Ugh! Thanks guys, I needed to talk it out, and now I'm just tired. I have a ton of work to get done tonight, so, I'm going to wish you all a pleasant evening/night!

it's someone that knows you - or your husband. given the english portion of the profile, i'd suspect it's more someone you know (jealous rival perhaps?)

I'm not sure. I don't actually have any "enemies" or "jealous people" in my life.

Throughout the day the fake profile started to gain friends. (now they have 11 friends) and the friends all have a connection to my husband's hometown.

I sent the profile link to two of my husband's brothers and they're both trying to find the identity of the sender because they are both friends with some of the 11 people the sender is also friends with.

I just spoke to my husband's brother's wife just a few minutes ago (because I forwarded her the actual message) and she thinks that it's the family of the dead cousin trying to ruin everyone's life.

I think the big issue is that my husband and his brothers are like brothers with the cousin (he's a professional athlete in the US with a lot of money and fame in their country) who is in jail under investigation for the murder. And the other side of the family is basically trying to do witness intimidation with the whole fighting and now interfering in our personal situation.

Whatever it is, it's not funny. And, I'm soooooo busy with my own life, that I don't want to take time out to think about whether or not my husband is going to try to seek revenge on whoever sent this message to me. I just want him to let it go and let's just move on with our lives!

You know?

My husband received his visa packet yesterday, so he'll be coming to the US to live next week.

We've been together for about 3 years. I'm close with his family. His brothers email me and call me and stuff all the time, just to say what's up. My husband is about 8 years younger than I am, but we're both pretty young, so it doesn't really seem like a big difference (although I'm like 500 times more mature than he is).

So, this morning, some anonymous person emailed me on Facebook to tell me that my husband has another wife and a baby in his hometown, and that I shouldn't let him abandon his family. They go on to say that his family and friends all know it. And that if I forgive him for it, that he will just do it again.

Let me start by saying that this is absolutely not true. I'd have to be an idiot for him to have been able to pull the wool over my eyes for so long. Before we got married I told my husband that if he wanted to be with someone else, he just had to tell me and we could dissolve our relationship amicably.

Due to some foolish shooting in the air as celebration on New Year's eve, his cousin is sitting in jail while the police are investigating the involuntary manslaughter of another cousin. Since then, my husband and his brother (who were not involved in the crime at all) was beaten up in their hometown by a gang of about 15 men. They suffered through severe beating leaving them with severe bruising and cuts. Those responsible being people from the family the dead cousin. People seeking retribution.

Me...being the investigative person that I am...I did some research on the fake account...only to find that the person was viewing facebook in English and was using the English, US version of facebook. Meaning, it's not someone in his hometown who sent me the message. Also, the account was created to send me this message...since the only thing they "liked" or the only "interest" that they had was my university and they had one friend when they sent me the message.

I believe that this is the efforts of someone either jealous of our relationship or jealous of his ability to leave the hell they live in. My husband is very poor and I am very not poor. So...he's definitely going to be benefiting from this change in his life.

Clearly I was upset about this, and when I told my husband about the email that I had received, he said that if he found out who sent that, he would kill them. (And he does mean KILL.) To which I replied that he should just let it go...get through the next 7 days, and then forget about it altogether.

Anyone have any opinion as to whether I handled this situation wisely? I thought I was being wise until my friend (a friend I've had for 15 years) asked me... well, is it true? hahahaha.

Any thoughts? Or is this just the act of a hater trying to keep other people down?

So, when thinking about who needs what papers...I basically tell myself this:

Remember, as a US citizen, there is very little you have to do in terms of proof...through this process, they can't kick you OUT of your home country! So, anything that you see that has to do with the person's character is going to be for the beneficiary...

Police Record

Medical Results

You could have 5,000 different cooties, and they still can't take away your residency or your citizenship...but if your beneficiary has even 1...good luck with him/her getting in!

Also...remember, the immigrations officers are not MORE American than us non-officer citizens. They can't just play around with our citizenship all willy nilly! Doesn't matter. I could have two heads and one foot....and there's nothing they can do about it! If my husband had two heads and one foot...that'd be a different story...for so many reasons!

Visa interview lasted 8 minutes... APPROVED! Husband comes next Friday!!!!

Sorry...UPDATE:

February Interviews

February 1st

heathercita.............................APPROVED

xtreme.....................................under review (Montreal)

anthokad................................APPROVED

February 2nd

ontherocks (AOS)..................APPROVED

vonxeric

Mary y Leo.............................APPROVED

HisWill....................................APPROVED

Morris.....................................pending submission of DNA results

February 3rd

Cinderella08.........................APPROVED

S & E......................................APPROVED

February 4th

786india................................APPROVED

AlexJane...............................APPROVED

February 7th

Dan-Dan................................APPROVED

sulamita.................................APPROVED

lapsthedon............................second interview requested (Nigeria)

TKY2SMC.............................APPROVED

February 10th

Kim & Delvy.............................APPROVED

goodyears.............................APPROVED

February14th

amazing2010.......................APPROVED

candle

wait4hubby...........................APPROVED

Jen and Geert......................APPROVED

pony76

li-lu84...................................APPROVED

Mrs. O..................................APPROVED

February 15th

Bkkthailand.........................APPROVED

February 16th

Kikapoo...............................APPROVED

February 17th

booger

vett.......................................pending submission of co-sponsor tax records

February 22nd

discotrash

February 23rd

asad

February 24th

candaceman

We have our interview on Thursday morning! I'm nervous!!!! EEEEK! We've been waiting soooo long!

My Dear IS,

Senior respects you and your culture very much. But your comments are highly unprofessional & full of disrespect because they really are...!

What business (or for that matter, experties) you have to question the holiness of RIVER GANGES? If you have ??? then answer this question.

Hey, Hey, Hey!

We are all from different cultures and backgrounds here. Let's not forget that. Please *EVERYONE*, refrain from using language that could be offensive to others. It's just not fair and it's not what this board is about. This board is about useful information and getting people together with their loved ones, not about hate or disrespect!

Now....HUG IT OUT B*TCHES!

Hey guys, just wanted to give you an update on our case:

This morning (not last night because I was up and out with a friend until past midnight), the huz received his Choice of Agent form via email.

I drafted his email last week and saved it in his email account as per James' Shortcuts. Additionally, I forwarded all of the huz's emails to my email account since he only checks email like once a month...if even! (GEEEEESH!)

So, I got the notice and just opened up his email account and sent it from there. I read people talking about how the email should be sent from his country because of IP address...but, when I go to the Dominican Republic, I always use a VPN on my machine so that I can make free calls through skype and do banking business if I need to. This means that it appears that I am in Washington DC, although I'm more likely sitting on the beach in the Dominican Republic. So, with that in mind, I didn't see the issue with them capturing the origination IP address. Since it's possible that he could have sent the email by remote logging in to my desktop and sending the email from there. There are so many possibilities, it really didn't seem to matter.

Okay, so, after that, I received an email in my own account with the AOS bill. So, I went online and paid that right away.

I called 6 days ago for my tax forms from the IRS. They arrived yesterday. So, I'm ready to put together the I-864 packet.

Please use that James' shortcuts page if you want to get through this process efficiently!

It has helped me feel more empowered in the process, which makes me more confident that our visa will not have any problems getting done.

Kim..i got my NOA2. yesterday through the e-mail...thanks you so much for encouraging me!

Congrats! I knew it would only be a matter of time!

I'm still waiting on my case number from NVC, trying to breathe easy. I wish I could speed it up, but my case is no more special than anyone else's, so I'm taking it one day at a time.

Good luck with NVC! We're over in the October 2010 NVC forum now! Come on over!

What is the point in sending an employment letter if you can show recent pay stubs? I don't want to get my employer involved in my process at all.

Also, I called NVC yesterday (2 weeks after my NOA2 date) and they said they didn't have a case number for me yet. They also quoted me 6 weeks. But, I believe that's just to get the dogs off their backs.

I'm going to visit my husband in 2 weeks. I'm going to have him sign everything then, and bring it back with me. He lives in a part of the country where it takes an additional week or so for mail to reach him. So, I don't want to bother when I live on the east coast, so, I can get something mailed today which will arrive tomorrow in New Hampshire.

Good luck to everyone. I'm reading all of the comments. They're really helpful. Especially this link: James' NVC Shortcuts

just wanna cry....what happened to my NOA2...WHY IS STILL NO TOUCH OR ANYTHING...

Golden, don't cry!

I had no touches (other than an address update) and it took my process as long as yours. I had an NOA 1 date of april 9th, and I got my NOA 2 dates Sept 21st. You're in the "real" timeline for approvals. I wanted to cry too, but I didn't. And I believe that your approval is right around the corner! Just hold on a few days longer.

Can you please enter an official timeline? it would help all of us on VJ...thanks!

Updated my timeline in the signature. Hope that helps.

I have a question. What is the process to set up so that all bills come to me (petitioner) but the paperwork packets go to the huz (beneficiary)?

When prompted for a change of agent, should we do that or no? I mean, he's in DR, I'm in the US, so he needs the papers to fill out there. On the other hand, I'm footing the bill...so...what does that mean? Or are all the bills payable over the internet?

Hey Guys!

We got our NOA2 on Sept 21st, but still nothing from NVC. No case number, no nothing. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks from our NOA 2 date. Hopefully the NVC process will start this week.

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow....